All Comments on 'The Sixth School Ch. 026'

"The healer, however, held up her hand and kept him from speaking. "I appreciate your bravery, Greg"

Was using his real name intentional there, or was it a slip?

Chapter Thirty Three is Up on my Patreon.

The build up is so slow. Story is good. But the build up is just beating a bush to death.

@RalphTheRedNinja Damn, it was a slip on my part. Sorry!

I look forward to this story every week. Thank you

About the dialogue sentence and about dialogue.

"You have no idea just how powerful they can be," She relayed.

The above dialogue sentence consists of two parts: dialogue + the dialogue tag.

The purpose of the dialogue tag is to provide a little bit of extra necessary information about the dialogue.

The dialogue tag has two main purposes:

1. To clarify who has spoken,

2. To add something about the characteristics of the dialogue. (Example C below.)

"A," she said.

"B," he said.

"C," it said calmly.

Dialogue by one person is structured in paragraphs just like ordinary text: one paragraph per subject.

So if dialogue is directed at three subjects A, B and C, it's structure is:

"A.

"B.

"C."

Notice that each of these three paragraphs opens with quotation marks, but that only the last one closes with quotation marks.

The best dialogue sentences do not have dialogue tags. They do not need them.

When dialogue sentences do need dialogue tags it is best to keep them as short and as simple as possible, using the simplest of verbs: he said, he replied, he asked.

Contrived, pretentious verbs - stated, declared, relayed, etcetera - are best avoided in dialogue tags. The reader wants to skip across the landscape of the text, he does not want to have to drag a heavy cart uphill.

You often interrupt your dialogue with interjections in the form of dialogue tags. In nearly all cases the readability of your dialogues would be improved if you deleted those interjections.

In writing usually:

Using less words results in more good writing,

Using more words results in less good writing.

Delete what is unnecessary. Avoid word vomit. (Another commenter mentioned word vomit before.)

I am disappointed that you ignored my previous remarks about dialogue interpunction.

D.B.

The web of misdirection grows.

The story is great, but your writing style is pedantic. Half of what you write is superfluous. More actions per word please

This world and these characters and storylines that you create have huge potential. An accomplished author might spin this out into a multi volume series of 300 page books.

Olivia in my opinion made a huge sell out to the healer. She could have offered far less and still gotten the healer on Greg's side.

It would be interesting to once more see the story from the healer's perspective.

I would recommend to drag Greg not too fast through the tiers.

The time line does not have to be continuous.

Consider time hopping. Write five stories that occur during Greg's first two years in the village / town. Say a ten to twenty day period per story.

Alternatively, you might write five stories that occur during the next thirty years wherever on that world. Say also a ten to twenty day period per story, with Greg being on a different tier in each story.

This way you may always return to this world and write additional stories in it that occur at different times and in different places.

D.B.

This story is amazing an interesting twist brining creative flair to new and old ideas alike.

Loving the story, looking forward to Greg learning the ways of magic. Also really looking forward to some sex - Greg needs those lust points. Well done, keep writing!

I'm loving the story.

You have created a truly wonderful world here, and I am anxious to see where you take it and what you do with these characters. As a gamer I am quite intrigued. I do agree with other commenters, specifically, that you need to have more action per word. You are not nearly as verbose as Stephen King, however, so you have that going for you. (SK truly vexes me with his ability to describe in 4 chapters what any other author would only require 4 paragraphs. Exaggerated to make a point...)

Excellent the suspense is great keep it up please

Best story on Lit.

Fantastic. Of course this guy seems really lucky, but I love the fact that he’s made tons of mistakes throughout all these chapters. It makes him more relatable. Also the fact that despite his good values he did have some negative values earlier, of deception for example.

The healer called him Greg I was under the impression that she only knows him as Roka????

There hasn't been a sex scene in the last TWENTY chapters. This series should be tagged non-erotic.

Cutting straight to the chase. Deals, secrecy and discovery. Will this (err these) agreement work. Interesting chapters ahead.

How did the Healer know his name was Greg when Olivia does not?

I bet that is a typo, the healer does not know his name is greg. Substitute roka for greg and move on.

Damn a lot of twist and turns

Great story. You need to be more careful when characters talk to Greg. Saw several instances where Greg was called by name by people who shouldn't have known the name of his soul. By my count the only beings that know his name is Greg should be deity class and higher and Olivia. Deity class because they can get past his barrier; Olivia because she has a mental link to him as his familiar.

Really imaginative story. I like how it has similarities to some online games I've played. Thanks.

Responding to RadAsha's comment; Olivia shouldnt know him as Greg even because even her original was locked out of those memories by the deity that transferred his soul into Roka's body...

Honestly, this feels just about like the first major section of story is done here, or soon.

Great intro to an epic. Tons of conflict set up, but much is likely to come from serving many masters, which is at least relatively unique. And highly relatable, which can be tough in God level epic stories.