The Undertow Prologue

The Undertow: Prologue

By Trixie Adara

Victoria

"Easy."

Victoria punched the bag again.

"Seriously," said Ferdinand from behind her. "You're going to break your hand that way."

"I thought." Punch. "That's what." Punch. "The gloves." Punch. "Were for."

"And helmets protect your head unless you jump off cliffs."

"Your point?" Punch.

"My point is that technique is its own safety gear."

"That sounds." Punch. "Cliche." Punch. "You write." Punch. "For kids?" Punch.

Victoria kept her breath balanced. She smirked, thinking of it as breathing in iambic tetrameter. Ferdinand didn't get her joke. Antonio would have.

Punch. Punch. Punch. She imagined Antonio's face on the bag. Punch. Punch Punch Punch Punch. Punchpunchpunchpunch.

"Jesus, girl, slow down." Ferdinand grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back. Victoria whirled, and her body took over as she threw a punch at her trainer's face.

Luckily, he ducked out of the way and stepped away from her. "Hey hey hey," he said, raising his hands up as he stepped backwards. "Take it easy. Deep breaths."

Victoria put her gloved hands on her hips, panting. Part of her shook with rage; part of her shuddered with embarrassment. What had gotten into her?

"You okay?" he asked. Someone approached them from behind, but Victoria only saw that her trainer wave him away.

"Yeah I ..." Breathe. "Don't like." Breathe. "Being touched." She let out a long breath as she broke the rhythm. Damn.

"I can tell." Ferdinand smirked. Good. He wasn't pissed.

"Sorry," muttered Victoria.

"It's okay. I've seen and gotten worse. Promise."

"I'm mostly mad I missed," said Victoria, a grin creeping up her face as she looked back at him.

"You need an opponent. Next week we'll have you sparring."

Victoria nodded. She brought the glove to her mouth and bit down, peeling off the velcro and freeing her hand. "Thanks," she said through a mouthful of glove.

"Any time. I'll be back in a second. Get started on your cool down."

"Got it."

Ferdinand walked past Victoria, towards the desk where the other trainers worked. She continued taking off her gloves and loosened up. God, she was tight. She started to stretch with what felt natural, not fully understanding what she was doing without a trainer helping her. Without thinking about it, she fell into some yoga poses. Downward dog to plank to cobra and on and on it went, over and over. She paused when she fell into warrior one.

Trina.

Victoria felt the urge to attack the bag again. She could see Antonio's face there. His dark skin, black hair, smooth jaw ... his ... stupidity.

Punch.

Victoria pulled her hand back. "Shit," she hissed while she shook it. They really weren't kidding about using those damn gloves. Instinctively, she brought her hand to her mouth as though to suck a wound. She kissed it lightly, but it didn't help.

Victoria turned from the bag and scanned the room, checking to see if anyone else saw her look like an idiot. Luckily, everyone at the gym tended to focus on themselves. A few men were trying to impress somebody by the free weights. The bikes and treadmills were occupied by mostly women. They all looked thinner than Victoria.

Thin like Trina.

Victoria wanted to turn and punch the bag again. She could punch it until her hand broke. It didn't matter. She needed to let it out. She couldn't hit Antonio, but she could hit a hanging bag. That was a start. She clenched her fists and released. She took deep breaths, trying to slow her heart rate.

She looked out past the machines and into the yoga studio by the boxing setup. She had tried to avoid it in the past. Everything made her think of Trina and Antonio. Her husband taking a yoga class because it was low impact and relieved stress. Her husband coming home from yoga class energized and relaxed and ... happy. Her husband and Trina finding all sorts of positions to ...

Victoria snapped out of it when she saw into the studio. Whatever was happening in there wasn't yoga, that's for sure. The room was filled with women, only women, and the woman leading the class wasn't Trina.

The woman was tall, with medium-length black hair. It was in a ponytail, but even from here, Victoria could see that it was soft and silky. The front of it, the bangs perhaps, was a bright teal, almost an electric teal. When she turned, Victoria saw she was Asian, with pale skin. She moved her body gently but intentionally, like a morning stretch. She turned her hands out in front of her, like she was moving water, like she was water, and unfurled her wrists. The room of women surrounding her followed, mimicking her motions just a moment behind her.

Tai Chi. That's what they were doing. Trina watched in fascination as the room of women effortless followed the one. They weren't quite in sync, but they were in unison like a wave. Each point may be out of line, but each point is undoubtedly connected. Each person flowed into the next. Each person flowed from the woman at the center.

