The Stirrings of a Cold Heart Ch. 20

New York -1813

The warm night air blew through Aidan's dressing room window as she dressed for her show. In the last few days she felt as if something was brewing, though she wasn't sure what. Not since she had been mortal had she experienced any dream, yet for the last few days she had been plagued by strange visions dancing before her that she couldn't understand. They seemed to call to her as though they were ghosts from the past. In the first dream she had been a little girl standing before a man who seemed impossibly tall. He was dressed in the style that bespoke wealth and his face was obscured by shadows. He picked her up and carried her to her window. He smelled of candle smoke, winter and a hint of shaving balm. She felt so safe in his strong arms.

"Remember," he whispered in her ear just as Aidan woke up. In the second dream she was a young woman, seated on a horse with the shadowed man's arms around her. The snow was falling and the night air was crisp and cold, though she felt warm and safe with him against her. In his arms she felt so wanted and loved that she never wanted the horse to stop. He brought his lips close to her ear and once more whispered, "I'm still somewhere inside of you." Earlier in her last dream, she was in the man's bed. She could feel his body against her, skin to skin. His arms were wrapped around her, holding her close. He lifted her left hand and gently kissed it revealing a large ruby ring on her third finger. Softly he caressed her body arousing her desires and she could feel her fangs lengthen.

"You cannot deny me. Let me in." This had caused her to awaken and sit bolt upright in her bed. Her eyes green and blazing hunger and desire. It had been so vivid that she had immediately looked around to be sure she was truly alone. The dreams bothered her terribly. They seemed to be more than what they appeared. They seemed so real that they felt more like the embers of memories that she couldn't quite place. Hoping to clear her head, Aidan quickly dressed and hastily went to the theater where she currently performed.

She had been in New York for the last five years under the identity of a young widow and called herself Ada Minsden. Within a year of her arrival, Alex Mabon had joined her, but only periodically to see to it that she was doing well. Mostly he left her to do as she pleased. After disembarking from the ship she immediately started to visit theaters and look for work. With her singing ability it did not take her long to be offered a contract. The terms of the agreement were simple and standard except she never performed at a matinee or before dark. The music halls and variety shows of the United States were a long way from London's Grand Opera, but it was an honest living and the stage was something she was familiar with.

It was exhilarating being back in a busy backstage area, putting on grease paint, sliding past cheap props and wrinkled scenery, but she loved it. Sometimes she performed arias, sometimes she danced and sang popular tunes that were usually reserved for pubs and taverns. On rare nights she filled in for other performers or in one-scene plays. One thing she had learned from this little adventure was that she was not just a decent dramatic actress, but possessed great comedic timing as well.

One of the first dramatic scenes she ever performed in was a short version of the Goddess of Spring with her as Persephone. Audiences relished the romantic drama and why wouldn't they? The God of the underworld wasn't portrayed as a typical devil, but rather as a dark, brooding leading man who was lonely and longed to be loved. The actor who portrayed him, Linus Dudley, was a naturally handsome man, tall with a head full of dark brown curly hair. He was amazingly talented, and like her, could sing, dance and do comedy. He was not only easy to perform with but he challenged Aidan and soon she was trying to put more and more into her performance just to be equal with him. Before long their scenes easily stole the show and garnered standing ovations from the audience who genuinely wanted Hades and Persephone to end up together.

If the two performers found that they had chemistry on stage, it didn't take long for them to realize they had it off stage as well. Their closeness began innocently enough with small talk in between scenes. Eventually the two were chatting it up after shows and eventually socializing at parties. In some ways they seemed to have a lot in common. Linus was a widower who had lost his wife in childbirth along with his newborn daughter. Because it was so unusual for a woman to be on her own, Aidan had claimed to be a widow and that her husband had died back in England. When pressed she would refrain from talking about her supposed husband and Linus just assumed that the loss was simply too painful, like his own. One thing they both loved to talk about was the theater. He would tell her funny anecdotes about other productions he had been in where nothing had gone right. She in turn would tell him about singing in the London opera and silly things that happened there.

