The Seduction of Anna

"I think she's finding the hypocrisy of the church hard to take."

He raised an eyebrow and I eventually told him about the letter.

"I knew there was something about her I liked and it wasn't what you think either."

My dad always was blunt when it came to comments about my girlfriends.

***

The next morning I stood in front of the mirror in my denim shirt and jeans, I looked pretty good I thought as I studied my reflection in the mirror on Saturday morning but when Anna came around about lunch time I couldn't help but feel just a little bit plain. She was wearing a white shirt tucked into tight blue jeans, a mottled brown leather jacket gave her a slightly femme butch look, a pair of long boots completed the outfit. Her eyes lit up when I gave her the card and she sniggered when I went through the whole story about walking into a Christian bookstore. She knew the girl who'd served me too.

"Robyn," she finished buttering the rolls, "I don't know her that well but she's a sweet girl, she has a boyfriend though so you'll have to content yourself with fantasies."

"Bugger it," I sighed, "and here was me thinking she was smiling at me because she liked me," I started putting the sliced ham onto the rolls. "I'm kidding of course," I went on.

"I know you are," she nudged me playfully, "I'm nineteen not sixteen. God I hated being sixteen I was one of those girls who fell hopelessly in love with boys who were in love with either my best friend or some other girl."

"Well if you wait long enough your girlfriends will be divorced and you'll get a second shot at the title," I reached for the cheese.

"I must remember that one," she chuckled.

While she made up our rolls, I took dad's through to him and when I returned she looked up and smiled.

"So, where are we having our session today?"

"Well you've got a choice of bedrooms, my one or the back room. It's a third bedroom."

"How about your room? That way we can tape as we go, oh that reminds me, I've got the money for you as well."

"I'm okay for the money."

"I insist," she nudged me again, "don't argue with a copper's daughter or you'll be in handcuffs," she bit her lip, "then again maybe that's your secret fetish."

"Only if they're furry handcuffs," I shot back.

Our session in the bedroom took place some time later, I had a desk and chair but I brought another chair through from the kitchen and she set up the tape recorder on the desk.

"I want to know more about the physical side, how do women have sex? Are you okay with that because if you aren't then we can pick another topic."

"I'm up front, I'll be honest with you."

"That's what I like about you the most, your honesty."

"I'm not the only one who's honest," I replied, "your letter blew me away."

Her eyes shifted and a smile nudged her lips.

"It all came out in a rush, I nearly tore it up and wrote a new one."

"I'm glad you didn't," I sipped my coffee, "it was mind blowing stuff. You seemed to sum up what I dislike about Christianity in so few words. If you were a minister I might join your church."

That did make her laugh.

"Have you picked out the albums you want yet?"

"I'll do that in a few minutes."

I learned that a few minutes for Anna was more like half an hour. She's like that because she thinks things through and discarded several albums in a row and ended up with a list of twelve that ranged from AC/DC through to ABBA, an eclectic selection if ever I saw one.

"I never got to see ABBA," she murmured as she laid the cassettes out on the bed, "I was so into them when I was younger and even mum liked them but then she found out that Benny and Frida were living together and decided that they were evil. She banned ABBA from the house because two of the members were in a defacto relationship."

"God, you can't ban ABBA," I winced, "I'll tape that album first."

With the sound turned down to cut down on background noise the session started, but this one was considerably more casual. She started off with a joke and laughed at her own joke and then we launched onto the subject of lesbian sex.

"So let's begin with sex. How do women have sex?"

It was one of the most stimulating conversations I think I'd had up until that day. I started with a basic medical definition but then moved onto specifics, breasts, legs, bellies and finally the main event.

"So you go down on each other top to tail?"

"That does happen but because of the physical limitations it isn't my favourite position, I rather prefer taking turns. I go down on her and start kissing her inner thighs and then I move upwards to her pussy. You need to draw more blood into her lips, they expand and she self lubricates to admit a finger. You can then use your finger like a penis and it's much more flexible, you can stimulate her vaginal passage and you've also got your other hand and your tongue for her clitoris."

