All Comments on 'The White Room Revisited'

I wondered why Adora was an only child. Did THEY "concentrate" the coupling mechanism to that only time?

Excellent story. The imagination and detail of events.

Looking forward to future parts, if you decide, along with the future direction. Thanks for writing. 5 plus stars

Wow! So well written, what an incredible story.

Fantastic! A bit of the old secret switcheroo. A threesome in two bodies! Teaching the naive virgin to fuck. Building a civilization... What's not to like?!

This is not the first alien abduction / alien symbiote story I've read here, but it's probably the best among the lot.

I love your perspective and take on the whole thing, and suffice to say I could stand to read another couple of installments exploring this world you have created.

Truly amazing storyline. Loved it. When you opened with a little bit of Pink Floyd, I knew it was going to be a half-decent read. Although I may have used another of their pieces, from Dark Side - Time.

It has been a long time since I have read sci-fi, but you have re-awaken my desire to read some more. Thank you.

5 star +

You continue to be my favorite author. Keep up the outstanding effort!

At first blush, I thought of Cream’s White Room. But I am an old hippy, so bear with me. I have read a lot of science fiction and I recall a plot very similar to the story here. Although, yours was different in that the “aliens” weren’t actually set to improving our race, but rebuilding their own. It is fantastic story, with some humor and naïveté thrown in for good measure. It was joy to read. You have plenty to share with us about a third chapter, plenty of opportunities for changes in the ‘visitors’ education and their human counterparts. You have a lot to work with. Just saying!

"don't blame them if you hated it."

Don't be so hard on yourself. It was really good. I could nitpick some things, but that would be missing the point. The situation is intriguing, and your execution was really good.

As to what comes next, my writing sense would say it has to broaden the scope a lot. Frankly, dwelling on Adora/Vanda and Aiden/Doren would be unsatisfying. Worth a bit of follow up, but not something to support a whole new chapter.

I want to know what happens to society a few generations from now. Hell, even aside from it becoming a very sex-positive culture with all its fappable implications, I'd read on even if it was straight up mainstream science fiction without all the messy smacking sounds.

I'd probably take it in a somewhat darker direction from here, but that's just me. More conflict makes a more gripping story, and it makes the occasional interlude more intense. I'm seeing a society divided along the lines of 'conjoined' and 'fully human' or something, with relations between them tense, to say the least, and a kind of soul-searching by the human race about what it wants to be. You almost foreshadowed that reckoning with Aiden's initial reluctance, then an acquiescence that Adora suspected was not entirely self-motivated.

Yes, I too had that song running through my head during this. Not a bad soundtrack for it.

totally entertaining. And since I am hear to escape reality for a bit I am glad I find a story that I can suspend beliefs and "reality". Great job. I loved it. thank you so much for your time and writing!

I'm mostly going to reiterate someone else's comment from below. This is good enough rating that I'd be interested in reading it, and without any sexual content, or at least minimal.

I also see great potential for a retrospective storyline as suggested. That could be near-term retrospective, or if you had the inclination could look back from future society (societies? Ours and theirs?) in honour of their founding generations, centuries, or millennia, ago depending on how broad and ambitious you wish the storyline to be.

All of that said, there's been nothing wrong with a story or series of vignettes set some weeks after this one with the foursome touring the world, looking for experience and knowledge. Or, perhaps, shortly in the future, a child is conceived of Doran and Vanda by their proxies (surrogates), with much of the gestation and storyline, set an expanded white room complex.

First part was alright, this one couldn’t get past first page. Too weird and too bland