Victoria felt herself drawn towards the stranger, and felt her legs move in accordance with her desire. She didn't fight it. She saw each person follow, lifting their hands moments after the beautiful streak of teal did. Their hands fell effortlessly, as though in a pool of water, and Victoria moved effortlessly towards them, feeling her hands go limp as their hands did.

She stopped outside the window of the studio. Everyone was entranced inside. Their eyes were on the instructor or closed, but no one turned to look at the strange blonde woman staring at them. She was invisible. They were caught up in the woman in the front. Everyone in the room followed her, stepping to their left at an angle, then leaning into it. Victoria watched their hips tilt and slide smoothly, their arms raised like a wave and pushed down towards their left ankle. All at once, a room full of women pushed to their left, their arms not a choking and abrupt force, not a punch, but an inevitable and timeless push. They pushed left, and something in the room followed them. The air. The energy. Victoria felt it in her chest: something in her pushed left.

The room came back to center, everyone rolled their backs and arms up, then straightened their hips and legs as their arms fell, like in slow motion, back to their laps. They smiled. Some women opened their eyes. They looked to the woman leading the class, and they bowed to her. She bowed back. Women stepped off their mats and gathered their things. Some of them thanked the instructor and talked to her. Some talked to each other. They picked up their mats. They laughed. They left.

But Victoria stayed. She stayed, slightly pushed to the left, transfixed, with her eyes on the instructor. The room emptied, and the instructor turned, looking out the window of her studio. At first, she was surprised to see Victoria, some stranger pushed to left, watching her teach a class, but then she smiled. In that smile was amusement and a dare. In that smile was an invitation and a promise. In that smile was knowing and peace.

The instructor waved Victoria in. It wasn't eager or desperate. It wasn't friendly or frantic. It wasn't seductive. "Come on in," it said without force or manipulation.

Victoria obeyed, but still felt compelled to knock on the door as she approached. The instructor waved her in, but she cracked the door, leaning her head in to ask, "Yes?"

"Come in," said the instructor in a firm voice. It wasn't a question or suggestion, nor was it imposing and demanding. She was resolute. "Close the door behind you."

Victoria did and got a better look at her. The woman in front of her was Asian, as she thought, but had more Japanese features than Chinese. Her face was round, almost maternal. Her hair was dark black in a high ponytail, as Victoria saw from a distance. The front of her hair had a line of electric teal like a dare. Her ears had several piercings, as did her nose, lip, and belly button. She wore a dark teal crop top and black yoga pants, but nothing was too tight. Victoria had expected someone of sharp lines, like a yoga instructor's body. This woman was softness and flesh and curves. Again, Victoria found herself reaching for the word maternal. The woman certainly had the hips and breasts of a mother. She wasn't overweight; she just wasn't ... girlish. So many women spend too much time to remain forever a teenager, and here was a woman who stood tall, confident in her womanhood.

"I didn't mean to stare," started Victoria, but the woman shook her head.

"Don't worry about it," she said with a wave of her hand.

"It's awkward," said Victoria. She looked out through the window of the studio at her stuff by the punching bags. Ferdinand was there, looking for her.

"You're curious," said the woman. "Nothing is more natural than curiosity."

"Uh, yeah ..." said Victoria. Ferdinand seemed to be looking for her, but he didn't look worried. He had another appointment in a little bit. He moved Victoria's bag to one of the far walls and started prepping for his next session.

"Is something wrong?" The woman stepped into Victoria's line of sight.

"Uh ... no." Victoria looked away from the gym and into the woman's eyes. They were dark, so brown they were almost black. "I just didn't mean to ... I should go." Victoria looked down and stepped to move past the woman out of the room.

"Tai Chi," said the woman without moving. Victoria froze. "Is about being in connection with yourself, with your energy, and with movement."

Victoria turned around. The woman had taken her place back on her mat. She was standing with her feet close together, shoulder back, looking forward.

"It looked like yoga," said Victoria.

"Similar arts." The woman stepped her right foot to the side, placing each foot beneath a shoulder. She didn't simply move her foot to the right. It floated, her hips and gate opening like a door. Her right hand followed, mimicking the motion of opening the door with a limp hand. "Though yoga tends to hold energy. It finds fluidity in the breathe, inches the muscles to new points, but it is static." The woman seemed to stand on her tip-toes. Her arms at her side rose with her body up to her shoulders. Then her arms floated down along with her bodies. "Tai Chai is about movement."

