The Twenty Year Fucking Lie

"I'm going for a run." I announced, seeing them all sitting at the dining table.

"Ross, it is dinner time. The food is already served." Nina grumbled confusion and anxiety colouring her hesitant words.

"I'll eat later. I need the run." I was out the door and gone before she could say anything else. God it had been over a year since I ran last. Two kilometres up the road, and my muscles were already complaining.

I pushed on, it took a while, until I felt the relief of my second wind.

Thankfully the kids were in bed. It might be easier to keep the anger in check with it being just Nina and me.

She saw me walk in and jumped up, storming twards me. She leant forward, shoving her face in mine.

"I don't know what the hell is going on with you Mr, but you better talk, right now."

"When were you going to tell me Nina? Or were you going to keep it a secret forever?"

She recoiled, staggering backwards. The aloofness gone from her voice. "What are you talking about? Tell you what exactly?"

"That you've been sleeping with Laurence since before we even met. That you just got back from a sleazy fucking getaway with your scum bag lover."

Her hand came up to cover her face, her eyes bulged in complete shock.

"Yeah, I know all about your fucking affair. What about the kids Nina... When were you going to tell me they aren't mine. Were you going to tell me?" I screamed loud enough to bring the kids running down to see what was going on.

The moment I spotted them, I snarled. "Get back to your rooms and stay there."

"Ross..."

I leaned in close, my sweat covered brow only centimetres from her face. "Were you going to tell me... Well, were you?" It wasn't anger, or fury, it was hatred, and I couldn't hold it back.

She wiped away a little tear that had gathered in the corner of her eye. "Yes, of course we were going to tell you, but later when the children were old enough to understand. How did you find out?"

I sneered cynically. "It's hard to get an international flight from the domestic terminal aye!"

She sighed deeply. "I see, you were spying on us."

"No, not really. I was pissed off. I guess I paid more attention than I usually do." I shook my head in utter disbelief. "Jesus you played me for a fool. A complete dumb fool. Why Nina. Why the hell did you do it. Our whole life together has been a fucking lie."

She blanched at my attack. "No Ross, it wasn't all a lie. I do love you. I always did. You are a wonderful kind loving soul. I fell in love with you."

"But you loved him more aye. Why didn't you just marry him?"

"We couldn't marry." She sighed sadly, her eyes downcast. "He and Carolyn have a prenup, Laurence would have lost everything."

"Why the kids, why did you do that to me? You've robbed me of a chance to have a family of my own." The anger, god it raged within me like a white hot branding iron. "You stole my fucking life, you cold hearted bitch."

"I am so sorry Ross." Her eyes came up from staring at the floor and met mine. Her expression, how could it be so sincere, so direct? "Carolyn couldn't have children. Laurence asked me to bear his family, and I agreed. I loved him Ross, how could I deny him that?"

"What about me, you callous bitch? What about my family, what about my family line? I'm an only fucking child Nina. My family lineage is dead now. Fucking dead and it's all because of you."

"Ross, I... We did try to give you one. It just didn't happen, maybe you have a problem, in the end, Nial came along, and yes. He was Laurence's as well. I so much wanted him to be yours."

"So it was all planned, the whole fucking thing. You slept with him on all of those trips away. What about here in the house?"

"Yes, we wanted the children to be conceived here, in what was going to become their home. We wanted that to be from love, not lust."

"Jesus, have you no fucking shame?"

She tried to wrap her arms around me, but I flung them away roughly.

"No, Nina. You gave up your right to touch me ever again. It's over Nina. The whole charade is over. I am struggling right now not to hit you, to beat you. I'm going to shower. Then I'm leaving. We can sort out the asset split later. Right now. I just need to get away from your toxicity."

I showered and changed quickly. I had my clothes stuffed into suitcases and any empty bags I could find. I was just fastening the last of them when Nina walked in. She looked at the bags, and flopped down on the edge of the bed.

"Please don't go Ross. You don't have to leave. What about the children?"

"I do have to leave Nina. If I don't, I'm going to do something we will both regret. As for the kids, I'll tell them the truth. They need to know why I'm not going to be around. They need to know who their real father is."

"No..." She gasped horrified. "You cannot do that. You are their father. You will always be their father."

