The Swingers Pride Parade

"Don't you worry that she'll find sex with someone else more exciting...?" The question is often asked without completing the question with "more exciting than sex with you?"

I don't worry because I know she'll find sex with someone new more exciting than sex with me. I'm comfortable with that. Isn't that the point of having sex with different partners?

My wife and I have been married for almost 40 years. We have had sex at least a thousand times. Maybe 10,000. I'm not going to even try to count. The point is that sex with my wife is not new and exciting. It is comfortable and reassuring. A long cuddle with an orgasm at the end. I enjoy it and so does she. There is never a question of whether she will consent and do it with me. It is just a question of when. Should we do it before or after dinner? Will we be too tired after dinner to have sex? Maybe we'll go out to dinner tonight and have sex tomorrow afternoon before we clean out the garage.

Our marriage is rich because it is comfortable and reassuring. We have a long memory of crises that we have weathered and joys that we have shared. Marriage is the security that allows us to take risks. Excitement for my wife is an invitation to perform on stage with a friend. For me, excitement is an invitation from a friend to go sailing offshore in a stiff breeze. For both of us, excitement is the anticipation of sex at a swinging event where we may or may not have sex with someone who is attractive to us and who may find us attractive to them. And fantasy -- even fantasies that are realized -- make sex between the two of us exciting again.

Is sex with your spouse the best sex you've ever had? I doubt it. Swingers are just more honest about answering the question.

A minority of men and women have had sex with only one partner. Most men and women have had sex with multiple partners. While we may all think we provide the best sexual experience for our current sexual partner (especially if he or she is the one we married), can that really be true?

Sex is not a competitive sport. Your wife is not a professional football coach who will replace you in the line-up as soon as she finds a winger who can run faster, dribble better and shoot more accurately in the box. Get over thinking you have to be the best she will ever have and enjoy playing the game with her. You will always have a place on her team.

The same is true for wives. A loving husband doesn't care if you still are (or ever were) the hottest fuck he ever had.

The last question in this section is 'what makes a threesome so enjoyable?'

I can't answer this question for you but my wife and I are not the only ones to have enjoyed or at least fantasized about the experience. In a recent ABC News poll, 14% of respondents admitted to having been in a sexual threesome while 21% had fantasied about it.

Someday I hope that all those who have fantasized about a threesome will have one and that my wife and I will no longer have to hide experiences that were once only fantasies for us.

Third (and final) vignette

Precum was leaked through my wife's fingers as she stroked my cock. A firm squeeze of the glans fended off my impending orgasm. It was way too early in the evening to waste an orgasm on Nathan's bare chest.

Nathan was broad shouldered and muscular with a thickly veined cock standing straight up at me. When he pulled his knees up to his chest, he was the perfect specimen of anal receptive consent.

My wife, Alicia, poured out a dollop of lubricant from the bottle she was warming in her hands. The clear liquid trickled down his crack and pooled in the crinkled depression of his ass hole. Nathan took in a deep breath as Alicia inserted one of her long thin fingers. Then she looked intensely into my eyes and nodded. Nathan ass was well-lubricated and my cock was hard. We were ready to fulfill Alicia's fantasy to watch me fuck a man.

Nathan grasped his thighs even tighter to his chest as I placed a hand on each butt cheek. I pressed firmly until the crinkled star of his asshole was clearly exposed to my view. My wife's hand wrapped around my cock and placed the tip of my dripping cock gently on the opening. He closed his eyes and waited for my next move. Alicia release her grip as I pushed forward until the shaft of my cock connected our two bodies.

His involuntary contraction as my cock passed through the first ring of muscle sent a shock wave to the most primitive centers of my brain. With a grunt, I thrust further. Nathan pulled away but not as far as I had thrust. I paused briefly until he relaxed his grip. This time it was Nathan who was thrusting back at me. He wrapped his legs around my back and pulled me even deeper into him. I watched his face contort as he writhed beneath me. When I looked further down, all I could see was my pubic hair pushed against the crinkled skin of his sack. At last my cock was fully imbedded. We both held perfectly still for a moment to enjoy the achievement of full penetration.

