The Voice in the Dark Ch. 02

"It doesn't matter. Mum. The fact is, it's done now, and there's nothing that I can do about it. We've broken up and I don't know why. He was angry when he did it and wouldn't offer an explanation as to why." I hope and pray that this is the end of the conversation, all the while knowing that nothing I can say will make her stop wondering as to the nature of my breakup.

"I just don't understand it. I honestly thought this was just a temporary thing. Maybe you were working too many hours in the office. Maybe you weren't spending enough time with him." I am astounded at my mother's words, and it's like I have been punched in the stomach.

"Mum, I tell you what really happened after so long, and your first reaction is to ask what I did wrong? What about what HE did, Mum?"

I have never felt this level of anger towards my mum, even in the moments where her nagging drove me to distraction. For so long, I was all my mum had, and so I never had the courage to really allow my emotions to show with her. She was so emotional and fragile, and I didn't want to push her away, or make her feel like she was a bad mother when she had tried her best to cope without my father. Yet, her rosy view of relationships has clouded her judgement, and so my lack of one is now a sacrilege to her.

My mum tries to back pedal, but I have already stopped listening and wish more than anything to simply hang up the phone. Suddenly, there's a commotion at the end of the line and I can hear Steve's calming voice.

"Jess, Love. You go out and have fun, you deserve it. Things will work themselves out in time, I promise."

"Thanks Steve. You take care and I'll speak to you soon. Make sure Mum doesn't do anything nuts, okay?"

"Oh, don't worry. I will. Stay safe."

I then hear my mother's protestations before the dial tone sounds and our connection is gone. I know now that I won't be calling her for a few days, and this time with good reason. I am still fuming as I run my hands through my hair, and Lucy places her hands on my shoulders, knowing all too well how much a conversation with my mother stresses me out.

"Has she been asking about Justin again?" She asks gently. Lucy was often the point of contact between me and mum as I was going through the worst moments of my breakup. I felt awful that I had to dump it on her, but I also knew I was unable to cope with it at the time.

"She thinks it's MY fault that he left, when I kept telling her that he never gave a reason for the breakup. Why does she automatically jump to those conclusions?" I know I am at the point of tears and I bite my tongue to repress them, but Lucy senses my distress and puts my head on her shoulder once more.

"Darlin', sometimes when we don't have answers, we assume the worst. I think your mom is just at the point where no answer will satisfy her. You and her are more on the same page than you think. Give it time and you'll come to an understanding eventually."

"Thanks Luce. I know she'll come around, but...," and the words are lost on my tongue.

Lucy goes silent, not quite knowing what to say, but then she manages, "Say you managed to get the answers you wanted, would it be enough to help you move on?"

The question lingers in my mind for the next few hours, and I can't help but marvel at how Lucy's words mirror my own thoughts exactly.

***

"So anyway... that's why you shouldn't eat spicy food so late at night. Dan was sick for like days, and that was after his hangover was cured."

Gloria finishes her story over our pitcher of Margaritas. Her long earrings jingle as she shakes in laughter and she leans back so far on her barstool that she almost falls over. She looks fierce in a fire engine red dress that clings to her willowy body, contrasting with the butter yellow of her high heels. Diamond hoops hang from her ears and she tucks her razor-sharp straightened bob behind her ear with an emphatic and confident flick of her wrist.

I can see the men behind her staring open mouthed and she turns around in her stool and shoots them a wink whilst simultaneously moving her ring hand through her hair, displaying her diamond engagement ring and gold wedding band. Some still stare at her, even after she has turned her back, and some go back to nursing their drinks looking a little disappointed. She pays them no mind.

Gloria, Lucy and I are out for drinks and partying to get the weekend off to a good start.

Whilst the music blares downstairs, we manage to snag a quiet part of the club and we enjoy the quiet relaxation upstairs combined with the occasional blaring of music in our ears as we dance within a large crowd, showing off our best moves and sending flirtatious glances to those who wish to dance with us. Gloria and Lucy are in their element, and I am happy to shake my hips in time with the music right alongside them.

