The Stories I Witness - Jonathan Ch. 03

~~~

I was over at Marks house, we were drinking in his bedroom like we did as teens. Laughing and joking. I got up and I pinned him down on the floor, kissing him deep. Next moment we were in our boxers. Kissing and rubbing our boners against each other. "Upper drawer" he said and I grabbed the lube from there. We took each others underwear off and stroked each other. He took the lube, squirted some on his hand and fingered himself, stretching himself for me. "Fuck me please" he pleaded and I pushed inside him, finding close to no resistance. He moaned as I thrusted in him and he jerked himself off. We fucked and made out. Caressing each others bodies as we built our ecstasy. As our moans deepened and breaths shortened, I came in his ass as he squirted semen over his body, spasming around my cock.

~~~

I woke up panting.

What the fuck? Shit. This was getting weird. I was not attracted to him, was I? I'd have liked to say no, but my dick was throbbing hard.

Fuck, of course not, just bloody morning wood.

I stroked myself, trying to think about Kate, imagining her jerking me off, sucking my dick and my mind jumped to her fingering me... Marks head going down my shaft and... shit why was I thinking about him?

Ok, ok, I tried again. I went back to fucking Kate as I did on our first night together, topping her. Mark fucking her in the ass as I fucked her pussy, her crying of ecstasy between us... Mark crying under me as I fuck him, kissing me as he comes. Wait what? And shit, I came... Fuck.

Why did my brain keep jumping back to Mark? I don't want to fuck him. He's my mate. Yeah he's hot, anyone could see that. No one could possibly look at him and think he wasn't. But that was weird. I sighed and tried to clean up my mess, checking that it's too late to go back to sleep.

I did a quick computer check before work and saw that John had written to me that he'd come over late Sunday and spend a night or two with us if that'd be fine with me. I agreed with his visit and was happy that I finally had something else to think about and see my mate over quite a few months. Plus John had never been here before, so I could probably keep myself distracted for quite a bit, not to mention that he drank like the devil.

I took a good example from Kate for the reminder of the workdays and pretended as if neither she nor Mark acted any role in my personal life - until Friday came and I finally had to check with Mark if John could hover over the farm for a day or two.

Yes I know, I should have done that earlier, but it wasn't like he could possibly say no.

"Umm, sure, just hook him up with Kate, she used to have a cafe back home, they should speak the same language." he said as I asked him.

"Alright, should I tell her or you want to use your boss card on her?"

"Yeah right, like that would work on her. But yeah, I can talk to her."

"Cheers, well, I guess I'll see you Monday, unless we're doing drinks on Sunday."

"Yeah, sure." he said with his nose stuck in paperwork and I left him be. He hadn't even once looked at me during the conversation.

He seemed a bit different in general as well. Somewhat colder, but somehow warmer. Can't really say, but it was weird. Had the kiss freaked him out? I mean... Well, I was a bit freaked about it too, but in the end it was, you know, just something I did high on sex.

I am not going to even lie over the fact that I drank the weekend away. I couldn't just deal with my head. Why was I so fucking obsessed with a kiss that wasn't supposed to happen? A weird gay dream about my mate, plus my mind fucking with me with all those jumps to Mark. Like, jesus, I was twenty eight, I would have had realised that I was gay by now if I was.

I did meet with Kate on Saturday, but that was more of a quickie to get the edge off. I was just somewhere else with my mind. It wasn't even the Mark thing, but rather just a weird general feeling of puzzledness.

John arrived with his Falcon sunday afternoon and I had to wonder how'd he gotten that far with it on these roads. My mother was overly excited to meet a friend from the city and had prepared a way too extravagant dinner. Luckily John understood how special mothers are at times and played his part all too well.

After dinner we headed to Marks to have a few drinks and I had to admit Mark was right, Kate and John spoke a language we did not understand, which again left us to a position where we had to talk to each other and I had to curse myself. Mark had been my friend since forever and now I felt weird talking to him. Over what? A stupid fucking kiss that meant nothing.

Luckily alcohol saved the night soon and John and Kate were surprisingly keen to join in on our conversation as they got from their way too long of a smoke they'd started virtually the moment we got there. I had to wonder if they liked each other more than understanding the same world.

