The Trojan Lasagna Ch. 03 - Dessert

Of course, Donna was a step ahead of me. "That won't be a problem," she assured me, "I've already put the house on the market and priced it to sell quickly. In the meantime, you and I can look for a townhouse in Indianapolis."

I was surprised by this. "Really? You'd relocate for me?"

"Fairburn stopped being my home after the police found Rosalie's drugs," she replied, her tone somewhat bitter. "All my friends disappeared, and whenever I go shopping or out to eat, the people who still speak to me are downright cold."

I reluctantly asked the next obvious question, "What about Rosalie? Is Robert going to take her back?"

Donna sadly shook her head, "No. He's completely done with her. She's moved in with someone else, I'd prefer not say who, but at least she's got a safe place to stay." That sounded odd, but Rosalie was her daughter after all, so I didn't press. We'd started to reconcile, but the emotional scars from our separation were still fresh and I didn't want to say anything that might upset my wife.

Then a question occurred to me. "Babe, you asked me if I was dating while we were separated, but you never told me if you were. Did you?" I had no idea I'd just stepped on an emotional landmine.

Donna stiffened as if a poisonous snake had just reared up in front of her, and answered cautiously, "Not really. I did go out for dinner once with Ashton Hayes, just for companionship, but it was just as friends. Nothing else happened, I promise. I wouldn't lower myself to that level ever again."

It felt as if I'd been struck by lightning. If you'd asked me to name anyone I loathed more than Ashton Hayes, I couldn't. Donna's ex-boyfriend was a middle-aged Casanova who saw fucking women as a sport, a slimebag of the lowest kind. Add to that, the fact that he'd actually slept with Donna while they dated made him Public Enemy Number One as far as I was concerned. Call me possessive, but I wanted him nowhere near her. EVER.

I didn't blow up and shout, but I was close to it. "You have GOT to be kidding me," I hissed, "that slimy bastard? The last time you and I saw him at dinner, he was with some barely-legal bubblehead and insulted both of us! Why would you even consider it?"

It was obvious Donna was hoping to avoid telling me this; she slammed her hand on the table in frustration.

"Because I'd driven my husband away and I was miserable," she shouted, "after the drug search he was one of the few people left in town that wasn't being rude to me! Josh, nothing happened, I swear! It was just dinner, because he was a good listener!"

I wanted to believe her, but this was Ashton Hayes we were talking about. "A good listener? Yeah, right," I scoffed, "he was listening for an opportunity to get in your pants!" So much for being sensitive about our reconciliation.

Donna was getting more heated as well. "You stupid jerk! Are you telling me you're actually jealous of a middle-aged lounge lizard, even after last night?"

I slapped my own hand on the table, rattling the silverware. "Hell yes, I'm jealous! You actually slept with that dirtbag before I met you, what stopped you this time? It's not like you had a restraining order on HIM!"

I realized that last comment was a low blow and regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth, but I wasn't about to back down. I was furious at the thought of that slimy dirtbag being allowed access to my wife while I sat alone and suffering. Realizing I'd been shouting, I lowered my voice. My anger had changed to sadness at the realization that, emotionally, we were in two very different places.

I'd rejected my wife's sister and fended off the veiled (and not-so-veiled) flirtations of multiple coworkers because more than anything, I'd wanted to reunite with my wife and child. I had no choice but to swallow my loneliness.

Donna, on the other hand, dealt with her loneliness by having dinner -- and doing who knew what else - with a former lover. She claimed she wanted me back, but after the delayed disclosure of her little tryst with Ashton Hayes, suddenly I wasn't convinced.

I realized fighting served no further purpose, and would only make things worse when we divorced. My shoulders slumped; I picked up my crutches and grabbed my jacket from the closet and told her, "Donna, I think it's best if you take Addy and leave. I'm going for a walk, please don't be here when I get back."