She winced at that last word and I smirked.

"Some women love it being licked and sucked but others find it too sensitive, so you have to go by their reactions or just ask if she likes that. Great sex doesn't just happen, you have to communicate with the other person, ask questions and be truthful. Don't just say you like something to please the other person because they won't know you don't like it. The good Lord gave us two ears, two eyes and two nostrils but only one mouth, because we learn more by listening, watching and smelling than by talking."

Anna shifted then and crossed her legs. She slid her hand up and down her leg as she savoured my words and I could tell by her reactions that something had happened.

"What about dildos?" Anna finally asked.

"I like them, some women don't because they equate it with a cock but I've always thought that a little too narrow minded. The vaginal passage was designed to be penetrated and it's supposed to feel good, so why not adapt a man-made object and use it for pleasure?"

"Have you got one?"

"I've got six of various sizes and types."

"Can I see them?" Anna looked at me, "if it's not too personal."

My dildos were all in a second chest of drawers on the other side of the bed and she seemed almost embarrassed as I arranged them on the desk. I had two large ones, two small ones, a dildo with distinct ridges on it and a strap on dildo that really did look like a cock. Her eyes widened as she picked up a large one.

"My God, that's big, you'd split me in half with that," she put it down and picked up the ridged one, "they're soft," our eyes met as she moved her hand up and down it.

"Extra stimulation for your passage, it's one of my favourites."

She shivered and picked up the strap on.

"I like this one."

"Used to simulate straight sex, you can also get double bangers, which is two dildos joined together so you can both penetrate each other."

"Oh," she winced again, "God, I really should get out more."

"You could always borrow one," I offered.

"Um, probably not," she smiled, "I share a room with four other girls, if I'm caught with one of them I'd be asked to leave the retreat."

"Have you ever masturbated?"

She blushed at that and shook her head.

"But you touch yourself in the shower though."

"Of course," she ran her thumb over the ridged dildo, "but I went to an Anglican girls school, we learned about sex in biology, but when I told mum about it after school she told me that the bible would tell me more about sex than a science book."

"Interesting theory but totally false," I replied, "I've read the bible, mum wasn't a bible basher. She had her beliefs but I was raised to believe that masturbation was something that should be done but not talked about in polite company."

"God, I'd love to have parents like that," she sighed, "when I asked my mum about masturbation she told me that if I masturbated I'd turn into a lesbian and if I turned into a lesbian she'd throw me out of the house."

"Fuck me," I stared at her, "how old were you then?"

"Sixteen," she replied with a grimace, "hell of a thing to say to a sixteen year old girl. I actually went through a period where I thought I was gay," her eyes flickered to the tape recorder.

"Do you want to turn this off and rewind it a bit?"

"Let it play," she replied, "in the spirit of honesty at least."

"Okay," I propped on my palm, "tell me more."

Anna's struggle with her sexual identity actually sounded very normal. It had started after an incident in the locker room when her Year Eleven class had come in from a hockey game to find the Year Twelve girls getting ready for their match. One girl had been partially undressed and when she'd seen Anna staring at her she'd flat accused her of being a lesbian. The story had been spread to some of the older girls as well as girls in Anna's year. She had managed to recover her dignity only through sheer force of will and tenacity.

"It was only when I reached my final year and those girls had moved onto university that I was able to feel as if I'd beaten them all off. I was now in Julie's class but mum never knew what went on at school, I only just managed to scrape through with a pass at the end of the year."

"It would have been tough in an all girl school," I replied, "one of my gay friends went to that school, she said it was like being in a prison environment. You had all the urges, your body was developing but there were no boys so you ended up experimenting with girls."

"What was her name?"

"Norma, she's two years older than me so she would probably have been in her final year when you were in your first year."

"I don't remember her," she replied.

"So, when you were struggling with your sexuality," I glanced at my dildo collection.

"Did you ever find yourself drawn to other girls?"

She was just about to answer when we heard a click as the tape she was copying stopped playing, I got up and went over to stop the machine and turn the tape around and when I returned she was staring out the window at our back yard.

