The Weekend Pt. 06

His passionate words filled the air. Regina shook them and dismissively said, "You're putting words in my mouth."

"Am I?"

Heaviness descended on them as they stood there, looking at each other. Lee was so emotional after his outburst that his hands were shaking. His eyes glistened with tears of realization as his mind repeated on sentence over and over in his head.

She hated me.

At the same time, truth began to illuminate inside of her. She realized that the mirror that she had been looking in wasn't a mirror at all; it was a picture of how she thought she was. What she was seeing right now, standing there watching Lee's emotions crumble inside of him, was her true reflection.

She hated him.

There was nothing more painful to Lee than those three words. They cast a dark shadow over everything that had transpired between them, but at the same time illuminated previous dark areas. So many things began to come together and take shape. Choices that had previously baffled him now had a simple answer.

All the times she shut him out, treated him with distain, refused to talk to him; it was all so clear.

His mind's eye saw the growing monster that began to evolve over the years. Each time she chose to pull away from him, that monster was nourished and fed. That weekend was more than a bad, hurtful choice; it was that grotesque creature fully grown.

For Regina, her hand went to her mouth as sobs erupted from her. The monster that looked back at her in her personal mirror was so horrendous that she had to turn away. She wished Lee's words had no merit. She wanted to tell him how wrong he was. Yes, right now she loved him and desperately wanted to make things work, but she couldn't deny the fact that she didn't always feel that way.

But here's the truly sad thing. The anger at his infidelity was a mole hill compared to the mountain of rage at what was really eating her; her lifeless womb. There was nowhere for that anger to go. It just stayed with her, engorging itself on her misery.

Then, there was that knock on the front door that fateful Saturday. On the other side stood a woman who would soon become the catalyst of their demise. Suddenly, all that pent-up fury had a tangible target.

Lee shook his head as tears spilled down from his eyes. He had to get out of here; away from her. Right now, being this close to her made his chest hurt. So, he turned and walked away, leaving Regina on her knees crying in the parking lot.

_____________________________________________________________

"Well, I hate to say I told you so." Daryl said from the kitchen, showing his sensitivity to his best friend's woes.

Lee huffed and scowled as he shook his head. Sometimes, he wondered why the hell he even bothered trying to share anything with Daryl. His interactions with women had the depth of a plastic kiddie pool.

"If this is gonna turn into some diatribe against Gina, save it." Lee said with irritation in his voice.

Daryl put his hands up in surrender and said no more. He knew where this conversation would lead. Lee didn't like hearing anything negative about his bitch of a wife, no matter how much she earned the label. He couldn't fathom even dating a woman who did what she did; let alone staying married to her. All Lee was guilty of was getting a little pussy on the side. He wouldn't be the first guy to do it. Most wives just get a little angry, make life hell for a month or two while the husbands grovel, then forgive and move on.

But not Miss High and Mighty. No, she decides to run off with some asshole for an entire weekend, then return home to rub his face in it.

Divorce the bitch. That was his vote.

Instead of continuing this conversation, Daryl grabbed a beer from the fridge. Before opening it to enjoy it, held it up and said, "Hey, you want one?"

Lee's nod made him grab another and make his way over to the couch. Once he was seated, he lightly tossed the second can to Lee.

The two friends sipped wordlessly, each passing up words that wanted to address that which they wanted to avoid. Instead, Daryl leaned back on his couch, put his feet up on the coffee table in front of him, and asked, "So, you think Brady will do it again this year?"

***

Regina was on the other side of town, consorting with her own trusted counsel. Her mind was torturing her with those three words that she couldn't believe had truth to them.

How could she be so blind? How had she allowed her grief to get so out of control that skewered her perception so completely?

Everything was clear to now. Her anger, her fear, her hatred wasn't of Lee's making; it was of her own. Everything that angered her about him was born from the monsters inside of her own head. Even his infidelity was masked with what was already brewing inside of her.

