All Comments on 'The Ties That Bind Ch. 03'

Sorry, I have never publicly said this about a story before, but this one is so bad it deserves worse!

I have often thought i wasted my time reading stories on Lit, but this one is the CHAMPION!

What did George's story have to do with anything? - that's right, absolutely nothing - just paddin to get us to the reconcile at any cost ridiculous ending.

Bloody hell!

Too bad Kanga can't see the correlating parallel between Georges story and his situation.

She'll need help for some time I think. His return will surely be a positive for her.

Psychiatric reasons for cheating have always received low points here. I'm sure they happen as the main reason and play a factor in many other breakups.

You dealt very well with David's struggle through his pain & feelings of anger & betrayal. You'd have to be blind not to see what George's & David's stories had in common - that was a good touch. Although I didn't get to know Shelly very well,there was enough there that I could understand what was happening. Another good yarn

This story is a load a crap and was a waste of my time.

I'll pay the ransom to have this story taken back by it's author, signed, Red Chief

I see now that you practise reconciliation no matter what and i find this one hard to take. Sick or not he experienced the ultimate humiliation and still manages to get over it. Man by nature is a slave to his pride and will always try to keep his.How can this man who was so angry turn his back so quickly on the anger he was feeling without any explanation that was reasonable.

After everything that had been written in replies to the previous two chapters, you go ahead with the absolutely most shite ending imaginable. I warned you against this shit, other people warned you. The reply sections in the previous two chapters were /full/ of people warning against instant reconciliation, on the grounds that it was totally unrealistic.

I will bring up the same point I brought up at the end of chapter 2: how the FUCK does he know that this psychotically deranged woman is the person he thought he had married? He doesn't. He /can't/. This event has demonstrated beyond all doubt that he does not know this person and what makes her tick.

So, what the hell is there to go back to? What kind of marriage can exist after this kind of betrayal? Yes, it was driven by a "momentary" period of "insanity". How on earth does he know it won't happen again?

The husband was ganged up on from the first to try and get him to reconcile. Every person he knew was telling him "give her a chance", either directly or implied. I don't care what she was like before - the more sane reaction to hearing about an act of sadism like this would be "christ on a bike, what kind of a psycho bitch is she?". In other words, a complete questioning of "did I ever know this person at all?"

I used to think you were a good author. No longer. The quality of writing cannot hide the fact that you have, in spite of prodigious feedback warning you against it, pulled another unrealistic, unconvincing and generally crap "reconciliation at all costs" ending out of your arse.

what happen the next time some thing set her off.good writing,but the plot sucks just like the orginal story.

i wasted my time on 3 different days on this pos? damn, i'm as gullible as that dumb ass David

Hi Blue88,

"But, Shelly had cheated when there had been no infidelity on my part. George was guilty, I was not. Wait.........wait, Shelly had cheated because she was convinced that I HAD been unfaithful. In her mind I was doing just what George had done, and she had reacted exactly how Betty had.....well, maybe not exactly. Shelly's reaction was perhaps a bit draconian."

Do you think?

Shelly has serious "trust issues." Yes, she does. A psychotic break, paranoid schizophrenia, extreme self-hatred. Hmm, this is exactly the type of person that any sane individual would like to stay with. Right?

It is your story. And I admire the loving nature of friends who tell our hero to get back with her. My friends would tell me to run away at a million miles an hour. I guess they have my sense of long-term survival in their hearts. I guess that his love is strong enough to overcome the primal fear that he now has whenever he sees her. After all, even after he told her the truth, and she went off, half-cocked (so to speak), assaulted and humiliated him anyway, she would never do this to him again, right? And every time she offered him a drink, or they saw a video together, or, ... he would never dwell on the shattered nature of his trust. Or worry about whether she might castrate him next time. Because, well, ...

It makes sense, in a weird kind of way--now she has found a mate with the same trust issues she does. They are meant for each other. The years of therapy they spend together working it out will bring them closer together. I really mean that... At least until the next incident. "I thought we had worked out those trust issues, from the past" said the brilliant psychiatrist. I guess I got that one wrong!" (chuckle).

I think I would take my chances with Hildy...

Don't be so hard on the author. This is the story of an idiot without a spine who succumbs to a bunch of psychological bull-shit and somehow comes to the realization that it's his fault that his psychotic wife has tied him up and fucked another man in front of him. Someone had to tell it. But we sure didn't have to read it, and I won't make that mistake again.

How in the blue hell does he end up as the bad guy for wanting a divorce? Seems to be a common theme in all your stories. That story George was telling about his own marital problems was irrelevant, because David DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO DESERVE WHAT HIS WIFE DID TO HIM. So what if she thought he was cheating, does that mean he deserves to be drugged and bound simply because she's under the mistaken impression that he cheated? And as for her being temporarily insane, if she's really that unstable she needs to be in an asylum rather than a marriage.

If you want a reconcilation in your stories then more power to you, but don't go making the wife into Satan first. Holy dammit Christmas, what would a wife have to do in your stories to make divorce viable, shoot her husband's dog? Then again, all his friends would probably convince him that it was somehow his fault...

Blue88

Please stop writing. You have lost it. You are the new king of super wimp pussy husbands.

The tale and or analogy involving GEORGE is EXACTLY the type of thing that I predicted in

Chapter 2 ... it is HOW WHERE and WHY the author would go --- psycho babble bullshit to get them back together.

This story is almost as bad as HOUSE of CARDS or Hildy but nothing is quite that bad...

someone has to redo what could of been a decent story

George DID cheat-- Hubby did NOT. The analogy does NOT work. You wasted half the story telling of an analogy that is 100000000% irrelvant

It does NOT matter at all in anyway whatsoever that she THOUGHT he was was cheating.

***** The author is arguing that ALL thoughts ideas and opinions have EXACTLY the same value and therefore any action at any time in any circumstance is always justifed. ****

The wife's thoughts and obessesion with cheating does not give a wife a RIGHT or justify attempted murder ... drugging... unlawful restraint... Kidnapping and Torture -- and for you you really stupid people out there... a innoocent man watching his wife voluntarily has sex with another Man while tied up IS TORTURE.

and as I predicted there is NOT a single word about the series of VIOLENT CRIMINAL ACTS the wife did **** BEFORE **** she was ever drugged....

But that is OK b/c in BLUE88's world it is perfectly OK for me to kidnap his wife and fuck her b/c I THINK it is justifed

Please stop the madness blue88.... dont write again until you get a good long rest.

Through out this I felt nothing between Shelly and David. Also, the ending wasn't an ending for me. There has to be more between them for a story. I usually like your stories, just not this one.

You started a good story, with an acceptable plot. You had my complete attention and interest. My high opinion was yours to lose. You managed to do just that.

Okay, Harry inVA.et al. You all win. I'll follow your advice and stop writing.

Blue, I usually like your stories, but this one didn't do it for me. I agree with Kanga this time. While the story was well written, I couldn't accept the plot.

When you introduced the character of George and started his story, I was expecting some sort of analysis to psychological warfare to maybe help the husband understand why the wife could fall for the line of shit. After all, you made a point of making the guy an expert in psychological warfare. But the story we got was off point. I couldn't see the relevance. It was more of a catharsis for George than relevant to what had happened.

The one comment that George made that I saw as having any relevance was the comment about perception. The husband needed to step back and think about the wife's perception of what was going on to get an idea of what was in her head. It might not stop the divorce, but it might eventually allow him to forgive her.

The problem I have with this type of story line is that at some point, the feelings of the victim seem to be forgotten. You had the husband frothing at the mouth hating his wife for tieing him up and humiliating him. You have the wife verbally humiliating him. You have her truicking him into an incident that would cause him emotional trauma far worse than anything that the wife sufferred. But you never address his coming to grips with that. Where are his years of therapy?

This is one case where, intellectually, at some point far down the line, I think I could see the husband reaching some type of understanding of why the wife acted in the manner that she did. I could even see him potentially forgiving her because they were caused by a psychotic episode. But, that is different from saying the marriage would survive. At best, I can see a situation where they might tolerate each other.

To Blue: You're better off not writing about "psycho babble" because obviously, the concepts you're trying to show zoomed way above these people's heads. What can I say, wannabe-macho men are generally ignorant.

For the rest. Just read incest stories. Those are the only stories that get praises, And if they are derided, it is because it's not enough of an incest story to their liking.

Try writing about incest Blue. Then these pricks would have something to jerk about.

...means that you may have a severe psychological problem yourself. Your plot is totally irrational, your characters are totally unbelievable, and their convoluted thinking is that of a psychological nut-case. Unbelievable! ... and you probably vote, too, which is very frightening.

The idea the wife has mental problems, acts out and the husband has to sort out his own feelings is good. It's one of the few areas in Loving Wives not fully explored. I thought you did a nice job with sketching out the concept but the story never felt right. I liked the husband's mixed up feelings but the other characters talking at him sounded like cardboard and the pieces all fit together in that pat way stories do but life doesn't. Nice try in a difficult area.

or submitting.