"There was this one girl, Sue who stuck up for me. She was in my class and she took me under her wing so to speak. Sue was a pretty strong personality and she had a quick tongue on her as well. She used to taunt the older girls relentlessly and she could fight as well. Sue was doing martial arts at a dojo in Ringwood. I remember one night after school we were coming out onto the street and three of the older girls followed us at a distance. When we got around the corner, one of them caught up with us and tried to hit me with her school bag. Sue just pushed me aside and turned around and hit her in the solar plexus. She went down like a sack of potatoes and started gagging."

"I'd love to have seen that."

"It was funny now I remember it but at the time I thought the other two were going to come in as well and we were outnumbered but they just helped this girl to her feet and one of them called Sue a fucking lesbo," Anna smirked.

"Sue just put her arm around me and said, 'yeah, we're fucking lesbos, and if you start a fight with her I'll end the lot of you.' We walked off arm in arm and it was the first time I'd done that with anyone," she trailed away.

"I did have a crush on Sue but she never tried anything with me. She did teach me some of her karate moves though, which did make me feel more confident."

"Do you still see each other?"

"Yeah, she's in university doing her law degree and I'm in bible college, we've kind of drifted apart though because she's not a believer and I am but she's still a friend."

"She sounds like a good friend to have if you have to walk down a dark alley," I grinned.

"Yeah she is," she returned my smile.

"Tell me something," I glanced over at her, "what would you have done if Sue just did something random like kiss you?"

She straightened up slowly.

"Be honest with me and I'll tell you why I asked the question. Imagine if you were in a place where you couldn't be disturbed. Maybe alone at her place, be imaginative."

"I might not have resisted," she finally replied, "so what does that make me?"

"Well it doesn't make you gay, lots of people harbour those thoughts and never act on them."

"So you have a lot of closet gays then?"

"Not really, I mean a woman might get a crush on a female who's a supervisor but because of regulations or the fear of what might happen she never lets the other woman know. It might be a married woman who has a crush on another married woman, but if they have an affair they might destroy their marriages. Having a crush on another person doesn't make you gay, it just means that under the right circumstances or wrong circumstances, depending on your beliefs it could happen. Being gay for me means accepting that I only feel comfortable having sex with women. I feel more in control and definitely more comfortable. I mean I could have sex with Jason providing certain conditions were right. If he wasn't with Janet, who was my friend before she became his girlfriend and if we were both drunk or stoned, or both then yeah it could happen."

"You must think I'm schizo," she finally replied.

"No, you're definitely not schizophrenic," our eyes met, "I think you're incredibly brave."

"Hardly," she put her hand to her throat, "I hate violence."

"Being able to fight physically doesn't make you brave," I glanced at the machine, "but here you are, a born again Christian in bible college sitting in a lesbian's bedroom talking about lesbian sex and you've just admitted that if your best friend from high school had come onto you then you might have had sex with her."

I looked out the window at our back yard.

"That's a good description of real bravery."

Our conversation became a little different that afternoon. Granted we did talk about sex for a little while but I sensed she wanted less salubrious conversation and so we talked about her family. She was the oldest child and had two brothers and a sister, her sister was the baby of the family. Her father was a detective with the Fraud Squad and she frankly admitted that he was her hero because he was so laid back and approachable. Her mother seemed to be the uptight one and most definitely homophobic. Although she did like her mother.

"She's not cuddly like my friend's mums but we do make clothes together. Mum's a dressmaker and I keep saying she should do it as a small business but she's quite happy making clothes for us and herself," she tugged her cuff, "we made this together."

"Wow," I pressed the play and record buttons, "I thought it was something you bought."

"Nope," she smirked, "I can prove it," she pulled off her jacket and laid it on the bed.

She undid two of her buttons and then pulling the blouse partway down her shoulders, pushed her hair aside.

"See if you can find a label."

I approached the bed and fingered the collar. There wasn't even any stitching where a label might have been removed.