I can feel my worries melt away as I dance, and the alcohol gives me a dizzy, most euphoric feeling. This week, although productive work-wise, was tinged with this feeling that something was not quite right. My episodes on Tuesday aside, I felt like any moment my world was going to come crashing down around me, and all the good feelings I have been having lately will disappear forever. Maybe it's guilt at finding that you can be happy outside of a relationship that you thought would last forever.

My tears have well and truly dried. Even if I am still tortured by what ifs, and the real reason he ended things.

My mind flashes back to a moment a few months before we broke up. I tried not to resent the fact that he was barely paying attention when he did have dinner with me, or came over to watch a movie, and I missed feeling his arms around me, or him kissing the top of my head as his hands ran through my hair.

One night over a movie, I plucked up the courage to ask him straight out, "Justin? Why don't we go away for the weekend?"

He had missed a birthday celebration for me even though he knew it was coming up, with little in the way of an explanation. When I next saw him, he was even more distracted and had even less time for me than before.

"I can't. I, er, may have to work this weekend," he responded with a look of annoyance, and I was flabbergasted. His office was open 9-5 Monday to Friday, and he worked from home.

"Justin. You didn't come to my birthday, and you wouldn't tell me why. I thought this could be a way for us to, ya know, have our own celebration." Surely I wasn't asking much to ask to spend time with the man I loved in a belated birthday celebration?

He let out a long, drawn out breath, as though he were holding himself back from saying what he wanted to say.

I had had enough, I needed an explanation. "Justin!" I barked at him, as he kept his eyes on the TV, "WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON MY BIRTHDAY!"

He looked shocked, but certainly not out of respect for the fact that his girlfriend was annoyed, but rather that he couldn't believe that I was even questioning why.

"I was..." He said carefully, before he then suddenly blurted out, "I was working on a new history book, and I needed that time to finish it. I plan on sending it out again soon. Now can you please stop nagging me?!"

Again? I thought, not sure when he had ever told me about sending this latest one out for publication after being so discouraged by the rejection of his last book. Yet, all of this paled in comparison to the feeling of dread in my stomach. Why didn't he tell me?

I tried to speak but no words came out. My body went stiff and I shrugged out from his grasp as he tried to put his arm around my shoulder. I stalked out of the room, gathered my things and went outside for a little while to calm down. He didn't come after me or try to console me.

When I finally felt like I had walked off my frustration, he was gone. No note or good night text.

The bitter memory fades as I look across at Gloria, admiring her serene smile at her antics in her own relationship.

She and her husband Dan met a few months after I first arrived in the city and there was instant chemistry between them. Although it was not easy having to admit that she wanted to date him exclusively after a long time of being non-monogamous, she never regretted her decision, and they have recently tied the knot after over two years of dating.

He is rather quiet compared to Gloria, and works as a librarian and so every square inch of their apartment is crammed with books. I didn't honestly see what they saw in each other, they seemed so mismatched and any relationship between them was going to take compromise. Yet, Gloria once said that he 'Fills her gaps.'

Gloria, like Lucy, was unashamed of going with a new guy every week in the days before she met him. She never boasted about it, but she appreciated the finer things in life, like a great glass of champagne in a fancy restaurant with the money she had worked hard for, and would find an all too eager man willing to spend a night with her without much effort.

Her face, although not conventionally pretty, has gorgeous brown eyes with a soft shine and big full lips that simply begged to be kissed. Her Latin sensuality and fiery personality make her wonderful in the boardroom, as well as the bedroom. Her sharp mind has taken her far in life, and she is determined to keep going.

Gloria grew up very poor, as she arrived in the US from Puerto Rico when she was only ten years old. Her parents had struggled and worked hard to put her through school, and she came out very well. She excelled at pretty much everything she did, and I was admittedly a little intimidated by her when we first met.

In the office, Neil had rightly sensed her potential and had made her one of the head editors. Yet, she never let success get to her head, and since she was in charge of the Non-Fiction department, our friendship was never put at risk. I value her 'No BS' approach and she is proof that you can make true, lasting friendships as an adult.

