All Comments on 'The Sick Day'

A good story that would benefit from a second pair of eyes to correct the minor issues of grammar that divert from the narrative. Please think about using an editor.

nice story, very tender. Keep it up!

It could use the help of an editor and I hope you will find one and continue to post your work. Your description of an established gay relationship was first class.

I give you a 4 and am sure your next story will be even better

Nice, erotic, believable slice of passion. I liked it a lot. But I agree with other "critics" who suggest you find an editor. Illogical changes from past to present tense, often in the same sentence, detract somewhat from the story.

Sorry, couldn't finish it, got tired of correcting your errors! No score, but please if you continue to write get someone to edit it for you.

"brought this house together"

It's bought, not brought.

"I then began unbutton his shirt'

I then began TO unbutton his shirt. Or, I then began unbuttoning his shirt.

"my eyes glance over at his harden dick and tighten balls"

That would be HARDENED/HARDENING and TIGHTENED/TIGHTENING.

Just a few examples from when I read, not going through all of them. Simple mistakes like that make it difficult to read.

Hi VonnaD - I liked both you posted stories. I don't write, so I appreciate your efforts and thank you for sharing. I am looking forward to reading more of your work.

I appreciate all the people who take the time to comment on my work. What you're reading is the developing personality of people I'll be writing about in my stories.

Thank you all

VonnaD

Cute! Like the idea of progressing Carl's and Fletch's relationship! Maybe even wanting more?!?!/