The Second Chance Ch. 06

This is my sixth chapter of my first loving wife story. Chapter 5 brought in some comments, and I appreciate them. I will try in this chapter to address several of the comments and the criticisms of the last 5 chapters. It is always risky to do this because you may change your original intention a little and may go overboard in trying to justify what you have written before. However, I could not resist explaining in more detail, the motivations, and reasons for Anne's actions.

In this chapter for those of you looking for sex unfortunately, I hate to disappoint you, but there is no sex in this chapter. Instead, I focused on unraveling the motivations and reasons behind the behaviors of the characters. Hopefully, I manage to do it in a way that is still entertaining and not too pedantic.

As always, no one under the age of eighteen is depicted as having sex in this story. Furthermore, this is truly a work of fiction and there is no character based on anyone from real life.

6 The second chance: Chapter 6 Anne is reborn.

The two months I spent in and out of the rehabilitation hospital marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life. When the hospital finally released me, they had changed me into a better woman both physically and mentally. Physically, I felt like the fittest I had ever been in my life. The limp I had when I first started walking was gone. I had worked hard to not only regain my former strength and endurance, but I even surpassed it. All the exercises and weight training had made my muscles stronger and more toned than ever before. It was a combination of determination to get well and more time than I had ever had in my life to focus on my body. It is amazing what you feel when you are thin for the first time in your adult life.

I must admit I have always been a little chubby. My work as a nurse practitioner left me little time to go to the gym or work out. Often, we would eat in the hospital and the food was "junk food "which we all knew we should not eat but we were so tired and exhausted we tended to eat it anyway.

But now, without any distractions, alone and recovering from a devastating accident, I was able to slowly get back on my feet and rebuild my body. The nutritionist had me eating well and the physical therapist encouraged me to move. After being able to eat solid food, I was able to recover some weight and muscle, but I was determined to stay thin and never become chubby again. I stopped gaining weight when I reached the same weight as my cheerleader days in high school.

I was visiting many different doctors. I had a team of plastic surgeons who never seemed finished with my face. Dr. Fine was the specialist in maxillofacial plastic surgery who did my jaw and cheek bones. I also had an oculoplastic surgeon for my eyes and one who did my nose, not to mention my oral surgeon who repaired my teeth. Dr Fine was an older man, in his mid-60's but he was well groomed and looked good for his age with a short white manicured beard and a full head of grey hair. He looked very distinguished. From the first visit he seemed incredibly happy with his initial results.

"Anne, this is looking exceptionally good. How are you feeling?"

"I am feeling much better thanks to you."

"I understand that you're concerned about the scars under your chin."

He lifted my chin up to the mirror and looked at the thin lines of pink scar tissue and spoke,

"Notice how I used Z-plasty below your jaw. It is a technique that involves repositioning the scar so that it follows the natural lines and creases in the skin. This can help to camouflage the scar and make it less noticeable."

He looked at me and smiled, "I will show you how to cover them up until they fade away."

"Yes, that's good Dr. Fine because they are still noticeable," I said expectantly.

"Well, it's normal for scars to be more visible during the first few months after surgery, but over time they should fade and become less noticeable."

"That's good to hear. Is there anything I can do to speed up the healing process?"

"Yes, there are some things you can do to help reduce the appearance of scars. One of the most important things is to keep the area clean and well-moisturized. You should also avoid exposing the area to direct sunlight and use a high SPF sunscreen if you need to go outside."

"Okay, I will make sure to do that. What about makeup? Can I use it to cover up the scars?"

"Yes, you can use makeup to cover up the scars once the incisions have fully healed. Just make sure to choose a non-irritating and non-comedogenic product."

"Alright, that makes sense. How long will it take for the scars to fade completely?"

"It's hard to say exactly, but most scars will continue to improve for up to a year after surgery. However, some people may have more noticeable scars than others due to differences in skin type and healing ability."