For five years they worked together and too many nights they found themselves sitting alone after a show talking and laughing. Alex's advice about not worrying too much about the norms of society had struck a chord with Aidan and she gave little notice to the gossip backstage regarding whether or not there was an attachment between her and Linus. Some nights she even allowed him to take her back to her home in his carriage. She liked his company and when he was there she smiled more and felt lighter, although she never allowed herself to forget that she was a vampire and something quite different from him.

Perhaps it was because of what she was that inevitably there would be a misstep. One rainy night after he took her back to her row house he asked if he could come in for a few minutes to wait out the storm. The Aidan of years before would never have even considered allowing such a thing, but this Aidan graciously let him in and offered him a seat in her small parlor. There were no servants to witness their behavior, no chaperones. The two sat on her couch talking about whatever entered their minds, whether news, theater gossip, or anything else. Sitting there Aidan couldn't help feeling as though this was something she had experienced before and dearly missed. She couldn't remember where or when, but it had happened and she longed for companionship and closeness,

Linus was enjoying the company too. He had no idea that she was anything but human. He enjoyed her company and for the first time since he had lost his wife, he found himself daring to reach out to another woman. The two were having such a good time together that neither noticed the time until the clock on the mantle began to chime midnight. Aidan suddenly became very much aware of the impropriety of having a man in her home alone with her as did he. They both started towards the front door with him apologizing repeatedly for staying so late. At the door he bowed to her and she in turn extended her hand. This had only been meant as a handshake and indeed he did take hers in his. To her surprise he brought it to his lips, his dark sparkling eyes never leaving hers.

His years of loneliness coupled with hers made them unable to resist their impulses as Linus softly pulled her close and brushed her lips with his. To his surprise and pleasure, she not only returned his kiss, but her small soft arms went around him and held him. She couldn't remember her past intimacy and yet she knew she had experienced it. While her body did not seem to be awakening as it had in the past, her vampire hunger certainly was. It had been too long since she had dared to hold a man or kiss one and she could smell the blood pumping through his body. She closed her eyes tightly so he wouldn't see the hungry green beginning to show. He didn't know what was happening to her only that she seemed to want him as much as he wanted her. Linus kissed her neck and his hands began to lift her skirts upward so he could access her. Her lips and tongue moved along his neck feeling his blood flow beneath his skin though his artery.

She could feel his sex pressing against her through his trousers, but her only desire was for his blood. It was all she could do to stop herself from breaking the skin and taking every last drop. His strong hands began to unfasten the front buttons of his breeches eager to have her. He was just about to open the last one when to his surprise she pushed him away. He was shocked, but even more surprised to see her eyes welling up with tears that she hastily whipped away with a red handkerchief. A trick she used to hide their sanguine color.

"What's wrong?" he asked, confused by this sudden and abrupt change in her.

"I don't know . . . I'm so sorry . . ." she said feebly. "I just suddenly feel so . . ." She didn't know how to explain it. From somewhere deep in her mind she had heard a voice cry out her name as though their heart was breaking. She couldn't understand it. She had no attachments, no one in her life and yet she felt as though she was deeply hurting someone just by holding this man. Someone she couldn't remember and yet still had a powerful hold on her. Even with her memories blocked her ties to Erik were strong, and try as hard she might, they could not be severed. He had felt her in another man's arms and his anguish was so palpable that every fiber in her felt his pain.

This time it was Aidan apologizing repeatedly. Linus could only assume that she felt guilt over her late husband or that she feared the loss of her reputation. Possibly both. He wasn't angry about it and the two continued to be good friends, talking and laughing as they always had. It was after that clandestine night that the strange dreams began to haunt her. She never told anyone and she and Linus still performed each night to packed houses. Their chemistry was as intense as it ever was and Months later they were still drawing them in.