I often noticed John steal glances at Kate, well, I could see the appeal. I knew John didn't like girly-girls so she should have been just up his alley. After one bathroom break I had to wonder what John had said to her as he smiled deviously, Kate grinned wickedly while Mark seemed uncomfortable to say the least, but no one of the three wanted to say what I'd missed.

Not too long after John hinted that he's a bit tired from the drive and hasn't gone to bed as early as we needed to in years, not to mention the waking up part of it. I saw Kate bite her lip as we headed away and noticed the look he gave back, they were defianately eyefucking each other to say the least. Oh well, at least some of us were having fun.

On the drive back I asked "So, Kate's an interesting girl, huh?"

"To say the least. She has quite the brains for a backpacker."

"Just brains?"

"Eh, you caught me, but she's not a girl I want to just fuck."

"Come on, I saw you two eyefucking each other the entire time."

"You think I was...? Okay, yeah sure, why not." he said in an odd tone of playful surrender. Odd, but I guess everyone's been seeming odd to me lately.

"You want to say you weren't?"

"No, I want to say that it's stunning the things you notice, while there are so many things you don't."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean - I don't want to pick a fight or anything, but for example you don't notice if anyone's eyefucking you, but you notice when other people are doing it to each other. Plus how long I told you that your ex was fucking around, before you actually got it in your head."

"Don't go there."

"Sorry, I just... You're a great guy Jona, I hope you find a Kate who stays."

"She told you?"

"Surely that can't surprise you? But all I'm saying is that you shouldn't settle for someone who treats you like shit."

"Can we not?"

"Sure. I'll just start trying to shut off my brain for sleep six hours earlier than it would be normal."

I chuckled a litte, damn he's such a city boy "Well, good night then."

"Hu-huh"

John looked like he'd been hit by a train at five in the morning and could not stop complaining that he'd rather go to bed at that time than wake up. I was more than amused by him, although I knew he was a hard worker, he seemed like a spoiled brat being dragged out of bed too early.

He spent the entire day tagging along with Kate and doing a few rounds with Mark. Oddly he seemed to be more physically close to Mark than Kate, but who'd want to get randy in this heat anyway? I'd have stayed far away from her too. One day I got a boner over her and god, it just didn't want to go away.

After getting back home he said that he had gotten all he wanted and was thinking of driving back overnight as he couldn't possibly sleep as early as us anyhow. Couldn't blame him, I guess, he usually finished work after midnight. I was even surprised that our sleep and work schedules allowed us to hang back in the city.

He drove off after dinner and I thought that it's about time to clear the air with Mark. We'd been weird with each other for almost a week now. I mean, we're best mates, if it was weird, then we should just state that it was weird and move on.

I drove to his place and noticed Kates car missing, but interestingly Johns was there. Maybe they just had some last minute business. I made my way up the stairs and froze completely as I opened the door.

Shit.

I can't even imagine what my face must looked like as I stood in the doorway, staring into the living room, at the two people in the middle of the floor - I mean there are not too many good excuses for two men being in a missionary position nude with lips on each others, were there?

I must have looked completely stunned as Mark turned his head to me, the look in his eyes instantly changing from lustful to shocked.

"Fuck!" he yelped and pushed John off of him. John looked confused, but then his eyes turned to me and groaned a loud fuck.

"What...?" I asked as I was unable to form any other words.

"Fuck, Jona..." Mark groaned in shock and covered his face with his hands as John removed himself from him and covered him with a random piece of clothing from the floor.

"I'll let you two talk." John muttered and grabbed his clothes on his way to the back porch.

"Mark, what the fuck?" I muttered in shock - god, should I just back the fuck out of here now, as in right now? A normal person would have backed out the very second I stepped in.

"Fuck, this is not how I wanted you to find out." he said sliding his hands off of his face just enough to expose his eyes.

"Find out what?!" I fired back immediately realising the too strong tone of my voice.

Jesus, had I been blind all this time? Completely ignoring the possibility that he never told me about his love life, because he was... was he? Nah, he couldn't be... Yeah right because there are plenty of good explanations for finding him getting fucked in the ass on his living room floor by a dude. Mark just looked mortified by my aggressive question.