Blue: I do agree with others that this was not one of your best - - actually I kind of liked the first 2 chapters, but was let down by the 3rd. You write well and, we don't all have to "like" the ending in order to appreciate your writing skills.

Best wishes, Bob

This ending just does not hold up under the circumstances. Allow me an example(tongue in cheek):

After months of counciling, private and couple, the bouts of depression seem to be getting less. Shelley and David's moments of intimacy seemed to be progressing. David felt confident that if and when they could actually make love, that it would be a huge milestone that would show that they could actually make it as a couple.

David slept fitfully, dark dreams of Shelley and Fallow in his bed. Wakefulness came suddenly, as a lancing pain shot up through his body from his crotch. David screams as his hands fly to his crotch, coming up empty, but wet and sticky. In horror, he saw Shelley standing over him. Glaring maliciously, holding a knife and his severed penis.

"Now, you pathetic piece of shit, do you think you will listen next time I tell you to do something? I told you three times to take out the damn garbage. Do you think that you can learn something from this?" Shelley stated in a cold monotone as her hateful gaze bore into him.

David screamed in pain and confusion, "God damn you crazy stupid bitch... what... what have you done?... garbage... garbage??? Uuuuggg... Aaaahhhh... Oh God... GARBAGE??? Ooohhh you bitch... When you went to bed, I took the garbage out when I locked up and turned out the lights... Aaaahhh, what have you done???"

"Oh god, David I'm so sorry. Lord... what have I done? Honey... I should have checked, when I went to the Kitchen for the knife. I just assumed that you still hadn't taken the trash out. Ooohhh sweetheart, I am so sorry." Shelley wailed as she realized what she had done.

David, eyes screwed shut from the pain, forced them open and saw Shelley standing over him. Hands limply holding the knife and penis as if forgotten. He saw the look in her eyes, the pain that she felt, seemed to emanate from her face, while tears rolled down her cheeks.

Seeing him looking at her. She wailed, "Why did I do it? WHY??? Oh honey, don't look at me... How can you look at me after what I have done?"

The pain in her voice hit him as much as the pain in his groin. He knew she realized her mistake. But was he innocent? He should have done what she said the first time she spoke. She had told him three times. Sure she walked by the trash can as she got her knife. But... BUT... She had thought that he hadn't done his job. Looking at it from her side, he can understand how she must have felt. "Baby..." his voice a faint whisper.

Shelley finally seen him looking at her. Knife and penis fall to the floor as her bloody hands flew up to cover her face. "David... oh David... Don't look at me. You must hate the sight of me. Honey I am so sorry." she cried as tears and blood dripped down her nightgown.

David's heart went out to her, seeing her remorse. His own guilt tearing him up inside. "Shelley... sweetheart, its ok... call 911... perhaps they can reattach it. Hurry, baby... Don't cry... Either way, we will make it... our love will see us through." he whispers.

As she grabs the phone, he grits his teeth and closed his eyes to the pain. He knew that she had made a mistake, but she was sorry and she had 'thought' he was guilty. They would work through this. He would try harder. He swore that she would never have to ask twice for anything again. He knew that they would make it... he was sure... as he passed out from bloodloss.

Sorry for the sarcasm, Blue, but this story just did not reach your usual standard IMHO. I am still looking forward to your next though.

Gus

Thanks for another well written and interesting story. OK, now to be critical. I don't think it is your best story but it's still a damned good one. Before you quit writing because of someone like Harryin VA read the stories to which he compared yours. HOUSE OF CARDS and HILDY are two excellent stories by respected authors. To be placed in this company is a definate compliment. Again, thanks for the story.

Maybe no one has noticed it--or maybe I am paranoid--but don't leave. The Nay-Sayers and spousal cheater story haters, anti-gay or anti-interracial have been doing this for a couple of years now. Any new writer that writes somenthing they don't like, they flame beyond all belief and scare off. A more established writer like yourself--they will flame and vote down and put down anyone who supports the writer. Their eventual goal is to wither take over the site with thier "Version" of erotica or shut the site down completely.

Think I am wrong--Just over a year ago, it was the odd day that did not have 500+ stories in the "New Stories" section and usutally two or three good new writers a week. Now it is only one day in ten or twelve that we have over 500 stories in New Stories and two or three good new writers a month.

Please keep writing and write what you want not what they feel is appropriate.

JimDinMN

But I do not go along with this ending. George's situation was too different to be used as a learning tool.

BLUE88

look I was steamed... REALLY angry at the shitty way you did this story. I usually LOVE your stuff

The KAREN series is Good... Nightime confession ending you did was GREAT.... CHARADE was fabulous and I Loved Mr NICE GUY.

How can you be the same person who did those great stories !?!?!!?!? HOW!!!!????

Is it really too much to ask of you and all these other writers that when you have serious violent crimes s committed against Men by their wives in these types of stories that you NOT totally gloss over it?

You are a sexist. That much is obvious and many other writers here are as well.

I dont mind the emphasis on the mental/ psych stuff either. But what gets me soooo friggin angry is why writers like you NEVER deal with criminal actions by the wife. .

Be it this story or say for example HILDY or so many others here where the wife "flips outs" --sometimes b/c she is lied or tricked by some one else OR blow things up way out of proportion-- and the result is a series of violent criminal actions that sometimes is close to TORTURING the hubby

and you and these other authors NEVER EVER talk about that.

what is there Husband Bashing/ torture that is acceptable to YOU and so many other authors here?

Imagine If YOU wrote a story about a man stressed out at work then one day comes up with the idea his wife really wants BDSM... drugs and ties her up... rapes her-- which is what BDSM really is if the other person does not agree to it...

would you have ALL the other characters tell the wife IGNORE the violent crime committed on her by the hubby? of course not.

At the end of the story would you have the wife come back to the mentally ill sick Hubby?

No way. And if you did the reaction from Most folks would be severe.

But portraying the hubby as a stupid sonofabitch? well thats OK.

Blue,

I liked your story overall, but feel that a few of the comments on story development were on the mark.

I'm with the person who pointed out you didn't use George's capacity as a Psychological Warfare expert very well, after going to specific lengths to establish his credentials. Now, if you had somehow let the reader know that George's story was a complete fabrication, it would ring more true.

It's like that old addage on short fiction writiing from Chekov: If you describe a musket hanging over the mantel in your story, at some time during the story, that musket must be fired. Bottom line: In a short story, everything must be used to a purpose.

In terms of moving the plot along, there are two aspects of one of your choices that I think could be better. Bob giving Dave the whole story was a bit too easy and pat, especially since the recording of the conversation basically took Bob out of play. I think you could have had a stronger story if Dave uncovered Bob's actions after the fact.

At the same time, once he had the story from Bob, Dave's insistence on demonizng Shelly just didn't ring true. You did too good a job at selling Shelly not being emotionally on board with the jealously/revenge thing. It was too obvious that Shelly was only playacting for Dave's "benefit" and his knowing Bob schemed the whole thing should have colored his reaction far differently than it did.

Again with the Chekov thing...what was the purpose of the Susan/Carol strip poker almost 3some? If they were deliberately testing him and faking being drunk, it's not only more interesting, but also it fits in with the story and could have been fleshed out a bit. If it happened as described at face value though, what does it do to move the story along?

While a lot of commenters slammed you for your ending (many from the "kill the adulterous bitch" school, for whom any reconciliation to adultery is unacceptable), it is a sound and often used story construct. Take away the specifics of the plot (adultery, revenge, insanity) and you reduce it to a "fundamental misunderstanding" story. It's a straightforward "Comedy" construct (not as in comedy, ha-ha, but in the technical sense of Comedy vs Drama). In a comedy construct, you have a basic situation that gets disrupted by an issue often revolving around a misunderstanding that causes conflich/tension/friction, which is utlimately resovled; thereby restoring things back to "normal". Strictly from a technical perspective, since your story was based on a fundamental misunderstanding, it was absolutely the right thing to do to pursue a reconciliation ending.

You obviously have the chops of an effective writer, and it feels like you might have rushed this one along a bit.

GOOD STORY BUT A LITTLE OFF BASE> YOUR WRITTINGS ARE ALL GOOD AND I READ THEM ALL< KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK<MOST OF YOUR STORIES ARE RIGHT ON SO PLEASE CONTINUE TO WRITE> GOOD LUCK

Blue,

You and other readers only have to read my stories to understand how I feel about cheating and the retribution that should follow. I am rarely torn on how it should end up.