She hated him for the reflection of herself she saw in him. She saw her own failure. She saw a woman undeserving of a husband. Every time she tried to pick herself up a clean her wounds, Lee would try to reach out to her or comfort in some way. Then, she would have to endure the fresh disappointment in his eyes when she didn't respond the way he thought she should.

All she wanted was to forget; yet he kept reminding.

But that wasn't his fault. She knew that now. But it was too late.

How could the two of them recover from this revelation? Why would he want to stay with her now that he knew how truly monstrous she was? He had every right to hate her.

Trudy could only embrace her little sister. Since the death of Cassie, she'd seen this future for Regina. It was written in her eyes.

And she, her big sister, sat back and watched it happen.

When her mother lay on her deathbed, she made Trudy promise to look out for Regina. Her rebellious streak was one capable of remarkable things, both good or bad. Her mother saw that in her youngest daughter and regretted not being around to guide her. So, she entrusted her eldest daughter with the task of guardianship.

And she failed.

"I'm so sorry, Gee Gee." Trudy said as she squeezed the arms that were wrapped around Regina's shoulders. A light kiss was placed on the top of Regina's head as she cried into her sister's bosom. "I wish there was something I could do for you."

"How do I reach him now?" Regina said in between sobs.

With a grim frown, Trudy said, "I don't know."

***

Regina didn't hear from Lee after that day. That next counseling session, he didn't even bother to show. Regina sat on that couch for the entire hour, watching a door that didn't open. When Mr. Warner finally told her that the hour was up, she gathered her purse and left without another word.

The next day, she canceled all other sessions.

Each time the sun dipped below the horizon, only to reemerge the next day in complete silence from him, a little more hope withered inside of Regina.

For some reason, this separation felt different from the last. There was something more ominous about it. That thick manila envelope loomed over her head and lurked around every corner. She was almost expecting a server was emerge from the darkness with a sickle and a hood to hand her the future of her marriage.

So, when she drove to her home and found his truck in the driveway (two months later), she knew what to expect. She didn't even blink an eye when she walked into her living room to find him sitting on the couch. Her eyes darted to the coffee table in front of him.

That envelope practically glowed in comparison to its dim surroundings.

Regina swallowed hard as she noticed Lee's eyes avoiding hers. With a voice that was surprising calm, she cleared her throat and asked, "Is that what I think it is?"

He gave no verbal answer; just a saddened, shame-filled nod.

Funny thing about fearing a monster that is to come; it is never as scary as it was built up to be in the mind. The teeth aren't so sharp, and the eyes aren't as yellowed. When she looked upon the envelope of her fears, all the tears that she thought would soak the floor didn't come. The raging waves and crashing storms didn't leave her broken on the shore.

There were no more words to say, so the only thing that came from her mouth when it finally opened was, "Okay."

Lee was surprised by her non-response. If he was being completely honest, it also angered him a little. He expected some sort of outburst. After that talk in the parking lot, it took three weeks of soul searching to finally talk to a lawyer. After hearing what he had to say, it took him another two weeks to finally decide to get the papers drawn up. When they were finally ready a week later, it still took two more weeks of courage building to bring them to her.

And all she had to say was "Okay"?

He shook that off though. In a voice that he only used in important business meetings, he said, "Okay. You don't have to feel pressured to sign things right away. Feel free to take them to a lawyer, and..."

While he was talking, Regina sat down, pulled the papers closer to her, and shuffled through them. She caught key phrases like "no alimony paid by either party" and "the home will be sold, and both parties will split the profits equally". They didn't have any kids, both owned their own cars, and there wasn't a lot of property to fight over.

It was as easy as that. No muss, no fuss.

Yeah. Easy.

Pulling a pen from her pocket, she re-flipped through all the pagers, signing and initialing where appropriate.

This impassive act stunned Lee into silence. He didn't know what to say. The way she did everything so emotionlessly was like a stab to the chest.

It wasn't that he wanted her in tears, shattered beyond belief. It's just that...

Fuck that! That was exactly what he wanted. After all these years together, there should have been something; anything! This robotic woman sitting in front of him right now was a slap in the face to everything they'd been through.

Right now, she was the woman who came back from The Weekend.

