by Pars001
This has the basis of a good story but it's just seems to be rushed. In your haste you're missing details or in this case repeating them, with Helen repeating that she can emerge a week ahead of the predicted schedule that she already stated in the beginning of the chapter like as if that was new information.
We know that you can write well, as in the case of your Lost Empire and Cat Fight series, so please take you time with your writings.
This story is also published on SOL. The last sentence there doesn't seem chopped off like here. It reads: Then suddenly it was clear "I love you mommy and daddy I hope to see you soon!" Luckily, John caught Millie as she passed out.