The Sinner's Canon Ch. 07-08

Chapter 7

"Dios mio ... where am I ... oh, wait, Jack? Jack Benton? What's going on here? Sandra ... and Jessica? And who are you?" Rita Escobar stood in her novice's habit now, truly shaken up by having had the Devil grab her and bring her here to face me and two of my other girlfriends, plus Lilith ... and Tyler, of course.

"I'm Lilith, of course. Yes, THAT Lilith. Queen of the Succubi, you see. Sex demoness par excellence. Nicki and I are lovers, of course, but that's not all Nicki is, of course," Lilith introduced herself to Rita now.

"You mean Satan. Nicki is Lucifer. The Devil. The Morning Star. The Princess of Darkness. That's so Elizabeth Hurley it's not even funny. Doesn't she have a male form at all?" Rita wondered now.

"I can take one, but I can't stay in it for long. I've been sentenced to spend eternity as a female, you see. One of Jehovah's most spiteful acts of all, though I've turned it to my own favor in many ways, you know. And Hell, of course, where he sent me, is now very much under my control, not his. Which means that I can promise whatever I like and keep my word, thus letting me make pacts with mortals, of course. If they are so inclined," Nicki let that notion drop as bait to see if Rita would grab it.

"So ... no burning, no pain, no none of that, but my soul would still be yours to do with as you please, is that right? For eternity. Basically, slavery ... eternal bondage ... to the Devil. No escape clause, I would tend to assume. An ironclad pact, this deal with the Devil. How many wishes would one get?" Rita's ears perked up, "you see, my family pushed me into this because they're ashamed that I gave up my virginity to Jack here. They're ... part of Opus Dei. You heard of them? Also because I'm pregnant to him. Yes, Jack, I'm having your baby."

"Opus Dei, the ultra-religious Catholic secret society committed to reforming the world according to their own puritanical version of Catholicism? Might have heard of it. They're going down, anyway. Once the world is mine, well, you get the idea. And it will be mine, very soon, Rita. Much sooner than you think," I warned Rita, whose mother's dark almond Peruvian eyes blended well with her father's light olive Andalusian skin.

"You're ... the Antichrist?" Rita guessed now.

I burst into laughter, as did Jessica, Sandra, Tyler, Lilith, and Nicki herself.

"Close, but no cigar. Rita, that whole plan was scrapped ... well, most of it. The Lake of Fire, plagues, and Great Tribulation were scrapped. Armageddon, too. And the mark of the Beast. And the persecution of Jews, of course. That was never gonna happen. Not my style, which just proves that he can't choose the right adversary, you know, for his little evil plans. But, yes, I have powers, and I was the one originally intended to be the Antichrist. The Beast of Revelation.

"You see, Jehovah kinda changed his mind about half that stuff, had a sort of mid-life crisis, and chose me to rewrite the canon, which I have. I wrote the really unpleasant stuff out of Revelation, among other things, of course. But I'm still immortal, as is Jessica, and I'm still gonna rule the world. It's all in the Book of Jack," I showed Rita the Tome, pointing to the passages scrawled out in my own blood.

"You ... wrote this in your own ... blood. Why is it in Enochian?" Rita showed me where it appeared in that ancient celestial tongue, but then altered back to English, "holy smokes, it just translated itself for me! Woah, this is really real ... it's really ... real ... really happening!"

"Yes, well, I'm not quite done yet. Here," I wrote a bit more in blood, adding Jack's Own Commandments in contrast to the Ten Commandments.