"I'm sorry, I... I didn't... You want to get dressed maybe?" I asked, turning my back to him. Oh fuck, why hadn't I backed out immediately as I saw them? Hey, lets have a chat after I saw you getting fucked in the ass. Fuck.

"Yeah..." he mumbled softly and I waited for the sound of clothing to stop. Jesus fuck. We're twenty eight, best mates for life and I... I never fucking realised. It didn't even cross my fucking mind. What was I thinking? That he's still waiting for his special one at twenty eight? Fuck...

I turned back around as it sounded like he had sat down in the armchair. He just rubbed his forehead with his fingertips and tried his best to not meet my look, not that I wanted him to. Honestly I looked away from him the very second I laid my eyes on him.

"Go on, say it." he finally said with a deep sigh.

"Say what?"

"How fucking shocked you are, how this isn't normal, how disgusting this all is or what ever the fuck it is that's going on behind that fucking expression of yours." he said growled irritated, emphasizing the last words.

I swallowed thickly, not that I had anything to swallow, my mouth was as dry as a desert. "Mark, I... I mean... you could have told me." I accused him, he never fucking told me. I told him everything and he didn't tell me something this huge.

"Yeah, I hoped not having a girlfriend until twenty eight would be a hint enough." he mumbled disheartedly. God, all the things Kate said made sense after all and, jesus, the looks and touches John had given me... I'd really been ignorant.

"I... fuck... I don't know what I thought." I admitted sitting on the couch opposite to him. "So you're bi?"

"Gay." he sighed. Mark was fucking gay. How did I fucking miss that?

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, sounding a little too accusatory.

"Fuck, you know this community and fucking Jake." he growled to me.

He was right, Jake, one of my brothers, was such a homophobe that it even bothered me, but I never said anything to shut him up. God, how Mark must have died inside every time he'd been around him.

Fuck, everytime I had thought of shutting him up, I'd made the wrong decition. "I'm sorry. I don't agree with them you know." I mumbled, ashamed from how I'd let my brother disgrace my best friend all those years.

"Are we okay?" Mark muttered faintly.

"Yeah." I sighed as John stepped back in fully dressed and smelling heavily of cigarettes. He looked us over and asked "So you two alright?"

"Yeah." Mark sighed.

"Should I go?"

"I'm sorry."

"Nah, we're good," John said, patting Mark on the shoulder and looked at me saying ",and we are so not if you're not okay with this." he said half threatening me.

"No, we're fine."

"Okay... well okay then, not the happy ending I was hoping for, but I'll take it. See yous, I guess." he said taking the last of his belongings on his way out as we mumbled our goodbyes.

"I'm sorry, you obviously had a better way of spending your evening." I said as John left.

"Why are you here anyway?"

I laughed nervously and he arched an eyebrow to me. Oh god, the situation couldn't get any worse that it was anyway. "Ugh... I just... We've been weird after Wednesday and I wanted to get past that."

Mark burst out laughing and I joined in with him. We laughed with tears in our eyes before he finally snickered "Yeah, this is much better, glad we got past that."

"You could have told me, you should have." I muttered killing all the hints of our recent laughter from the room.

"Sorry... I wanted to so many times, but... I was fucking embarrassed. And scared."

"Of what?!" I snapped at him.

"I don't know!" he fired back. "How you'd react and all. I mean you could have gone pure Jake on me." he said with a pained voice.

"I'm sorry. I just... I tell you everything."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, I should have told you."

We sat a few moments in uncomfortable silence and I offered a Need for Speed to ease us out of our unfortunate awkwardness. Mark grabbed us beers and I set up the Playstation. With the game already removing our focus from one another I already felt like back to normal. "So, uhm, how long have you known?" I asked him cautiously as we picked out our cars.

"I don't know. Always I guess."

"Even in high school?" I asked shocked, thinking back to all the sleepovers when we slept in each others beds.

"Don't... It's not like that Jona."

"Sorry, it's just, a bit new."

"No, I'm sorry, it's just... I told my folks the night I graduated." he muttered faintly as we started the race.

"Oh shit." I mumbled remembering that hellish week. He graduated just the week before christmas. He came over to drink at my place after graduation, he had just had a fight with his folks and came to me for positive company and stayed overnight, spending the next two days there.