"Like seriously Jess, you're looking fine tonight. You do breakups well."

"Aww thanks Gloria," I say, brushing a stray hair off my face and tapping the heel of my nude-coloured court shoes on the rung of the chair. "Not that I have felt very good these last few months though."

"You're not feeling guilty, are you?" says Gloria, rightly sensing my unease.

I pause, hating what I have to say, "Yeah. I guess maybe it's all about learning how to be happy again. It felt wrong for so long, but I just want to feel normal again."

I am wearing a knee length satin blue dress with a cowl neckline and my rose gold earrings dangle from ears. My hair is curled and my makeup is done to perfection by Lucy, who swears this particular shade of lipstick on me will, and I quote, "Make men want to stick their cock in your mouth then fuck you up against the wall."

Lucy proved this point further by putting her hand on my thigh under the table as we ate dinner in her restaurant, hiking up the silky material of my dress and stroking her fingers around my lacy black panties, feeling the wetness of my pussy. I tried to squirm away and make sure that no one saw what we were doing, but she had cleverly chosen a booth in the back so she could have free access to me.

We then caught a cab to Soho to meet Gloria, and she teased me further by almost but not quite slipping underneath my dress. I crossed my legs to stop her, and started to put my hand on her lap and thigh, squeezing and caressing her soft body through her emerald bandage dress.

Her gold jewelry caught the bright lights of the city lamps outside the cab and I stared at her beautiful, kissable mouth painted a gorgeous red.I knew she couldn't do anything to me in the cab without being noticed by the talkative cabbie as he drove us through the busy streets. Not many men can resist Lucy's feminine throaty voice and her sizzling sensuality, yet, I saw the cabbie shoot a look in my direction through his rear-view mirror and wink at me. I blushed and bit my lip as Lucy made to push my hand under her dress but I removed it just in time.

She then leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, "You little tease. You know there will be punishment for this," with a kiss at the base of my neck towards my shoulder. As we pulled up to the curbside, we fished in our handbags for the taxi fare and handed it to the driver. He handed my change to me with another cheeky wink and I found a piece of paper with his phone number on it pressed into my palm. Lucy eyed me with pride as we climbed carefully out of the taxi and towards the club.

We then walked slowly along the sidewalk, eyeing each other with glee and I burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. I made a move towards the long line of people lining up to get in, but Lucy grabbed me by the wrist rather sharply and I almost tripped over my heels in a bid to keep up with her.

"Luce, where are we going? I can't walk that fast in these shoes."

She didn't answer, instead she moved into the privacy of a small alleyway behind the club, and pushed me up against the cold hardness of the wall. Her mouth sealed over mine, and our tongues intertwined as my hands moved to her waist and squeezed her butt in order to bring her closer to me. I wanted her so badly.

She then broke the kiss and her mouth travelled down my exposed neckline as her hands crept under my dress towards my lacy underwear. I moaned as her fingers found the slick folds, but instead of warming me up like she normally does, she shoved her finger inside me aggressively and I nearly squealed so loud that any passer-by could stop and see us. For all the naughty things we have done together in the years we have been friends, we have never been ones for exhibitionism. I never realised how erotic the thought of getting caught could be.

Lucy then stared at me right in the face with a set jaw and a burning look in her deep emerald eyes as she said:

"Ya know Jess, sometimes I wish I were a man for just a little while. Then I could push you up against the wall and force myself inside you. Marking you as mine with my cum. Making you helpless to me as I fucked you whenever I wanted."

My eyes glazed over and I wanted so desperately to ride her fingers that I didn't care who saw us. In fact, I wanted some guy to walk past us and be so caught off guard that he had to pretend like he wasn't catching us in the act... or that he was enjoying it.

I could almost imagine his eyes watching Lucy's back and behind as she moved against my naked body the way she did that night some days ago, and be so turned on that he had no way of hiding his erection.

I could picture myself riding Lucy's strap-on once again whilst those deep brown eyes fixed me with their gaze, daring me to look straight into them. Under his control even as Lucy's body controlled when I released. The feeling was so overpowering that I nearly came right then and there.