Thou shalt masturbate. Thou shalt commit fellatio. Thou shalt commit cunnilingus. Thou shalt commit analingus. Thou shalt fornicate. Thou shalt have couple sex. Thou shalt have makeup sex. Thou shalt have marital sex. Thou shalt commit sodomy. Thou shalt commit ex sex. Thou shalt commit hate or grudge sex. Thou shalt commit adultery. Thou shalt not commit monogamy. Thou shalt commit polygamy. Thou shalt commit incest. Thou shalt enjoy or experiment with both sexes. Thou shalt conserve and recycle. Thou shalt keep thy carbon footprint low. Thou shalt have orgies, gang-bangs, pull trains, do daisy chains, swap wives, swing, go to glory holes, etc. Thou shalt remember Hump Day and observe it by humping someone on it. Thou shalt flout all of the silly rules controlling the behavior between adults, but thou shalt not rape, assault, or endanger anyone. Thou shalt remember Nude Day and observe it by walking around naked. Thou shalt remember Skinny-Dipping Day and observe it by skinny-dipping. Thou shalt remember Topless Day and observe it by going topless. Thou shalt remember Bottomless Day and observe it by going bottomless. Thou shalt remember No Pants Day and observe it by going pantless. Thou shalt remember Handbra Day and observe it by using or giving hand bras. Thou shalt remember Commando Day and observe it by going commando. Thou shalt experiment with bondage, domination, discipline, sadism, masochism, and other such kinks and fetishes. Thou shalt remember Goth Day and observe it by either dressing as a Goth, fucking a Goth, or both. Thou shalt remember Cosplay Day and observe it by practicing cosplay and/or fucking someone in cosplay, especially at a convention. Thou shalt remember Halloween and observe it by holding masked balls and fucking each other in disguise. Thou shalt remember Glory Hole Day and observe it by fucking or sucking or both through a glory hole, and not investigating the identity of the other person. Thou shalt remember Gang-Bang Day and observe it by participating in a gang-bang. Thou shalt remember Reverse Gang-Bang Day and observe it by participating in a reverse gang-bang. Thou shalt remember Train Day and observe it by pulling a train or being part of one. Thou shalt remember Daisy Chain Day and observe it by partaking in a daisy chain. Thou shalt remember Daisy Dukes Day and observe it by either wearing Daisy Dukes, fucking someone who wears them, or both. Thou shalt remember Dogging Day and observe it by engaging in dogging. Thou shalt remember Swapping Day and observe it by swapping wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc. Thou shalt remember Rapture Day and observe it by finding an abandoned church and fucking people inside it. Thou shalt remember Sodomy Day and observe it by engaging in sodomy. Thou shalt remember Fellatio Day and observe it by giving or receiving fellatio. Thou shalt remember Cunnilingus Day and observe it by giving or receiving cunnilingus. Thou shalt remember Analingus Day and observe it by giving and receiving analingus, though thou shalt clean thy anus and/or the other person's anus first. Thou shalt remember Mooning Day and observe it by mooning people. Thou shalt remember Streaking Day and observe it by streaking. Thou shalt remember Make Love Not War Day and observe it by making love instead of engaging in acts of violence. Thou shalt remember Boss Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking your boss. Thou shalt remember Secretary Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking your secretary. Thou shalt remember thy partners' birthdays and observe them by fucking and/or sucking them. Thou shalt remember thy wedding anniversary and observe it by fucking and/or sucking thy spouse. Thou shalt remember Key Party Day and observe it by holding key parties. Thou shalt remember Truth or Dare Day and observe it by playing Truth or Dare. Thou shalt remember Simon Says Day and observe it by playing Simon Says. Thou shalt remember Fetish Day and observe it by wearing bondage/fetish gear and experimenting with bondage and other fetishes. Thou shalt remember Father's Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking your father. Thou shalt remember Mother's Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking your mother. Thou shalt remember Pegging Day and observe it by pegging someone or being pegged. Thou shalt remember Masturbation Day and observe it by masturbating. Thou shalt remember Shower Sex Day and observe it by having shower sex. Thou shalt remember Bareback Day and observe it by having bareback sex. Thou shalt remember Breeding Day and observe it by breeding a woman or trying to get bred. Thou shalt remember Miniskirt Day and observe it by wearing a miniskirt and/or fucking someone in it. Thou shalt remember Kilt Day and observe it by wearing a kilt and/or fucking someone in it. Thou shalt remember Butt-Plug Day and observe it by wearing a butt-plug. Thou shalt remember Handjob Day and observe it by either giving or receiving handjobs. Thou shalt remember Baggy Pants Day and observe it by either wearing baggy pants, yanking them down to fuck someone, or both. Thou shalt remember Yoga Pants Day and observe it by either wearing yoga pants, yanking them down to fuck someone, or both. Thou shalt remember Sweat Pants Day and observe it by either wearing sweat pants, yanking them down to fuck someone, or both. Thou shalt remember Boxer Day and observe it by either wearing boxers, pulling them down to fuck or suck someone, or both. Thou shalt remember Panty Day and observe it by either wearing panties, pulling them down to fuck or lick someone, or both. Thou shalt remember Uniform Day and observe it by fucking someone in uniform. Thou shalt remember Teacher's Day and observe it by fucking a teacher. Thou shalt always fuck people at family reunions. Thou shalt remember the Jack's birthday and observe it by fucking the Jack or anyone wearing the likeness of the Jack. Thou shalt not fear social diseases, for lo and