Ginny, one of my wife's friends, loved to be fucked in the ass, but it wasn't at all like this. She was petite and soft and moaned when she was aroused. Nathan was big and hard and grunted. Even on the bottom he could lift me up with his pelvic thrusts as he sought even deeper penetration. Fucking a man was a whole new experience.

My wife had wrapped her hand around Nathan's cock and was stroking gently in rhythm with our thrusts. His cock was long and thick and leaking copiously. I was trying hard to prolong the fuck but the way he was milking my cock with his anal contractions had me on edge from the moment I had entered him.

It was surprisingly quick until we could no longer hold back anymore. I knew Nathan was about to come by the way his balls were sucked up into him. The first shot of his spunk arched high over his hairless chest and landed in my wife's ear. She laughed in delight as the next shot feel just short laying a white line down his chest and abdomen.

The sight of my wife laughing with Nathan's cum splattered over her face was just too much for me. I started to cum before Nathan's last spurt dribbled from his diminishing erection. But my cum went nowhere. The ring of muscle where my cock had entered Nathan's ass had clamped down so hard on my shaft that even the pressure of my ejaculation was not sufficient. I yelped in a combination of intense pleasure bordering on pain. The moment was fortunately brief. The pent up cum of my first couple ejaculates flooded Nathan's rectum as the grip of his anal sphincter relaxed. I shuddered one last time as my wilting shaft was expelled from Nathan's rectum followed by a dollop of my cum.

When I opened my eyes, Alicia was looking up at me with Nathan's flaccid cock between her lips and cum dribbling from her chin. She let the cock head slip from her mouth and smiled the Cheshire grin that was her way of saying 'thank you' for following through on a fantasy.

I wasn't ready for a wet kiss. Alicia was not about to stand for a refusal. When her soft breast pressed against my arm, I turned my head and parted my lips for her probing tongue. It tasted salty with a whiff of raw oysters. It was my first taste of another man's cum. I sort of liked it.

We all heard the sound of clapping behind us. Nathan awoke from his post-orgasmic stupor. Alicia and I were startled.

Bill had entered the room silently while the three of us were otherwise distracted. We didn't mind. It was, after all, the camper that Nathan and Bill shared at the swingers' campground we all frequented during the summer.

Bill and Nathan were an unlikely pair. Nathan was tall, muscular and extremely well endowed. Alicia was grateful for Nathan's natural gifts when she and Nathan paired up for a pussy fuck.

Bill was short and bald with an erect cock no bigger than my wife's finger. I was grateful for that when Bill initiated me into the club of anal receptive bisexual men. But that's another vignette.

Thoughts on heterosexual interest in same gender sex

Same gender sexual experiences are not limited to men and women who identify as gay or lesbian. In fact, a significant fraction of same gender sexual experience occurs between men who identify principally as heterosexual. An even greater fraction of women who identify as primarily heterosexual have had a sexual experience with another woman.

Using the data from the CDC study again, 2.3% of males in the age range of 18-44 identified as gay (attracted to men only) and 1.8% as bisexual (attracted equally to men and women). This fits other data that find approximately 4 to 5% of the American population identifying as LGBT.

If a little over 4% of American males in the 18-44 age range identify as gay or bi, then a significant number of men who identify as principally heterosexual have had sex with another male to account for the 6.5% who have had oral and/or anal sex with another male. In a younger age cohort of this same study, the percent of men who had sex with men was higher at 7.4%. More men who identify as typically heterosexual are having sex with men as the stigma of sex between men is decreasing.

The trend in the CDC data suggests that even more heterosexual women have had at least one sexual experience with another woman. Similar to the percentage of men who identify with LGBT, approximately 4% of women identified as lesbian (1.3%) or bisexual (2.8%), but 11.2% of women reported having at least one sexual experience with another woman. Most of those same sex experiences were by women who identified themselves as heterosexual. That's a lot of kissing, giggling and some very unladylike guttural noises that have been made by women having sex with women who usually enjoy sex with men.

