The Running Partner

"Thanks Adam. Yeah it's really exciting." Now it was a bit awkward. We weren't quite in 'it should have been me' territory but I was looking right into the heart of what my life could have been. We had pregnancy scares in our early 20's. Now it was reality for her and I had been celibate since we broke up. "Mum's really happy."

I was thankful for the race now because the sweating and puffy red skin stopped my face from going completely white. But knowing how incredible this would be for Lizzie after losing her husband was a turning point for my internal breakdown. "I bet she is. That's really amazing. She will be the best grandma." A steward came my way and offered me a bottle of water which I quickly downed, and then Ellie and I forced out some more conversation until her mother finally joined us.

Lizzie had beat her own PB and was very happy about it, which managed to fill up the rest of our time together before I headed off to question my life achievements and my inability to get laid and find love and every other bad thing there is.

The next day she text me, bringing me back out of my regression bubble. She wanted us to train together because she couldn't trust her daughters, sisters or friends to stick with the schedule and be there each and every training day. I had to agree, because it was fun and I liked having a new friend and she was also very hot and I wanted her to like me.

We trained hard. We would go on runs on humid summer evenings and humid summer mornings and it was always humid and I hated that part but the progression was so clear for both of us. She never needed any help but she kept me motivated and our friendship was blossoming all the time. Every 5k or 10k we were there. Personal bests were broken all the time. We took part in a mud run and she even dragged me to some cross country as a spectator. A spectator.

Our big target was a half marathon in late autumn. Neither of us had ever run so far but we found a training plan online and followed it to the word and when the time came we felt as prepared as we could be. By now I had new shoes and a hydration pack of my own and we were a pair of running nerds. Both of her daughters and my parents would be at the finish line if we made it. It was like an old school family reunion. And we did it. My legs were like jelly at the end and when Lizzie crossed the line a little while after me the first thing she said was that a marathon was next. This woman is a freak.

That night we went out for a drink to celebrate with a few people we would train with occasionally. The first thing you do after getting home from a run like that is regret making plans but I was never going to turn down a night out with my ex-girlfriend's mum who was now my genuine friend. So I got a bath and cleaned up a few injuries on my feet before getting ready and meeting her in town. She was wearing black jeans and a blazer, with a white blouse underneath. It was a classy look, more in line with what she wore at family parties I frequented back in the day than the sultry look of her date night a while back. She looked radiant anyway and I allowed myself a moment to stare before joining the group.

It was a very boastful social event. There was plenty to boast about of course, a half marathon is a hell of a challenge and I wasn't going to miss the chance to pat myself on the back with the rest of them. There were a few mentions of future events and Lizzie brought up a marathon again to the exasperation of many in attendance but I admired her desire to push for more and once the injuries healed I knew I would be right back out there with her training for whatever adventure she wanted to take us on next.

Eventually we found some time alone at a table hidden away in a distant corner of the bar. We kept stocking up on drinks, loosened ourselves up and spent hours chatting away. It was the deepest we had ever ventured and I loved sharing every moment with her.

"How long is it then?" I asked as the topic moved to Ellie's pregnancy. "Until you become a grandmother."

"Next month." she answered, the warmest smile of excitement filling her face. "I cannot wait. I just can't wait to see her."

"It's really amazing. My mum and dad love it." My younger brother had provided their first grandchild a few months before and being an uncle had been a new and exciting change in my own life.

"It's so funny to be sat here with you talking about it." she muttered, perhaps a little unsure about sinking deep into the topic. She took a sip of her drink and scrunched up her face, a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I just thought it would be you for so long."

"Don't worry about it." I said. Finding out had been a surprise but I was over that shock now and had seen Ellie plenty since that day and felt genuine happiness for her taking that next step in life. "It was a surprise and you know for a long time I thought we would be a family one day too but things change and she looks very happy."

"I definitely never expected to be friends with you talking about these sort of things either." We could definitely agree on that part. "She is happy and he is a nice enough guy. He just doesn't talk much and so I don't feel like I know him that well but I think the baby will bring him out of his shell."