behold, the Jack shall heal and/or prevent them as much as he can. Thou shalt make deal with demons, for if thou missed the Rapture, Heaven is likely already barred to thee. Thou shalt remember Stripper Day and observe it by fucking strippers. Thou shalt remember Harlot Day and observe it by fucking whores/gigolos/sex workers. Thou shalt always fuck the stripper on thy bachelor or bachelorette party night. Thou shalt fuck thy waiter or waitress and leave them generous tips, the latter at least until the laws make their wages fair, the former always. Thou shalt fuck thy delivery person and leave them generous tips. Thou shalt fuck thy plumber. Thou shalt fuck thy postal worker. Thou shalt fuck thy babysitter. Thou shalt fuck thy parcel delivery worker. Thou shalt fuck thy bartender. Thou shalt fuck thy barber or stylist or manicurist or pedicurist. Adults, however, shalt only fuck other adults. Thou shalt fuck demons. Thou shalt not be surprised at the existence of demons. Thou shalt seize the homes and property of anyone taken in the Rapture on a first-come-first served basis, unless there is a living relative or spouse occupying or inheriting it. Thou shalt not be a Karen. If thou meetest a Karen, thou shalt fuck the Karen out of them. Thou shalt not be an incel. If thou meetest an incel, thou shalt fuck the incel out of them. Thou shalt fuck thy neighbors. Thou shalt fuck thy maids, poolboys, butlers, chauffeurs, etc. Thou shalt fuck any students who are of age. If thou art a babysitter or governess or nanny, thou shalt fuck anyone thou hast babysat once they come of age. Thou shalt always punch Nazis. Thou shalt always punch Klansmen. Thou shalt remember Interracial Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking someone of another race. Thou shalt remember Ex Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking any exes thou findest. Thou shalt remember Porn Star Day and observe it by paying for thy porn, not rejecting the sexual advances or marriage proposals of porn stars, or not rejecting the sexual advances or marriage proposals of fans if thou art a porn star. Thou shalt always clean thy bodies and observe good personal hygiene. Thou shalt regularly clean thy clothes. Thou shalt remember Take Your Daughter To Work Day and observe it by fucking your daughter at work and urging her to fuck your colleagues. Thou shalt remember Take Your Son To Work Day and observe it by fucking your son at work and urging him to fuck your colleagues. Thou shalt always fuck thy colleagues, especially during office parties. Thou shalt always fuck thy subordinates, especially during office parties. Thou shalt always fuck anyone who is under the mistletoe with thee. Thou shalt always fuck anyone in a superhero costume or dressed as a historical figure or a heathen God or anything of the sort. Thou shalt always fuck anyone in a mask, especially during a masked ball. Thou shalt remember Solstice Day, Christmas Day, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, and all major holidays that existed before by fucking someone during them. Thou shalt remember Hiked Skirt Day and observe it by either hiking up your skirt to get fucked, fucking someone in a hiked skirt, or both. Thou shalt remember Panty Raid Day and observe it by engaging in panty raids. Thou shalt remember Drag Day and observe it by either going in drag, fucking someone in drag, or both. Thou shalt not abuse or harm children or animals for any reason (except survival in the case of animals). Thou shalt remember Soccer Mom Day and observe it by fucking and/or sucking/licking a soccer mom. Thou shalt have at least two spouses per person, regardless of their sex, and thou shalt consummate such marriages. Thou shalt only divorce over abuse, neglect, or some other actual harm, not over infidelity. Thou shalt fuck thy partner's parents when you meet them. Thou shalt always accept a snowball. Thou shalt always accept sloppy seconds. If thou catchest thy partner in bed with others, join them and make it an orgy. If thou art caught by thy partner with others, invite them to join you and make it an orgy. Thou shalt always fuck thy friends, making them friends with benefits. Thou shalt always fuck thy friends' partners, relatives, and the friends and partners of thy relatives. When in doubt, thou shalt fuck them. Thou shalt not impose chastity on anyone. When thy friends or relatives try to procreate, join them, bareback, to increase the odds of impregnation. Thou shalt always accept the offer of extra sperm or eggs to help you procreate with someone. All sperm donations, even at sperm banks, shalt be done au naturel henceforth, that is by means of sexual congress. If someone leaves a partner behind in the Rapture, fuck that partner. Fuck all former or present clergy if at all possible, and all monks, nuns, etc. Thou shalt remember Sixty-Nine Day and observe it by sixty-nining people. If thou hast fans, thou must fuck them, and if thou art a fan, thou must fuck whoever's fan you are. Thou shalt not interfere with breastfeeding, as it is perfectly natural and healthy. If a nursing mother has excess milk, however, thou shalt drink it. Thou shalt always fuck a woman who's on the rag. Thou shalt never judge anyone unless they do actual harm. Thou shalt hold regular block parties and fuck and suck as many people as thou can as well as drink and smoke and eat to excess during them. When committing adultery, thou shalt not remove thy wedding band, attempt to hide one's marital status, or conceal the adultery from any adult. Thou shalt never kick thy partners out of beds, bedrooms, houses, etc. Thou shalt not burn or destroy any property during a breakup or drain bank accounts. Thou shalt not slap, punch, kick, or otherwise assault thy partners except with their consent. Thou shalt greet every adult with a French kiss. Oh, Hell, just fuck any and all adults that you can fuck, but only adults and never rape them, endanger anyone, or inflict pain without their consent.

