The Slave and His Master Ch. 10

Everything felt so complicated. Aiden wanted to die, he wanted pain and punishment, he wanted Lord Sagi... but he also wished that the door was still between them and his fear mocked him. Sometimes, Aiden wasn't even sure what he was afraid of but at that moment he knew one thing. Though he told the man to pick another, the idea of his Master being with some other man made the boy feel physically sick; even though he knew he deserved just that. Even now, he coward away from the giant and he wished he had worn a shirt to bed, so that the man wouldn't have to look at his scars.

"Shh... calm down sweetheart. You're not ugly... you're still my beautiful little sub; and no, I haven't been with anyone else... not even myself. I haven't wanted anything or anyone else... I just want you. Even if we never do anything sexual again... I just want to be able to hold you. I want to be to be able to be in the same room as you. I miss talking to you. I'm yours... remember?"

"I'm not worth it," Aiden finally said, wallowing in self pity.

"Do... do you still love me?" Sagi asked shyly, hoping the spark of jealousy he had witnessed in his boy meant something more than simple curiosity.

"How do you know I loved you?" Aiden asked, a blush coloring his cheeks.

Sagi's face fell a bit when Aiden put too much enunciation on the word "loved."

"You told me, after you got drunk on day four. You fell asleep and then forgot that you said it... so I let it go. I didn't want to make you feel insecure or... frightened by bringing up feelings you weren't ready to talk about." Aiden let out a little snort at the dark irony. "Also," Lord Sagi continued, "You agreed to be my mate and you still haven't refused to be... but I suppose you don't have to love me to want that for yourself."

The tone his Master used sounded a bit harsh but Aiden wasn't offended at all. He now understood, to the fullest extent, how much pain he had truly caused his Master. He was also embarrassed to find that he'd said the words he had tried so hard to hide in his heart. The boy looked at his Master's face and his heart clenched at the pitiful expression he saw there.

"I... I don't know... I don't understand how I can still be so afraid when I do... I do still love you Master, with all my heart! I just wish that I could just be normal again for you! I'm sorry I'm so broken... you deserve better. I've only ever been lacking but I love you... so much. Why do you scare me? Ugh! I hate this! I'm so useless."

Tears streamed down the boy's cheeks as he spoke and he inched a little closer to his Master. He wanted to be held, badly, but when Sagi tried to move closer too, the boy closed his eyes and scooted away in fear.

"I'm sorry," Aiden whispered, feeling defeated.

They were both silent for a few minutes and Aiden had to close his eyes to pretend that he was alone, so panic wouldn't overtake him.

"I have a drug that might help," Sagi's voice caused Aiden to open his eyes, as his heart beat rapidly. "But we've been afraid to give it to you," Sagi continued. "Your mind is so fragile and the effects may only last temporarily." Sagi muttered, unsure if he should even bring the matter up.

"I don't care! If you have something that could help then please give it to me! I just want this nightmare to end." Aiden sobbed as he wrapped his arms around his knees, feeling the chains against his legs.

"I'll be back," Sagi whispered gently before he stood to his feet. "Will you be okay if I leave you alone?"

The boy nodded miserably, lying to his Master, as his eyes followed the slowly closing door.

******

The last year had been hell for Sagi as he slowly lost himself to a deep depression. A small part of him had hoped once the obedience and heat serums left Aiden, that his sweet boy would come back to him. That had not happened. What did happen was one of the worst and longest sub drops that Sagi had ever seen.

The first night back, Aiden had hurt himself with the intention of dying. This came on the heels of hearing Ivy explain Aiden's fragile state of mind and the two suicide attempts he had tried on their way back to the manor. Seeing his love with self-inflicted blood dripping from his wrists had broken the giants heart like nothing ever had before. This was not a side of Aiden that the man was familiar with and he didn't know how to fix it for his boy.

Terrified that Aiden would continue to hurt himself but unable to share the same space as him had driven Sagi a little bit mad. The man made sure that his love had a safe, quiet, comfortable space, that he was clean and well-fed, and that he was restrained as gently as possible, while still ensuring his safety. As an extra precaution, the lord made sure that he himself guarded Aiden's door every single night. As a result, the giant barely slept. Not that he was able to sleep much without Aiden next to him anyways.