"Bullshit. You said yourself you were going to tell them yourself when they were older. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Just hang around until you didn't need me any more. Then you were going to ride off into the sunset with Laurence, aye?"

"No, it wasn't going to be like that. We were only going to tell the children because they would obviously inherit everything. Laurence, hoped that Lionel would study business and then take over from him."

"Yeah, good move. Keep it in the family aye..."

"Ross, it doesn't have to be this way. We have had a happy and successful marriage. We have a wonderful family. Why destroy it?"

"Oh my god. You're insane. You really are off your trolley."

"Ross, please, don't do anything rash. We can work this out. There's no need for you to move out. We can find a way to make it work." The desperation oozed from her.

"Like fuck we can. If you think I would ever sleep in that bed, in this house again. You're mistaken."

"We can get another bed. Golly, it doesn't have to be horrible." She tried to move closer, her voice taking that soft purring seductive tone she used when she wanted something from me. "Ross, I was looking forward to making love tonight. It's always lovely coming home to you after I've been away. Please my love. Come to bed, make love with me. Reclaim me, make me yours."

"Didn't get enough fucking from dick head huh. Laurence fall down on the job did he."

"Oh good heavens. Could we at least try to keep it seemly. There is no need for all the hostility and vulgarity."

"Oh boo hoo. You don't like the truth... Yeah, does it hurt.. Wait until the whole world knows what a cheating slutty piece of shit you really are."

She jumped off the bed, and tried to slap my face. "How dare you speak to me like that." I grabbed her arm and twisted. "Yeah, the truth, it gets you in the end, and it huts like hell doesn't it. It's going to get worse Nina. Soon everybody will know. Our parents, everybody at your office. All those people who look up to you. Soon they will be calling you slut."

The defeat oozed out of her, she wilted in my arms. "Ross, I will ask again. Please do not do anything rash or foolish. We all have a lot to lose here."

"Not me, Nina. I have nothing to lose now. I found out my wife was never mine. My family has been stolen from me. I have nothing." Leaning in close enough so my spittle sprayed over her face. "I have nothing Nina. Everything I thought I had has been ripped away from me..."

I picked up a couple of the suitcases and headed for the door. Lionel, who must have heard at least some of our argument stood in his bedroom doorway. "Is everything okay Dad?"

"Mate, I have to go away for a while. There's a couple of bags in the bedroom if you want to help me carry them down to the pickup?"

He staggered out with the other cases, as i loaded them all in the back. I gave him a brutal hug. "I love you mate. Never forget that. I will always be your father."

"You're scaring me Dad. What is going on?" He said through tearful sniffles.

"Lionel, come inside honey. Your father has a project that needs his attention at the moment. He will be back." Nina called from the front door.

When Lionel turned back to me, he looked confused. He had questions.

"Lionel, come inside this minute." Nina shouted.

"You will always be my dad." He said through sobs. He had heard enough obviously. I watched as he flung his mothers arms from him, as she tried to cuddle him.

That night I crashed. The stress had taken it's toll. I felt exhausted. Sleepless nights added up, and I hit the wall.

Work was again busy the next day. I blocked Nina's number because she was driving me crazy. Call after call. Laurence as well tried, and I blocked his number as well.

It was lunchtime, when Nina and Laurence walked onto my job site. Laurence, the brazen bastard walked up to me with his hand outstretched for a hand shake. "Good morning Ross. Could we find somewhere quiet to talk?"

"No, I'm busy. You have nothing to say that I want to hear. So fuck off aye."

"Ross, calm down my friend. There's no need for animosity. If we could just sit down and chat, I'm sure we can fix this whole situation."

Standing tall, I walked up to him, our noses touching. "Laurence, walk away okay. Leave now before I can't rein in my anger."

He didn't even flinch. His words returned, flat, calm. "What are your plans Ross. I need to know what you are going to do with the information you think you have. I mean, your accusations are simply nothing more than that. It would be your word against mine."

"No, Laurence. I have all the proof I need. I have the DNA report, video and photographic evidence. You asked me what my plans are. First and foremost I'm going to send all of the evidence I have to Carolyn. Remember her... Your wife. Then I'll send it to your board of directors, the media, and anyone who will listen. I'm going to make sure everybody in the country knows what a dirty filthy low down arsehole you are. I'm filing for divorce siting adultery as the reason, and I'm naming you as the co-respondent."

