All Comments on 'The Slave's Roommate'

Beautifully written story and so sexually exciting, stimulating and arousing in all aspects keep up the good work.

This was a very well-written and hot story - I enjoyed it enormously - thank you. If I might make one comment, watch that your paragraphs don't become too long; reading a huge block of text isn't easy and it detracts from your fine story-telling. Five stars.

I agree with Mel that some paragraphs got a bit long.

The story itself had quite a lot happening in just four pages. It felt too condensed to me. This could have easily been several chapters instead of several pages. That would have allowed for greater character development. The girls seemed superficial and he seemed to be more than a bit of an ass. There was nothing about these people outside of the scenes to make them interesting. There was minimal about Sara's growth in this and Nicole just jumps all in? The blackmail excuse is thin. (I wish blackmail was on Lit's banned list with underage and bestiality) A seduction into this world would have given the opportunity for character development and hot action.

I look forward to future stories.

While I'm aware that this site is largely built upon fiction, I felt as though you took it a step too far. Horny/inebriated people with a willing partner right there aren't going to notice a slight rumpling of the sheets. I know it's a silly reason to stop reading a piece, but at that point I knew you were taking the story in a completely implausible direction. (The virgin roommate masturbating in the bathroom had me worried, but that pretty well sealed the deal for me.)

Despite my dislike for the story, I found that it was fairly technically sound. On that note, I would still recommend that you find an editor or cold-reader to comment on realism.

more...more, more!!!!!!!!

toddle (stance) (TODDLE REFERS TO MOTION NOT STANDING STILL!!!!)

hand prints (handprints)

any time (anytime)

come (cum) (6)

(THREE CONDOMS AND A LARGE CUM STAIN!!!! ( LEAK(S), PERHAPS????)

bee-lined (made a beeline) (BEELINE IS UNRECOGNIZED AS A VERB!!!!)

putting up to it (with)

complement (compliment)

nerve wracking (nerve-wracking)

clothes pins (clothespins) (2)

god (God) (6)

braking point (breaking)

both 85 and you have been my slave for eighty years (FOR THIS STATEMENT TO BE ACCURATE, SHE WOULD HAVE BECOME HIS SLAVE WHEN THEY WERE BOTH 5 YEARS-OLD!!!!)

stead rhythm (steady)

of hat Jack (what)

WOMAN bear to have a man like you... do this to THEM (her)

like last nights (night’s)

any more (anymore)

Legs (legs)

wish Jack was here (were)

Its great story hope all those story become ral and make porn movie based on these story

Ilove this story but hope it has continue