Fifteen minutes later, I'd realized going for a long walk on crutches had been a terrible idea; my biceps and armpits were absolutely on fire. Limping back to the apartment, I found Donna and Addy gone. Shit!

~~~~~~~~~~

If I was depressed before, the week prior to Christmas it transitioned into deep despair. At work, my melancholy was blood in the water to some of the female sharks in Sales and Trading. There was a regular stream of pantsuit-clad women stopping by my desk to see if I 'needed' anything. Someone was so bold as to hang mistletoe above the copier next to my cubicle.

None of this attention distracted me. All I could think of was my wife and daughter spending Christmas morning without me. I'd finally got my hard cast off, and had switched to a cloth and plastic walking cast so I no longer needed crutches to walk around. In another two days, I could go back to wearing regular shoes on both feet!

Since I wasn't exactly cruising for chicks these days, showering was no longer a priority; I just sprayed myself down with deodorant before going to work every morning. As I still couldn't drive a stick shift, I'd rented a small car with an automatic transmission to run my errands and get groceries. Doing laundry had become less of a priority as well, and often I'd find myself putting on my cleanest dirty shirt. Shaving was also hit-or-miss, depending on my mood.

Yeah, you could say I was a mess. Christy Alvear certainly did, scolding me about twice a week that I looked and smelled like a hobo. I don't know who designated her as my office mother hen, but she seemed to relish the role.

When I got home the Friday night before Christmas, I was surprised to see my brother sitting in front of my door, shivering while he waited for me. The temperature was dropping, and a light snow was falling.

I barked at him, "Terry, dude, what are you doing here? Get your ass inside before you freeze."

I didn't have to ask twice, he was inside as soon as I opened the door, and dropping onto my couch. Not bothering with the pleasantries, he got straight to the point. "Donna told me you threw her out when she brought Addy by."

OK, if he wanted to get straight into it, so be it. "Yeah, did she tell you why?

"You think she cheated with her ex-boyfriend while you two were separated."

I nodded, "She did, with that jackass Ashton Hayes. I had plenty of chances to, but I didn't because I was still married. Obviously, she didn't share the same convictions. Our marriage is done, and I plan on filing for divorce in January."

From the look on his face, it was evident Terry was not fucking around; instead, he was dead serious. "Listen, dude, if you never listen to any of my advice ever again, just listen to me this one time," he warned, "don't divorce Donna. You'll regret it for the rest of your life."

My temper flared. "Terry, you're my brother, and we've always stuck up for each other. Why are you taking Donna's side all of a sudden?"

His temper flared right back at me, "Damn it, Josh, I'm not taking her side! There ARE no fucking sides here! Would you please let me explain?"

At this point my marriage was over, so I had nothing to lose. "I guess." Taking my coat off, I sat on the couch next to him.

"I have to tell you something," Terry advised, "Donna asked me to keep it a secret, but you deserve to know. It's about the night she had dinner with that bastard Hayes."

I scoffed, "This is old news, bro. I already know what happened. She was sad, he took her to dinner, then they fucked. She denies anything happened, but I know it did. Ashton Hayes is an incorrigible horndog that thinks he's God's gift to women. He'd hump a knothole in a fence plank if the inclination hit him."

I definitely wasn't expecting my brother's reaction. Quickly leaning forward, he gave me an angry slap upside my head. Not enough to seriously hurt me, but enough to get my attention. I hadn't seen him this pissed off in years, not since I was in high school and accidentally tore a hole in his Members Only jacket.

He shook his finger in my face and growled, "Josh, you arrogant little prick! You're going to keep your mouth shut and listen, or I swear I'll kick your ass. Do you understand me?"

I was smarter than Terry, but not bigger. Although he'd never had to, he was certainly capable of handing me my ass if he were so inclined. Wisely, I held up my hands in surrender, "OK, sorry! I'm shutting up!"

"After you filed for separation, Donna was devastated. Everybody in the whole damned town was treating her like shit because of her daughter, and on top of that she felt incredibly guilty for filing that restraining order; then she'd fucked up even further by taking too long requesting the judge rescind it!"

Terry still seemed pissed off, but not as much now. "Your house was absolutely trashed from the cops searching it, stuff was thrown fucking everywhere! Since her best friend Adeline was travelling in Europe, Donna and the baby had to move in with Janine and I while the three of us got everything cleaned up. The police tossed everything in every single room, so cleanup took about two weeks."

"No way..." I muttered. The word 'search' sounded so simple, like the cops would neatly open every drawer and politely close it when finished. I had no idea it had been so chaotic.

"YES way," Terry snapped, "it was fucking traumatic. And your wife had to experience it alone because she'd done something really, really stupid by kicking you out. She felt like shit, and believe me, she looked it. Janine and I love Donna, and were as supportive as possible but I have to tell you, her constant crying was really wearing us down. When Ashton Hayes ran into her at the supermarket and asked her to dinner, it was the first time in a week she seemed semi-normal. We were relieved, only because it meant finally we'd have one night together without a lonely, depressed sister-in-law on our hands."