Sadly, Aiden couldn't seem to even handle speaking to Lord Sagi, so the man made himself scarce during the day and stood vigil and silent during the night. He would sometimes stood by the door when Ivy visited Aiden, for he wanted to hear the boy's voice and he didn't think that Aiden wouldn't speak to him about anything, other than to ask for a punishment. The boy had made it clear that he only wanted Lord Sagi to abuse him. He didn't want the giants love.

That was probably the part that hurt worst of all for Lord Sagi. The man was always secretive about his feelings and having them openly rejected each day and night ate at him. To try and forget about how hurt he was, the man made good use of his time. For every single day, he spent hours torturing Gwen and in turn, Antony.

The beautiful woman had turned into a shell of what she once was. She had been exposed to every black market serum that Sagi could get his hands on and it showed. The woman had gone completely mental and had turned into a true whore. She was willing to fuck anyone that was close enough and in any way that they wanted and Antony was forced to watch every single moment. Their torture filled Sagi with fleeting pleasure, which was quickly forgotten when he had to stand watch at Aiden's door.

After a year of torture, Sagi left Gwen in the streets for anyone to take advantage of who wanted to and he forgot about her. As for Antony? Well, by the time he finally died, his body was so mutilated that it was impossible to remember that he had once been a strong, attractive man. When his body was complete with alternations, Sagi gave Antony to the military, who used the shell until he gave up on life.

As for Lena and Tobias... they had been interrogated and Sagi was hurt to find that everything that happened to Aiden, was because of Lena. Tobias, on the other hand, had revealed that he only went along with everything so that he could try and protect her, if things went south. When he was pressed as to why he would risk his life for her, the man admitted to being in love with the spiteful woman.

Sagi felt pity towards Tobias and had once seen the man as a sort of brother figure. However, he could not forgive him for showing his loyalty to Lena. No bond in the world was strong enough for Sagi to show anyone mercy. His boy had been pierced. They all knew better than to try to hurt what was his and they didn't care. Why should Sagi care about the consequences they suffered now?

Lena had been hung, in the center of the Capital, where Antony had been branded, so long ago. Sagi was too broken by the depths of her betrayal to let her suffer for too long. And anyways, hanging could be a slow death when you made sure the victim was able to fight for life before eventually giving up. Sagi did not watch her death but he did have her body buried in a quiet place. Then, days later, he had a one room prison built so that the inhabitant could over look the grave, forever.

Tobias was sentenced to living in that space, until the end of his days. He was given the opportunity to use the bathroom, to bathe, even to eat well. Lord Sagi wanted him to live long, so that Tobias would forever be imprisoned by his past love. It was a cruel fate and Tobias often wished for death, but he was never given it. The man died at the ripe old age of 92. By then, his mind was fractured and he called the prison his home. Even in his old age, the lord did not take pity on Tobias. When the old man finally forgot who Lena was, Sagi stopped his gentle treatment of the him and let his old body rot away. The day Tobias's mind forgot Lena, was the last day he ever saw another living soul.

As for the rest of the twelve, the ones that hadn't been shot on sight we executed by way of beheading. The families that they left behind did not morn their deaths. Rather, the rich families were so ashamed of the behavior that their sons had inflicted on the lord, that each of the twelve families paid him a sum of 40,000 aro's in reparation fees. The men that died were not even burried. They were simply piled up on top of one another before they were doused in gasoline and set on fire.

******

On this particular day, one year from the day Aiden stopped being himself, the weight of everything began to crash around Sagi, crushing him with desolation. There was nothing left to fill his time, so all that day his own thoughts had their way with him.

Sagi had always wanted to find his other half. He had imagined that when he did, he would give that person everything he could, and in turn, they would happily build a family together. Men could get pregnant in Arodesa, with certain medicines to aid in the process, and Sagi had always hoped that his mate would be open to the idea. Though it wasn't a deal breaker if his person wasn't keen on it, he had still had hope.

It had been a year since the fear serum had been injected into Aiden's brain. It was not meant to be administered there and the long term effects were unknown. One thing, however, seemed certain. Aiden would probably never be capable of giving Sagi a family. This was a dream he would have to let die.