Frankly, there is one aspect of this story that makes me believe that you have gotten a bad rap on this one. Going back to my comment from a previous chapter, David was so very non observant it is pathetic. Clearly he should have seen that his loving wife had a serious problem and he should have known that she suspected he was cheating to cause her reaction. There is no doubt in my mind that he could have stopped this whole mess before it started if he had only confronted her with "Do you think I am cheating on you? I am not!" Do the lie detector tests, do what he could to convince her. But no, he does nothing except try to talk to her. Hell, write her a letter if she won't talk.

He does have some responsibility for how far she went. It is partly his fault. He knew her past and ignored the signs that she was disturbed.

Now, the old Charleybear part of me says nothing excuses what she did and I still believe that. There has to be something seriously wrong with her mentally to have gone through with what she did. And, that is precisely why I can accept him going back with her (for now). They have some serious issues to work through if their marriage is truly going to survive and I am not certain they could work through them, but due to the circumstances, he should try.

There are a couple of valid points that were made regarding George's story. I agree it was filler and really the only line in it that was valid was the question if he would be happier with or without her. Otherwise, the correlation doesn't fit for me.

Deep down inside I knew that they would reconcile just because you were writing the story. As predictable as I am on divorce and vengence, you are on reconciliation. You write what you want and that is okay. No one should browbeat you to do what you don't want to do so don't let them.

My final comment is DO NOT QUIT WRITING, that isn't in your or our best interest. No one should ever convince you that your talent isn't appreciated by many many readers. If they choose to not read your stuff so be it, but that is no reason for you to quit. Don't do it Blue.

Thank you for your efforts.

Charleybear

Blue,

You and other readers only have to read my stories to understand how I feel about cheating and the retribution that should follow. I am rarely torn on how it should end up.

Frankly, there is one aspect of this story that makes me believe that you have gotten a bad rap on this one. Going back to my comment from a previous chapter, David was so very non observant it is pathetic. Clearly he should have seen that his loving wife had a serious problem and he should have known that she suspected he was cheating to cause her reaction. There is no doubt in my mind that he could have stopped this whole mess before it started if he had only confronted her with "Do you think I am cheating on you? I am not!" Do the lie detector tests, do what he could to convince her. But no, he does nothing except try to talk to her. Hell, write her a letter if she won't talk.

He does have some responsibility for how far she went. It is partly his fault. He knew her past and ignored the signs that she was disturbed.

Now, the old Charleybear part of me says nothing excuses what she did and I still believe that. There has to be something seriously wrong with her mentally to have gone through with what she did. And, that is precisely why I can accept him going back with her (for now). They have some serious issues to work through if their marriage is truly going to survive and I am not certain they could work through them, but due to the circumstances, he should try.

There are a couple of valid points that were made regarding George's story. I agree it was filler and really the only line in it that was valid was the question if he would be happier with or without her. Otherwise, the correlation doesn't fit for me.

Deep down inside I knew that they would reconcile just because you were writing the story. As predictable as I am on divorce and vengence, you are on reconciliation. You write what you want and that is okay. No one should browbeat you to do what you don't want to do so don't let them.

My final comment is DO NOT QUIT WRITING, that isn't in your or our best interest. No one should ever convince you that your talent isn't appreciated by many many readers. If they choose to not read your stuff so be it, but that is no reason for you to quit. Don't do it Blue.

Thank you for your efforts.

Charleybear

The idea that all men are responsible for anything that someone else did. Gee Daddy abused me and my first husband hit me; WELL that is certainly a good enough defense for the trial lawyers after she goes off the deep end again and she will, and does something more physical or kills him. Well its ok because...

If he took her back after a couple of months of in-house therapy and he let her know that all life insurance policies would be made out to the animal shelter; anyone who regresses far enough to give someone else a possible fatal drug of sedatives, then ties hom down, hey if the asshole had not cut one hand loose he might have been there a couple of days... She is dangerous and she is not cured and she will strike again. But do the right thing and provide her with an easy inhouse target for the next time she goes off the deep end.

I too admit this wasn't one of my favorite stories by you to read. But I'd not quit just over the fact that it wasn’t popular or what Harry said though.

I apologize early to you for the "really" long commented response.

Like I mentioned to "TheWanderer" before, you have to stop and look at all of the comments you have here. Some of us are idiots and some of us aren’t. You have to try to see who’s giving honest criticism and who’s just ranting to rant. But you don't get this many people reading and commenting, regardless how they do it, on your stories because your an awful writer. This happens to you because you’re popular. Right or wrong, good or bad, it’s a good thing in the end, because that means a lot of folks are reading your stuff. How many authors on this site get less than 2 or 3 reviews or not any at all? But not every story you write is going to be a winner though. You shouldn't quit because of some of the bad reviews, but maybe look at why some of us are foaming at the mouths to see if there may be a tiny grain hidden somewhere in what some of us are saying.

But with that being said, I do have to agree with the strange parallel between this story and Hildy. What happened is just too close and the endings are just way to similar.

In that story (by "the Troubador" for those who've not read it) someone tells the wife at a wedding, that the night before at the bachelor party there were strippers there that had sex with everyone that went too it. The wife accuses the husband of having sex with them it too since he went too it, but he denies ever having sex with the women, so she started planning a way to get even because she believes he lying. In that story, lures him into bed, tied and gags him by telling him they were going to try bondage, changed into something really revealing, let his best friend in, and proceeded to have sex with the best friend in the bed right next to the husband for the whole night. Sometimes facing the husband, draping over the husband, and trying Anal for the first time because she would never let the husband try it. All through the night she left him to there to watch as she had sex and told the husband how much a better lover the friend was than him. Once the husband was released he left the house for 2 days, with the wife trying to call everyone she could think of to contact the husband because now she was sorry, and then he came back and said that he couldn't live without her and decided that they should get counseling and work on their marriage. At the end of the story she finds out from someone else that the husband and another guy left because the thought that it was wrong of the other guys to have sex with those women. But the husband's ex-best friend was one of the guys that had sex with the strippers, saw the husband leave the party, and yet choose not to tell the wife so he could have sex with her too. It was a deranged revenge by the wife on an all too innocent husband.

This parallels that story in that, the husband notices that the wife is get distant from him in the marriage, but she won't talk with him about why. He tries to find out and start doing what it takes to make her happy, but she keeps shutting him down. She accuses him of cheating but he denies it. She lures him to the house by telling him it’s to talk to him about the marriage. She then drugs, ties him to a chair and then goes and dresses really sexy for another man. She then lets the other man into the house and proceeds to have sex with the other man, while setting up a way for the husband to watch her from his captive seat downstairs. She degrades and makes fun of the husband for the hour or so she's having sex with the other man. But at the end of it she gets buyers remorse and mentally shuts down when she realizes she is just as bad as the husband was to her. But wait the twist was he was innocent and never did anything to her to get this treatment.

But later you had the other guy accused of rape by the DA, when anyone could see that no rape ever took place. And I've yet to see a law of where when someone invites you to there house, gives you a blowjob, pushes you back to climb on you, and then later someone tried to call it rape when the ladies own Psychologist says that the person that manipulated her probably had no idea how successful he was going to be, because he had no idea he found the right combination to get her to cheat. That's not rape. Manipulative? Oh heck yes. But rape no. There is no law that says that you must know the state of someone’s mind before you have sex with them. Because if they appear normal and functional then you can't possibly know they are disturbed. The taking advantage of them because they are disturbed only works when you know before hand they have mental problems. But as you said in part one, she kept that hidden from everyone and only told her husband when they started getting serious. And he only told his foster parents after they got married. How was Bob supposed to know this if she hid it?

No DA in the land would try this case. He’d get laughed out of court once the Judge heard the tape. And since it was evidence, he would also have to turn it over to the defense, who would also laugh at him for attempting to try the case. And if the DA didn’t turn it over the case would be thrown out when it was made know that the DA had evidence that could clear their client and it got “misplaced” by the police. Or if for some reason they did make it to trial, all the defense attorney would have to do is just “ask” the husband and wife what was said during the course of the night and who did what. I can’t remotely see a jury buying the rape because all that would need to be proven is at the time the sexual act took place she was doing all the work (drugging the husband, tying him up, setting up a remote camera to catch the action), not Bob. It was all her not him. It's not rape when the other person you are supposed to have raped does all the work for you.

And that's probably why most folks found it hard to swallow.

I'm pretty sure you wanted to write a story about a loving husband that stuck with his wife through out all of what she did. But what happened was that you wrote a story that built up sympathy for the husband because he was abused and tortured by his wife and the readers mostly couldn’t understand why you would leave them together after that. What you attempted to do, or it felt like to me, was build up sympathy in the reader for the “wife”, but you went about it all wrong for me. The accusation of rape was the wrong way to do it for me. Rape is defined as a crime of violence or force. It can even be extended to children who have no idea of what they are doing or are under the age of consent. But trying to extend it to a functional adult, which invites you in for the sole purpose of having revenge sex in their home, that's not rape by anyone’s definition that I know of. Especially when you have a tape of said person saying how much they enjoyed it at the time and that the sole reason you were there was to help them get revenge on their cheating mate. What you had was regret and regret isn't rape, and that's all you really had by the end of the story. Regret that she did to her husband what others had done to her. And the husband’s foster parents trying to find a way to help her deal with it. At least you didn’t have the psychologist trying and call it that too.

