The Wallflower Ch. 05

Not a day went by that he would try to prove his "theory". Every day except for yesterday when he finally brought her home with him. He could do things with her that he knew he couldn't get from Lily. A good time. An easy lay. A woman with experience. When he had what he really wanted, he didn't even care to recognize her. Until he realized that she could cook.

Fuck him. He possibly risked her life just so he could have a good time with his girlfriend. To believe she was going to apologize to him when he came home. And she actually believed his line about "I don't want to do that again" bullshit. How horrible would he have felt when the Spirit makes him plunge the blood encrusted knife into her heart? How sorry would he feel then? Then she would've been another asshole's scapegoat.

So how dare he? How dare he sit there and expect to use her again like she was just an object?! He had already got what he really wanted out of that hoe last night, but yet he wanted more from her! He wanted her to now cook his meals while entertaining him until the real thing comes along?! Only thing Lily could think of is what he had said to her before. He was twenty-three years old. He could do shit for himself.

Lily ate the last bite of her breakfast before getting up and throwing her plate away. She began to walk out the kitchen. But before she left, she said without looking back, "Do it your damn self, Nick." She stomped up the stairs and firmly closed the door behind her with a purposeful and defined click.

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That's how things continued. Lily refused to speak to Nicholas, and after awhile Nicholas didn't press her to speak to him. Everyday Nicholas forgot his lunch, and Mrs. Yates would always ask Lily to drop by his work to give it to him. Lily would always refuse. Each day, she would convince herself it was best to not talk to Nicholas because she could never shake the feeling that she had been used.

Every night Nicholas would get drunk with Anna Belle and bring her home with him. So every night, Lily would sleep on the couch in the living room, fearing the possibility of the Spirit's wrath. But he never came.

Until a week later...

"Lily what's up with you?"

Lily looked up at Vanessa as she came out of her daze of thoughts. She had had been right in the middle of convincing herself once again that all Nicholas was, was trouble. She had been reminding herself so many times now that it had started to damper her mood into silence.

"Lily what's with you?" Vanessa repeated the question. "You've been more quiet than usual. What's worse is you walk around the library with this look in your eyes as if...you're not here." Vanessa switched to her 'no-nonsense' stance of folding her arms and leaning on her right foot. "What's up 'cuz if I need to hurt a bitch..." The flame in her eyes got the rest of her sentence across.

"It's just..." Lily began trying to find the words but couldn't. "It's just living with him."

"You mean Nicholas?" Vanessa quirked an eyebrow. "What about him?"

"It's just things are different..."

"Well...yeah. I got that on Monday when you all of a sudden took an early lunch break. Then he came asking around about you, wanting to know where you were. It was easy to put two and two together."

'Still trying to play that 'I care' bullshit,'she thought as she shoved a book into the shelves.

"I just don't want to talk about him. Not even think about him at this point." Lily said, drawing the end of the discussion.

"Well, how about you come party with me on Friday if you really want to not think about him. I've been trying to get you to go with me for yeeaaarrrss. There's always cute guys and awesome dancing. We can even go shopping for something to wear tomorrow. Pleease come with me this time." Vanessa crouched down to Lily's height and gave her her best pleading face.

Lily sighed exasperated. Vanessa really knew how to wear her down. "OK Vanessa." Vanessa let out a slight scream before covering it up with her hand. She began jumping up and down instead just as content as she could be.

Hell, Lily didn't have much else to do anyway. She didn't feel up to seeing Nicholas bring Anna Belle home again like she was some loser who had nothing else to do with her life besides watching other people live their lives. She was going to change her life.

All of a sudden, Vanessa stopped hopping up and down and stood there with a weird expression. Vanessa was looking at something past Lily. With her eyes, Vanessa kept flickering her eyes from Lily to what was behind her. What was she trying to tell her? The worst thing possible was that their boss saw that they weren't working, but Lily could see her on the other side of the library. Vanessa gave up and tried to reach for Lily's hand, but a familiar voice stopped her in place.

"Do you mind if I borrow Lily for a moment?"

