All Comments on 'The Story'

You need to find someone to proof read your stories.A SIMPLE STATEMENT WILL PROVE MY POINT. All sentences in the English language start with a capital letter.

Tell those two losers to kiss your ass. Have they ever written a story? Doubtful!!

Was this supposed to be a true story? Interesting concept. Was she your half sister also:) Same name; interesting?1469

delete and run it through a good editor then repost it. the intro was so poorly written it drives away readers because it says you as a writer can't write or proofread. if you want to keep posting then listen to only the complaints and ignore the fake rave reviews that and using a good editor are the only ways you will ever write a story worth reading.

and he cries like the fag he is. gave you a 5

""

After only a couple of minutes she started bucking her hips and screaming.

"yes, oh yes. oh my fucking god yes."

""

Ummm, ok... That doesn't exactly look like she's screaming there, lol! More like a hooker saying her lines while she's counting the ceiling tiles, hehehe!

Well, really fun premise, and while it's been done before (what hasn't these days?;) you don't see it too often so I was looking forward to it! It was incredibly short though!

Work on the punctuation a little bit and I'll be looking forward to the next installment!