One such night they were down to standing room only and in the darkness of the auditorium they couldn't see the faces watching them. Nor was Aidan aware of a cloaked figure moving through the cheap seats in the top gallery. Certain they would have another great show, most of the performers took their turn showcasing their specialties in singing, dancing, acrobatics and more. The only two that did not come out and entertain were Aidan and Linus. First they would perform their short play on the Goddess of Spring, then they would follow up with songs and dances as an encore.

As the other acts played, the red-headed beauty's maid painted her face and did her hair, then the vampiress changed into her greek robes before taking her place on stage. The curtain went up and she began saying her lines to another actress that was playing her mother Demeter. When she left, smoke made from salts rolled across the stage and then Hades, dressed in a fine crimson Elizabethan costume and sporting a gold mask with goat horns rose up from beneath the stage garnering a gasp from the audience. With a wicked laugh he snatched Persephone and then unseen by the audience, disappeared beneath the smoke. After a moment the vapor vanished and Demeter returned to find her child missing and only a ring of flowers in her place.

As the set was being changed over to Hell, both Linus and Aidan ran to get into their positions even as stage hands and assistants checked their clothes and hair to make sure everything was in place. The two began the next scene with the devil doing all he could to woo the goddess, but to seeming no avail. As Aidan listened for her cue to refuse his advances a dull pain began to permeate her head. She tried to ignore it, determined to continue the performance but then another pain went through her like a knife causing her to fall forward into her leading man's arms. Immediately he yelled for the hands to close the curtains. As soon as they were separated from the audience Linus began to yell for someone to call a doctor, but she quickly told him no. Aidan assured him she would be fine and that she just needed some air, then with an apology she left the building.

Wandering into the night there were no clouds in the sky and the air was warm with a slight breeze moving through the city. The moon was only a sliver in the sky and Aidan had hoped that getting out into the fresh night air would stop the pain, but instead it kept on, pounding and pounding into her brain. She made it only as far as an alleyway a few blocks from the theater, the pain coming on faster and faster. The agony began to affect her stomach causing her to dry heave in the dirt along one wall. Still it came on and on and she soon fell to her knees unable to see. Then she heard the whispered voice of the man from her dreams say the word "remember" and like a dam breaking, her mind became flooded with the shards of memories she had blocked so long ago.

"Erik . . ." she said, before passing out.

When she came to again she was lying on a bed in a dark, shabby hotel room. Her head no longer hurt but felt a bit dizzy. All her memories were intact. She looked around the dingy room then her eyes fell on the dark silhouette seated in the corner.

"Did you think you could stay gone forever?" he asked in his familiar whispered voice.

"How did you find me?"

"A few months ago your guard momentarily went down and I saw your thoughts and was able to see where you were. After I arrived I saw a poster outside the theater with the name Ada Minsden."

"I can slip through your fingers again just as easily as before," she hissed.

"Do you hate me so much? I had hoped in time you would have forgiven me." There was a strained silence between them for several moments as her dizziness finally subsided.

"I don't know," Aidan answered, then vanished into smoke and was gone.

She rematerialized at her row house. Slipping her key into the lock she hastily went inside. She had barely stepped into her entry way when her eyes fell upon the narrow table along the staircase and she realized running would be futile. Sitting on the table was the gold ring with the three-headed hell-hound Cerberus. Next to it was a framed drawing of her that she suspected was drawn by Erik himself.

"How must I say I am sorry?" At the sound of Erik's voice behind her she tensed up. She stepped into her parlor and willed her fireplace to life and stood before it, careful to look into the flames and not turn around. "Yes, Aidan, I am apologizing. I, one who has never been sorry for anything, am apologizing to you."

"Do you honestly think you could win me back with your ring and a drawing?"

"I had hoped that it would remind you of better times between us." There was sadness in his voice, but Aidan refused to be swayed.

"I'm not the naïve, starry-eyed girl that you took to Minsden chapel." To herself she softly whispered, "I hardly remember her." Summoning her resolve she once more addressed the vampire behind her. "I want you to go," her words were cold and stung Erik.