The second morning the police came looking for him with news of his parents death in a car crash the previous night. They had run a red light in a place that almost never has a red light and crashed into a truck, dying immediately. Christmas has never been the same again.

"Damn, that was what the fight was about?" I asked shocked by the realisation.

"Yeah... They would rather have had sold the farm than have a homo have it."

"Jesus. Damn that's.... I have no words for it."

"Yeah..."

"I'm so sorry Mark."

"Don't be, you were a good friend to me back then. Still are."

"Always."

Neither one of us was really focusing on the game, but it seemed we both were happy from the distraction. I thought back to that time. Mark was absolutely crushed by the news of his parents death. Now I wonder if it was more so because he never got the chance to make up with his folks.

He had lived with us for an entire month before even stepping a foot back home. He slept in my bed next to me, often I cuddled him as he cried himself to sleep, that he tried to hide from me not too successfully. That happened almost every night. He smoked and drank way more than he should have back then. And all the odd touches he gave me when he was drunk, I had thought of them as overly friendly at the time, but I really didn't know anymore.

"So, have you had boyfriends or so?"

"Jona, I'm almost thirty." he said with an unamused face.

"What? It's not like I ever met anyone..."

"True... or not. You technically met Richard."

"Oh, you two were? I wouldn't have thought." I admitted surprised. Richard was almost as masculine as Mark. Wasn't it like one should be more feminine? Or is that me being stereotypical? Odd to imagine two manly men together. Odd to imagine any men together.

"Yeah. But yeah, there were a few during uni years, but after moving back here it's been a bit tricky."

"So, uhm, what about John?"

"Nah, I mean he's great, but we're not really for each other."

"One more?" I ask as we finished the first five lap race.

"Yeah."

"I wouldn't have guessed he was gay. I mean I've seen him with far too many girls."

"No, he's bi and apparently likes to fuck around more than Kate. I'm surprised he picked me out of us two."

"I was so certain that they were eyefucking each other."

"Well, almost. She was imagining him fucking me and he was imagining what you saw."

"And you?"

"Couldn't understand why'd he pick me out of us two, I mean they are so clearly for each other."

"So what's the deal with you and Kate then?"

"Uh, well you've met her. I knew she had a girlfriend, so I told her and well turned out she's bi with a crazy sex drive and didn't care too much that I was gay. In short we just help each other to take the edge off, but that's really not that, not for me anyway."

We played a few more races and talked of our usual stuff. Surprisingly it seemed that my goal going there had in the end actually worked. We weren't weird anymore. I guess I felt even closer to him. I hugged him goodbye and reminded him to never forget that he has me. Honestly I couldn't imagine not having Mark in my life. He'd always been there. God, I couldn't even imagine not telling him something so big. But I guess I understood him. Our area was not the best place to be gay in.

I laid awake in bed that night, thinking back to our conversations together. God, his parents. How that must have burned. A fight like that being left unresolved forever. Living with the idea that his parents are never getting to accept him.

I wish he had told me. I could have loved him more. Or could I? I mean, would I have had accepted him gay back then? I would have, wouldn't I have had?

...

The next day, going to work, I found Mark under the fruit washing bath shirtless, fixing some tubes. He looked bloody good.

Shit, why was I looking at him like that?

I was even surprised that I didn't think about my weird dream last night as it sprung into my head that moment like it was just today. I tried my best to look and work normal, since the only thing worse than my head, would be Kate getting in my head.

I spent the entire week somewhat distracted and Friday after work I decided on calling Kate to see if she wanted to meet up so I could finally get some distraction from my distraction.

"Jona." she stated answering.

"Kate, doing much today?"

"Ah, just watching porn with Mark right now. Otherwise no, Why?"

Did she say watching porn with Mark? Not helping. "Well, I'm bored. I hoped you might be too." I said trying my best not to imagine them.

"Well currently I am watching two very sweet men make love. It's quite mesmerising, but after that some entertainment would be nice." I hear her murmur ~'You like that don't you?'~ in the background and then asked "Did you have anything in mind?"

"Not really. Are you two just watching porn?"

"Well right now I'm finger fucking his ass as well." she said as if it was the most normal thing and I heard Mark groan ~"Kate, seriously?"~