All Comments on 'The Way a Family Would'

Please get a second part up here as soon as possible! This sounds like it could be amazing. Get her catching him with panties and to the point where he can not resist her. Even maybe she has the control where she keeps her room or he pays her.

I was getting creeped out by the step-father, so you did a good job. I'm not much on one page chapters because there isn't a lot of foundation laid. I came away with some ideas on where the story is going, so all good. I'm off to read the second.

RS

Thanks for the feedback guys.

I understand this is a little heavier stuff, but sometimes I'm in the mood for something other than outrageous stuff. 3 chapters are up, 4th is pending.

I'll try to temper the creepiness a bit, and start to explore some more options. Keep the feedback coming!

Very good insight. Things like this often happen in similar situations. There are several ways to handle it. Jenny can work it to her advantage.

Disjointed rambling almost incoherent. Masturbating & saying his name then despising him for jerking off with her panties. Make your mind up. To me it was boring & unbelievable.

Thanks for the feedback, mcbtws.

I understand it's a slower start, but as I mentioned it's setting up some of the stuff that will happen. Please read the next couple of chapters (especially Chapter 4, which should be posted soon) because it heats up fast.

Jenny's ambivalence will continue to be a theme here. As is often the case of young women in her situation, they often feel both shame and a struggle to cement their identity. This is as "believable" as a character can get in my opinion, although I'd love to hear specific ideas.

As for disjointed rambling, could you provide some specifics?

I like the story line - confused girl about her sexuality... Please go all the way next chapter.

animus87: First, I believe that your style is the:

[I want to lick the inside-thighs of my best partners new girlfriend, she looked so fucking hot in that short-assed 'cop uniform' costume last Friday night. Right there in front of everybody, on my knees, and she, sitting on the swing; just . . . dripping], kind of nasty! Nahmean?

Very nasty because of the level of dialogue you have given your characters: very believable. Jenny's self-description, to me, was such that I could, albeit, faintly, hear the 'cinnamon' in her voice, husky-sultry, but not baritonesque. Very nasty. K?

Now, the only element that always gets in the way, yet; is so easy to avoid is the fact that many authors do not realize that "Varying Your Word Choice Is Crucial." animus87, your error in syntax is quite minor. For example, when Jenny sees Ralph in-session, you used the word 'moan' and its variations 4 or 5 times in an 8-10 sentence paragraph; quite a bit.

I'll close with the following: "I'll bet if you took the time to proofread your product, you would say to yourself, "redundancy sucks."

I absolutely love Daddy/Daughter stories, but pay attention to word choice. It is not my intention to "slam" you, but I will offer some constructive criticism. The primary reason that I am pointing this out is because you have a great story here, but as a member of your audience, I found myself being distracted by the, albeit few; yet, extremely important aforementioned elements. Take your time, proofread, proofread, have someone you can trust proofread it, and then you proofread it again. A great story? Absolutely.

Moreover, and because of contiguous errors such as I have commented, many in your audience will discontinue reading, and tell you, *through anonymity, of course, just how much you suck at writing.

That is hardly the case, animus87. Keep writing, as you have great potential, which is why I scored you a 4 in voting.

Respectfully,

Michael M.

English Teacher

Literotica Lover

I always sign my name*

pedant?

what the **** no fucking your dad....