The man leaned against the wooden door that barred him from his love, feeling empty. A year later and nothing had changed with his boy, unless you counted things getting worse as change. He had stopped by earlier, to ask Ivy how he was doing that day, when he heard that Aiden hadn't left his bed for the sixth day in a row, in protest for not receiving punishment. Sagi had almost broke down into tears in front of Ivy, and crying was not something that he usually indulged in.

The last six days had been a special kind of hell for Sagi to endure listening to. Aiden wouldn't eat or drink anything more than what was essential and he refused to leave his bed to bathe or use the bathroom. He simply slept in his own filth, not caring. Sagi wanted to drag the boy from the room and force him to bathe but he couldn't find the will to force Aiden into doing anything, short of protecting the boy from taking his own life.

Sagi finally broke down when he noticed a foul smell coming from beneath the door of his slave. Aiden was going to make himself sick and Sagi couldn't fix the situation. He was suppose to be a Dom for crying out loud! He had always been strong and forceful if the time called for it. Yet now, the idea of forcing Aiden to do anything made Sagi feel sick, which in turn, caused the giant to feel helpless, or caught between a rock and a hard place, as it were.

The man had covered his mouth in a effort to suppress the sobs that bubbled up from his chest. He didn't want to do anything to frighten Aiden, on top of everything else. Sagi was shocked though, when moments later, he heard Aiden ask to use the bathroom! The giant felt immediate relief at hearing the words and he also felt a bit proud of his love for being brave enough to ask. He was sure Aiden knew that he was on the other side of the door by now.

The giant was even more startled when the boy refused Ivy and asked for Sagi, himself. Sadly, Sagi's hesitant pleasure at being asked for was dampened when he finally realized that Aiden was only trying to get more punishment and that the request had simply been a lure.

Sagi was shocked when his boy continued to talk to him and though he hated hearing about how much Aiden had gone through, he was happy that his love was actually speaking to him.

Unexpectedly hearing Aiden call him Master again had felt like a punch to the gut. The word felt twisted with manipulation but when Aiden persisted to use the word, Sagi ignored his own pain at hearing it.

Then Sagi finally confessed his love for Aiden. He wanted nothing more than to woo the boy back into his arms and he tried to keep the conversation going when he noticed Aiden's jealousy.

Hearing, at last, that his boy still loved him was probably the most shocking thing of the entire evening. The giant didn't understand how both fear and love could exist in his boy but he drank in Aiden's words as if they were life giving. Aiden still wanted him! His boy still loved him... if only they could be together like before. It broke Sagi's heart when Aiden tried to come closer but just as quickly, he retreated when Sagi made an attempt himself.

The giant felt extremely guilty for bringing up the nullify serum, when he finally did. He and Ivy argued over it constantly and they had agreed to not discuss it around Aiden. They we're both sure that he would want to try another drug and there was no way of knowing how safe that was.

As predicted, Aiden begged to try it and Sagi couldn't help the bit of hope that sprung to life in his chest as he made his way to Ivy, to tell her the news. He tried to find her as quickly as he could because he was a afraid of leaving leave Aiden alone for too long.

When the man finally spotted her in the kitchen, he mentally shook his head at himself, knowing he was about to be yelled at. Ivy would hate this idea but Sagi firmly believed that the drug would help Aiden. Besides that, he felt that anything would be better than the state his love was in now. He was tired of all their constant suffering.

******

"How could you! You promised me that you would never speak of it in his presence!" Ivy yelled when Sagi brought her the news.

"I know! But he looked so helpless and I wanted to make things better for him!"

"Don't give me that shit m'lord! You want him to be cured but you don't care about the potential risks! You're so selfish!I think you should wait! He talked to you, right? Well maybe that's a sign that he's getting better!"

Sagi took a step forward, wanting to slap Ivy for calling him selfish but he stopped himself and took a deep, calming breath before speaking again.

"Ivy... do you think it's normal for someone, even a slave, to punish themselves because they're not being punished? Both of us are loosing our minds without each other. Maybe the drug will help!"

They both breathed heavily into the silence before Ivy spoke up again.

