- Loving Wives
- The Teammate Pt. 00: Prologue
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Click here-This is a little preview of what I'm working on, please feel free to throw in suggestions, any help would be appreciated! Here goes my first try!-
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Hi, My name is Marci and I am happily married to Lance. He's every woman's dream guy. Tall, strong, sweet, loving, and oh my garden the sex is amazing. But this story isn't (all) about my reality. Its about a fantasy I've been having for a few months now.. starring my husband's teammate Jason. Here's a little bit of a back story.
My husband just joined a new basketball team and because I'm a wonderful wife and love entertaining I told him to invite some of his new teammates over for a barbecue.
Slowly they started arriving and the last person to come in was Jason. I was occupied in the kitchen preparing the last of the meal when I heard a deep, sultry voice say "Thanks for having us over tonight".
"Oh it is no prob-" I started to say. Until I looked up. My breath caught as Jason and I made eye contact for the first time. His eyes were a rich shade of amber and his smile. Oh my garden!! His. Smile. It made my knees weak.
I felt a familiar knot in my stomach along with a growing moistness in my underwear and I immediately turned a shade of deep red. "what the heck is wrong with you woman, collect yourself! This is your husbands teammate for crying out loud" I thought to myself. I assume he sensed my hesitation and his warm smile turned into a small grin. "Are you okay?".
I mentally slapped myself and took a silent breath. "Yes, I'm fine! Just a little hot in here with the oven and stove on! I don't think we've been officially introduced, I'm Marci, Lance's wife." I extended my hand for a hand shake. "I'm Jason Tills" He said still grinning as he took my hand. The second our skin made contact, I felt a new wave of hormones crash against me.
The moistness in my underwear became a full grown wet spot and I stopped breathing all together. The only other man to have this affect on me was my husband. To feel like this with a complete stranger was thrilling but terrifying all in the same breath. I turned a deeper shade of red and looked back into Jason's amber eyes. There was a mischievous glint in his eye that wasn't there before.
Maybe the attraction was mutual? Maybe he sensed my attraction and found it hilarious? Maybe I was just overthinking and he was just being friendly. Well whatever it was I needed to get out of my kitchen before I exploded.
"Please excuse me, I need to find my husband, It was nice to finally meet you Jason! Make yourself at home." I said as I slipped by him and practically ran from the kitchen.
I made a beeline for my husband who was standing on the back deck manning the grill. He was surrounded by a few of his other teammates in the midst of a heated debate about the next team they were playing.
"I'm telling you coach is going to make you guard Peterson and I'll be on Kings!... Oh hey babe! What's up?" Lance said as I approached. "oh nothing, I just need you for a moment, boys if you don't mind I'm stealing him away for a few minutes" They all murmured their agreement and I grabbed Lance by the hand and led him upstairs to our bedroom.
I felt like a dog in heat, a few moments with Jason and my hormones had me ready to pounce. But because I am a faithful wife, I decided to take it out on my husband. "Honey whats wrong? You seemed flushed." Lance said as I locked the door behind us. "Well, I'm feeling a little... Hot, if you catch my drift" I said slowly walking up to him. His eyes grew wide in realization.
"Babe, you know I'm always down for a quickie but my most of my team is downstairs. What if they hear us?" I started to lift my dress over my head. "If they hear us they'll probably just be a little jealous."
I slid out of my bra, and closed the last few feet between us. My husband grabbed the small of my back and drew me into a passionate kiss. His hands drifted down towards the last piece of clothing I had on, my thong. He gently slid his fingers into one side and started to pull the piece of fabric down my legs.
He pulled away from my lips and started to kiss his way down my body while pinning me against the wall for support. Lance's full lips made their way from my neck to my 36 DDD breasts.
He kissed down to my nipples and sucked one into his mouth. Chills ran down my spine as his tongue played with my nipples. I felt like there was a dam breaking between my legs by the time he moved from my nipples down my stomach and straight to my clit.
My husband never lacked in his oral sex skills. He moved his tongue over my clit like the expert he was and devoured my drenched pussy. "Mmmmmm baby! You know just how I like it" I moaned.
I pushed his head further between my legs. He dove in and started slurping up my juices. "ohhhh shittttt... babe Im gonna cum all over your face... AHHHHH" I moaned and felt my knees give out beneath me.
Lance quickly caught me while I was sliding fully down the wall and picked me up. He effortlessly threw me on the bed and approached me. I opened my eyes to his 9 inch cock headed towards my mouth.
"My turn now sexy" He said as his cock parted my lips. I took most of his thick member down my throat. We had been practicing my deep throat and I could successfully fit 6.5 inches, which would normally not be a huge amount but he was as thick as my forearm so I feel like a champion. I could feel his precum draining down my throat and the sweet but salty taste turned me on even more and I took an extra inch this time.
"Shit babe, you're really working me! What's gotten into you!?"
Jason's face came to mind and I couldn't help but think about sucking his cock instead of my husbands. Was it longer? shorter? skinnier? Oh my garden, what if he was thicker? I wouldn't be able to take that!!
I gagged on Lance's dick, effectively proving my own point and bringing my attention back to my husband. "shit mar, im gonna cum! FUCKK" I felt the spurts of warm cum hitting the back of my throat and did my best to swallow everything down but I could feel some of it draining from the corner of my mouth down my neck and across my breasts.
