All Comments on 'The Slave's Journey Ch. 01'

I think your story has a lot of promise and I hope you keep on writing.

You could slow things down a little, adding more detail - and a few more commas would be good. I would have liked some more about her 'client' and what they did. May I suggest you look for an editor? Nothing improves a story like an editor!

Five stars.

Truly thank you. It is, as you guessed, my first effort and i wasnt sure what would happen - in that would anyone actually like it.

Hopefully the tale will develop and there will be more detail on the now and what happens as well as the flashback remembering. In this first part the client was not important it was merely a signpost as to where she was. The aim is to make it an enjoyable yet dark adventure with both enjoyable and harrowing tales of her journey to total compliance. Hopefully you will like what follows.

The author presents an interesting point. The one time Jane stepped over the line, her punishment though not fatal ended her life as she knew it. Reduced to slavery working in a brothel, Jane ponders the series of mistakes which led her astray eventually subjecting her to prostitution. Clever conditioning has stripped away any wanderlust which might lead to a quest for freedom. The erotic elements support the story line. Later chapters will explain the manner in which Jane was cured of wanderlust.