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Click hereAfter having a round of hot sex with me, he leaves for the shop and my mother-in-law returns home from the shop to do the housework as everyone in the family knows that I'm unable to do the housework because of my 'hectic' job. By that time, even my son returns from his college and sports activities and then, of course, my son and I indulge in our sexual activities in his room while my mother-in-law is relaxing in her room.
By this time of the day, I get too tired and again need to sleep for a couple of hours. I'm awakened after a couple of hours for dinner by my husband with whom after dinner I watch television for some time and then of course, it's 'fucking time.' What follows is a deep and relaxing sleep which enables me to enthusiastically enjoy my next day with the same contending routine. What more could I have wished for in life?
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 6 years agoHello Myrealityoflife,
This was a great first effort. I tend to agree with Tojohnny7 when he surmises that the story is "written in the author's 2nd language." The technical writing is good. (Probably better than I could have done, actually) The use of certain words and phrases indicate a large vocabulary also.
I have a few comments that I hope will be helpful for your next story. Please don't take these as me being critical, but instead take them as me trying to be helpful. Sometimes simpler is better and less technical is more true to life. Use of the terms vagina and penis should be minimized in favor of words like pussy and cock. (or similar terms) Penis and vagina are a bit too clinical for most places in an erotic story. (In my opinion, that is.) Be careful with other terms as well. "Bathing area" instead of "bathroom" for example. These may seem like small things, but they make a big difference in the readability and hotness of the story. I know that you wrote this as a true story and you probably want to keep it as close to the historical truth as possible. Still, a few slight embellishments that don't change the basic events could enhance the story.
Look at these excerpts from the story.
"...my father put up an excuse before my mother that she could go to visit her parents the next morning if she wanted. This was something which my mother always loved but rarely got an opportunity to do due to her busy schedule. Dad even very casually told her she could spend the whole day there if she wanted and return at night, which he knew would be readily accepted by her."
The way this is worded makes the father/husband sound like a controlling asshole. When I read this, I thought it implied that the mother wasn't allowed to go unless given permission by the father. Since you said nothing about her being a slave or being in a society that is oppressive to women, this indicated a new aspect to the story. Perhaps a BDSM aspect. But then, that aspect was just left hanging and wasn't developed. Rather than saying "put up an excuse before my mother" you might say something like ...he suggested to her... and that she liked the idea , so she acted upon it.
"...dad told me not to refer to him as dad while shopping. Seeing his grin, I also suggested that I would behave as if he was my boyfriend..."
Here is another idea or element of the story that I wish you had developed further. Dad could have been playful (like a boyfriend) while the shopping was happening, catching the attention of the store clerk.
"...Dad lay me down on my bed and started licking my vagina...." This sentence would work better with pussy substituted for vagina.
"...we both got up from bed and went to the bathing area to wash ourselves, more so, to wash each other..." Here, I would have used the terms bathroom and shower.
"...After about a year of having joined the college, I got to know that my uncle had just got transferred to our city and my first cousin took admission in my college and that too, in my class. ..." Here, I would suggest saying something like: At the start of my second year at college, I learned... ...my first cousin would be attending the same school... The terms "joined" and "took admission" as you used them here, make the sentence clumsy to the reader. Nobody "joins" a college. It isn't the army, it is a school.
"...As I touched his penis, I realized it was already behaving as if it might ejaculate any moment...." Simpler and less clinical is better. Try: As I touched his cock, I realized that he might cum at any moment.
OK, I believe that is enough to illustrate my points effectively. Again, I want to stress that I am not intending to be critical, but to be helpful. I think that just a few small changes in your writing style will make your stories much more popular among readers. Thanks for sharing your story.
myrealityoflifeover 6 years agoAuthorFirst of all, thanks a lot for the compliment regarding my being a good student of English Language. Secondly, kindly let me clarify that I did not write anything false. There are only 2 women in my life...... my mother who leaves for work before my father and there is no one else at their house except my dad and me then. The other woman is my mother-in-law who comes home from our shop for a few hours during the day. Hence, there is never any overlapping or clash of timings.
toJohnny7over 6 years agoI have no doubt that this could actually be possible for a beautiful woman. Hard to believe it's happening in this extent on a daily basis, and the other women in the family don't know about the incest or don't care. Interesting story though. I'm guessing that this is written in the author's second language by the way the story is told and the selection of some word. The author is an excellent student of English.