And the other thing that really hurt it for me, was that you decided to have everyone gang up on the husband, form sympathy for the wife after what she did, and everyone disregard what she did in a rush to explain it away to make it look like the husband was uncaring if he didn't stand by her after this. Even to go as far as having a character named George trying to create a similarity of when he cheated on his wife and she got even as being the same thing as him, while being a loving husband who was trying to fix the marriage, had his wife cheated on him because she “believed” he was cheating on her. Those are two different things and didn’t help me with sympathy for the wife because that made no sense to me. That because she believe he was cheating then it made it aright for her to cheat if it was all in her mind. And that the one time that it happened to George (as George tried to infer that David was too) he being an “a sanctimonious prick I was, and I that I didn't have any right to be so goddamn self-righteous” by using himself as an example, and that he needed to forgive it and go on with the marriage. For most of us readers that didn't build sympathy for the wife, but it built animosity in me up for every character you brought up who continued on this thought process, except the doctor at the end. For me it was like everyone blaming the victim for being beaten and robbed because the person that robbed him was poor, and that they should have considered how rough that persons life was before they complained about loosing just money. I've always felt that everyone should face the consequences for their actions, but you kind of wrote this story so the wife didn’t really have to face any and everyone supported that belief. And everyone tried everything in their power to help her keep from have to face any real consequences of her actions with her husband. Sure she was going to have to spend time with her shrink again, but in the end what did she loose? Her husband? Nope. Her job? Nope. Her friends? Nope. She lost nothing but some of her time, for the right to humliate her husband in the most degrading way possible for a fictious affair that never happened.

Everyone was so willing to try to help continue the marriage that they glossed over the fact that the husband was the actual victim in your story. What if the tables were turned and the wife was innocent and accused by the husband. So he tied her to a chair and forced her to watch him have sex with other women. There isn't a person here that would have said "Why is she still married to someone like". If he forced her to watch, it's wrong but if the wife does it to her husband then it's because she is having obvious mental problems to do it to such a loving man. For me it's the same thing, wrong is wrong whether it’s the husband or the wife. I can see love to a point, but she stretched that point to breaking. But some folks feel the husband should just accept that but the women shouldn't. I have never understood why.

In part one of your stories, while her thought process may have been damaged by the past, the actions she did 'weren't' in the heat of the moment. She planned it, discussed it with Bob (cause he knew what was going on and commented that the plan was all her idea), invited the husband over at future date during the week so she could coordinate her plan with Bob so he could have an alibi, drugged her husband, tied him to a chair, setup a computer screen so he could watch her having sex from downstairs, and proceeded to have sex with Bob while degrading her husband. See that’s not the actions of someone that can claim "temporary" insanity. That's called "premeditation", you know as Webster’s calls it:

1.) The act of speculating, arranging, or plotting in advance.

2.) Law. The contemplation of a crime well enough in advance to show deliberate intent to commit the crime; forethought.

That's another one of the reasons that some of us are upset. This is not a story of someone that made a *tiny* mistake. It's a story of deliberate actions designed to humiliate the husband, and then the husband going back for possible seconds, with everyone else sitting on the wife's side of things trying to help her explain it away. Most readers are going to see that and feel the husband is getting unfairly shafted and sympathize with the husband from the story.

I think you are a good writer because you managed to stir up a lot of emotions in the reader with just this story. It may not have been what you meant to stir up, you may have even meant for the reader to side with the wife too, but stir them you did. The only problems I had was the above. It was kind of obvious to me at the start that no matter what the wife did everyone was going to view the husband as the bad guy if he divorced her, including you as the author. But as almost every reader commented: What she did was just to premeditated and sever for anyone to honestly forgive, but you did choose to go that path anyway and it really didn't make much sense to me why. After everything that was said and done by the end, if they had gotten separated for a while, the husband worked out some of his frustrations and you put them back together, then I could have seen a reconcile working. But this story, similar to Hildy, felt like the husband was forced back together with the wife even though everything the wife did was enough to outrage the reader, you didn't do anything to balance back out that rage.

Again you’re a good writer, but this wasn't really the best you've written. But don't let that get you down. Not every story can be gem's and don't give up writing because not everyone agree with you either because not all of your stories get this much critisim. (^_^)

Later

-Risq

I know you are a talented writer.

I did not like the plot development as it was too tilted to find reconciliation without believable justification.

If her long time therapist had suggested they stay in close contact and not divorce, yet live separate with Shelly understanding that the hopeful outcome would be to rebuild the marriage. She would have to be convinced that David was hanging in there and supporting her and working on his own mental health. This would keep the strife of every day centered on her instead of trying to handle always trying to face and makeup to David.

This would be a possible pretense for the most part by David, but helpful to Shelly till David could make his own mind up of where to point the rest of his life. This I could see as a way for Shelly to have the time and commitment to pursue her health issues.

The eventual outcome could then be deceided by two people who had a grasp of what they wanted and what they could live with in their new life. Now that would require an unknown amount of time for David and may have to be shortened if David cannot continue the situation. What ever amount of time David continued in letting Shelly believe he was trying to salvage the marriage would help start Shelly on her recovery. That’s a lot to ask of a devastated and victimized husband, but he is supposed to be a mental health specialist and should be able to pull it off.

I know you are being bombarded with negative feedback and I feel for you, as you are a wonderful writer who puts so much time and effort into writing us stories. I hope you will continue writing and maybe turn off the comments for a while so only those who feel strongly one way or the other will just e-mail you. That might cut down on spontaneous remarks not thought through by some of us, including me. To lose some one of your talent who has help build a worthwhile site of wonderful fantasies of relationships would be a huge loss.

With the highest of regards

PT

I tell you something, even if I understood everything, like your charakter. I would leave her. The next time she is out of "order" she is going to kill somebody just because she thinks somebody has done something. And if she would have been male, the story the other way round, nobody, not even close friends would have helped him. and the law would have put him to jail very quickly and shurely not helped him with a shrink

this is so bad it offends me!! it offends my intelligence. it offends my sensibilities.

you lost a fan.

good bye

I don't know why so many readers are upset with your story. You are nothing if not predictable. Almost all of your stories end up with reconciliations. Couples stay together for reasons which seem so unreasonable. But that's life. Write like you want with the knowledge that some will not like the outcome. However, some will enjoy your stories. So keep on writing.

Regards, Boyd

Your story is so nonsensical that it insults even your diehard fans! I've tried to leave constructive criticisms in the past but you seem fixated in your belief that your stories need not make sense. Are you as deluded as your characters? Oh well.I suppose that you can only write about that which you understand. It's so sad.

Blue,

I think it takes people with a bit more living in them to appreciate the situations you put your characters into. It is not the outcome that is important so much as it is the journey, and I think this was an interesting journey.

Your character had every right to leave, and may eventually leave his W, if she is too damaged to recover from what she did to herself and him. Or if he is still too damaged to recover. I frankly don't care how you chose to end this, but I thought it interesting to watch the character journey though this, and the people that he encountered during his journey. Clearly all of his friends and her's had their best interests at heart and that was to give this a try.

He clearly loved her, or he would NOT have turned down a drunken romp in the sack. He would NOT have been so hurt. Many people don't seem to realize how often this is true in marriages which have affairs in them. Hence, he has made the only "logical" decision. He has to see IF she can recover and he can recover, before he decides to bail.

I find it interesting that most here do not see the options he still retained by making this choice. Clearly you do see them. I liked the story as usual. A sequel concerning their attempt to recover from this might be interesting, because in this the REAL drama would occur.

Keep up the good work.

First, Blue don't stop writing you have a talent for it and I do enjoy the stories you write for the most part, even if its just for the emotion and thought provoking ideas.

Second, I agree with Risq (nice long write up) and peggytwitty and a few others about the major issues of the story. Ultimately, I tend to have a problem with the mentality you took with a majority of the supporting characters in terms of forgiveness and trying to understand her past issues and such that it earns her a mostly free pass. Your points on the rape charge I think were a good side debate though. Namely, I have a hard time thinking what Bob did was rape but then we have a court system and DA's who are addicted to convicting sex crimes. Makes them look good to the public.

Major and minor things that caught my attention and I think hurt the story even more than a plot I didn't find believable. An example:

George's story... poorly done, seems tacked on and ultimately does not produce much sympathy (for the wife) except for the last bit of his speech of "live with her or not". Also, if he's 70 years old and a retired general, how was his wife driving a miata when he was a noobie 2nd LT? Its often the little things that disrupt a tale...