Again, Victoria thought it looked like the woman was underwater, like she was pressing her arms down against the waves rather than having her arms float down. They didn't go limp as they fell. They smoothly glided back to her side.

"It is about energy," said the woman as she floated onto her tip-toes and raised her arms again. "Controlling one's energy. Checking in on one's energy." She smiled to herself. "That sort of hippy nonsense."

The woman relaxed, the grace and etherealness leaving her body as she came back to earth. Gravity seemed to affect her again. "Would you like to try?" she asked.

Victoria nodded. Yes, she'd like to try. She'd never seen someone look so effortless and powerful at the same time. This woman, this stranger, seemed to be in complete control without any strain or stress. There wasn't the grunting or sweating of hitting a bag. There was rule over the tiniest muscle, over each breathe, but there was no desperation about that. Did Victoria want to try that? Very much so.

"What's your name, love?" asked the stranger.

"Victoria."

"Beautiful name." She reached out her hand. "I'm Hikitori." Victoria took her hand and shook it.

"Here," step in front of me. Hikitori motioned to the mat. Victoria stood there, where Hikitori just was. Hikitori stepped behind her.

"Shouldn't you be in front of me?" asked Victoria.

"Not yet. You'll be too obsessed with doing it right."

"Should I do it wrong, then?"

"You should do it. Wrong and right are for academics and experts. We're neither here." Hikitori put her hands on Victoria's hips, pushing them together. "Feet together." She grabbed Victoria's shoulders and pulled back. "Shoulder back. Good. Just follow my voice. If you need help, I'll guide you. Are you okay with me touching you?"

Victoria wasn't. Her personal space was sacred to her, but she was used to having trainers like Ferdinand needing to direct her body. You got over your boundary issues.

"That's fine," said Victoria.

"And to think, most people believe you." Hikitori gave a slight laugh. "Don't worry. I'll be gentle. We'll do simple stuff. Baby stuff."

Victoria nodded, though she wasn't sure Hikitori could see it.

"I always ask one question before I start each session," said Hikitori. "What do you want to feel?"

"What do I want to feel?"

"Yes."

"Isn't the point to get a good workout? To relieve stress? Something like that?"

"It can do all those things," said Hikitori. "But it requires intention. Tell me. What do you want to feel? What is your intention?"

Victoria thought about what she saw, about what captivated her about Hikitori and her class. The woman was so elegant. Nothing about her was forced. She wore no makeup. Wore simple clothes. She was deep and complicated but made simple jokes at her own expense. She didn't take herself too seriously. She didn't try too hard. But she was strong. She was unyielding. She made statements more than asked questions. She moved the air around her, the energy within her, and Victoria would swear, she moved something inside of her as she watched. Something a little to the left.

"I want to feel like you," muttered Victoria, blushing as she heard the words come out of her mouth. She felt so small, so stupid.

"How do you think I feel?" whispered Hikitori. Her breath tickled the back of Victoria's neck.

"Strong," said Victoria. "Beautiful." She took a breath, feeling heat rush down her body. "Effortless."

"Graceful?" asked Hikitori.

"Yes."

"Captivating?"

"Yes."

"You think I'm all those things?"

"Yes."

"And you want to feel those things too?"

"Yes," breathed Victoria. She could feel the desperation in her breath, her chest rising higher and higher, plunging deeper and deeper with her need.

"Then close your eyes and listen to me closely."

Victoria obeyed.

"First, all that frantic neediness, all that desperation and nervousness in you right now, we have to get rid of it."

"How?"

"Breathe."

Victoria took a deep breath.

"Deeper," ordered Hikitori.

Victoria kept breathing in until her head felt light.

"Good," said Hikitori. "Hold it."

Victoria obeyed. She felt tingles running down her arms and legs. She felt light and heavy at the same time, as though she was more solid but less of her was in danger, at risk.

"I want you to imagine that breath travelling into your legs, the tips of your fingers, your core. Don't just hold it in your chest. Let it flow through you."

Victoria tried to imagine that, but her head wasn't in it. It was far away, floating to some other place.

"Now breathe out. Make sure to push it all out of you. All that energy. All that stress. All that pressure. Breathe it out and don't stop."