As societal pressure to identify as strictly heterosexual is relaxed, there may be even more opportunities for same sex experiences for women -- and perhaps for men. In a large Australia survey, 8.2% of women reported same gender attraction without same gender sexual experience. There was a higher degree of psychosocial distress reported by women for whom there was discordance between same sex attraction and same sex experience.

Although most people are loath to admit it, a lot of us are curious about what it is like to have sex with someone of our own gender.

Before you send a flaming comment to Literotica about this essay, at least consider that you probably know a heterosexual friend or acquaintance who has received anal penetration from another man -- and he would have enjoyed reading this vignette even more than it may have made you uncomfortable. You are even more likely to know a woman who has had sex with another woman -- or has at least fantasized about it. For male readers, that woman may even be the woman with whom you had sex last night.

Thoughts on anal sex

My first thought on anal sex was 'yuck!' -- American slang for utterly disgusting. That was before I had tried it with a girlfriend some years ago.

Like most men (80 % by the same CDC data cited previously) I like to suck and lick at a woman's pussy until she pushes my head away because her orgasm is just too powerful to sustain. Now think about it. Everything that happens down there is perfectly natural, but only cunnilingus is sexual. The thought of urination, menses and childbirth don't give me an erection. The smell of a vaginal yeast infection is as unpleasant for me as it must be for the woman who has it. So why does the smell and taste of a woman when I'm licking up the juices flowing from her sexually aroused vagina give me some of the same pleasure as what she is feeling? For male (and female) readers, you'll know the answer if you've done it.

Take a look at a woman's perineum (the area that includes the opening to her vagina and her anus). Notice how close the vaginal introitus and anus are to each other. Now google an anatomic illustration of the perineum. You will find that the web of muscles and nerves overlap between the vagina and the anus. Stimulation of the one will stimulate and contract the other. But they are not the same. The anal sphincter is much stronger than the muscles around the vagina and can be contracted more forcefully. All of this is important to explain the unique pleasures of giving or receiving anal sex.

Can anal sex be painful? Of course it can. But so can penile vaginal sex. The secret is to do it right (and to take precautions to avoid an increased risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases). Most of those who have tried anal sex have learned how to do it right and have enjoyed it. Again, the data proves my point.

More than a third of women (34.7%) in the age range of 25-44 have had anal sex with a slightly greater number (40.0%) of men. If anal sex is a disgusting perversion, then it is certainly a fairly popular one.

Of course, anal sex could be a one-time act that most men and women later regret. Except, that it's not. It is actually a rather common if not exactly routine sex act for a significant number of men and women.

The best data that I could find came from a study by a major university affiliated research institute. The study design was a national survey of 2,523 women selected randomly by epidemiologic criteria to reflect the diversity of the American population. The purpose of the study was to describe the range of sexual activities in which women participated frequently so the study asked about behaviors that had occurred in the 90 days and in the past year before the survey. One drunken episode in the back of a car ten or twenty years ago would not be counted.

The study was divided into age brackets generally by decade of life with the youngest cohort of women not surprisingly having the most frequent and varied sexual activity. For this commentary I will cite the data only for the age group of 30-39, which is an age when most women have already tried a range of sexual activities with a number of different sexual partners so they know what they like and how to ask for it.

The most common form of sexual activity for women between 30-39 was penile vaginal intercourse. The highest percentage of women who had penile vaginal intercourse in the previous 90 days were married women at 90.2% with single women in a relationship somewhat behind at 81.6%. The lowest percentage of women who had recent (if you want to consider up to 3 months as still being recent) were single women without a male partner at 20.5%.

Oral sex (whether giving or receiving) was not as common as penile vaginal sex but was still a common experience for women in the 30-39 age group. For this activity, single women who were dating had the highest frequency in the previous 90 days at 64.3% giving oral sex to a man and 67.9% receiving oral sex from a man. Married women were not far behind at 58.7% giving and 64.4% receiving oral sex.