I didn't in the end have a hard time buying the cops going for a rape charge, simply because thats how its done these days sadly even though I disagree with it being legit. Wifey premeditated it, even if under lovers "influence" somewhat. It makes what she did understandable but not necessarily forgiveable or non prosecutable. Welcome to the sad western world of chivalristic un equal tendencies.

Keep writing friend.

-Hexx

sorry Blue...as much as i have liked your other stories, this one doesn't do it. maybe there are people like David out there that can get over what Shelley did to him but i've never known any.

i think you cheated somewhat,intentional or not i don't know.you spent waaaaay too much time on two scenes;the scene with Connie/Sue/David and the George telling his past scene.

as i said after ch 2 the scene with Connie/Sue/David was exciting and entertaining but other than a few short words of Connie discussing David's situation,totally irrelevant to the core story.(other that Connie pulling down Sue's panties there was no female to female activity.can't see where some have labled this scene as lesbian).

the scene with George takes up a tremendous amount of the total story.even if i agreed with the dialog it's too long.one correspondent commented that one would have to be blind to not see the similarities between Georges history and David's situation.well i'm not blind and the only similarities i see is a cheating spouse. there are no similarities surrounding the circumstances.in the end it was just a long winded way for George to say "The real question that you have to ask yourself is this: would you be happier with her or without her?". there is a third choice and thats 'neither'. either choice is an unhappy one so choose the one that will allow 'you' to move forward in your life.

please don't let my comments or other comments to discourage you from writing further. i don't think this is your best story but they can't 'all' be your best. i try to be honest in my comments without being offensive. i know some correspondents are very harsh, but thats inevitable in an open forum. forgedaboudem. i think one of the true proofs of success is in amount of responses you get.that says people are interested in your stories and respond to them. scan the comments again and you'll see most are worthy comments,even some that don't agree with you. when i post this in few moments that will make 39 postings. thats ALOT! four pages,almost five.

i know have another story in you thats just waiting to be printed. lets see it!! lol

thats for your efforts,

don

As someone amusingly put it in the last part, it looks like the "Reconcilliation at Any Costs" train rides again. I generally really like Blue88's stories, but this one didn't work for me for many reasons. The pointless strip poker game, the story from George that seemed relevant but wasn't really, everyone ganging up on the husband, the implausible rape charge... It just didn't work. I could see a reconcilliation in this kind of situation in theory, but the way you have things go down, this ending rings false and forced. Nice try, but maybe next time you should show your story to proofreaders before you publish it not only to check for typos but also to check for basic plausibility.

So many have touched on the obvious problems with this, such as the fact that there really isn't a parallel between George and Betty and what happened to him. For me her psychosis isn't a problem so much because it's psycho-bable but because it's a cheap plot twist. The outcome rests almost too much on a plot point, the depth of which basically came out of left field. It's as if you couldn't figure out a way of bringing them back together based on what happened and logic, so you threw that in. It's contrived and poor planning.

Her sympathetic and optimistic shrink characterizes her behavior as "psychotic" (used the word more than once) and paranoid schizo. She drugged him, tied him up, and had sex with another man in front of him even though he had never cheated. And he's supposed to reconcile? Gus's scenario is the most credible epilogue. Sorry Blue, your ending just doesn't work, even in pretend-land. Risq and others have already pointed out the other flaws.

When you write a story about cheating, you build up a lot of negative emotions in your reader, who empathizes with the victim. If you want to make a reconciliation or not, that's up to you, but whether or not you do, you need to let your reader discharge some of that emotion to make a good story. Some stories do this with over-the-top revenge plots, and some just do it with straight up emotional dialogue and confrontation, but however you do it, it needs to be done.

In this story, you basically spent a chapter and a half bombarding the poor guy with REASONS to forgive his wife, which people or may not agree with, but even if they do, you did not give your readers a chance to let go of their negative emotions. That's why very few people are accepting this reconciliation.

You can't just have a lot of friends, psychiatric professionals, legal professionals, etc. etc. telling the guy it's not her fault for all these crazy reasons. You have to have a reasonable amount of the story dedicated to confrontation between him and those who have wronged him, or people simply won't accept a reconciliation. Nobody likes to read a story, get all angry, and then just swallow them getting back together while still being angry.

***You're better off not writing about "psycho babble" because obviously, the concepts you're trying to show zoomed way above these people's heads.***

No, he's better off not writing about "psycho babble" because he obviously doesn't know enough about the subject to do a credible job.

Overall, the three chapters make for a very entertaining story. However, I did think the ending was rather abrupt, and left too much unresolved.

I will say this: Get An Editor! yada, yada, yada. The story is good, but there are writing flaws which detract greatly. (Kyle/Lyle, word choice errors, dropped words, etc, etc) It's as if you didn't bother with any proofreading; and it hurts the story.

Here's the point: It's actually a very good story, but it has to be something which can be read without having to stop and figure out what was left out, or missed, or whatever. You could be close to being able to write novels for publication; but you need to have someone to proofread and/or edit.

best of luck!

-- KVK

A few points:

There is no such thing as 'temporary insanity'. The term was created and is used by defense attorneys. A doctor only says someone was temporarily insane when he is being paid large sums of money to do so. Psychosis doesn't come and go; Shelley will be mentally damaged for months, maybe even years. David is not safe living with her; her own doctor had no idea she was this sick. She could snap at any time and next time David might not survive. I applaud him for being supportive of his wife while she tries to recover, but he needs to be far away from her until she does.

Whether or not Shelley is mentally ill, David was still the victim of a horrific violent crime. But NOT ONE of his friends, including an Army psychologist, a neurologist, a lawyer, and a professor (all of whom have at least a master's degree) realized that David was suffering, and that he needed help, in the form of long-term therapy, and maybe even medication. He sat with all of them WITH BANDAGES ON HIS WRISTS from the abuse he suffered, and all any of them could say was 'Don't do anything rash' and 'Susan needs your help now, she's been through a lot'. If one of MY friends was the victim of a violent crime, especially at the hands of a loved one, my first reaction would be 'Are you ok?", not 'Have you made any decisions yet?'. I guess because he is a MAN, David is expected to shrug off the physical and emotional trauma he has suffered, and get back to the important job of making his wife feel better. If my friends treated me the way David's did, they would be my ex-friends in a minute.

Quite frankly, the entire section with George could have been deleted, and no one would have noticed. And that space could have been used to actually resolve some of the open issues in your story.

You are a good writer, but even the best writers tank one now and again. I don't believe you will really quit; hopefully, you will learn from this and improve.

Nigel Tufnel

I think that you need one more chapter to bring it to a real conclusion. I think you left out just a little to much as to how their life continued .

The one that George saw Betty in. There were no Miatas--actually no Mazdas in the US--during the time frame when that was supposed to happen.

I wish it had been a single story, but I liked the outcome, except for the way the "rapist" was handled, which didn't feel realistic. He needed to be castrated, literally.

when the goofy bitch gets it in her cranium again that he cheated? This time the goofy motherfucker might give him a dose of strictnine.

I'd divorce the crazy bitch and move in with the two lady professors. If Shelly was so fucking stupid to believe this Fallow Fellow LOL told her he was cheating, without even talking to her husband, then she would believe that shit tastes like wild honey.

At the risk of getting Harryin Va all upset, I enjoyed this story. The only criticism that I might offer is that I would have liked a more gradual reconciliation, rather than the one paragraph you devoted to it. Those of you who prefer "kill the bitch" endings rather than reconciliation, night try,"Revenge the name is Pat", but for my part I like happy endings.My apologies to the huge majority who do not agree with me or the excellent writer. 60 year old George

George

If you look at some of my posts I have supported reconcilation stories and plot lines before. I am NOT KILL the BITCH type of person

But what gets my goat and I mean REALLY fucking steams me is when EXCEPTIONAL actions are done on the INNOCENT ---- and there are No consequences.

In this case the WIFE never bothered to even make check 1 "fact" or TALK to her hubby

In the story JUNE GETS EVENT by charley ace the Hubby DID cheat with the neighbor's wife several times. So the wife's actions of tying the hubby to a chair

.... well I can follow the reasoning of those who think it was justifed . I dont agree with it but I follow it

In this case it was NOT just a misunderstanding.... he did NOTHING wrong.