He sucked in a deep breath, and tried to sound commanding. "That is not going to happen Ross. You are a reasonable man. A good man, and have been a great father. You do not want to destroy your children, break up the family. Lets talk money all right. I am confident we can come to an arrangement that suits us all."

"Like hell arsehole. You're going down, and I don't care who you take with you. Lets not forget. I don't have a family. I have a filthy slut for a wife. I no longer have a family. Don't worry though. At least you two can get married and bring it all out into the open."

"Ross, don't do anything rash. Do not push me, do you understand." I sensed his unease, his words had lost the conciliatory tone, and now there was a cold underlying warning.

"Are you threatening me dipshit?" I snarled stepping forward forcing him to stagger backwards. "You carry on a twenty year affair with my wife. Fuck me over into raising your fucking children. You can shove your warning up your shitty arse."

Once he regained his footing, he rasped. "It is not a threat Ross, but it is a warning."

Nina jumped in quickly. "Ross, we were hoping you might have calmed down a little. Please babe, lets go somewhere quiet where we can talk. I don't want a divorce. We have had a fabulous marriage for twenty years. There is no reason it can't continue. Please, think logically"

"Oh yeah, it was that great you couldn't even go on holiday with me. A trip to Fiji, you couldn't pass up a chance to be in dipsticks arms for that. Our marriage was a fucking lie Nina. I was nothing more than a convenient cover for your adultery."

They looked ashamedly back and forth, Nina grimacing at my stinging rebuke. "What would happen if Carolyn died tomorrow?" I barked angrily. "I'll tell you what Nina. You would have been out the door so fast the kids feet wouldn't have touched the floor. Our marriage would be a thing of the past."

There wasn't much else to say. The other team members were starting to stare. Nina, grimaced, and she reached for my hand. "Ross, please, we have had twenty wonderful years together. We have a wonderful home, beautiful children who love you dearly. All I am asking for is a chance to discuss this calmly."

"Nina, there is nothing to discuss. Our marriage is dead in the water."

*****

"Are you Ross Chadwick?" The tall cop asked.

"Yeah, how can I help you constable?"

"We have a few questions to ask you. Do you have a minute?

"Depends, what is it about?"

"Your wife, Nina Chadwick has laid some very serious allegations against you. We would like to hear your side of the event."

"What did she say?" I asked confused. What allegations could she lay against me?

"Your wife, has alleged, you physically assaulted her. Is that true?"

"What... like hell. I grabbed her yeah, but I never assaulted her."

"She has several bruises on her arms consistent with an assault."

"Look officer, we were arguing, and she went to hit me, and I grabbed her arms and flung her away. It wasn't assault.

The cops exchanged glances, before the tall one said.

"Mr, Chadwick. You're under arrest for the assault and battery of your wife Nina Chadwick. You need to understand. We need you to accompany us to the station. There you will be able to make a formal statement. We will read your rights on the way. Do you understand?"

"What the fuck." I cried out loudly. "I never touched the cheating bitch."

"Sir, she has bruises on her arms. There was clearly some physical contact."

My mind failed to gain any traction. Nothing made sense. Down at the station, I was booked, finger printed, and photographed before I was questioned. I told them the whole story, explaining the only time I touched her was in self defence when she tried to slap my face.

The cop showed me the photographs of her bruises, yeah, they probably were from me, but it was self defence.

I sensed Laurence's, work behind this. Nina, would never have made such preposterous claims. The bottom line was, I got held in custody because Laurence's, attorney was able to convince the court that I was at risk of reoffending. My angry yelling and screaming probably didn't help, listening to them lie about how violent I had been towards Nina really angered me. Which is when I flew off the handle.

"You fucking arsehole." I yelled at Laurence, who stood implacably beside his lawyer. At least Nina, had the courtesy of looking distraught and guilty. Her tears flowed uncontrollably as she watched me being led away in handcuffs. It meant I ended up spending another night in the clink.

The charges were so flimsy, and my criminal record was non existent, so after I calmed down I was released on bail, although the release came with a warning from the judge. If he saw me again within the next twelve months, I would be spending longer than two nights in jail.