Victoria obeyed, breathing out as long as she could. She went further than she thought she could. When she thought there was no more breath in her, she found she could still breathe it out, pushing it out through her chest.

When she stopped, she felt Hikitori's hand wrap around her stomach and press down on it, pushing even more out. "More," she whispered in Victoria's ear. "There is always more for us to release."

Tingles flooded Victoria's body as the air left her chest. At first, she thought it was the light-headedness from breathing out, but the tingles moved all over her body. They radiated from where Hikitori touched her. Her stomach was in knots and butterflies as she felt heat rise up her neck and to her cheeks.

"Good," whispered Hikitori. "Breathe in again, I'll guide you."

Victoria obeyed and almost yelped as she felt Hikitori's hands move to her thighs.

"First we open the door," said Hikitori. She used both hands to lift Victoria's left thigh. She swung Victoria's leg to the left, leaving both feet under her shoulders and spread apart. "We don't just step," said Hikitori. "We open. Swing from the hips, opening our gate from our stomach, from our core."

Victoria waited for her to mention her crotch, to open the gate there, but Hikitori said nothing. Only Victoria's mind went there. She felt Hikitori's hands still on her thighs, one on the front and the other just beneath her ass. She felt the heat radiating, the nervous flutter roam over her body to her pussy, her gate, as it opened.

"Keep breathing," said Hikitori. "We're going to float."

Hikitori lifted both of Victoria's arms from the side until they formed a T shape. Then, she guided the arms down. "Don't simply let the arms fall. Master gravity. Control them but let them relax. Float down."

Victoria felt her heartbeat pick up as the tips of Hikitori's fingers ran from the tops of Victoria's hands over her arms. They rested on Victoria's shoulders as Victoria took several breaths. As she breathed in, her arms floated up to her side, forming a T. As she breathed out, they floated effortlessly to her side. With each breath, she calmed. She became more relaxed, more comfortable in her body, in the moment.

She was so relaxed that she didn't panic when Hikitori cupped her ass as she breathed in and lifted. "Float up onto the balls of your feet with your breath," she said. "Then slowly slide down to your heels again when you breathe out."

Victoria obeyed. She didn't ask why Hikitori needed to hold her ass while she did this. She didn't ask why Hikitori stepped closer and pressed her pelvis against her back. She didn't wonder why Hikitori's hands wrapped around her hips, holding her in place.

"Be like water. All that energy is in the flow," said Hikitori. "You don't hold it. If you hold it, you'll sink. You'll drown."

Victoria didn't talk. Later, she'd be amazed how little she talked the whole time. She let the words sink into her. Without her head abuzz with stress or Antonio or Trina or the affair or her husband waiting for her at home, unrepentant for what he did, she could let Hikitori fill her.

"If you want to have what I have, you need to find a new strength. You are not strong like a punch, Victoria." Hikitori leaned in and kissed Victoria's neck. Shivers and electricity buzzed throughout her whole body. She bit her lip to stifle a moan. "You are strong like water. Strong like the ocean. Strong like a river. Strong like me. Let me show you."

Hikitori used her left foot to swing Victoria's right left out more, opening the door even further. Her left foot was at an angle in front of her. Hikitori bent her left knee into the back of Victoria's left knee, and Victoria followed. Hikitori's hands grabbed Victoria's hands, and together they pushed. They pushed towards their left feet, bending over as though to push a wave away from them.

"We push out the wave," said Hikitori as they almost reached their left foot. "Then we roll back as the wave comes in."

They lifted their hands up, arching their back, and slowly rolled their spines back up, receding, catching the wave as they shifted their weight from the balls of their feet to their heels.

"Be the tide," said Hikitori. "Be the moon."

Again, they bent and pushed the wave away to their left. Hikitori released Victoria's hands, but Victoria kept the motion. She pushed the wave away, reached her peak, lifted the wave, and rolled it back to the shore. Over and over she did this and allowed her breath to follow. She breathed out and pushed out the wave, pushed out the stress, pushed out the thoughts and doubts and nerves. She breathed in and pulled in the wave, pulled in the strength, pulled in the pleasure and transformation.

Hikitori leaned further into Victoria as she went. Her hands rested on Victoria's hips. As Victoria pushed out the wave, Hikitori thrusted with her pelvis against Victoria's ass. As Victoria breathed in, Hikitori ran her hands up Victoria's side, to the tops of her hands, and down Victoria's sides again, down her chest as the wave crashed against the shore.