The Shepherd's Crook Pt. 04

"Because?" he asked carefully.

"They're the mothers of your children, and a part of my mind still holds a notion that you might want to prioritize time for them because of that."

Ben smiled and kissed Gabriella's sensational mouth once more, enjoying her eager response. He pulled back and caressed her cheek with his fingers.

"I took to heart your words regarding love. I give all of you all of my love. While time is what I share amongst the women I love, please don't think you are less of a priority to me in any way. Tina and Lucy are very much aware that none of this would be possible without your wisdom about love. They both love you deeply for this and agreed with me when I let them know I'd be with you tonight. This is how they show their love for you."

Gabriella had tears of joy in her eyes, and her next kiss was slow and sweet. She caressed his bottom lip with her thumb when she regained control over her emotions. "You just make sure you give them both that kiss as it's how I show my love for them.

Ben chuckled as he pulled Gabriella into a hug. "I'll make sure to tell them."

There was a sudden sharp knock on Gabriella's door.

"Mom? Are you two done in there?" Miriam called out through the door.

The mother's instincts immediately flared as she picked up the tension in her daughter's voice.

"Give me a second!" she called out as she rolled from the bed and dashed into the washroom with her dressing gown and some panties in her hand.

Ben hopped up and slipped his underwear and pants on as Gabriella rushed by to answer the door. He gave her an exasperated look as she didn't give him time to zip up before she opened it. He spun and closed his pants with his back to them.

Miriam smiled nervously at her mom and glanced at Ben's broad, scarred back. "There's a message popping up on all the social media sites. It's from Tatiana, and it's for Ben."

"What?" Ben turned to stare at the young woman. "Tatiana?"

"Come see," Miriam said and walked back to her bedroom with Ben and Gabriella following.

Daniel came out of his bedroom with his tablet in his hand and joined them in his sister's bedroom.

Ben could see Tatiana's face on Miriam's PC monitor. The young woman glanced at Ben and then pressed the play button.

"Hello. My name is Tatiana Pushkin. Most of you...."

Ben listened to Tatiana's recorded message, and he felt his chest tightening. He'd never witnessed Tatiana so open and vulnerable before. She'd changed.

"Goodbye, Ben. I am sorry. I wish I could have loved you as Liliya does."

His legs began to wobble, so he stepped back and sat on the edge of Miriam's bed. His hands were shaking, so he clasped them together. "What-what did she do?"

Daniel passed his tablet to Ben. "I think she might have blown up the headquarters of the Russian Secret Service."

Ben stared at the news clip on the tablet as it showed debris where a building should have been.

"My god," Ben gasped softly.

He looked into Gabriella's worried eyes. "I—I have to speak to the General. I need... to do something."

Ben felt a pressure building in him that he needed to deal with, but for the life of him, he hadn't a clue what response it required.

"I think General Davis will be rather busy right now. He'll reach out to you when he can," Gabriella said gently.

Ben nodded distractedly, and the pressure increased.

"I'm very grateful you were there for me, but you can't save everyone, Ben."

He looked into Miriam's sad eyes and nodded as his tears began to fall. He sucked in a breath, and the pain in his chest eased. He'd forgotten to breathe.

Miriam wrapped her arms around Ben as Gabriella and Daniel joined her. Ben clung to them and allowed his tears to fall silently for the tortured soul he couldn't save.

-=-

The following morning Ben woke early, kissed Gabriella, then went home as the sun began to rise above the horizon. He took a moment to stand at the end of his driveway, looking down the court. A very short time ago, he'd foolishly stepped into Russo's trap from this very spot. That action took him from his family and put him in mortal danger. He'd been forced to kill.

A face flashed into his mind, a look of horror and despair as Ben cleaved the guard's chest open with the fire ax.

He gave his head a shake to clear the image. He knew he'd be reliving these moments now that the pressure was off. He'd call today to make an appointment to speak to Dr. Granger about it.

A chill ran down his spine from standing in the snow, so he walked up his driveway. Tina opened the door, and he quickly stepped inside, shutting it behind him. The moment he took off his cold jacket, he pulled Tina into his arms and kissed her. She felt soft and warm from sleep. She trembled, but it wasn't from the cool air in the hall. He held her against him and carried her into the living room, where he sat on the couch with her on his lap.