"I'm afraid of loosing you," she admitted quietly. "You've been with me ever since my parents died and I know..." Ivy started to choke up on her own tears but she was determined to speak. "I know if things get worse... then not only will we loose Aiden but I'll loose you too. You're the only family I have left Sagi. Both of your suffering kills me but being the only one left alive would be worse."

Sagi could not argue in his own defense for he knew she spoke the truth. If giving Aiden the serum ended badly... that would be the end, for both of them. Sagi loved Ivy, as she was the closest thing to a sister that he possessed, but she wasn't enough. He had to try. Aiden wanted to try it as well and he had waited long enough.

"It's been a year Ivy, I'm sorry. We are trying this."

The finality in Lord Sagi's tone caused Ivy to finally give up her resistance. She could no longer prevent the inevitable and she could only pray that she wouldn't be the only one left breathing at the end of the day. She took the little key that hung from a chain around her neck and gave it to her lord before handing him a small, locked, steel box. Sagi took the key and unlocked the metal cage before opening the sturdy lid.

Nestled on a pillow of crushed velvet lay the most rare of all the black market serums. At the time, Sagi had sent Ivy to buy it as a gift for Aiden. It was the reason Lena was able to bring harm to his boy, for had Sagi not sent Ivy to get the serum, then maybe everything bad would have never happened.

The serum was rumored to be able to stop the effects of any single drug or even multiples for several hours, and in some cases, the effects were permanent. Sagi had hoped that by using it, Aiden would be cured from having to be turned on all the time. Or at the very least, he hoped the boy could enjoy their first time as lovers without the influence of that drug. Instead, he would be using the serum in hopes that it would be able to block the fearful part of Aiden's infected brain.

Sagi prayed that in doing so, he could win his boy back. Then, if the fear were to return, the boy would have a fresh base with which to battle it. Sagi desperately wanted to show Aiden that he was loved. He wanted to be able to prove to Aiden that he still found him attractive, scars and all.

"What if he still wants you to punish him after he's injected?" Ivy asked, voicing one of his fears.

"I don't know," Sagi admitted, feeling helpless.

"You know I'm going to have to stab him in the temple. What if he looses his memories again?" She pressed as they walked to Aiden's room.

"I don't know," Sagi muttered.

"What if he doesn't have feelings for you, when the drugs are no longer controlling him?"

Sagi stopped walking. "You really think his feelings for me aren't..." he couldn't even finish his sentence.

"We don't know what will happen m'lord. You need to be prepared if you really want to do this," Ivy said while feeling guilty.

Sagi was about to argue with her when they both stopped talking, startled into silence. There was a loud thud, every few seconds, and it seemed to be coming from Aiden's room. They both ran to the door but Sagi stayed outside while Ivy entered, taking the unlocked box into her hands before doing so.

When Ivy walked into the room, she had to immediately rush forward to keep Aiden from slamming his head against the stone wall. She wrestled the slim boy to a stop, pulling her arms around him and trying to avoid his lower torso, which was heavily soiled. Luckily, he hadn't broken the skin on his scalp yet.

"I'm sorry!" The boy sobbed in her arms, "I just want to forget everything bad. I'm tired of fearing him! I'm tired of hurting him!"

"Shhh... we have something that will hopefully help. Okay hunny? Just calm down."

Aiden's trembling slowed considerably at her words and he pushed away from her slightly.

"Give it to me, please," he begged.

She nodded and then took the syringe filled with clear liquid from the box that Lord Sagi had handed to her.

"I'm going to put this the same place that they put your fear serum. I'm so sorry but... it will probably hurt. Just try to stay still, okay?"

The boy nodded, feeling afraid but grateful that Ivy would be the one to do this. As the long, surgical needle touched his temple, the boy let out a pained scream that almost had Lord Sagi bursting through the doors but Ivy gripped Aiden's hand tightly and the boy tried to relax. The moment Ivy plunged the liquid into his brain, Aiden felt the effects, or rather, lack there of. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from his slim shoulders. He didn't feel the fear, he didn't feel turned on, he didn't feel anything compelling him... except for the need to bathe.

Aiden looked down at his ruined pants, feeling disgusted with himself. His skin felt itchy and a little swollen and he suddenly felt both hungry and incredibly tired. He timidly looked at the closed door, wondering if his Master was still behind the wood and feeling embarrassed over having been seen in such a messy state.