When she was done signing and initialing, she slid the papers back in front of him and asked, "Is that it?"

Is that it? She signed away their entire life together, and all she had to say was, "Is that it?" It was like he was nothing; like their marriage was nothing. She pissed it away, just like she did when she chose to run away and fuck that asshole for AN ENTIRE WEEKEND!

He looked at the papers in front of him, then picked his narrowed eyes up and caught hers. His mouth tensed up and tightened until it was a deep, angry frown. Then, it changed into a smile filled with sardonic amusement as a sarcastic chuckle escaped his lips.

"You're really a piece of work, you know that, Gina?"

Regina kept her face even and calm as she asked, "What are you talking about?"

He wanted to blast off with all that he was feeling; to tell her exactly why he was so pissed at her. Unfortunately, it sounded petty in his head. Even through his irritation, he could admit that. So, he just shook his head, gathered up the papers, and said, "Nothing."

As he stood to walk exit her life forever, he gave one last look to her. It was almost like he wanted her to talk him out of leaving for good. She just sat there on the chair, looking straight ahead of her with a blank look on her face.

As he started to walk, he heard her say something. It wasn't loud, so it took a few seconds for him to reconcile what his ears picked up. He finally put it together, and the question was, "Do you want to know why it's so easy for me to sign those papers?"

He didn't answer but stood there waiting for her to continue. Without looking back at him, she said, "Because I did everything that I could to try to move forward with you. I tried, Lee; I really did. I hunted you down and stalked you. I threw myself at you. I found a marriage counselor for us. I showed up to those sessions and didn't allow either of us to speak until you got there. I dressed the way you liked whenever I knew you would see me because I wanted to remind you of things you liked about me. I made it a point to be brutally honest with you. Even with Brian; I ensured that he knew it was over by being as blunt and callous as possible. I was actively engaged in trying to repair our marriage; trying to improve our broken communication. But you..."

She paused and let an incredulous huff resembling a sarcastic snicker come out before she turned to face him. Her eyes flared angrily as the first signs of emotion adorned her face.

"You were comfortable passively sitting back and watching it happen, like it was a movie that you wanted to see the end of."

"That's not true." Lee said, jumping in to defend himself.

"Really?" Regina said, once again using the sarcastic huff. "You show up late to our very first counseling session with nothing but a shrug. When things got heavy, you once again went radio silent on me; for the SECOND time. Now, you show up two months later, but only because you want to officially serve me divorce papers before disappearing for the final time."

Brian's own anger flared up as he said, "Don't you understand what we last talked about? You HATED me. ME! Your husband; the man you married! How do you think I can ever get over that?"

Regina shook her head and exhaled. Then, she asked, "Do you believe I hate you now?"

"That's not the point."

"YES, IT IS, LEE!" She exclaimed. "How do we move forward if we keep holding each other responsible for the past? We explore the past, see where we failed, and work on not making those mistakes again. That's what it means to try. You don't think the fact that you have a son doesn't make me want to head for the hills? It does! It scares the shit outta me! But I was here, in the moment, ready to fight. I was committed to work on us because I believed in us. If you don't share that with me, then it's time to sign papers. I can't and I won't do this if every new revelation makes you up and leave. No matter how much I love you, I will let you go."

She paused, closed her eyes, and pointed her head upwards. A deep breath filled her nostrils, and she released it. When she opened her eyes again, her voice was calmer as she said, "We failed each other. I take ownership of my failures. I see how I've chosen to shut you out, and how that has killed our connection. The lessons that I've learned here will go a long way to making me a better person."

At this point, there were tears welling up in her eyes. One slipped down her cheek. In a trembling voice, she said, "But I can't change what has already happened. No matter what, I want you have the life you deserve; even if it's not with me. You deserve a wife who would never do what I did. You deserve babies and a family. I can't give either of those to you. The only thing I can offer you now is my blessing. So, I'm releasing you."

With that, she got up from the chair she was sitting on, walked over to him, and kissed him on the lips. It wasn't sensual or passionate; it was sad. It was regretful.

It was goodbye.