A VIOLENT crime was committed upon him... his life was place in grave danger by hs wife

I am NOT asking that you agree with me... but I am NOT on a throw the bitch out tear.

the guy was drugged; tied up (by wifey herself); had to watch the wifey get sodomized and watched her go an epileptic seisure of somekind right after,,,

all recorded; record given to the police; prosecutor and friend spoke; "rape" charged filed, even as hubby kept saying, "no way, man, it ain't rape, how I saw it, after I sobbered up from drug,,,"

prosecutor's people: "oh, no, dude, this is real; she's minuplated, mentally minupulated and, as you can see, she became incapaciatated right after" blah, blah

the next 10 or so pages, the hubby went on telling us how he couldn't think; but got some good diversion playing strip poker with a lesbian colleague professor and her MD neuro girlfriend who's a divorce (meaning, not totally lesbo);

went on a few days of retreat; listened to old George tell some idiotic story about how he made his Miata-loving wife fuck some Miata-loving lover, a story having no bearing on the current story of how or why hubby was more or less DRUGGED and tied up BY LOVELY WIFE (whom the AUTHOR took great pain to PAINT as a semi-mental person, from previous life experiences, presumably) and made to watch her own sodomizing,,,

"Hi, honey, I'm sorry sorry I was feeling all bad for meself these past few days, or perhaps few weeks! Sorry to have left you unvisited at the hospital. A little preoccupied and tied up --- j0kin' there, honey --- and that's why. Now, everything's gonna be okay, honey, don't worry."

"I don't know how you could look at me or talk to me, after hwat I've done to you!"

"Don't beat yourself over that again, honey. If you hadn't done it, we won't be having this lovely and heartfelt conversat9ion right now! Come here, give me a hug"! LOL

And the DA did NOT charge HER for drugging a man, tying him up, and falsely accusing another man, her lover, of raping her? remember the hubby's tape? on it, she screamed the whole time about multiple orgasms; about "give it to me deep, lover; make sure the cheating wimpy husband see how big your cock is, how deep it goes", blah, blah?

this is just magnificent story telling! deserved a 100 plus for sure,, lol

The first two parts were decidedly bizarre. I was going to pass on part 3, but I obviously didn't. The general's story was more interesting a better told. The little details you included would have enhanced the story had you had any clue what you were talking about. The general's story is a short time after Korea. Mazda existed, but not in the US and the Miata had not even been thought of. Fort Benning was not a basic training post. And the Army NEVER EVER calls their facilities BASES. They are camps or posts. Bases are for Navy/Marines and Air Force. Of course, there were no lock cards for motels in those days either, esp. not the cheap motmotels in post-Korea Columbus, Ga.

The details didn't really affect the overall story. It was already weak from the beginning.

If the guy had ANY sense , he would lick his wounds and move on. His wife obviously is a few cans short of a six pack. I would have NEVER taken a drink from a woman I was in the process of splitting with, that was his first mistake. This is a VERY unstable woman, he is lucky she didnt kill him the first time, and he wants another shot at it? Lets not forget she tied him up and fucked his so-called friend in front of him, never questioning him or bringing it up once? Any love would have died in the room that night. The general's story is more reasonable, but this guy DOES have a serious deathwish...

Seriously, this story was an over reach for you. Your aim is not to recreate something in the magnitude of “war and Peace” with fifty characters and seventy- five sub plots – all in three chapters. By all means, you can do that in three volumes over five years! Otherwise the result is an incoherent entanglement of half baked ideas and frantic activity but no consistent plot. Coming from you it was embarrassing to read.

You develop mini sub plots which are neither fully developed nor really relevant to what I assume was the main plot. Then you throw your character between endless number of advisers friends counselors and well wishers. They all know from each other what’s going on and what should be done. All that is except for the main character himself. Till the end we don’t know much about his personality (except for being confused and indecisive). Suddenly we learn that the wife had or maybe did not have a psychotic episode. Was it or was it not chemically induced? What’s the role of the seducer here? What was he really about to gain from this criminal activities? Was he able to induce a psychotic episode? Could he actually do that by suggestion and innuendo only? You have more than few factual faults gaps and inconsistencies in this sub area of psycho pathology alone that I have to wonder why you chose to get into it to begin with.

Going back to literature. I always felt that choosing the rape/drugs/blackmail/and now psychosis is the modern copout from real drama. The modern alternative to divine intervention. People do not decide anything on their own; they don’t make right and wrong choices. It’s the devil, excuse me, the drugs- the alcohol- the sudden psychosis- that suddenly jumps on them. And isn’t it great that a man of the cloth, or the psychiatrist comes out of his chamber to talk with us just at the last page to explain every thing to us and send all the couples home together?

To all readers. I don’t thing we should engage in the kind of posting which is likely to lead authors to declare that they would stop writing. I myself do not hold back my views as far as the quality of a story goes. But while every one maintains and always will maintain THE RIGHT to write even the most vicious ad hominem attack, the question is - IS IT WISE?

Another question – do you think it’s FAIR to attack THE PERSON or to suggest that he stops righting?

There are a growing number of people who voluntarily accept the rules of NETIQETTE. Essentially they could be summarized by the rule: “Don’t say to your friend on line what you would not have said to him to his/her face”. It could be great if we took the same rule upon ourselves.

To Blue88 I do hope that you CONTINUE TO WRITE. Even Shakespeare wrote some things that were not as hot as the rest…

If I have offended you – I apologize, because I did not mean to offend but rather to openly give a fair view on a story. Further, I expressed my hope that you write other stories at the end of my first posting to the first chapter. There is a fine balance between creative open fearless and yet respectful exchange of views and frankly – what could be amounted to an abusive language under the cover or semi cover of on line communication.

Finally - how about taking a deep breath, and thinking for two minutes before letting your fingers run for a response…

I think Blue88 needs credit for an original take on the cheating wives theme. As for the "temporary insanity" issue, it is not only a possible defense to a criminal action, it is also in a more generic,non-technical sense a description of somone in an emotional crisis and acting outside their normal behavior.

When I was a young lawyer, I had to handle many divorce cases and thankfully got to the point I did not have to do those anymore. I can tell you that any number of people in a marriage crisis situation are in my opinion "temporarily insane".

What is going to prevent her from having another psychotic event if she suspects him of cheating again? Her pschologist thought she was "cured" the last time. Add this to the fact that she didn't say one thing, about his supposed infidelity, to him during all this time.

In my mind I would finish it like this; As I slowly moved back from the kiss, I told her that we would be getting a divorce, but would try to stay close and maybe after we went to some counseling sessions together and we didn't have the constant pressure from our friends and family to stay together we could make a decision about where we are going.

Dear readers - All right all ready - lets calm down. Over 60% of this writers stories have gone gold - Over the "H" line. Very few authors can make that claim.

Is the glass half full or empty - that and this discussion can go on adfinitum. Neither Ted Williams, Hank Aaron or Babe Ruth or anyone else measured statistically has ever gone as high as this writer has. Those players of acclaim failed to average over 40% or hit a home run more than 15% of the time.

Yet the watching crowd revered them and silenced the hecklers who were overbearing in their expectations. Got it yet??? What more is there to say that hasn't. The rocks are all laying askew down side up. The authors landscape is tatered and torn up. To what further purpose is the churning???

Get some bandages and allow recovery if you truely care a little and you should. Better yet support the support now more necessary than another now meaningless snipe.

The writers and us readers are here by choice but they are the ones taking the emotional risk. It's their baby which hopefully isn't too ugly. Speaking of that, there are some really intentionally ugly ones here that don't get this kind of attention but deserve it much more.

Now to the Author - you and your body of work deserve more respect for you than shown here. Realize that fact. If you play expect a clinker now and again. I / we feel you are a well meaning and talented individual who realizes that each half full glass can be filled with a little help and you didn't get this far in life without a few of those.

Take rest - step back - realize your accomplishments.

Remember Readers - Piling on is a 15 yard penulty in the real world but safe here due to the anonimity of everyone present (without exclusion). That doesn't however make it right.

Enough. With Very High Regard for you Author

and hope this vote does put you well over the "H" line *smile*...very original and yes, some typos but duh...we all are not looking for perfection just to read and be entertained and perfection is not high on my list for that...a good story with a decent plot and believable people in it...thats what i like...i think the ending would have been better with a bit of expansion but hey why shoot for overkill? anywayyyyyyyys...enjoyed it and hope to read more from you...keep your head up and hand at the writing you've got something worth reading. respectfully fan in Texas naynay

I fully agree to what Risq wrote.

I want to add that you are getting all these negative comments because you disappointed a lot of people. A lot of people expected a lot more from you because your track record is much better than this. So get back up there very soon.

I also want to say even if everybody thinks the wife was mentally disturbed to do something like she did, there is a question that has to be answered before her hubby can get back with her. The question is: Does this dumb hubby have the required training and knowledge to live with a mentally disturbed wife? You do not want him to get killed after all.

Good luck.

I realize that it may seem like everyone is ganging up on you and saying you suck, but that's not the case. Sure, maybe some people are, but that's true of any story here. I would encourage you to accept constructive criticism and apply it to your future works.

First and foremost, if you want your stories to end in reconciliation then that's fine, I think most people will accept it IF the circumstances of said reconciliation are believable. DON'T go digging the biggest hole imaginable for the wife like you did in this one. A drunken onetime slip is much easier to forgive than a premeditated assault. I would like to think that I could forgive a onetime thing, much like I hope my wife/gf would forgive me. But no way would I accept being drugged, and frankly I hope my wife wouldn't accept it if I drugged her. That's just totally over the line, by any reasonable measure.