Ben heard a noise and saw Lucy in the doorway. He held out his hand, and she rushed to join them on the couch. He kissed her and cupped her cheek in his hands as he looked into her and Tina's eyes.

"I'm so sorry I let myself step into Russo's van—"

"You did not know she would do this!" Tina insisted. "This was not your fault. You came back to us. That is what matters!"

Ben smiled at her fierce look and kissed her forehead, then Lucy's. "It got bad on the yacht. I had to kill to get free. Twelve. I killed twelve men. Evil bastards, but I killed them all brutally." A shudder went through his body as that fact echoed through his mind.

The women clung to him and kissed his face.

"You do what you need to do to come back to us. Nothing else matters," Tina said firmly. Lucy nodded with a determined look on her face too.

He smiled and kissed them again, then they settled in to cuddle with him in the early morning quiet.

Ben's stomach took that opportunity to remind him he hadn't eaten for some time.

Tina and Lucy patted Ben's shoulders. "We will start breakfast." They got quick kisses from Ben and left to go to the kitchen.

He stood and looked out his front window at the snowy scene outside.

The front door opened, and Evelyn stepped inside. She hung up her coat and joined Ben in the living room. Ben's arms were open, so she stepped into his hug and clung to him.

"You watched Tatiana's recording?" Ben asked as he kissed the top of her head. She nodded against his chest. "And you saw what she did?" Another nod.

"Will we need to do anything to address this?" he asked.

She pulled back, and blue eyes looked into his dark gaze. "We might be asked to speak before a congressional committee unless the General can answer their questions. How-how are you feeling?" she asked gently.

He held her face in his hands, and her eyelashes fluttered. She sighed as he moved in for a kiss, and she melted into his arms as his lips found hers.

Ben enjoyed kissing her but could tell this was a new experience for her. She seemed to enjoy it as much as he did. When he pulled back, she moaned slightly, and her eyes opened to read his expression. He smiled at her.

"You don't mind kissing an old man?" he said with a crooked grin.

"No! You're not old! You're... experienced. I-I really like kissing you!" she stammered.

He leaned in to kiss her again but stopped before they touched. "Good, because I really like kissing you, too." She surged forward, and they savored this one.

"I... I want to do other things, too," she whispered when he pulled back, her eyes locked on his. Her words rushed out as she was still unsure of the nature of their relationship.

Ben smiled and nodded. "Let's start with kissing and work our way toward other things. I want that too."

Evelyn's smile was beautiful as he could see her whole body carried that joyful energy.

"I should speak with Liliya. Do you think she'll have trouble because of Tatiana's confession?" Ben asked.

"General Davis is prepared for that contingency. Officially, Liliya is performing community service for the rest of her life. She's also under a form of house arrest, except she must remain in this neighborhood unless she's with you, the General, or me. She's aware of these conditions and has accepted them," Evelyn explained.

Ben nodded. "Still, I want to see how she's feeling after hearing the news. I'll check on her this morning." Evelyn nodded.

"Speaking of ladies living under that roof, what's the story with Moon?" Ben asked.

The Sergeant smiled. "General Davis managed to get the Deputy Director of the CIA to acknowledge she survived the mission. They officially terminated her contract as they don't want to work with her anymore. They did give her a small bonus, hazard pay for the month she was on the yacht, and reinstated her pension, which unfortunately won't amount to much as she was new. Liliya asked the General if he could hire her as part of your security team. He'll also work on her naturalization."

"She has comparable skills to Liliya's?" Ben asked in surprise.

"No, but mine will be once Liliya finishes training me. She believes Moon's other skills may come in handy," Evelyn responded.

"Where is Zama?" Ben asked.

"She's staying in Trish's house. Her basement bedroom wasn't being used, and Trish offered it to her."

Lucy peeked around the corner and grinned at the Sergeant, who was still in Ben's arms. Evelyn spotted her and tried to slip out of Ben's embrace, but he pulled her close. "Yes, Lucy?" he asked.

"Breakfast is ready. Will you be joining us, Evelyn?" Lucy asked with a cheeky grin.

Ben heard the double entendre in the question, and from the red glow on Evelyn's cheeks, so did she. She froze.

"Have you eaten breakfast?" Ben asked gently.

"I have," she said quickly.