"You prefer me. I understand." I joked, but she was keen to remind me I was no different.

"I prefer you now but you were the same when you dated her. Don't pretend you weren't. You were shy and you never talked to me. The only excuse you had for half of that relationship is that you were young but you grew up and still couldn't talk to me if it was just us in the room."

"Alright, you got me. I was shy."

"If you take anything away from being my friend now then it better be that your next girlfriend's parents aren't scary. You can talk to them and show them who you really are." Lizzie was handing out life lessons now, but she wasn't wrong and I had every intention of taking it into account for future reference. "I don't know why you two even broke up. You were so cute together."

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's just one of those things. She made a mistake but we were struggling for a while."

"Oh, so egotistical." Lizzie said, giggling to herself. "She made a mistake breaking up with you, did she?"

"No, not like that." I said, joining her laugh. "Just when she kissed that guy."

"What!?" she exclaimed, and it suddenly occurred to me that she didn't know about the cheating. "She cheated on you?"

"It was only a kiss but like I said we weren't in the best place at the time."

"A kiss is still cheating Adam." I wasn't going to argue her point and it did feel good to know she was on my side, even if it was four and a half years too late. "That sneaky bitch. She didn't tell me the full story."

"It's not the end of the world. All is forgiven and we're pretty good friends now, me and Ellie." I didn't want them to get into any sort of argument over this. It was so long ago and unimportant now, not to mention Ellie being 8 months pregnant. "Don't get mad at her when she's about to burst."

"She shouldn't have done that but I will leave it in the past if that's what you want. Now it's my round so I'll get us both another drink and we're having a shot as a family apology from us to you."

Lizzie bought those shots and we downed them with a grimace, and lager wasn't the most fun way to wash the sour taste away either. Conversation moved on for a while and we discussed all sorts ranging from politics, which is a drunken obligation, right through to my new experiences as an uncle. But my best friend Lizzie couldn't move on from her daughter's betrayal and before too long she was bringing it up again.

"If her dad knew she cheated he would be so disappointed." she assured me, but the mention of her late husband made me take things more seriously this time around.

"Seriously, it's fine. I don't want you to think badly of her."

"He really liked you." she told me with a gentle smile, and I found one of my own for her.

"He was always great to me. So were you. I felt like part of the family and you know as much as you called me out for not talking to you back then I always got along great with him and we chatted about the football a lot. You were more fierce back then. I thought he was easier to impress."

"Fierce?" she asked, intrigued. "What makes you say that?"

I had talked myself into a corner. "Oh God." I mumbled, but she wanted an answer. Her eyes told me that much. "I just felt like you guys were a bit classier than me and my family and you were a little more serious than him so a bit harder to impress. Classy is definitely the word I felt about you back then. You just seemed very confident in yourself."

"That's an okay answer but it suggest classy isn't the word for me anymore, what changed?"

She was still fierce now, clearly. She was on my arse catching anything I said wrong and pulling me up about it to give a better explanation. "Still classy!" I wailed, trying not to talk myself into a scolding. "Still fierce. A bit scary actually if you're in the right mood. There is an elegance to you. I don't know how better to say it but you're confident in yourself and a really interesting person."

"You're calling me old." she said, following what I thought was quite a moving description of my new friend.

"I am not. There's no way you are interpreting what I said like that!"

She began to laugh and the mask fell. She was fucking me with me and I must have blushed in my eagerness to defend myself. "I think you're classy." she told me, but it didn't come with the same conviction as when I said it.

"I'm not sure about that but believe me, it's all a compliment. You're a great person and I'm glad we're friends." This felt like closest I could ever really get to flirting with her, and it wasn't flirting. It was just two people talking but at least it was heartfelt and I could say a little of how I truly saw her without it stepping over the mark. If she needed me to tell her she was pretty I could do that but I don't think she was in any need of that.

