All Comments on 'The (un)Lucky Girl'

There is nothing to add. It's a story that I love.

A little sparse in the character development, but a well-told story. Could probably stand another chapter or two? I want to hear what's in that box.

More please!

To quote Mr. Pitt, "What's in the box?!?"

No matter what you try and accomplish in your life ... it's always somewhat "dicey".

A perfect non judgemental story. I love it! Your command of language is exceptional/ Very well done!

Just lovely. XXX

loved it I don't like stories with sad endings

Thank you for this touching story.

Great story!!!!!!!!!!! I enjoyed reading it from start to finish.

Thank you for the comments everyone. If the story does well, a second chapter is entirely possible because there's a lot left to explore - especially when it comes to Marcellus' background and upbringing. This chapter puts Marcellus as the main character but it's really all about Selena. Would be interesting to flip that around for chapter two!

It didn’t even seem like fiction,it was so well written! This story has it all, and most of all it takes you from drama,to finding love and compassion, to the best ending ever! Great job on making this story so real, I was in tears more than once during this excellent story! Bravo!

Very readable! I was rooting for recovery!!

Very sweet love story. I love the Sweden setting and the character development. Yes, I would love to read another chapter.

I am still eager to know what was in the box...

I am glad she made it! Your story was open whether or not she would and both ways would have been authentical. But it is really nice that she made it. Your story has drawn me into it so much that in two scenes I wished she would get pregnant. Maybe she did? Thank you for your work.

This is the first of your many stories I've read, and I really do love it. Well written, I didn't notice any egregious editing errors, so WELL DONE!

I want to know what was in the box and letter.

Loved it! But was his Christmas Present?

Well done! The story would work just as well if she lived or died. The box could be a story all its own. Keep writing.

Amazing story. You had me on the edge of my seat until the end.

But, damn, you frustrate me. I have taught writing (composition and creative) for most of my life at the secondary and university level. Your prose here - in a SECOND language - was as good or better than most of my students’ endeavors.

No, I’ve never been to Sweden. I’ve been to Amsterdam more than a few times. As a tourist, at an academic symposium, and as a jumping off spot for several more southern European vacations. Every time I’m there, I am amazed at the English proficiency of just about every one I’ve met there. From what I’ve heard, Sweden is even more proficient.

I have Swedish blood, my great grandparents coming from Varmland County. I’ve always wanted to visit Stockholm, but your descriptions made it imperative that I come in the summer. I need sunlight.

This was the best written story I have come across in Literotica in several years. You definitely should try writing stories for other outlets besides this one. There is nothing wrong with this outlet, but the potential for a reading audience is somewhat more limited. Keep going!

Worry not; The contents of the box and the letter will be revealed if I do write a second part to this story. It might seem like an unfinished aspect of the story, but if she wouldn't have survived the operation, then I'd have Marcellus open the gift and read the letter before wrapping the story up. Since I rolled the dice to determine if she'd live or die, I was prepared to go either route. And I didn't make that random roll until almost at the very end. As an author, it was exciting not knowing myself which of the two endings I'd end up going with as I was working on the piece! Probably not something I'll do often, but it felt fitting this time around to leave it to chance. Hence the title!

Was expecting her to not make it, but rather glad she did.

Would love a second chapter, and we need to know what was in the box.

Fine story ...

but if you are going to the trouble to bring up a Christmas present, you really OUGHT to do something with it as part of the story.

Very Good!! Loved the dice roll at the end… but am a sap for a happy ending!!! 2, 3, or 4, would have likely made for a disappointing story!!! Good Luck!!

@Drizdart - I partly agree with you; I don't think it's wise to add a bunch of unfinished threads in a story that might not see a second part written. However, please take a moment to appreciate the symbolism here. As long as you don't open the box, you don't know what the contents could be, leaving all possibilities open. This is a story in which the outcome could be one of two things; Selena lives, or Selena dies. Either possibility is there right until the very end. I specifically made it a box - and not a gift-wrapped present - in honour of mister Schrödinger and his famous cat experiment. Just like the title hints at either Lucky or Unlucky. Perhaps it's a little too subtle but I thought it was clever.

not my kind of story but you did a realy great job in this one thank you for your work

I thoroughly enjoyed your story, it was well written and you could visualize what was happening. It filled one with emotion wondering the whole time if she would live or die. Then when she survived I felt relieved. To be able to cause such a reaction can only happen if you can truly pull your reader into the story. Plus telling as in your note that you were fully prepared for the story to go either way, wow. I'm glad that you rolled a six. Thank you for your story, again.

I have never been into romance stories. They were just for women. I am a guy. I was almost crying at the end. I am so glad you left her alive. Your story telling skill is amazing. This old man says THANK YOY

Well worth the read. Loved it!

enjoyed the story two unhappy people who find joy in each other. .i thought the story might end at the operating room door and the story sttod very well and the reader could finish it as they wished

Beautiful, poignant story. And knowing you rolled a dice on the ending makes it all the better.

Everyone - thank you for the wonderful comments. I truly appreciate them. The story is emotional and dramatic but it still has those scenes of rather graphic sexual encounters which I think my other work is known for, and these two things doesn't always blend well. I am glad most people seem to think that I found the correct balance for that, and managed to pull it off!

That was great!!! Thanks for sharing it.

The story is good, 5/5. I agree that you could have ended it just before the operating room door.

Although, you left the present to be opened at Christmas. The letter is easy to predict. The rest, not so.

Good, was never sure which way the story would go.

Excellent story. 5 stars for sure. I hope you do continue at least to open the box. Loved it and will follow you.

What was in the box?

Very sweetly told. Thank you!

Well done. This story would stand well even without the erotic content.

It made me emotional. Certainly a well written love story❤️

What a lucky girl!!! And we are lucky readers, Devinter!!! Thank you!!!!!!

thank you from a french

I don't have words...

This was absolutely amazing and so beautiful. Thank you so much for writing this and sharing it. This love story made me cry and part of me wants to slap you for that. Lol.

@Everyone - Thank you so much for your kind words yet again. Kaotic2, I am glad you found it touching. You might be pleased to know that I am working on something that I would argue is quite similar to this story in some ways. Give me a month or two. Then maybe I can make you want to slap me again! Hehe.

very nice story. Well written, i can't see any mistakes - in gramar and logi; that is a rare thing to see. The story has been kept minimalistic by the persons - no unnecessary distractions about co-workers, drama with an boss or any side-charakters. I really like it, kept the story to it's core.

Well yes, i did miss the doctors comment about pregnancy - but it is more realistic in your way to keep that away. Also not knowing what the further path will be.. how about the kelp farm? Wat's the story with the owner? Is he living his happy life with his own wife + family or is Serena interestet in visiting them more often or even working there (sometimes)?

You did well to keep this things out of the story, but that my curiosity is piped, shows me how well you did your job. Of cause, some stories are more complex with more drama and adventure. But this is an love-story, as pure as it can be. 5 Stars.

Thank you, Anonymous. I am sure there are some mistakes in there, but the focus is indeed on the love growing between the two characters - and how love can, in some ways, help us deal with the darkest moments in life. It is always nice to hear that a reader becomes so invested in a story that they start caring about what might have happened next, and how the side characters are doing, and so on. I really appreciate your comment!

Still wonderful. And, dang it, brought tears to my eyes AGAIN ...