Lily's back tensed as she slowly turned around. There he was glaring down at her with intense gray eyes. His face was set in stone with a serious expression on his face. She wasn't going to talk to playboy Nicholas. She was going head to head with serious Nicholas.

Lily looked behind her to get help from Vanessa, but Vanessa was long gone.'Yeah...Thanks for being there for me, Vanessa.'Well, she couldn't blame her. Going up against this part of him was near to horrifying, but any other day this would have scared her. Why should she have to back down as if she was the one who did wrong? She had just enough reason to be angry with him as he did her.

"What do you want?" Lily said leveled and clear. She picked up a book and put it into the shelf and moved on to the next set of shelves.

"I've been trying to talk to you all week," he gritted out as he followed after her.

"And I made it pretty clear that I didn't want to talk to you." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nicholas flex his jaw.

"Well I still want to talk to you. I've been trying to figure out what I could've possibly done to you for the last week. I've been leaving my lunch at home on purpose to get you to come see me at work. Do you know how many times I had to go hungry because you wouldn't come see me?"

Lily glanced back at him and said, "Oh boo-fucking-hoo." Lily proceeded to push the cart down the aisle.

"And what's with your mouth of late? It's become dirtier than a shitter. Whenever I do get you to talk to me at home, you can't say one sentence without cussing at me."

"I didn't think you had a problem with dirty mouths since you bring home a toilet mouth every night." Lily shoved the next book in so hard that a loud thud resounded over the Nonfiction section.

"Is this what all of this is about?!" he said a little too loudly. "You're upset because I brought a woman home?!"

Lily glared up at him as she turned around to confront him. "No, it's not about that," she angrily whispered. "It's that you risk my life over a good time over a woman every night! With all that crap you said about 'oh I don't want to do that to you again' was just what it is. Crap! How would you feel having to kill me with that same damn knife he uses?"

Nicholas met her glare with his own as they silently challenged the other to look away or say something.

"You assume too much," Nicholas distinctly defined each word. "The Spirit wouldn't make me kill you."

"How do you know?" Lily gritted out between her teeth.

Silence passed between the two again.

"This isn't what you're really mad about. If you were afraid of the Spirit you would have talked to me sooner. No one just fears for their life for a solid week and blame it all on one person. I don't deny that you fear for your life, but that is only part of the reason why you're mad." He stepped forward towards her, using his full height to tower over her. Lily only raised her head higher to meet his eyes straight on.

"Just because you're bigger than me, doesn't mean you'll intimidate me into telling you," She turned back to her cart and pushed it down the rows of bookshelves. Out of nowhere, Nicholas grabbed her wrist and twisted her back around towards him. The hellish face that she had seen a week before glowered down on her in full. She tried to get out of his grasp by slapping his hand with hers, but he only restrained the other hand. He brought his head close to her ear.

"I'm here to talk to you. I've been trying to do that for days. I've come down here before, but you wanted to play games and avoid me. I'm here to say game over." He brought his head back and looked into her eyes. "I came today because I knew you wouldn't expect me, so now you are going to listen to me. I get that you're afraid. I understand that more than anybody. But if the other side of this story is that you're mad because I brought another girl home, all I can say is you knew better. You knew I bring girls home. I've been doing that before you came to live there. So get used to it."

Lily's resolve began to break down slightly to the point that a few tears slipped from her eyes. She tried to jerk her hands away to wipe her tears, but Nicholas held on tight like iron. "I-" Lily took a moment to swallow down the emotion that tried to escape from her throat. "I don't want to be used by you or any man who think they can," she trembled. "I don't give a damn about your girlfriend Nicholas. I'm mad that you tried to use me." Angry tears rolled down her face as her anger started to become too much. "You got what you could from me before putting it in my face that I was just side fun." Her voice began to break as the tears finally came like waterfalls flowing down her cheek.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"What?" she looked at him through blurry eyes.

"Shit." He backed away from her and offered her a napkin. "She's not my girlfriend and she never has been. She's just my co-worker."

"Then why do you bring her over every night?" Lily countered. "And why does she say that you're her man?"