"You cannot ask me to leave when I have only just arrived. We have so much to talk about."

"We have nothing to talk about."

"Why did you leave me?" he asked, his voice becoming hard and bitter. "I gave you everything! I made you a Goddess."

"You made me nothing! I was another treasure to be kept under lock and key. I might have endured that because I loved you, but you lied to me. You made me believe you were someone you weren't. You are 'Le Coeur Noir' and you destroy innocence for money. I couldn't live a lie." An uneasy silence reigned for several moments. Erik knew there was no justification for his actions, at least not where she was concerned. Too much pride is a terrible thing and always leads to misery. Never in his long existence had he ever given his behavior toward humanity a second thought. When she had caught him ready to kill that boy it had forced him to take a long hard look and if she would stay at his side then he would never allow himself to fall so far again.

"I had to find you, Aidan, you know that. Losing you was like losing the sunlight again. That is a pain I cannot bear." His words sounded so wounded that Aidan turned to face him.

The sight that met her eyes shocked her. His once grand, strong and handsome features were gaunt with hunger and neglect. His sparkling grey eyes were dull and the sockets were sunk in. His thick full brown hair was grey and so thin that in some places he was bald. His tall, muscular frame had become bent and so emaciated that his clothes seemed too big and just hung on him. He was a walking corpse. Aidan struggled to hide the horror and pity she felt at his appearance behind a mask of indifference.

"My God!" the words escaped her lips before she could stop them. "Why? Why didn't you take care of yourself?" she asked, unable to hide her distress at what she saw. "Why would you let yourself starve?"

"I was so intent upon finding you that I forgot my hunger until it was too late and I was too weak to rectify it." His lightless eyes looked down at the floor in shame. For a moment he looked as though he was going to say something, but all the strength he had summoned for this meeting failed him and he collapsed to the floor. In an instant she was at his side cradling his head in her lap. She looked into his eyes and knew the awful truth. She had seen that same look on her mother's face when she was a child and thousands of times in hospitals and workhouses. Erik Ambrose was dying.

"Damn you," she hissed. "You deserve any number of tortures, but I won't allow this." She weighed her options carefully. There was no one around the area at this time of the morning and the sun would begin to rise in less than an hour. With no other solution presenting itself, she swiftly cut open her wrist and pressed it to his lips. At first he did not suckle, but when some of the precious drops flowed between his lips, he managed to drink in more. After a few moments she felt him lick the wound healing it, then sit up and face her. He still did not look healthy, but he had improved. Swiftly he pulled her to him and buried his fangs into her small, slender neck. He drank in her blood and she could feel his body straighten and become strong and muscular again. It wasn't long before she realized that he had drunk so much that she was growing weak. She summoned her remaining strength and pulled away from him.

Still weak, despite his outward appearance, he managed to stand up. Putting his arm around her shoulders she helped him up the stairs to her bedroom. She would have preferred to have him stay in one of the other bedrooms, but hers was the only room that was sealed enough to keep out the sun. She pulled back the blankets on the bed then he sat down and caught her hand in his.

"Thank you," he whispered. Aidan said nothing, just looked at him then silently pulled his shoes off and laid him on her bed.

"When nightfall comes you leave this place alone." she finally said. At these words, Erik said nothing, only shut his eyes and went to sleep. He was not about to agree to anything and he well knew that tomorrow was another night with new possibilities.

Aidan laid down on her chaise lounge but could not sleep. She had too many mixed emotions about his presence here. Who was it that was lying in her bed and sharing her home? Was it Erik Ambrose or 'Le Coeur Noir'? After an hour of tossing and turning she went back down the stairs, carefully staying away from the rays of the sun coming through her window. She took the small framed drawing from the entry table then went back upstairs to her room. She wrapped herself in a crocheted blanket and studied the drawing. Had she ever really looked this beautiful, or was he just biased? She couldn't quite remember anymore.