Compared to these activities, anal sex was relatively less common, but I would not call it infrequent. Single women living with a male partner had the highest frequency of anal sex in the previous 90 days at 30.0%. Married women had less anal sex than single women who were dating (14.3%) or single women in a relationship (23.7%) but still greater than one in ten married women (11.7%) had anal intercourse in the previous 90 days. This percentage doubled to 22.3% for married women when asked about anal intercourse in the previous year.

So why are women (especially married women) having anal intercourse? I can only speculate that they have anal intercourse because they enjoy it. Data on the frequency of orgasm with various sexual activities would support this speculation.

Another study of 3990 adult men and women by the same group cited above provide some perspective. Males have orgasms with almost all sexual activities so the data is not very revealing. For females, the data is more interesting.

For females who had penile vaginal sex during the last sexual event over half (54.6%) had an orgasm. When asked about receiving oral sex, the percent of women who had an orgasm increases to 81.0%. For women who had anal sex, the percent having an orgasm increases to an amazing 93.5%. This doesn't prove that most women would have orgasms if they tried anal sex. This just confirms that anal sex is the most likely path to an orgasm for the 30.0% of single women living with a male partner who had anal sex in the previous 90 days and the 22.3% of married women who had anal sex in the previous year.

None of this is likely to convince some of the anonymous readers of Literotica who will denounce anyone who approves of same gender sex as a pervert and anal sex as filthy and disgusting. Oh, well. You can't make everyone happy.

The Swinger's Pride Parade Committee

Fifty years ago, if a young woman moved into an apartment with her boyfriend, she would have shocked her parents and been shunned by older adults in her parent's circle of friends. Twenty years ago, when our daughter moved in with her boyfriend, we rented a small truck so we could help them move some of our spare furniture into their apartment.

Ten years ago, my wife and I went door to door campaigning to defeat an amendment to our state constitution that would have permanently made gay and lesbian marriages illegal. Shortly after the amendment was defeated in a narrow popular vote, the United States Supreme Court ruled that laws against same gender marriage were unconstitutional. The more accepting churches in our small city immediately began to hold marriage services for gay and lesbian couples.

Our swinging community was more tolerant than most swinging venues. But even five years ago our swinging community campground excluded people who were openly gay or lesbian. Wives in swinging couples could have sex with each other (especially if the men were allowed to watch) but any overt sexual contact between men was strictly off-limits.

Two years ago, we welcomed our first openly gay male couple and now we all get together to swim with them (naked, of course) in the pool they built for our campground community.

So, what about swinging? Would anyone in the church congregations that sponsor gay and lesbian weddings welcome us if my wife and I confessed to enjoying sex with other couples? Would our neighbors let their children play in our yard? Would our swinging friends who are still employed be safe from discrimination? I don't think so ... at least, not yet.

Is it time for swingers to come out of the closet and advocate for 'swinger's rights'? Are we sufficiently comfortable with our lifestyle of consensual extramarital sex to say we have 'swinger's pride'?

At the next meeting of our campground council, my wife and I brought up the idea of a Swinger's Pride Float for LGBT parade in our small American city. The discussion lasted all of about 10 minutes before we decided to do it ... in about 25 years (and, only then, if attitudes had changed significantly). Until that time, my wife and I pledged to keep the idea to ourselves. Yet, sitting out in front of our camper watching our naked friends play beach volleyball, we can't help but wonder when our time will come to tell the world how much we enjoy sharing sex with our friends ... and wouldn't you like to join us?

Epilogue

My wife and I are both academics, although neither of us are specialists in any aspect of human sexual behavior. I am sensitive to criticism that I just 'made up' these numbers. I did not. If I were submitting this essay to a peer reviewed medical publication, I would cite at least a couple dozen different articles to support each of my statements. But this is not a peer reviewed article in a medical journal so I will just direct you to four publications from which much of the data was gleaned. I may be able to help you if you really want to read the original sources.