"Because I'm drunk as hell and my thinking isn't too good when I'm drunk, alright? She's been trying to get with me for years. Biggest mistake I ever made was sleeping with her that one time. Ever since then, she's been telling everyone I'm her man so she can scare away who she thinks is a threat. All she's been was a fuck buddy ever since I met her. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about yourself. If it makes you feel better I won't bring her home with me anymore, ok?"

Silence passed between them again.

"But I should have known better. If she's just entertainment for you then I'm just entertainment too. Nicholas...I don't want to be used. I didn't want to be touched by you in the beginning and I still don't want to be touched." In the back of her mind her thoughts told her she was lying, but that wasn't important right now. She was already in love with him touching her, she didn't want to become any more attracted to him then she already was. She had to stop it here. "You can say all you want, but you can't tell me that I shouldn't feel used. Because I do feel used. Because we both know you aren't attracted to me."

"Are we cool then?"

"Yeah," she said, quietly crossing her arms and looking down at the floor. "I have to go back to work." Before he could say another word, she took the cart and pushed it down the aisles of shelves.

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Sigh.

Lily pulled the baggy shirt over her head as she got ready for bed. Today had been a long and draining day. All she wanted to do was sleep for days and maybe never wake up. But she couldn't even do that if she really tried. Nicholas would never let her rest in peace.

She opened the bathroom door to find Nicholas staring back at her. He sat on his bed Indian style facing the bathroom door as if he was waiting for her to come out. Usually he would be sleeping the minute he hit the bed. But the look in his eyes told her that he wasn't interested in sleeping a wink. The look would typically have her pinned to the ground. But not today. She was too exhausted to care.

Lily walked over to her bed and settled in before placing her glasses on the side table. She laid on her side with her back to him.

"Lily," Nicholas said.

Lily let out an exhausting sigh as she turned over and looked at Nicholas. He hadn't moved an inch. Only thing that had changed was the position of his hand underneath his chin. His eyes held her attention as he said the next few words.

"You will talk to me."

He closed his eyes briefly before opening them again, but stern gray eyes did not greet her. The room suddenly went black, so all she could see were those luminous red eyes.

A shudder ran down her back as she knew what was coming next.

'Oh no... Oh no Oh no Oh no! GOD NO!'

The Spirit was coming.

The wrathful Spirit was coming.

Nicholas calmly stood up as he walked over to the other wide of his bed. Lily wanted to run away, but her body wasn't moving. The hair on her body stood on end as she saw the bloody rusted knife glinting in Nicholas's hand.

'Move! Move! Move!'she yelled at her body. Lily flipped over the covers and pushed her body out of bed. But just as soon as she stood up, she felt Nicholas's strong hands wrap around her waist. She screamed out loud as she tried to force his hand free from her waist. All attempts stopped as Nicholas leisurely encircled his arm around her neck. In that hand, the knife lightly laid on her shoulder.

She closed her eyes tightly as she felt his even breathing against her ear. "Where are you going?" The dark booming voice breathed into her ear. "You haven't talked to me yet."

"I'm sorry." she wept. "Please don't punish me. It wasn't my fault."

"How did you expect me to punish you?" Lily swore he was smiling behind her. "Tell me."

"K-k-" Lily couldn't bring herself to say the words without crying in fright. But the soft moving of the knife on her skin easily unloosened her tied tongue. "Killing me."

"Really, now?" The flat of the knife skimmed across the base of her neck. "Where did you think I would plunge this knife?"

Lily licked her dry lips as she searched her brain quickly for the answer. As flat of the dagger began to slowly continue downwards, her breathing began to grow rapid. Her breathing turned into wheezing as she felt his hands lower her shirt till her breasts were exposed. He guided the knife in between them until she felt the steel tip right in between them. Her breathing cut off all together. She was too scared to even dare breathe in fear that her rising chest would pierce through her skin and into her heart.

"So you thought I would plunge it here?" he said more as a statement than a question. Lily didn't answer him as she turned her head and closed her eyes. If she was to die than she wasn't going to witness it. She just wanted it done.