I continued to visit the plastic surgeons after my discharge as an inpatient from the rehabilitation hospital. On my last visit to Dr. Fine before leaving the rehabilitation hospital, Dr. Fine took another close look at the scars under my chin. "Yes, these are healing quite nicely," he said.

"It's only really noticeable when you look at me with my head up. "I said studying the thin line of pink along each side of my jaw in the mirror."

"Do not worry Anne, your scar is already blending into your face nicely and in time I have no doubt that it will fade. I used the tiniest of sutures. If it does not fade completely, I can always use laser. In the meantime, you could cover it with some make up. Choose a concealer or foundation that matches your skin tone and apply it over the scar, blending it well with the surrounding skin."

He gave me the makeup kit and asked me to do it and I dabbed some of the base on the scar and applied it. "Oh, that is much better." I said admiring how well it hid the thin scar.

"The other scars are above your scalp line and your hair has grown back and is covering it up well." He said spreading my hair to look where he had made the incision."

"I cannot thank you enough doctor for what you have done for me. It is nothing short of a miracle."

Dr. Fine smiled at me and then said, "I was hoping that you let me use your face to show other patients what can be achieved. When they see your image before and after the accident, they will all be amazed."

He went over to his computer and pressed a few keys, then he showed me a picture of my old face in the operating room. I stared at the picture with a look of horror. I had not seen it before, and it was unrecognizable as human. I felt nauseous looking at my misshapen face. It had a sunken mandible and crushed nose, and my cheeks were smashed flattening the front. The surrounding area was all swollen, black, and blue. I looked like a living replica of the man on the moon.

"Oh my God I was in such a wretched state. I cannot believe you were not only able to fix me, but you gave me a look even better than before the accident! I'm so grateful for all that you did for me."

"Of course, I would like a picture of you before the accident so I can show my patients not only how much I was able to repair your face given the extent of the injury, but also how I created a new improved one given that the accident literally wiped your old face away."

"I do not mind at all Doctor Fine. But can I ask you to wait a couple of months? I have some things to do, and I need to maintain my privacy."

"Of course, take as much time as you want. You can just call me when you are ready and all you must do is sign some paperwork. However, you do not have to worry about being recognized. I will keep your name confidential, and I can block out your eyes to reduce the chances of anyone recognizing you."

It took a long time before my mental condition improved during my stay in the rehabilitation Hospital. By the time I left Columbia, I was no longer suicidal; time and the medication had alleviated much of my depression. In some ways the exercise and focusing on my body took my mind off my troubled marriage during the day.

But at night I was haunted by recurring nightmares of men all vying to have their way with me while I just did nothing, passively allowing them to do whatever they wanted to my body. I kept awakening in a cold sweat. Occasionally, I dreamed of Robert with Stacy or other women. I just watched helplessly as they made fun of me. I kept asking myself why? Why had I been so naive? Why had I not told Robert the truth from the beginning about the girl's night out? Why had I let myself be abused? Was I really a victim or really a slut?

I kept reliving in my mind the sequence of events that happened in the strip club and why I had not fully grasped what was going on. It was hard to remember my state of mind other than the tremendous guilt for what I had done. Maybe had I confessed to Robert we might have gotten past it.

I was feeling depressed, mostly upset with my own mistakes. I was being consumed by a mixture of grief, anger, and guilt that I had betrayed myself and my marriage. If I were left alone my thoughts would inevitably drift back to my sexual assault. I felt apprehensive and anxious around people especially when alone with a male stranger. I was literally going insane.

Until they unwired my jaw, I was unable to speak to the psychiatrist. However, once in the rehabilitation hospital and able to speak, the psychiatric care became more intense. Dr. Lambert was the psychiatrist that my medical doctor recommended to treat my depression when I got to the rehabilitation hospital. He was a good-looking man in his early forties. He was dark-haired with a full beard and slim build. I learned he was happily married with two daughters in high school and a wife who was a stay-at-home mom. He was very nonjudgmental in his manner and a good listener.