I wanted to interject, 'And that's when she fucked him' but I didn't want Terry to hit me in the head again. I had a feeling the second time he wouldn't be so gentle, so I just asked, "Then what happened?"

"He picked her up at 7:00pm. She was dressed conservatively, wearing a plain dark high-necked blue dress, nothing slutty, and yes, in case you're curious, her wedding ring. She'd put a little makeup on, mostly to cover the blotches on her face from crying. She explained Hayes as an old friend, saying she could use as many friends as she could get right now."

Hearing that I felt a twinge of guilt, until I reminded myself I wasn't the one who'd kicked me out.

Terry continued, "Four hours later Addy was sleeping while Janine and I were dry-humping on the couch, pretending to watch an overdue Blockbuster movie. The phone rang, and it was Donna. She was calling from a payphone at a cheap motel. After dinner, instead of bringing her back to our place, Hayes took a little detour to the motel, expecting your wife to be more than 'a friend'. Donna jumped out of the car, ran into the motel office and locked herself in the toilet. When she came out twenty minutes later the bastard was gone; he'd abandoned her. That's when your wife called us to come get her."

"So you're saying she never fucked him." I was supposed to be the smarter brother, but at the moment I felt like a real dumbass. Terry obviously agreed with me being a dumbass; he was now basically raging.

"I'm saying Hayes took advantage of Donna's vulnerability, not to mention your absence, to get her alone and persuade her to sleep with him, but she wanted none of it. Contrary to the bullshit you've convinced yourself is true, Donna NEVER forgot she was your wife! So hell no, you idiot, SHE NEVER FUCKED HIM!"

Now I knew the truth. My wife wasn't a cheater, despite giving me the impression she was. I still had to ask Terry, "Why didn't Donna tell me all this when she admitted she'd had dinner with him? She knows I fucking hate that bastard!"

Calmer now, Terry let out a frustrated sigh. "Josh, you're a bright guy, but sometimes you can be so fucking stupid. Think about what Donna's feeling for a minute. She's 47, and contrary to how you see her, thinks she's unattractive and past her prime. How do I know this? Because she said it every damned night she stayed with us~"

I was tempted to argue the point, because just seeing her barefoot got me horny. Wisely, I kept listening.

"On top of feeling old and ugly, she was embarrassed at how she'd kicked out her own husband and biggest supporter, and even more embarrassed how it boomeranged on her in the form of a legal separation. She needed you to talk to, but you were so pissed off you'd only talk to her about Addy. Your wife was feeling lower than whale shit. Breaking your foot may have sucked for you, but for Donna it was a godsend. Bringing Addy to you gave her an excuse to actually be with you again!"

"OK, that all makes sense, but it doesn't tell me why she didn't give me all the details about Hayes?"

Terry knocked on my forehead, doing a spot-on impersonation of the character Biff in Back To The Future. "Hello...Hello...anybody home, McFly? Come on, Josh. She was humiliated enough by the knowledge that you hated Hayes, and expected you'd lose your damned mind knowing they had dinner, assuming they'd fucked afterwards, which you absolutely did. Am I wrong?"

It wasn't easy having to choke down my pride, but I had no choice. "You're not wrong."

Terry smiled, like Mr. Miyagi did after Daniel LaRusso won the final tournament in The Karate Kid. "Good. Now let's take it a step further. Having to admit she had dinner with Hayes was embarrassing enough, because it made her look so pathetic; imagine how much more humiliated Donna would be if she'd told you that Hayes had leveraged her misery to get her horizontal? She'd have to admit that you were right again, and she'd really fucked up yet again. Rather than risk that, she left, thinking that you might eventually come around and believe she didn't sleep with her him."

"So that's why she left."

"You're finally catching on, little brother. Every single fucking decision she'd made, starting with insisting Rosalie move in with the two of you, had been a complete and utter disaster. This string of bad decisions had led directly to the two of you being on the brink of divorce. When she got back to Fairburn, she came crying to Janine and me, admitting she hadn't come clean because if you knew the whole truth, you'd be convinced she was an idiot and it would be over."

I leaned back and I thought about it for a while. After Rosalie dumped me for her ex-husband Shithead, I was at a pretty low point in my life. It was Donna that lifted me out of it and got me back on track. It was Donna who gave me love and encouragement while I was getting my degree, and best of all, it was Donna who gave me Adeline Nicole. Compared to what she'd given me, the shit she'd put me through over the last few months didn't matter. I loved my wife, and I wanted to stay her husband.

I stood up and looked at my brother. "Damn it, Terry, I'm supposed to be the smart one, not you," I told him, "I guess you're not as dumb as you look."

"That's a shitty compliment, but I guess I'll take it," he quipped, "I'm glad I got some sense into your ugly head. What's your next move, little brother?"

"I'm not, and have never been, a quitter like Dad. Our wedding vows said, 'For better or worse', right? I'm going home."

Unimpressed by my determination, Terry remarked, "Before you do, you might want to shower and shave, because you smell pretty rank right now, bro."