"Would you like to sit with us or get started downstairs?" Ben said, and she glanced toward the stairs. He leaned forward and kissed her, making her squeak. "No secrets in this house," he said firmly, and she nodded with a little smile as he released her to join Lucy, who wore a delighted grin on her face. "No teasing Evelyn," he said to her, and she nodded obediently.

"Help me collect the children?" she asked.

"I would love to!" Ben returned.

Family breakfast time was the best part of the day!

-=-

After breakfast, he called Hannah to speak to her about getting some time with the doctor. She immediately put him on hold for a moment, then let him know she had an opening at the end of the day. That was faster than he expected, but he wasn't going to argue.

Next, he called Ed, who picked up on the third ring with a happy voice.

"Ben! You're back?"

He smiled at the delight in the man's voice. "Thanks to you, Ed. I want to thank you for really coming through for me. Evelyn filled me in on everything you did for us. You went above and beyond. Thank you!"

"I just delivered your text to Evelyn as you asked," Ed said humbly.

"No, I heard you also helped them contact the people who made it possible for me to be rescued. Your cell was their point of contact with General Davis. He was able to reach out to the USS Harry S. Truman because of that."

Ed's excitement returned. "You really got rescued by an aircraft carrier?"

Ben's enthusiasm got away from him. "Yeah, it was so cool! So huge!"

Ed laughed. "I wish I could have been there!"

"If I ever get another chance to visit one, I'll make sure to ask if I can bring you, too," Ben promised.

"That would be awesome!" Ed gushed. "Listen, I was speaking with Grace, Rachel, and Zoe, and we'd like to throw you a welcome back party."

Ben smiled. "That sounds like fun. I'll have to get back to you on when I might be available to do that. A lot has happened recently, and the General asked me to lay low for a bit to let the dust settle."

"Okay, let me know, and we'll throw you a party, probably at Reg and Thierry's home as their place has the biggest dining room table.

"That sounds fun. Thanks again, Ed."

"You're welcome, Ben. Any time."

Ben hung up and smiled to himself. He really liked Ed and his extended family. They were good people.

His next call was to Walter.

"Ben! You're back?" the man blurted, and Ben chuckled, hearing Ed's words echoed.

"Yes, all is good, I'm glad to be home, and I have a new side project for you," Ben said.

"What?" Walter said in surprise.

"While I was on the arms dealer's yacht, I met a man, Ulrich Huber, who was hiding from the police as he stole the working capital and the employee pension fund from the company he worked for. The man died on the ship, but I have his banking credentials. I'd like to give those people their money back and maybe get that business back on its feet. Can I ask you to have Grace do a backtrace on Ulrich to find out who he stole from and then have you contact the owners of the business to see if they can get it running again?"

"Ah... okay." Walter sighed.

"At the very least, I want the employees to get their pension payments," Ben said.

"Send me the information, and I'll get on it. I'll also bring Jerry into this, as he can deal with the pension plan for them. I can't wait to see what industry we're expanding into this time," Walter said with a smirk in his voice.

"You're the best, Walter!" Ben said with a grin.

He didn't want to put off speaking with Liliya any longer, so he slipped on his boots and jacket, grabbed his keys, and stepped outside. The cold bit at his nose, and he glanced up. Winter was going to be a cold one this year, he believed.

He hopped into his truck, drove to Liliya's place, and parked. He walked up to the door and pressed the doorbell.

Shortly, Liliya opened the door and gestured for him to enter.

"Ben, you should just come in. You don't need to knock and wait for me to let you in. It's your house!" she scolded gently.

He smiled. "It's your home. I dropped by to see how you were doing. You saw Tatiana's message?" He kicked off his boots and hung up his jacket.

Liliya nodded and led Ben into the living room, where they sat together on the couch.

She tried to smile, but it was strained as she recalled the message from Tatiana. "I almost did not recognize her. She changed after she left us. I was wrong about her. I didn't know how unaware she was of their programming. I was always aware of it and could separate myself from it. It took stabbing you for her to realize her actions weren't entirely her own. She got her revenge for that and so much more."

Ben nodded. "She mentioned you directly in the message. I hope that doesn't cause you any grief."

Liliya smiled. "She mentioned you more significantly. That will undoubtedly create issues for you."

Ben sighed and nodded once more. "I'll be speaking to the General when he's available. I don't want our arrangement to be affected. If he tells me he's altering our deal, your freedom is non-negotiable. I will sever all ties to the military before I allow that to happen. I'm hopeful the General will make efforts to keep that from becoming necessary."

