All Comments on 'The Sins of the Fathers Ch. 08'

Keep on for however many chapters you think you need to tell the story.

I am wondering when the client Paul and his daughter will show up in person and not just on video tape.

There's a lot to be said for thorough editing. I'm sure you went through it at least once, but you didn't catch everything- still minor typographical and grammatical errors here and there. Those can be very distracting. As for the story, it's coming along nicely. Slowly, but nicely. Something about it, though, feels a bit mechanical, just on the edge of feeling like you're going through the motions without really feeling it, like it lacks the passion it deserves. Maybe it's in the phrasing of some sentences or maybe it's the dialogue (it sometimes comes off as sounding awkward), but whatever it is, it breaks the flow, which subsequently breaks the believability of it. But don't be deterred- I'm still reading the chapters as they come out and I'm still very interested in the story!

keep going on this love reading it.

I personally love your stories, and have always put five stars.

Since you messed it up. Then have Nikki's daddy be mad. And finally be with Nkki. Don torture me by adding more people to get them Nikki and Jack separated it's torture! And you are making me suffer!!!

You are doing just fine with your story line, so I will leave it in you hands. When the two girls were having oral sex for the first time there was some confusion as it seemed one mouth was on the other's pussy and mouth at the same time. I read those paragraphs three times and couldn't figure it out. There are a few grammatical errors her and there which you should fix. In any case, I'll continue to watch for your on going chapters of two young women coming of age. I did wonder when the court case was going to resurface! Will now try to find Nicole's poem.

I would like to echo 10towers comments. There were some areas that I found confusing on who was who. At one point I read that someone's mouth was kissing the other's mouth and pussy at the same time. In either case, I really liked the story. I came to this under the link for new stories and like the brief description. Now I think I need to go back and read the earlier chapters.

My bad! Thank all of you for comments. For those with the criticism. You are spot on. I rushed getting it posted and missed a few relatively obvious mistakes.

My apologies!

I re edited it this afternoon and will resubmit it with the suggested and requested editing changes. Hope I caught them all this time. New at this. Will not make same mistake of rushing the editing process again.

Thanks.

First of wow! This has been one of my favorite stories on this site. Most authors here tend to lose the erotic nature of the story in multiple chapter pieces. You however have made this very enticing and keeps me coming back for more. I feel like Jack is every father out there who, if they wound up in this situation, would react. The secretist thing that Nikki and Mac have going on is cute and adds a level of innocents as well as cunning to the characters. Also having one of Jack and spencer clients be on trial for an incest charge brings reality into the awareness of the story and heightens the piece. The Trial also shows how unfair our society is in accepting all relationships of love. I love incest stories for the very reason that a the lovers have this bond for years before they actually bed each other. Just all around five stars.

Now about the kinky and bisexual.

You have already brought Nikki, Mac, and Jenn's various interests into play. But what if, after Nikki and jack fuck. Jack finds out that Spencer has been fucking Mac. going even further,(btw this is just a thought.) maybe have a foursome with Jack, Spencer and the girls where Jack and Spencer go at it.

Romance.

You have been doing this one well. Just don't turn Jack into a beast like some do for the fathers in this category. Keep your characters real.

You are doing a fine job and I would do this from my account however I currently can't remember the email or password. Keep it UP!!!

Ironic story line; both daddy's are Lawyers. Incest case in current litagation. Jack gets "BJ" from Mac. Slight penetration but not enough to break Hymen. I absolutely love the storyline though.

Thanks for your imagination and story.

I'll keep this short, plzzz keep writing more chapters. It's good to have a storyline setup but hope you don't limit to a no. of chapters. This is a great story let it flow.

I love your pace and that you're keeping your characters real. As for the story from this point on there are so many paths but I think that's best left for your imagination. Hope to see more like this... :)))

This has been one of my favorite series recently and this was my favourite chapter so far! Just keeps getting better -- thanks so much for writing it!

You have intimated that there was another man in her life before Jack, when she was much younger. Do you plan on bringing that thread into the main plot at all?

Was it incest by her father?

Sex scenes, plus some very intelligent intercourse between the two young women. However, I have no idea if this is supposed to be a story or a sexual romp.

I am so confused. One minute you have the girls acting like and talking like 12 year olds, then they are making out like adults? For one thing, 18 year old women do not call their stomach "tummy" or their pussy "kitty" nor do they call precum "sticky stuff". You have to decide if they are adults or little kids. Rapidly losing interest in the story. Especially now that Jack is doing the same things their latest client is accused of. There is now a poem and pictures as evidence that can be used against him in a court of law!! No lawyer or father is that stupid!! *smh*

My 35 yr old girlfriend called her vagina a "kitty," simply because she didn't like the word "pussy." And I've heard quite a few other women use the same phrase. So, yes, grown women do use that word. Now go "smh" some more and see if you can hear that singular brain cell rattle around.

...but you use the phrase "shook her head" to indicate both negative and positive responses. It's a bit confusing to me, because I've always associated "shaking" of the head to mean a side to side movement indicating "no," and "nodding" of the head to mean an up and down movement indicating "yes."

You are correct on the head shaking v nodding. One other reader pointed this out to me... I think I have it corrected in all future postings. Sorry if it took away from enjoyment or broke mood of piece for you.

Thanks for the comments (both). Hope you keep reading.. I get better as story goes on. This is my first attempt at writing ... learning about editing as I go.

8 chapter reading done.. Sorry for my comments on the fifth chapter end.. You are doing excellent now.... A suggestion from me is you describe both daughters structure like height weight.. Size.. Now I'm familiar with your writing style..

Sorta like this chapter :) even if I can't help myself for wondering if nikki is jealous. Lol

By the way, I've noticed that you use a lot of Japanese references and your vocabulary is accurate. As it's my major study I'm pleased to see you know something about Japanese stuff :)