"That's amazing, my God, you should be making them for money, I'd pay you for something like that," I stepped away.

"Sure, no problems, I can measure you up whenever you want."

She ended up staying for dinner and we taped some more albums and talked a lot more, we went from sex to politics and back to sex, punctuated by detours into music and rock music. She did take my measurements though before she left but I never decided on anything right there and then. By the end of the night when I walked her to the car I felt as if the bond between us was that much stronger. When she was sitting behind the wheel I leaned on the windowsill.

"So, same time next week for our regular party?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll bring one of my mum's pattern books," she looked up and then her head hit the headrest, "damn, I totally forgot, it's my brother's birthday next Saturday night and I have to be there," she frowned, "sorry, sorry, I just totally forgot about it until you said party."

"That's all right, there's always the next Saturday."

She was staring through the windscreen and I tapped her shoulder.

"Earth to Anna?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking. How about I come back on Sunday arvo? I have to go to church in the morning and I was going to stay home Sunday night and come back Monday. Alan's giving my bed to a guest for Saturday and Sunday night because of this new arrangement of mine."

"How about crashing here?" I offered, "we've got a third bedroom and after you brought around that stew the other night he said you could use it if you ever needed it. He's taken quite a liking to you, and he doesn't make friends easily."

"I like your dad," she frowned, "okay, I'll crash at your joint on Sunday night and drive over to the retreat on the Monday," she slid the key into the ignition. "It will all change apparently once Joe and Mary get back from Queensland."

"All right," I straightened up, "it's a date," I ran a hand through my hair, "I mean not a date as in date but," I stopped as she chuckled.

"It's all right, I know what you meant."

"Okay, drive careful," I squeezed her shoulder and she patted my hand.

"Thanks for listening to my ramblings, I know I must have bored you."

"On the contrary, I found it fascinating."

Her hand remained on mine until I slid it from her shoulder and then she started the engine and with a smile, farewelled me.

Dad was just getting off the phone when I got back inside and he had a thoughtful look on his face as he told me that he was going to see his brother out in Sale for a few days.

"I was going to go over the next weekend but he has to fly out to Bali, I'll be gone from Saturday to Tuesday or maybe even Wednesday. Can you stay here until then?"

"Yeah, sure," I shrugged, "Anna's crashing here on Sunday night."

"Good," he smiled, "so, how are things going?"

"Interesting times, dad, interesting times."

***

Okay I'm back to writing after a couple of days. I wanted to put some distance between myself and this little project for personal reasons. The seduction of Anna was one of those signature events that changed both of us forever. Prior to that night we were good friends and if we'd kept going that way there is a good chance it might have happened later but with a different result.

That week I headed over to Myer at Eastlands. When a sales assistant complimented me on the white shirt I was trying on I bought a second one in black. They had mandarin collars and scrollwork stitching on the placket. I also bought a pair of black trousers to go with a jacket I had at home. I smile now when I think of the clothes I bought that Friday night. It wasn't that I was against skirts and dresses, just not on me. It would take Rachel's influence to get me into more feminine clothes, back then I was trying to be something. I had an image to protect but I was trying in my own way to soften the image. I wanted to look good for Anna but by Saturday night I felt foolish when Anna called from her parent's home to tell me that she might not make it after all.

"I've been driving all day today. I had to drive mum all the way to Doncaster Shoppingtown because there's this cake shop that a friend recommended and I've just come back from dropping off my brother's best mate in Wesburn. He brought booze to the party and ended up spewing up on the front lawn. Tomorrow I have to go to church with my family and mum wants to have a roast dinner on Sunday, the thought of driving all that way on a full stomach just isn't appealing."

"So, why don't I drive over to Mooroolbark, pick you up and bring you back? I have to work in the morning anyway so I can run you back there to pick up your car."

She went silent but I could hear arguing in the background and then she came back to me.

"You'd do that? For me? Why?"

"Because I like you... as a friend... it's no problem to me. I'm not exactly doing much here in bloody Dullsville anyway. I've just watched Hey Hey and I'm bored out of my tree."