~~~~~~~~~

I requested a couple of days off, and headed down to Fairburn. Terry told me Donna had gone ahead and found a townhome in Indianapolis to move into. She was spending most of her days packing the house up for the move in January, while he and Janine took care of Addy.

When I got to our house, the real estate sign in front of the house had a 'sale pending' tag. Through the front window, I saw she'd put up a small Christmas tree, not much bigger than the one in my apartment. I walked up to the front door, uncertain if I should use the doorbell or just walk in. Theoretically it was my home, but Donna's name was on the house's title. Opting to take the cautious route, I rang the doorbell.

Donna opened it, wearing a plaid shirt and jeans. Given the purpose of my visit, I was wearing the custom-tailored navy-blue suit and patent leather shoes that she'd bought me for our wedding. I wanted to her to think of me as the man she'd married, not the derelict in the sweatsuit that had thrown her out.

We stood there for a moment, looking at each other. Mine was a look of penitence, while hers was a look of astonishment. Finally, she asked, "Josh, what are you doing here? Have you come to get more of your things?"

I took her hands in mine. In all out time apart I'd never taken off my wedding ring, and I was pleased to see she was still wearing hers as well.

"No, I've some to apologize for the wrong I've done. I was a fucking idiot, reacting the way I did after you filed the restraining order. I got angry and did things on my own like I always do, and royally messed up."

"Josh, you had every right..."

"No, Donna, I didn't. I should have asked someone to help me get a message to you, but I was angry and stubborn and I lashed out instead."

"I understand. I neglected you."

I defended her, "You were in over your head. The crap that Rosalie pulled really did a number on both of us, trying to destroy our marriage. Things got out of control, fast."

"But you stayed true to me. You could have given up on me and been with any number of women... even my own sister."

My eyes got wide. "She told you?"

"Dorothy didn't want any secrets between us. She came over to confess and apologize, and after the way I'd treated you, I forgave her. She cares about you, and wanted to comfort you when you were hurting. But you turned her away and prevented her from making that mistake. Just like you turned away the young women in your office. You were miserable and could have had any of them, but you didn't."

"How did you even know about them?"

"Christy Alvear got my number from your company's emergency contact form and called me." I was shocked to learn what Christy had been up to, and wasn't sure if I should call her up and yell at her for spying, or send her flowers for protecting my marriage. "She saw how you were struggling without me, and gave me a call to let me know she was keeping an eye on you for me. It made me feel better, knowing you were staying loyal."

"I told you as much when you brought Addy to see me. But when you told me that you had dinner with Hayes, I was a jealous asshole and wrongly assumed you'd slept with him. You swore you didn't, but I refused to believe you. I came to apologize for not believing you."

"You don't know the whole story. I'm ashamed to admit you were right to be suspicious. That innocent dinner almost ended badly."

"I do know the whole story. I heard it from Terry."

She looked down, embarrassed. "It was supposed to be a secret, I didn't want you to know."

"My brother did me a huge favor. He told me the whole story, how Hayes played you when you were depressed and susceptible. Terry also set me straight on what an absolute dick I've been, leaving you alone to take care of Addy and deal with the shitstorm Rosalie left behind. You're the woman I married, and instead of supporting you, I let you down. I'm so sorry."