Liliya looked worried. "You'd lose your protection from hostile operatives."

"I'd hire a team to protect the neighborhood. I'd also publicly announce the dissolution of my relationship with the military. That might be enough to make them no longer see me as a threat."

He looked into Liliya's worried eyes. "With the destruction of FSB headquarters, do you see them looking to retaliate?"

"Tatiana was following a plan Colonel Vasiliev created to eliminate the FSB should they ever turn on him. I was aware of the plan, but I would never have done it. It was a suicide mission from the beginning, but the Colonel would have sent one of us to do it, so he wouldn't have been in danger." Ben looked at her in surprise, so she continued. "Tatiana would have struck when most of the Senior Chiefs were present in the building as well as most of the department heads and a significant number of their agents, so we may assume a majority of the chain of command has been eliminated. Their documentation and servers were all contained within the building as well. It will take a long time to recreate the organization."

Liliya touched Ben's hand, and he held hers gently. "Once there is some structure in place, it's possible they might target you as some weak form of revenge, even though Tatiana was very explicit in mentioning her reasons for doing it and your disapproval of her actions. It is how these minds work."

"All the more reason to insist you remain by my side," Ben said.

"There is nowhere I would rather be," she said, looking into his eyes.

He leaned closer, and she met him halfway, their lips caressing, then the kiss deepened. When they pulled back, they were both breathing hard.

Ben saw her need for him in her eyes as his were probably showing how much he wanted her.

She gave him a crooked smile. "You have a busy morning."

Ben nodded as he knew he had to start connecting with his neighbors.

"I would like to continue this when you are available," Liliya said, and Ben nodded.

"Me too," he managed. "I-I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon."

"I'll be ready," she said with a smile.

They stood and managed to keep from touching again as he returned to get his boots and jacket. He kissed her again, then slipped outside to cool off.

He drove home and settled into his office to start making calls.

He spent the rest of the day contacting his neighbors and friends to update them on his situation.

It was late afternoon when Ben relaxed back in a chair facing Dr. Granger across her desk.

He'd given Hannah a very long hug and many kisses in her office when he'd arrived, then she pushed him out the door so he wouldn't be late for his appointment. Dr. Granger smiled and handed him a tissue to wipe off her lipstick as he entered her office.

"I should begin by thanking you for making our work environment so much more harmonious. Hannah is a much better Hospital Administrator since you came into her life."

Ben snorted as he stared at the doctor.

"It's true! Love has given her a firmer foundation for her emotional well-being, which translates to better communication with others. So, thank you," she said with a grin.

Ben raised an eyebrow at her, so she grinned and leaned back. "I understand you underwent a difficult ordeal. A kidnapping?"

He sighed. "Yes, but it was two in a row, actually. A rogue CIA agent grabbed me outside my home and took me to Morocco, where an arms dealer kidnapped me and took me to his yacht on the open seas."

"That must have been very stressful," Granger said.

Ben nodded. "I managed to escape, but I had to kill to make it happen. I can still see their faces."

The doctor nodded. "That's normal. In a high-stress situation, the mind hides information that may hinder your efforts to survive the ordeal. These suppressed memories will surface once you're beyond the danger and the pressure eases. Their intensity will fade over time. You've experienced this before."

It was Ben's turn to nod. "Yes. I'm actually not so concerned about that." The doctor smiled as this was evidence of his progress.

Ben frowned as he cast his mind back to the moment he first faced the cage. "The bastard who owned the boat, Kaan Sadik, took me to see a cage filled with abducted children he intended to sell into slavery. I was so enraged that I lost control. I-I don't clearly recall what I did next, but I'm sure it'll leak out of my memories at some point. When I regained control, there were five dead bodies on the deck. I knew there was no going back at that point. I knew I'd have to kill the others if I was going to escape. I didn't hold back."

Dr. Granger nodded as she listened.

Ben took a deep breath, then continued. "My issue is that, for the rest, I was in complete control, and it was... easy. I felt nothing as I killed them with knives, then a fire ax. When I reached Kaan, the arms dealer, I took my time and made him suffer. I wanted him to feel the fear and desperation he put those kids through. He screamed through the entire ordeal. I only killed him when he started to slip into shock. I don't feel ashamed of what I did. I don't regret it. Does that make me as much of a monster as him?"