He made me confront the trauma of my sexual assault. When I was able to finally speak about it, I confided in him. I told him everything that had happened to break up my marriage. He was so easy to talk to. He managed to disarm me and then he slowly unraveled the feelings of helplessness and anger I had pent up inside me.

"Hi Anne, thank you for coming to see me and taking the time to talk with me. I want you to understand that I am here to help you and that whatever you tell me is strictly confidential. I understand that you have had a difficult experience before your accident that left you estranged from your husband. I am here to listen and support you. Can you tell me a little bit about what happened?"

"It is a sad story doctor. I cheated on my husband not once but twice."

I proceeded to tell him the story of the girl's night out. During the interview I started to cry, and I had to stop to dry my eyes and drink some water. It was so painful to relive the experience, but I also felt relief to get it out there.

"The second time was a few weeks after the first incident. I was at a party and although I was watching my drinking limit, my husband gave me a drink that I later learned Stacy spiked with a drug. I remember that I became disoriented and confused almost immediately after drinking it. It was the same feeling that I experienced before but more intense. That is when I put two and two together and realized that I had been drugged on the girl's night out as well."

I proceeded to tell him what I remembered from that night. How I tried to leave the party with Robert only to find him having sex with another woman. How Stacy convinced me to get revenge on my husband. How I awakened the next morning having had sexual relations with three different men.

"I feel so ashamed and guilty doctor. My husband nor anyone in his family wants to talk to me and I don't understand how I can move on from this. I cannot help the feeling that I am dirty and violated."

"Anne, I want you to know that what happened to you was not your fault. You were given a drug without your knowledge or consent, and you were sexually assaulted. It is common for survivors of sexual assault to feel ashamed or guilty, but I want you to understand that you did not deserve this, and you did not do anything to cause it."

"But doctor, I remember everything. It is not like I was losing consciousness."

"Anne, from what you told me it sounds like you received MDMA, or a form of it known as Molly. The response to a drug like Molly can vary widely from person to person, and that the circumstances of each sexual assault are unique. Some people experience memory gaps, and some don't and remember everything. But believe me when I say that you are not at fault for what happened to you. Many women have experienced similar situations of sexual assault after being given date rape drugs like Molly. It is important Anne to understand that you did not give your consent and that you are not responsible for the actions of your abusers."

"But I did not resist them or fight back. Did I allow them to have sex with me?"

Dr. Lambert responded immediately, "No, absolutely not Anne. When a person is under the influence of a date rape drug like Molly, their ability to resist or make informed decisions can be reduced to a childlike state, leaving them vulnerable to coercion and sexual assault."

"But, people say that the MDMA does not incapacitate you. It only makes you feel good and that you still can choose not to have sex."

"That is not at all true Anne. Molly is a psychoactive drug that can have a range of effects on a person's mood, perception, and behavior. While it is often associated with recreational use at parties and music festivals, it is also sometimes used as a date rape drug."

"Didn't you just tell me that although you felt tremendous pain at the sight of your husband cheating on you, your first reaction wasn't to cheat on your husband."

"No doctor, it was Stacy's idea. It was crazy, but I went along with it. Before I knew what was happening, it got out of hand. I was naked and in bed with three men I barely knew. I was telling them "No" but they didn't stop until Robert saw me with them and he started shouting at me, calling me names. I do not remember anything else after that." I said now sobbing.

"Anne if you want to stop for a while we can stop and continue tomorrow?" He said pushing over a box of Kleenex.

I took one and blew my nose. I took a moment to compose myself and then I told him, "No, I want to continue. I need to know how i could have been so stupid."

"Anne, "Dr. Lambert said gently, "Don't you see that you were not in control of your actions. Your judgment was so impaired that you let your girlfriend talk you into a foolish decision to make out with another man which you have admitted to me would not have been your normal reaction had you not been drugged. Even then you said you did not want sexual intercourse, but they didn't listen to you. That is a rape."