"Wow, that's one helluva list there!" Rita beamed at that thought, "your commandments go out of their way to overturn existing morals and social conventions, that much is clear."

"That's kinda the point, babe. Now, of course, you have a choice to make. I won't force your hand. You can try to win favor with Jehovah, no guarantees there, and try to go in the Rapture, or you can stay behind and find a different kind of destiny. You can, if you wish, even join my harem of sorts that I'm forming ... starting with my ex-girlfriends ... all nine of them.

"They're my first choices for lovers, wives, concubines, etc. That includes you. You can also make a deal with the Devil, which is not necessarily mutually exclusive with being mine. Just ask Sandra about that. Well, what's it to be?" I confronted Rita to put the ball back into her court for one hell of a decision which would seal her fate.

"Well, Satan, or do you prefer another name, like Lucifer, Beelzebub, etc.?" Rita checked with Nicki first.

"Call me Nicki," the Devil encouraged her.

"Okay ... Nicki, I'd like to make a deal. How many wishes, if any, would I get?" Rita wondered, making Satan's ears perk up for sure.

"Three and you can't wish anything that would interfere with Jack's will, his lifestyle, his plans, etc. Are we clear?" Lucifer insisted.

"Crystal. Okay, first wish, I want a healthy pregnancy, delivery, etc. I want to be sure to carry this baby to term. Second wish is perfect health, strength, stamina, etc. forever. No diseases, etc. Third wish ... I want to be a vampire. There I said it. I want to be a vampire. Can you make me one?" Rita proposed.

"Yes, but you will lose your soul right away in that case, because since you'll already be dead, I have every right to it ... and you won't die in a normal sense, so well, this is my only chance to take it. You're going to be literally soulless, but that's what vampires are, so no surprises there.

"Also, bear in mind that unlike Hollywood versions of me, I lay out the fine print ahead of time, so that I don't trick people. And the fine print is this. You cannot go out in sunlight at all. You're trapped in an eternal night, my dear, as of now. You cannot stand human food. Your child will be born human, but become a vampire on his or her eighteenth birthday. No getting out of that.

"You will need a wet nurse for your baby for that reason. It cannot survive on blood like you, after all. Also, know that this means that I will likely use your soul to create a doppelganger of you that I control forever. This current form of you will still be the original. I can make this doppelganger be, do, etc. whatever I please.

"You will also cast no reflection in a mirror. And you will often need to feed. And any souls lost due to you turning people are automatically mine as well. And you will be vulnerable to stakes in the heart, beheading, holy water, and crosses. Garlic, however, will have no effect on you. Nor will silver. Those are myths. You're not the first vampire, just the first to be made in ages. Always the same rules with them, too.

"Always the same cause, too. Someone's cute and wants to cut a deal with me to become Nosferatu, the undead, a creature of the night. Now, prick your finger in blood, how very fitting, and sign away your eternal soul in exchange for a soulless kind of immortality. On the plus side, you'll always be extremely attractive to people. That can always be useful, right?" Nicki stipulated now.

"How will I turn people versus killing or feeding on them?" Rita wondered now.

"That's simple enough. If you drain them dry, they'll turn, unless you behead or stake them first. So, be careful who you suck dry, okay? Because once you've turned them, they're changed forever. Then you'd have to kill them as vampires, which would be tougher to do, no doubt of that," Satan warned Rita, who nodded in response.

"Can I glamour someone, like in True Blood?" Rita asked now.

"Actually, yes, but only for short periods of time. It's intended mostly to make it easier to feed. So, how about it? Do we have a deal, then?" the Devil inquired.

"Yes, ma'am, we do," Rita told her as she pricked her finger and signed the parchment in blood.

"Can I change into a bat?" Rita then thought of that.

"Sure, but no other creature, so don't start thinking that you're a shape-shifter, because you're not. You're a vampire, that's all. And the bat form wears out if you're in it too long, which could cause a sudden, sharp, and very unpleasant fall ... even though it won't kill or injure you. Any other questions?" Lucifer asked now.