The Shower Stall

With that he kissed me good bye and told me he was here often at night, so come back if I want some more. He went back to the shower stall across from me and washed himself off as he sang loudly. I did the same without the singing and then turner off the water.

It was funny I thought, as I walked by him this time. I was again avoiding direct eye contact. Despite the fact that he was just inside me, so intimately, why did I feel the same feelings of guilt and shame as before he fucked me? And why did I feel them before? If he was a woman, we would have stared at each other confidently if there was an attraction. Let's put the fact that I cheated on my wife and put her at risk aside. And I only say that because, if it was a woman I just fucked, that would be just as bad but I wouldn't feel this guilt and shame. Why can't I just proudly tell people I'm a man and I like a cock up my ass? And why can't I ask men I find attractive, would you like to fuck me? Or can I suck your dick, I am really good at it and I think you would enjoy it! I don't know, a lot of things were going through my head.

So here it is, a week later and I'm surfing the web trying to figure out how long should I wait to get tested to ensure it is accurate. And the other funny thing is that as guilty and worried as I felt the minute the cum fell from my cock in that shower a week ago, after I "re-filled" so to speak, I was back on the internet looking for more dick. I was successful. I got fucked by a guy in his apartment the next night. He did wear a condom, but I blew him bareback. And on Sunday afternoon, I sucked off a gay couple. At least one wore a condom and while the other did not, he at least pulled out and came on my face.

I guess I just don't know how to feel, there's so much guilt and shame. I planned to binge tv shows and I binged on cock. I mean I should feel guilt and shame cheating on my wife, but why is it more intense because I cheated with a man? I like to get fucked, and now I've expanded my horizons to big black cocks. O well, I guess I'm not changing society. And it was an amazing night and my test will probably come back clean. And you know what, fuck it, I can't help it, I like what I like and the next time my wife goes away I will probably swallow more dick.