"How were you feeling when you were being assaulted by those men?"

"I felt like it was not me who was there. It was like I was watching it on television."

"That is exactly what I suspected. It is common for survivors of sexual assault to freeze or dissociate during the assault, which can make it difficult or impossible for them to resist. It is important to understand that consent must be freely given and cannot be obtained through coercion, manipulation, or the use of force or drugs."

"Anne, it is understandable that you would feel alone and ashamed, but please know that you are not alone in this. Many survivors of sexual assault feel this way. I could refer you to a support group for survivors of sexual assault. It is also important to remember that healing takes time, and it is a process, but with the right support and tools, you can move forward from this."

"Doctor, after the first time that stripper had sex with me. I did not tell my husband. Was that because I feel guilty for betraying him? Maybe Robert found out about that incident and that is why he was having sex with another woman at the party?"

"Anne, first, the fact that you tried to hide the sexual relationship from your husband does not necessarily mean that you wanted it or that it was not an unwanted sexual advance."

"Look, didn't you tell me that you came to your senses when that stripper entered you and you punched him?"

"Yes," I said with a little smile through my tears.

"Yes well, it is understandable that you let this stripper take advantage of you in your incapacitated state. But you really did not intend for this to happen."

"Just because you did not tell your husband about it does not mean you weren't assaulted. It is common for victims of sexual assault to feel ashamed, guilty, or embarrassed about what happened to them, and to try to keep it a secret from others, including their loved ones. Naturally, you were afraid of your husband's reaction, or may have feared that he would not believe you or support you."

"Now to answer your second question, that Robert might have taken a woman to bed for some kind of revenge. I find this scenario highly unlikely. From what you tell me of your married life and your husband, it sounds completely out of character for him not to confront you first. Instead, he decides to have sex at a party with a woman he never met before?"

I thought about what the doctor was saying about Robert. Yes Dr. Lambert, it does seem ridiculous thinking back on it."

"His reaction when he saw you in the guest room on the bed having sex was one of shock and anger. That must have been the moment he learned of your infidelity, not before."

"Doctor, I never got a chance to ask my husband who this woman was. He never mentioned anything about her in his letter to me that he left in our apartment. The only other time I saw Robert after the party was in the ICU when I was breathing through a tracheostomy tube and unable to speak."

"If he wanted to get back at you, I would have expected him to throw it in your face."

"Maybe he never realized that I had seen him?" I offered.

"Or maybe he was drugged as well?" responded Dr. Lambert.

"You deserve an explanation, Anne. It is too bad that he does not talk to you about it. It sounds like you both were manipulated and coerced into doing something that you would not ordinarily do. You need to get your husband to talk with you. I would be happy to mediate any discussion with him on this issue."

"Dr. Lambert, "I am going to make it a priority about discussing this with my husband or I will never sign any divorce papers. I will keep you in mind if we need counseling or mediation."

"I feel like we are making progress today. I am sure you will be able to get answers from your husband. In the meantime, you need to understand that what happened to you was not your fault. You were given a drug without your knowledge or consent, and you were sexually assaulted."

"Thank you for helping me sort out my issues with this and helping me feel that I am not to blame Dr. Lambert."

"However, there is something else that is bothering me a great deal. It is my friendship with Stacy. She is a shallow selfish person who never treated me with respect. She obviously does not care about me. Why didn't I realize how bad she was and end our friendship sooner before she was able to do so much damage?"

"I do not know your friend Stacy, but it sounds like she is narcissistic. She met you at an early age when you were shy, and you were vulnerable."

"Narcissists often seek out individuals who are vulnerable and lacking in self-esteem, as they are easier to manipulate and control.

After the death of your parents, you naturally sought closer bonds with other people, in particular your friends."

"When I first met Stacy as a freshman, she was nice to me. She helped fix up my appearance. We hung out together with her friends. She helped me get the confidence I needed to make friends and even date guys."