But as he faded from my sight, Lucy's bright red curls appeared at the level of my waist, hiking up my dress and moving my panties to the side. She then looked me right in the eye as she extended her tongue to its full length and licked from the very bottom of my entrance, to the tip of my clit, tasting and savouring my taste unhurriedly. I was so overwhelmed with lust that my knees buckled and I almost fell to the ground, but Lucy stood up slowly and fixed my skirts back in place before kissing me once more. I could taste myself through her.

"You will be frustrated for the rest of the night no doubt," she said wickedly, placing my hand right under her dress, allowing me to feel her soaking wet pussy sans panties.

"And you call me the naughty one," I said, flicking her clit at the same time as biting her bottom lip. It felt good to get a little of my own back. "You really are sexually frustrated, aren't you?"

We then broke apart and made our way to the club, giggling at the direction our night had taken.

I sigh at the memory, and I feel a familiar burning need between my legs. I try not to squirm but instead allow my hair to fall over my face, and reach for my lipstick and compact mirror.

"It's perfectly normal to feel that way after so long feeling like crap, as long as you realise that you can't spend the rest of your life in pain. You deserve to be happy." She touches my hand at her words and I squeeze it reassuringly.

"Glo. Where would I be without you and Luce? I know I haven't been the greatest friend lately and it must have been hard for you to know what to say to me, but I am glad you never made me feel bad for taking the time I needed to grieve."

Gloria's face softens and she pulls me into a hug, I feel her arms around me and smell the beautiful scent of her perfume. We don't say anything in that moment, but rather just appreciate our friendship and eventually pull apart to nurse our glasses of chilled white wine.

"Jess. Ya know, I have had an amazing time with you and Lucy tonight. It was a great idea." Gloria polishes off her drink and types out a message on her phone at the same time.

Lucy is still off dancing, the men surrounding her at every angle, and her body moving in tandem with theirs. One has his arms wrapped around her waist from behind, and another presses against her from the front. She is like a queen with her courtiers, and she relishes the attention. But I can tell she isn't fully present.

Even through the alcoholic fuzziness, her eyes have that faraway look she gets whenever she is concentrating hard, and eventually she breaks up the ménage à trois, much to their disappointment. They try to pull her back to them but she politely, yet firmly, rebuffs them and makes her way back to our little corner. She then reaches into her bag and checks her phone for what may be the thousandth time tonight, and her face falls.

Gloria looks at Lucy in sympathy, "Still no word from him?"

Lucy shakes her head and her jaw tightens in annoyance.

"No, and I know I shouldn't care so much. We're not exclusive, and I made that explicitly clear."

"Ya know, each and every time I said that to Dan, I knew that I would be thinking about him almost as soon as I went with another guy. Have you been with anyone else since you met?"

Lucy gives Gloria a mischievous smile and Gloria winks at her. I blush bright red at the memory of our night so far, and reach into my bag for a breath mint.

"You go, girl! A little harmless flirting makes the world go round," Gloria says with a whoop.

"You thinking of making a go of it with Ricardo, Luce?" I ask cautiously, knowing how much any talk of commitment makes her wince, and I immediately regret it. Her brow furrows and I can tell she is fighting back tears of frustration.

"I...I don't know. It's not like me to not know." She says, and she sinks into her bar stool dejectedly. The music is at its loudest, and the people on the floor below us are at their most excited at the end of the working week, but Lucy is oblivious to it. I put my hand on her shoulder and she keeps her head lowered, like she is bowing under the weight of her misery.

"It's okay to feel confused about him, Luce." I say gently, "I mean, it's early days, and it's not like he has asked for exclusivity. Maybe it will do you good not to rush things."

I am aware of how strange this sounds coming from me, even though I know I won't ultimately have any bearing on her and Ricardo's new relationship. I have enjoyed having Lucy as my lover again, it may not be something I can ever picture being long-term, but I am happy I have this wonderful opportunity to enjoy my best friend's body again, and she mine.