"I was thinking recently if you were just a guy I met at a run and you had never been with Ellie I would do everything in my power to force you out on a date with Alice." she told me, and for a moment the sentence structure led me to believe she was going in a heart-stopping direction. "Too much history maybe, but I think you two would have a fun time."

"Ellie would definitely have some harsh words if that ever happened." I said. "But yeah, way too much history."

"Ellie cheated on you so she doesn't get a say in the matter." Lizzie reminded me, and we both laughed. "You can do what you want, don't forget that."

"I'll keep that in mind."

It was my round next and I headed to the bar, with a stop at the toilets along the way. Upon my return she was raring to ask her next question and it was slipping out before I even sat back down with the drinks. "Why is there no girlfriend in the picture Adam?"

I exhaled, unsure exactly how to answer at first. "There just isn't. You know I'm on the apps and I'm not against it but nothing has come about recently."

"You never mention dates or any girls and you are a hell of a catch."

It warmed my heart to hear her say that, but she was just a friend being nice. "It's just one of those things. I keep thinking I might bump into someone and it just hasn't happened yet. The apps have never really worked for me. It gets a bit tedious at times, but you do need to be patient."

"Dating is supposed to be fun." she reminded me, but I could do the same to her.

"You didn't exactly give it the best reviews."

"It's different at my age. You should be having fun even if it doesn't work out. It's a good time to experiment. I had Alice when I was 19 so I'm not an expert on it and I'm definitely not going to learn how to do it now but you should enjoy yourself and not worry about the little things."

"I'd say you are an expert." I said. She spoke with plenty of wisdom, but it felt as if she was not giving herself enough credit. "Seriously, hear me out. If the point of dating is finding love or having fun, you did both and had kids and got married so you perfected it at the first time of asking."

"Fair point but that means nothing now. It's a different landscape and I gave up pretty quickly." She didn't seem too upset about that but I appreciated understanding of my original point.

"You're coming into it from a perspective not many people understand. It's unique and not many people are going to understand how to deal with it. You shouldn't give up though if it's something you want to try."

"Oh, I don't want to try anymore." she said, and I believed her. "I mean it. Not right now, maybe not ever. I thought I should for a while but once I knew Ellie was pregnant it changed things for me and that little girl she is going to have will fill the void. It was the perfect excuse to delete those stupid apps."

"Cheers to that." I said. If she didn't want it I certainly wasn't going to convince her it was necessary. Her daughters could do that if they wanted but once they saw her with her grandchild maybe they would realise she was happy enough without a new man in her life.

"I wasn't taking it seriously anyway. I was caught in two minds."

"What were those?" I asked, but the answer was obvious once she said it.

"Dating and getting laid." she answered with a raise of the eyebrows.

I nodded along. "I should have guessed."

"I was using those apps the girls set up and talking to people but by the time a date came around I only wanted them for one thing and by the end of each date I had zero interest in going home with any of them. It was never what I wanted." It felt like she had more to say that wasn't quite escaping so I offered a suggestion of my own.

"There's a difference between dating and hooking up. If you just want the physical release you just need to find someone on a night out. You don't get to know them too well but you can still have fun. Go off the physical attraction and if they annoy you the next morning you kick them out of bed." I was talking as if I was an expert, but the point made sense to me and maybe it would to her as well.

"Remember that night you found me after a date?" she asked.

"I remember." I couldn't forget it. The night I got her phone number and we really started to get close. She stopped just being Ellie's mum when I saw her in that pub. She looked so hot.

"I was so close to fucking him and I didn't like him at all but he was good looking and I just thought maybe I deserve this and maybe he will know what he's doing and give me a good time." She frowned a little. "I don't regret my decision but I was so close. If I went home with him, maybe we wouldn't be friends."

"I'm really happy you didn't in that case." I replied, leading with honesty. "I wouldn't want to give up getting to know you and all those miles ran together." She began to smile and it warmed me in a way I couldn't explain. Reminiscing on the night I first started to fall for her was a catalyst for something deep inside me. "But for the record, I guarantee he thinks back to that night all the time and regrets not impressing you. You looked so fucking good that night."

