All Comments on 'The Surrogate Ch. 02'

loving seeing this one develop - I think Mila is going to find out that she will be shared as a chattel!

before i forget, you're making mistakes with dialogue as in the quotes themselves and clearly delineating who is talking. Many times there's been double quoted lines separated by a blank line, then another double quoted line of dialogue--yet the same character is doing the talking. Either make it a single paragraph, or don't end the first dialogue with a quote, and start off the next sentence with a quote...check the punctuation rules. You can also do: Bob squeezed her shoulder while smiling for the audience, "You little bitch. Everybody knows what you did."

Now I really like your story! It's natural and makes sense, unlike what has become of this genre with the whipped feminized sissy and the strong bitch woman (nobody's buying that crap FYI and Hollywood is realising finally, that Identity Politics ruined Star Wars). having said that, the t-girl, transgender, woman with a dick genre--it was originally about the surprise and how it disrupts normal society.

So you're keeping it normal, over the top, with this cult but hey, it's fun. Just keep the story on the rails and don't turn our heroine into a cock crazed idiot because he put a dress on and feels like a chick. She's a hybrid and let's feel what that's like, pros and cons.

So...this is FRESH as to repeat myself, I've almost stopped reading this genre for the identity politics nonsense.

Anonymous (and you guys always are) thanks for the English lesson but you are wrong. There are no "rules' per se when writing fiction and grammar is used differently in different countries.

What you are referring to are 'dialogue tags' also often referred to as an attribution, a dialogue tag is a small phrase either before, after, or in between the actual dialogue itself.

Modern writers consider them passe when it is obvious which character is speaking, unless one is specifically need to place an inflection on the dialogue.

Cormac McCarthy would never had been published if uptight editors who still feel the sting of their English teacher's ruler on their knuckles had their way.

That said I'm glad you like the story and the conventions there of. If you'd like to contact me or post under your user name I'm sure we could have a lively discussion.

xxx

Michele

I can't wait for more!

Mila given Steven a bj was so erotic!

I'd like a bit more development of Miles/Mila. She went from occasional crossdresser to wanting to blow Steven pretty quickly. I'd like to know what was going on in her mind a bit more

Great stuff though, looking forward to the next installment!