The next thing I would suggest for you is to finish the entire story before submitting it. It seems to me like you might have allowed reader's comments to affect this story to a certain extent. For example, someone commented after chapter 1 how they didn't think that what Fallow did could be considered rape. You then proceded to spend nearly 2 paragraphs at the beginning of chapter 2 having Lyle arguing why it WAS rape, wasting 2 paragraphs that could have been used to advance the plot on trying to refute the commentator's charge instead. And at the end of chapter 2 when seemingly everyone was saying reconciliation was hopeless, you then spend the bulk of chapter 3 on what was frankly a pointless story about George and how his marriage survived infidelity in a situation that was totally irrelevant to what was happening with David. What could have been an entire page devoted to David and Shelley trying to work through this together was instead wasted on what seemed like a hastily concocted tangent where George was talking about Miatas being driven in the late 50's-early 60's Ft. Benning area. In the process, the main thrust of the story seemed to lose it's steam because you chose instead to devote so much effort to this new tangent. I think you would be better served to finish the entire story and keep your focus on the central plot rather than allowing reader comments to throw you off track mid-story.

Another thing I would suggest is to have an editor, not only to correct any typos but also to help detect flaws in your logic. It's much easier to fix something before it's submitted than rewriting subsequent chapters (see the above paragraph). For example, I think there's a glaring flaw in the logic that even though he didn't cheat, she THOUGHT he did and that's all that matters. Let me put it to you this way, just because I THINK that Jessica Alba and I are destined to be together doesn't mean that she'd be cool with me jumping in the shower with her. Honestly, do you really think that she'd say, "I don't know you, but since you THINK we're in love it's okay for you grope me and steal my panties and sleep naked in my bed..." (and I could go on about the things I'd like to do with Jessica Alba but I think you get the point).

Finally, I think something that puts a lot of readers off is how your husbands seem to come off as being at fault for wanting a divorce after their wives do something really terrible. It felt like everyone was ganging up on David in this story, George even implied that he was being an unreasonable prick. Another story where this was a big problem for me was Charade, where his wife does this evil thing to him, he divorces her, everyone is mad at him, he has this epiphany that he should have given her another chance, and then she dies. WTF? It's like "This is what you get for getting a divorce. Sure she did a horrible thing, but it was probably your fault somehow and you're a selfish bastard for not sticking around. Now you'll never find happiness!" That's not a theme that most readers will want to get behind.

Hope you find this comment to be useful, and I hope you keep writing.

I have to be totally honest I read the whole thing and was rivited to the end. I would have divourced Shelly myself, but like in real life things happen that we don't want to happen. You made me see things from the characters POV and it wasn't a big stretch that David took her back. I even got tears in my eyes at points. You made me feel. Please keep writing.

Through out this story you keep switching names between kyle and lyle. you need to pick one and stick with it.

Please do not quit but my comments on this story will be harsh. I agree with Risq (I will try not to repeat any of his comments) that you intended to show a husband sticking by his wife through a difficult period but you ended up with a willing cuckold story. However, every experience provides an opportunity to make things better next time.

First, you have David telling us that he knows Shelly very well which implies that they communicate as a couple. They had been married for 10 years so if you do not know your life partner after that time there isn't much hope that you ever will know her. Shelly is a hotel manager responsible for dealing with the moods and feelings of staff and guests on a day to day basis.

Now David knows that trouble is brewing with his wife but she shuts him down when he tries to find out what is troubling her. Some commenters suggested that he did not try hard enough to find out what was wrong. I guess he could have injected her with a truth serum and found out that she believed that he was cheating on her. Oh, but that would be assault which would hardly be a sign of love.

After forcing David to witness her fucking Fallow (remember it was her idea to drug him and tie him up) she suddenly realized how bad she had been and zoned out. Then we have a host of characters try to convince David to stay in the marriage. Was the Connie/Sue/David scene a veiled atttempt at revenge sex (with friends like Connie and Sue Shelly does not need enemies)? While George's story showed how he and his wife got back together after martial infidelity one important difference between his case and David's was that George's wife was sane.

This brings us to the fatal flaw in this story. Shelly was mentally stable enough to run a major hotel but she could not deal with David's imagined cheating. She could not confront him without violence. She never had a history of violence but just over a few months she has this breakdown. She listened to Fallow even though she took his job and never confided in anyone else including her husband about her suspicions. And what were the great mentally disturbing events - cheating (and departure) by her father and cheating by her first husband. Not to minimize the impact of these events on her psyche where was the 10 years of love, trust and respect for David?

As to the rape charge against Fallow it was not credible. If it was feasible to charge someone for manipulation to get sex frat boys who run gang bangs of young girls would routinely be imprisoned.

Lastly. I did not like David bowing down to the guilt trip and feedback from others to reconcil with his wife. Marriage is based on love, repsect and trust. How can he trust her again? Of course, he should forgive her and help her get back on her feet. But why would he stay married to her (you realized that there was not one scene of kindness and love from Shelly to David)? What happen the next time she needs to communicate with David?

Bottom Line: Shelly did not respect and trust David when it counted. Just because someone believes and act upon something as true when it is not does not wipe away the consequences.

For the record, I have enjoyed your other stories. Most of the negative reaction from the commenters was due to Shelly's temporary insanity defense.

SleeplessinMD

But I did. You dug the characters in waaaaaaaaay to deep to salvage this latest submission. Everyone who reads (and enjoys) your usual fare, as I do, recognizes the fact that you are a "reconciliation" type Author. When your female characters live, the Husband invariably comes back. That's why I commented the way I did. But when his General friend told him of he and his Wife in the early days, that only meant he was married to a crazy woman, too! I mean, she HAD to sleep with someone else to make a point? Having him served w/Divorce papers wouldn't have accomplished the same thing? And NO MAN with any active brain cells would stay with a woman who could get that nasty that quickly. If she was in that bad of a state, there's no way she could have performed her duties or even driven an automobile.

she should have talk to hubby before she fucked the other guy.that was it and see you next at court.it funny how the mind come back after they fucked up,they understand good after the fact.she didn't respect her hubby or trust him.how is he going to trust her.

Great and sad ending Blue88 i hope theres Shellys side of the story.

Pat.

Atlanta,Ga.

This is a work of fiction, and I think it is a very good one.

For those who seem to dislike it the most, by their angry rejection they demonstrate emotional involvement, and what better way is there to tell an author he really hit a home run.

I would be bored silly if every story I read followed the script I thought it should. Wouldn't it be great, I could find one or two stories and read them over and over, thus aleviating the need for writing blistering comments.

A lot of real people live and act in ways much more bizare than those portrayed in this, and many other similar stories I have read on Literotica. Why not enjoy reading them instead of trying to beat up the author.

I was into this story until the end. The man is married to a straight up nut case. By the time the story finished, I didn't really like any of the characters. The long winded story by the general was boring.

This is fiction, folks. Deal with it. Good tale. keep them

coming.

SleeplessinMD invariably comments logically and to the point. I predicted the ending in my comment after chapter 2. No surprise that I was right. As another said, this really is the insanity defense, pure and simple; otherwise Shelly would be charged with kidnapping or something appropriate to her drugging and restraining her spouse -- such was illegal the last time I checked. Since the psychiatrist failed to "heal" Shelly the last time, it would not be a stretch to assume he won't heal her this time either. Her recovery "would be better with David's support" -- give me a break. Next we'll be blaming David for her breakdown. I hope the rape charge sticks and Bob becomes Bubba's best boy toy. I suppose 50% justice is better than none. But I really see no consequences for Shelly's actions. I am tempted to write a sequel from Shelly's point of view with an admission at the end that she has dealt with shrinks and mental illness for long enough that she now has the ability to convincingly fake a near-catatonic state. After all, if someone says they have a headache, how do you prove they don't? If we go into psychobabble a little more, we can go with what the good shrink told David -- Shelly feels guilty, so she fully expects a divorce. Wouldn't this consequence make Shelly feel better because at least she was "punished" with divorce? Otherwise, at least in B88's story, she will just keep feeling guilty. And David will need some really super duper Viagra to have intercourse with his wife in the future -- I can't imagine him feeling sexually attracted to her after what she did to emasculate him and humiliate him.

well wrote story,but plot sucked.let be real,she didn't talk with him about what was going on.she fuck another in their home.what is marriage,trust and respect between two spouses.he got a lot of baggage to deal that she bring to the marriage.forcing them back together sucks.

I really liked your story. I think it speaks volumns as to your skill as a writer that people become so wrapped up in your story. They identify with some part of the story.