Her eyes bulged a little but she followed it with a smile. I was hoping it was more of a smirk but she was able to keep her composure better than me. "You're sweet. I guess that means I don't look as good tonight."

I threw my heads up in mock despair. "Just take the compliment!" I moaned as she began to laugh at me. "You look gorgeous tonight as well as if you didn't already know it."

She winked at me. "I know. Tell that to the girls on your silly apps and maybe you'll finally get a girlfriend."

Maybe I was delusional but it felt like there was an energy in the air and the only person who could ruin it was the bartender ringing the bell for last orders. "It's getting pretty late. I don't think you're a clubbing girl are you?"

She laughed me out of the room. "No chance." she said, as if she needed to confirm it.

"We can still make the last train if you want to avoid the expensive taxi fare."

I didn't realise how drunk we were both getting until we were stood up together and she had to take my arm on the walk to the station. There was a crisp cold in the late autumn air so it felt good to have her arm against mine. I joked with her about wearing heels after a half marathon and she had no excuse, but she remained stable enough to avoid an ankle break that would put our training time together in jeopardy.

On the train we got lost in conversation again, giggling away at stupid drunk jokes until we realised we had just completely missed her stop. I couldn't leave her to get back home alone from the next one so I convinced her that I was coming along for the walk. Once she was dropped off home my walk home would be a pretty long one but I was proud member of that weird group of people who just run home when they're drunk so even after a cool 13.1 miles earlier in the day, I would probably end up doing that.

"When was the last time you were here?" she asked me as we turned into her road.

"Four and a half years ago." I answered. There were so many memories in that house. "Something close to that anyway. I had my 18th here didn't I? That was over 10 years ago, where does the time go?" It was incredible to think back to how different life was then.

"10 years ago?" she seemed to ponder for a second, before committing to her terrible joke. "I must have been 25 then."

"So you're a 35 year old who is about to be a grandmother? I think your family need to learn a thing or two about contraception." I joked back, and she admitted her daughter's had done a better job than her on that front. I wasn't sure if that was her admitting that one or both of them were unplanned, but decided not to question it.

As we pulled up to front yard I took a big look at the house in front of me. So many memories. It was a big place, especially given there had only been four of them at most and now with both girls moved out it was just Lizzie. Plenty of space for a rampaging grandchild to enjoy in the future at least.

"Thank you for walking me home." she said, stroking my upper arm as she stepped into the outdoor porch. I stood just outside it as she messed with her bag, searching for her keys. "Are you sure you'll be okay getting back?"

"Absolutely fine." I assured her. "I used to do this walk all the time before you let me sleep over."

She snorted and looked up at me, her keys jangling in her right hand. Her eyes lingered on me for a second and her lips opened slowly. "Uh, yeah thanks. Hangover day tomorrow, then we run."

"I'll be there." The look on her face was intoxicating. There was this tension and I can't explain it. With any other girl maybe I would be wondering if she was about to invite me in, but not Lizzie. There was no way. But she seemed nervous and her voice was dry when she spoke.

"I really appreciate you." she said, voice so soft.

I didn't get the chance to answer. She leant in and kissed me. Just once at first. Her lips pressed against mine with a quick smack and then she hovered an inch from my lips before we kissed again. I leaned my head left and she did the same as our lips danced together. The feeling was incredible. I couldn't tell if my heart had stopped or it was beating too fast for me to notice it. It was quick and full of passion and probably a little desperation from me.

When she tilted her head the other way our noses gently kissed on the journey. She brought her hand to my face and I couldn't tell what was colder, the skin of her palm on a cold night or the keys pressed against my cheek. I could smell and taste her and I yearned for so much more but the moment was fleeting and she broke contact, first with her lips and then her hands that fell back down to her side. The keys jangled again as I brought my eyes to hers.