There were other conditions as well. Like the non molestation order. I wasn't allowed within five hundred metres of either Laurence, Nina, the kids or my home.

Laurence and Nina didn't concern me. The only bit that hurt was the bit about the kids. They may not have been mine biologically, but in my heart they were still mine. I was there when they were born. I cut their umbilical cords.

The whole thing was a nightmare I thought you only saw that shit in movies. This didn't happen in real life.

First thing I had to do was contact my work teams and make sure the jobs were all on track. There were a myriad of questions, but the bottom line was. They were all doing okay without me. That was a double edged sword, I laughed when I thought about them not needing me, and my heart swelled. I had built a great little business.

I went back to my hotel room, grabbing pizza and beer on the way. I had barely finished a couple of slices, and was on my second beer when there was a knock on the door.

"Oh fuck. What do you want Nina?" She moved guiltily from one foot to the other as she stared at the ground. "Can I come in please?"

"No you can't. You know bloody well there's a court order preventing that."

She sighed deeply, before responding. "I am sorry for that Ross. I panicked. You scared me. I was worried about what you would do. We had to stop you from doing something silly in the heat of the moment. I apologise for my actions."

"That's all right for you, now I have a criminal bloody record."

"I'll tell them it was an over reaction. I'll get the action against you dropped." She whined, "Please Ross, can I come in. We do need to talk. Find a way to make this work for all of us."

"You can't do that, Nina. Once the police have laid their charges, you can't change it. You aren't convicting me, they are."

"No, I will tell them I lied. Apart from my evidence, they have nothing."

"As if you'd do that." I snarled cynically. "I'm not a complete fool Nina. I know what happens if I let you in. The police turn up, and I get arrested again. Get out, and leave me alone."

"I promise Ross. That is not the reason why I'm here. I need to talk to you. Please, we have been together twenty years. Surely that must mean something." She stared at me, her eyes now holding mine. "Can I come in?"

I waved her inside, and she sat on the tiny sofa, which was really the only seating in the room. I sat beside her. "All right Nina. There's obviously some reason for your visit. What do you want?"

She winced, the pain on her face was real, there was no hiding from that. "I wanted mostly to apologise, and I wanted to explain everything."

"Go on then."

"I met Laurence, before I met you. We worked together, I was young and impressionable. God, it was my first job. Laurence, was everything I had ever wanted in a man. We fell in love at first sight really."

Her eyes filled with tears as her confession flowed. "I was always more than his PA. As you know, the business and all of the assets were owned by Carolyn's father, and then passed on to her. Laurence, was locked into their marriage."

"Yeah, all very interesting Nina, I don't care though."

"Please." She said imploringly. "Let me explain."

I nodded silently as she began again. "I was head over heels in love with him. I didn't care that he was married. I would have happily lived as his mistress for the rest off my life. It became increasingly difficult though. Carolyn hated that I travelled with him. There was gossip as well which didn't help."

"are you going to get to the point Nina?"

"Well, it was Laurence who suggested, it would be easier if I was married.

That idea scared me. I hadn't considered or needed any other man. In my mind, Laurence was my man." Her eyes again filled with tears, and I hunted for a tissue.

She then added. His suggestion of marrying somebody, coincided with me meeting you. I liked you Ross, there was that immediate connection between us. I know you understand, because you felt it as well. I admit, at first it was all just part of a plan. That changed though, you were wonderful and the love you showered me with, was infectious. It didn't take long before I loved you as much as I loved Laurence. My life was perfect, two fabulous men, two separate lives."

"Charming." I blustered. "Just fucking charming. Yeah, lucky old you. What did I get Nina, let me tell you. I had my life stolen. You carried out the worst possible deception. You swindled me out of everything."

"I know, it was a terrible thing to do. That changed though. When we started living together, I realised I was falling in love with you. That has never changed. I do love you Ross, far more than I ever thought possible."

"You've got a great way of showing it Nina."

"I know, it was an evil thing to do. I will never be able to apologise enough, but never doubt my love for you."

"What about the kids... How the fuck did that happen?"

"It happened while you were in Coromandel building the house for Laurence. With you gone, Laurence, and I spent a lot of time together. I wanted to give him something. The ultimate gift, children. Carolyn, couldn't have children, and it was something Laurence, really wanted. He wanted to leave more than just a business as his legacy."