This story fails right here; Shelly THINKING david cheated even AFTER he screamed at her in Part1 he had NOT

.... is not the same thing as George's pathetic story

<br></br>

<i>I knew the points that George wanted me to go over - the parallels between his story and the horror visited upon me. Betty had cheated, but it was in reaction to his own philandering - she was driven by desperation, goaded into showing him how devastating infidelity was, despite how misguided her attempt may have been. <b> But, Shelly had cheated when there had been no infidelity on my part. George was guilty, I was not. Wait.........wait, Shelly had cheated because she was convinced that I HAD been unfaithful. In her mind I was doing just what George had done, and she had reacted exactly how Betty had.....well, maybe not exactly. Shelly's reaction was perhaps a bit draconian.</b> Damn, I was getting a headache. Why was I beating myself up - I knew that I had to answer George's last question. </i>

<br></br>

Its NOT the same thing. David's Violent protestation -- apart of the story the author wishes to over looky... destroys this plot twist. ALL this time Shelly never thought maybe he had not... ALL the time after he outburst.... she never had 1 second of doubt. That is NOT mental Ilnnes

<br></br>

that is character flaw.

a story. The BGs story of Betty is really off based. Betty was the one with a problem, she could not communicate with her husband about his cheating about her loneliness about love. She left clues all missed by a man totally in love and trusting of her. So she onesided decides to have a man cum in her, risking all kinds of things, and then go home to shove her used pussy in his face. What kind of sick fuck does that sort of thing. She was mentally ill! Let me see a man who shoots my sister because his head is screwed up isnt to blame, therefore my wife who goes out and fucks men isnt to blame for her betrayal, lying, cheating, putting us both at risk by her behavior because she is mentally sick. Nope dont buy it. Lack of morals, ethics, love, and faithfulness dont just come and go they are part of your inner personality. A slut is a slut, always was always will be, just wasnt released before. Ever heard the saying once a cheater always a cheater, it is true given the opportunity and the self rationalization to do it. Do you really want someone like that married to you and live that life 24/7, be real, think, life in hell everyday of your life..................... Get her in a hospital provide medical care and divorce her and marry a woman who actually loves you.

All the psychobabble in the world won't make up for what she and her loverboy did. She wasn't crazy she was PISSED and determined to get revenge.

We what's good for Miss Goose is good for Mr. Gander.

Grind the bitch into dust. Then spread the dust in the fire, and finally scatter the ashes.

I'm of the Michael Corleone school of revenge. Keep her close then arrange for total destruction. Since she is so freaking weak mentally, finish her off and leave her a veg. Messing her up so bad her own mother would not want to look at her would work as a add on.

Crazy bitch has it all coming after what she did to him.

Go see a head shrink, get your friends on your side, apologize after the fact and do anything and everything but take responsibility for your actions. She is a cheating whore nothing more, nothing less. Oh by the way, I forgot .. it's all his fault too. You know he should you to jail for not being a better husband and she should be given a pass to fuck alot more men. Is that what you wanted to say Blue 88. What a bunch of BS!!!

Whats he going to? I dam sure couldn't sleep next to that -women- just think how much blood would you have in your body, after she has cut your throat in your sleep? Screaming You been cheating again!!!!

But you decided to demasculate the husband instead,, what a fucking dissapointment of story writing!!! R.T.

Author, go to hell.

Promotions to 1st Lt is almost automatic so the idea that he had to work so hard for it is total nonsense.

He might overlook her cheating. However, she committed to very serious crimes by giving him an illegal drug that might have killed him and compounded it by kidnapping him. No way could he overlook that.

Finally, read all the negative comments. No way this story should be rated a 4. Therefore, the author is gaming the system by voting 5 hundreds of times. Vote, remove the cookie and vote again.

A self-centered, self absorbed, hypocritical prick. This definition fits most of the wronged men in Loving Wives. It's what they turn into after they discover infidelity.

What also amazes me is that in most of the stories it's the kids who really get screwed. No kids here at least.

Not even in the same ball park. We can SMELL the RAAC coming. And, it stinks.

for a brilliant cut and paste job.

We've read the stories about husbands tied up watching the wife fuck. We just knew that the fellow who was the helpful friend was plotting to fuck her. The sub-story about the wife in the motel was lifted whole, it even had the red miata! I bet the lesbian couple are out there somewhere though I don't read lesbian stories. The sentence "will you be happier with her or without her" must be in the Oxford Book of Quotations by now.

Yet I read it through in a sitting. I enjoyed it too. I don't know why the haters bother.

If she's sick enough to physically harm him, they have no future

it doesnt contribute anything. this isnt goerge's story, it's david's. that whole conversation could have been condensed into, "i walked in on my wife cheating, too, and was in the same mental state you are now." a few more sentences to get his point across, then move on. if you wanted to tell george's story, you should have written a separate story.

First off the conversation with George is totally irrelevant ! It's not the same thing! George's story wasn't needed because those two situations are complete fucking opposites. George cheated on his wife & obviously been doing so for a while--- George's wife cheated on him to prove a point ( no matter how idiotic it maybe) Dave was tried & convicted without giving the chance to defend himself, even after Dave sat Shelly down & point blank asked her what the fuck was wrong with her & she finally called him a cheating bastard, he vehemently denied ever cheating on her, all she had to do was talk with Dave & tell him who's been feeding her all the bullshit but she did no such thing. The fact that all the men in her life has betrayed her in this department, is still no excuse for the lack of trust. I think she should've worked on her trust issues before marrying Dave, I furthermore conclude that she shouldn't of brought those issues into her new marriage especially if he never did anything to question his fidelity. I'm sorry her being sorry & all that bullshit is just that--bullshit... The time , effort & planning she took to do this could've been put to better use. I've been cheated on before I never associated that with all men, my father actually cheated & left my mother for the slut-- again I did not bring these trust issues into my beautiful relationship with my husban --who by the way also has trust issues... She willingly fuck'd this prick, tied her husband up so he can watch, drugged him! Get a grip! she obviously is a fucking nut job, I think she wanted to believe that Dave was just like her father & ex-husband, all she had to do was think rationally, even if this prick had photos of Dave's alleged affair she never should've thought so low of him to think he'd do such a thing. If I was Shelly I wouldn't of believed it unless I seen it with own eyes. Shelly needs therapy not a marriage, her relationships will never last until she leaves the past behind, she has a mindset that ALL men are cheaters which she will need to either change that or become a lesbian because not too many men would want to stay married to a woman who doesn't trust him. Trust is everything without that there's no marriage...

Obviously this is fiction because in real life no real man would return to a woman who cheated the way she did. I don't like the way it ended and someone should write a different ending to this tale.

They always pose that same stupid question. The CORRECT question is, "Would you be happier with her or without her, given that she is very likely going to continue to display her natural behavior patterns?"

She will do it again - how much pain can you live with for the sake of some old pussy?

Also cluck, wimp, cluck, wimp, cluck, wimp..get the idea.

But no cigar. Editing lacked, storyline lacked, but a good idea that was lost in translation. Good luck in the future.

another fucking cuckie tale. and it is not rape to lie to a woman, but hey in this cucks world it is.

and put him out of his misery.

While understanding his problems, I remain unconvinced David would have allowed that many people to influence him, considering his wifes actions. I certainly felt that the section with Susan and her friend was unlikely and unbelievable. The "with her or without her" also seemed too simplified. Overall a good read, just a couple of twists I didn't agree with. But that's why I read the stories and don't write them.

Why is that many who reads these stories has God damn shades on, and cannot see a story from more sides than caveman perspective (burn the bitch) -- and yes, I am referring to many of the comments made to this VERY BRILLIANT PIECE OF WRITING!

First of all, the woman is mentally unstable. I do not know how many of you have ever truly MET a woman (or a man) who has true and serious mental problems. The poor woman is ill and there are MAJOR extenuating circumstances involved.

- Should she have had her husband raped? No, absolutely NOT! Not by any stretch, and it is a terrible-terrible tragedy, this story.

- Should she have behaved towards her husband the way she did. NO, but she DID, so deal with it. But putting her even more through hell because she did things while not being her normal self by divorcing does not make it right. Her return to 'normalcy' is punishment enough for her, she does not also need the loss of her husband and the sacking of her very life and everything else she holds dear. Not the way to go by it. In sickness and in health, ladies and gentlemen... that is your MARRIAGE VOWS, so by leaving her, because of what she has done in illness, you're no better than her, IF she sombrely had cheated on her husband.

Actually nonsensical, everybody's "fucked up". Man, get a vocabulary.

read a story that an author has taken time to write, used his own talent to write and entertain you, or maybe give you a little food for thought, and what does he get in return? come on folks...

Some need to learns some manners, that seems to be sorely lacking in todays society... I was taught if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all...

I thought the story was very good.. I guess it just wasn't vindictive enough for some... It is sad that we live in a society that apparently thinks more of a mis treated animals than that of a two human beings