"Fuck Mar, that was great!" Lance looked down at me and smiled. He was working hard to catch his breath. I found it amazing that such an in shape athlete could be left breathless by a good blowjob.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 2 years agoTake the lumps with the gravy baby . Everyone isn’t going to like everything you write , and some of these critics can be very rude , just don’t take what they say personally. Some people get offended by what some writers characters do , taking it seriously , and thus attacking the writer with vile hatred . Don’t let it bother you . Plus you absolutely picked the most scrutinized genre to post in ! Keep writing you have potential .
Anonymousabout 7 years agoFun story but the real comments with the married people who have done this is crazy. Why would a guy allow himself to be humiliated and have everyone he knows talk about what a fucking wimp pussy he is for allowing some young black punk kid fuck his wife ., and allow it. You know he's telling everyone he knows and who could blame him, he's totally abusing the two of them . The other comments the guy let's all his friends fuck her, that what happens with prostitutes at bachelor parties but they get paid and are not married. I have more respect for them. I guess to each his own
Anonymousabout 7 years agoThis I how my affair with a guy on my husband's softball team started. We had flirted at the games a little and afterwards over some beers. Devon was a sexy black guy about 22. I'm 30. My husband noticed my attraction and encouraged it. We hosted the end of the season pool party for the team. Kenny bought me a sexy new tiny bikini. Really tiny. My tits popped out a few times during a volleyball match. Devon and I finally got together after the party. He spent the night and fucked me all night. Alllll night. I was so worn out. Kenny let him stop by about once every month. Heaven.
Anonymousover 7 years agoThis hot wife will eventually take on the whole team. That's if the writer keeps on writing.
Anonymousover 7 years agoThis was a fun, erotic story that zipped along quickly. It was fun to see the wife “in the kitchen” getting so heated up that she needed immediate release. She wisely chose her husband instead of teammate Jason. However, by kidnapping her husband in the middle of the party, everyone now knows she is a sensual, sexual woman that needs fucked!
Both my wife and I liked the story because we have hosted pool parties at our home where some of my hunting and fishing friends also got my wife hot. She is a flirt and enjoys all the attention of being the only woman at the party. At first, she waited until they all left and then attacked me.
However, over time, she just became more and more attracted to my friends and enjoyed being the party hostess. Soon we were playing spin the bottle, which started with kisses and groping. Now she is just the party favor that gets passed around all night and banged multiple times by 6 or 8 guys.
We hope this “teaser” story continues on with more chapters. And we hope the wife, in the story, learns to “take one for the team”. My wife is particularly excited because she knows how good it feels to have her needs met by multiple men. She has no idea why a married woman would want to be monogamous.
gordo12over 7 years agoIt doesn't give us anything more than a scene and that isn't enough to rate. Post several pages if you want feedback (serious, not the anon shit)
And the "Oh my garden" ????? WTF??
2*
Anonymousover 7 years agossssooooooooo booooring
thecarolinadreamerover 7 years agoYou have the start of a good story, and the comments of the trolls aside, you’ve given them about as much of a new twist as they’re likely to get here on LW. After all, if a writer adheres to Lit’s stated guidelines for LW—“extra-marital fun’ you are going to read a story about one spouse fucking someone else. No way around it, but those who hide behind the cloak of anonymity seem too dumb to understand. Unable to write and submit stories they do like, if they even know what they like, they attack better writers than themselves.
Now to address your work. Seriously you have a good beginning of a story, one that shows more imagination than I’ve seen in LW in quite awhile, but you need a few improvements to your writing craft. (Now if you are from another country, some of my comments might not apply there, but since you are posting here you might want to consider them.
#1 You have chosen to write this story in the 1st person, therefore you need to conform to its conventions. The protagonist can’t see his own face, except through some external device. Without using one, you have him telling about how red his face got. Suggestion “I could feel myself begin to blush. I bet my face was rosy red…” Nor can the protagonist know anything that he can’t see, or is told, or can assume from his past experience or studies.
#2 A paragraph contains only one speaker. Ex-- I mentally slapped myself and took a silent breath. "Yes, I'm fine! Just a little hot in here with the oven and stove on! I don't think we've been officially introduced, I'm Marci, Lance's wife." I extended my hand for a hand shake.
"I'm Jason Tills" He said still grinning as he took my hand. The second our skin made contact, I felt a new wave of hormones crash against me.
Even if he’d only said, “Hi.” You still need a new paragraph.
On the good side, you pace your paragraphs very well, not too short—not too long. BTW, for that reader who commented about wife saying “Oh my garden,” he just didn’t understand how appropriate the phrase is. You are portraying a refined lady here, who is also a woman with all the wants, needs, and weaknesses that implies, not a potty mouthed slut. With that one comment you painted a s good a picture as some would have used a hundred or more words to convey.
Please don’t let the negative comments get you down. If you enjoy writing keep it up. I, for one, am looking forward to seeing here this story goes. (And for you naysayers out there—yes, I know she’s going to wind up screwing Jason. What I don’t know, and neither do you, is the passion and drama that particular path will take.)