Their eyes connected one last time before she released him and walked away. Lee wanted to say something; anything that would stop her. A part of him wanted run over to her and tell her that he desired to fight for them. Unfortunately, that part of him wasn't as strong as the part that was still reeling from the fact that his wife lost her love for him, and for a reason that wasn't his fault. That weekend damaged them beyond repair, and the fact that she wanted to move on so easily told him that she really didn't understand how fatal her actions were.

Or his actions, for that matter. How could she just brush all that pain aside? He couldn't.

Instead, he said nothing. He let her walk away. When she went into her room and closed the door behind her, he turned on his heels. With a sad sigh he walked out of the home that he once shared with Regina for the final time.

____________________________________________________________________________

FOUR YEARS LATER:

Regina walked down the halls of the Children's Hospital that she now worked at, preparing to give final report to the oncoming nurse. It had been a long day, as most a nurse's days are, but it was nothing like where she used to work.

Here, in this hospital, she was surrounded by children. Her cheery, colorful scrubs filled with pictures of teddy bears replaced the dark, solid-colored ones that she used to wear. They were so drab and depressing in comparison.

She passed Joy, a ten-year-old who was one of her patients, in the hallway. Joy was in a wheel chair, being escorted back to her room after a series of painful tests.

The discomfort on Joy's face spoke volumes. Her eyes shimmered with tears on the verge of falling. Her body was slouched over, like it was mustering all the strength it had to keep her sitting upright.

Regina wordlessly signaled for the orderly to stop. She then squatted down until she and Joy were eye level. Joy looked up at Regina, and a small spark of happiness entered her exhausted eyes. Her lips curled into the best smile it could muster.

"Nurse Gee Gee!"

Regina gently grabbed her hand and squeezed as she asked, "How's my little Joy bird?"

"Not good. They stuck a really long needle in my back. It hurt so bad."

A frown of sympathy came Regina's lips as she exhaled sadly. "I know that was rough. You hanging in there for me?"

Joy gave Regina a nod, which earned her a gentle stroke of Regina's hand across her cheek.

"I know you are. You're one of the bravest people I know."

Joy's face brightened. She leaned in closer to Regina and whispered, "Do I get one?"

Regina pretended to think about it with twisted lips before she said, "I guess you earned a Brave-Lolli. What color do you want?"

"Red!"

From her teddy-bear scrub pocket emerged a red lollipop. Regina placed it in her hand before standing. Looking down with a loving expression, she said, "I'll be here early tomorrow morning to check on you. Okay?"

Joy nodded happily with a lollipop stem sticking out from her smile. "Bye Nurse Gee Gee. See you tomorrow."

Regina watched her being wheeled off. When Joy turned around one last time Regina waved at her. She stood there until Joy disappeared around the corner. She then turned around and walked towards the exit with a smile on her face that refused to leave.

Three years ago, this position opened. She heard about it from a friend that she went to nursing school with. Wilma had transferred here when her marriage fell apart, and she said that the children practically brought her back to life. Regina, who was dealing with the aftermath of her own divorce, needed a bit of life breathed into her lungs. Her apartment was smaller than the house that she shared with her ex-husband, and it was taking some getting used to.

Funny how life works. Regina needed a change of pace. It was tough for her to look at Brian almost every day. The two tried to avoid each other like the plague, but work circumstances kept smashing them together. When they did have to share the same air, their movements were akin to tightrope walkers. Neither wanted to say anything other than the bare minimum to each other.

Regina eventually moved to another unit, but even that wasn't enough. Their breakup was so public; so brutal. The entertainment value of such a soap opera ending was enough to fuel the rumor mill for ages. The whisper volume seemed to turn raise each time they were forced to interact. Even the simple act of sharing an elevator ride made eyebrows raise.

Despite his bravado act of Brianness, Regina could also see how all of this was affecting him. He seemed so sullen and morose; not at all like the guy in the parking lot. The demons of that weekend haunted him too, and he dropped all pretenses about it.

It became apparent that the only way for the two of them to escape that weekend was to completely separate.