"Any why would you think I would damage such lovely breasts?"

'What?'

He took the knife away from her chest and pulled her shirt back up. Lily stumbled onto her knees and inhaled gulps of breath, trying to get as much as possible. "I knew you couldn't be in the room for certain reasons. I know Nicholas took over the room to have sex. I'm a spirit, but I'm not blind."

"But... but I thought you come...come every night." Lily breathed as she turned around to face him.

"I do. I just didn't let my presence be known this last week." That didn't make sense to Lily, but she went along with it anyway. "But at least I know now that I have your whole undivided attention." He laid down on Lily's bed and closed his eyes. Soon his body relaxed into sleep, casting everything into darkness.

The bright blue light began to illuminate on the wall as the knife floated towards it.

Know though that when I do punish you, I will not go so far as to kill you. You don't have to worry about your life here.

Lily thought over what had just transpired before she took the knife and slowly wrote:

So you were playing with me?

In a sadistic sense of humor, yes.The Spirit wrote back.

Lily didn't know whether to be relieved or angry. She nearly passed out from all the hard breathing, or the lack there of, because of this sense of humor. But she decided not to say anything since she didn't even receive a mark on her skin due to this "prank".

OK was all she could think of to write back to the Spirit. As much as she wanted to argue and fight with him as she would with Nicholas, but the Spirit wasn't Nicholas. If skimming a knife across her body was considered a prank, she would hate to see what he'd do for punishment. A silence passed by for a few seconds with both parties at a loss of what to say.

How was your day?The Spirit scratched out. Lily looked at it almost confusingly. What happened to all the intrusive questions about her life?

Horrible. Well this whole week has been horrible.Lily answered honestly.

What has made it so horrible?

Lily thought about this before she wrote anything down. What was the point of telling the Spirit? He didn't need to what had happened between her and Nicholas, but then she remembered the crushing weight of all the pain, fear, and nearly dead exhaustion she had been through. It wouldn't hurt to tell someone. It's not as if the Spirit would tell anyone.

She looked back at Nicholas lying fast asleep on her bed. And as far as she understood, Nicholas only remembered two things about the ghost. That is how the Spirit was killed and the things he made Nicholas do while possessed. So it shouldn't hurt to tell someone who couldn't even tell anyone.

Lily held the knife in her hand for a moment before scribbling her message into the wall.

Well, me and Nicholas have been fighting for the last week. Well more like I've been fighting him. I got...

Lily paused in her writing to consider how she felt. She couldn't be that. That would be stupid. What would she be jealous for? She was just angry was all it was. Nothing else.

I got angry at him. Ever since I met him, he's been touching me every chance he could. I thought it was so perverted the way he would touch me, but it made me feel...wanted...after awhile. But then I realized he only did that to prove points. I have never felt this used in my whole life.

She laid down the knife as she felt all those emotions began to rush to the fore front of her mind. She wanted these feelings to go away. They were of no use to her. These feelings of attraction, lust – and the horrid feeling of being spurned. She couldn't live with those feelings. They had to simply die in her breast just like every feeling that threatened to take her, because she knew it would always lead to pain.

What points, Lily?The Spirit softly scratched into the wall as if trying to comfort her.

Lily made sure that she pushed those feelings back where they came from before picking up the knife again.That I was attracted to him. That I was inexperienced. But it was all just a game to him! He felt me up to get a reaction out of me. He even stole my first kiss because he wanted to prove I was pure! I can't get any of that back! I can't get back my first kiss, my first time being touched by a guy, and... Whatever. But what makes me so mad is that he acted as if he cared. But in all actuality, he just wanted a good girl to entertain him. Because the next day he brought a bad bitch home!

I'm sorry, but I'm lost.The Spirit wrote.I know you're mad that you've been used, but the way you put that last part makes it sound as if you're jealous of this other woman.

I'm not jealous. It's just... it proves it. He confessed to me today that all she was was entertainment. If she is entertainment, then I am entertainment. It's as simple as that. It just proves he's just using me. And I refuse to be used any further.

Do you know what your name means?