The Wisdom of Solomon

"Now Denzel loved her and I think she loved him but that wasn't enough to keep them together forever. I know that Denzel was aware of the differences between them, race being only the most obvious difference, and he did everything in his power to make it work. It didn't. They broke up. Neither one of them would tell me why they broke up but it was sad to see them apart like that. A few months later Denzel's Army outfit was deployed to Iraq. He did two tours of duty on the front line before the incident that sent him home. One day Denzel and his patrol group were checking out an abandoned house when he saw a little dog tied up to a pole. Denzel was a careful soldier and looked all around for snipers and the like. When he thought the coast was clear he went over to untie the dog to rescue him. What he couldn't know was that it was a booby trap. He called it an IED, an improvised explosive device. The ground under the dog exploded sending both of them flying through the air. The little dog was in a hundred pieces. Denzel looked down and found he was missing a couple pieces of his own. He didn't see his legs. The medevac helicopter got him to the hospital in time to save his life but he had lost both legs and part of one arm. There were several other injuries that basically took his manhood from him. He was a broken man. He spent nine months in a rehabilitation hospital outside of Washington D.C. and came home just before Christmas a year ago. He had new prosthetic legs to walk on but they couldn't do anything about his spirit. He was constantly depressed and even talked about suicide. Between his brother and me we tried to keep him happy and positive but no matter what we did or said he just continued to go down hill. That's when I thought of Shari.

"Denzel loved Shari at one time and would do anything for her. I got it in my mind to call her and have her come over and talk with him and maybe she could cheer him up. From what she told me yesterday she never told you about visiting him. I'm sorry you never met him. I think you would have liked him. Anyway, Shari came over and visited with us a couple times a week. We talked and ate and she even helped to get Denzel enrolled in a computer course at the community college. He seemed to feel better about himself when she was around. He started to think of himself as a whole man again, not just a cripple with no legs. Shari was always honest with him. He knew that she was married and very much in love with you and they never did anything except talk as old friends. That is until one day I had to go to church for a meeting.

"Now Shari told me this yesterday and it shocked me to my core. I'm sorry I have to tell you this but I'm going to be honest and blunt and just say it. While I was at church they made love. She said that she didn't know why she did it except that she felt pity for him and maybe a little responsible for his injuries. Yeah, I said to her exactly what you're thinking now. How can she be responsible for the injuries he got in a war five thousand miles away? Well, she explained it like this. If they hadn't broken up then maybe, just maybe, they would have been together and he would have done only one tour of duty and passed on the second to come home to her. We'll never know if that would have been the way things turned out but that's what she was thinking. She felt so much guilt about what she did with Denzel that when she got home to you she made love to you. She felt so bad about what she did that she thought she could make it up to you with sex. She was wrong and she realized it afterwards. There was no way she could make it up to you. She hurt you without you ever knowing it. She hurt your marriage. But she never stopped loving you. I know this in my heart to be true. She made a mistake by being with my Denzel because she loved only you and she betrayed you.

"Now, here's the hard part for me. I've got to tell you what happened afterwards. Shari was wonderful and helped to brighten Denzel's life. But after that day Denzel fell into a deep depression. He was mumbling something about having lost everything he ever loved. He felt very guilty about what they did and even said he wanted to come over and apologize. I talked him out of it and I think that's what sent him over the edge. All I remember about that day was the sound. I hear it at night just before I go to sleep now and I'll probably hear it for the rest of my life. The sound came from upstairs. I went up there as quickly as I could and went to Denzel's room. I found him lying in his bed in a pool of blood. He still had his service revolver in his hand. There was splattered blood all over the wall above his bed. Mr. Mason, my grandson, my beautiful grandbaby, took his pistol and stuck it in his mouth and pulled the trigger. He just couldn't handle being half a man, and one that only a beat up old shell of a woman loved. Shari decided to never tell you about Denzel or what they did or his death because it would have killed you. She's right you know. It would have destroyed any happiness you might have had. She vowed to never to get in a situation like that again. One mistake in a lifetime was enough and she would pay for it silently for the rest of her days.

"Shari called me yesterday and I got a cab to pick her up and bring her to my house. You should have seen her. She was wailing and crying and a complete mess. When she did calm down for a minute she was so depressed that I thought about hiding the kitchen knives. We talked all day and all night long. She knows that her little girl is Denzel's and her little boy is yours. Neither of us understood how this came about because the IED damaged more than his legs. He lost one of his testicles and had severe abdominal injuries. The doctors said that he would never be able to father children. That's what I meant when I said he lost his manhood. Shari and I talked about what she did and what she created. I'm a God fearing woman Mr. Mason and I'm not going to judge her, but she's already judged herself and passed sentence. If you don't get off you backside and go talk to her then her sentence may be as severe as that of my grandson's. I don't want that to happen. You see, I love her just as much as Denzel did, and probably as much as you do. She needs help. She needs you. I think you're her only hope, her salvation if you will. Please do what's right and go to her."

When she sat back, her story finished, everybody on the porch sat in utter silence. There wasn't a dry eye in the lot. Even the mountain of a policeman wiped away a tear, trying to do it so nobody would see. Slowly, one by one, each person turned their eyes to Tony. He just sat looking straight ahead at Violet, their eyes locked on one another.

As he sat there he remembered the time about nine months ago when Shari went into a deep funk that lasted almost a week. It was right after that marathon two-person orgy they had one night. He would never forget the things they did and how forceful she was. Now he understood exactly why, guilt. He thought something he did that night caused her depression but couldn't get her to tell him. Now he understood that it was what she and Denzel did. In a few days she was back to normal and so were their lives. It was just about a month later that she announced that she was pregnant. The first thing he thought of was that night with Shari.

Without saying a single word Tony got up and went into the house.

Violet and her grandson said their goodbyes and slowly walked out to the cruiser arm in arm. Everybody else just sat on the porch wondering what was going to happen next. What happened was Tony walking through the door and over to the cruiser. When the cop lowered the passenger side window Tony said, "I'll take Violet home. I need to get my wife and bring her home. We've got a family now that she needs to take care of. Thank you officer, I wouldn't have heard the story if you hadn't twisted my arm."

Tony and Violet drove in silence to her home across town. They found Shari in one of the upstairs bedrooms under several blankets. She looked like hell. She had obviously been crying. But when she saw Tony she threw the covers off and jumped up into his arms and started crying all over again.

"I'm sorry Babe, so, so sorry. God I made a mess of things. Please forgive me."

Tony held his wife for the first time in over a week. She felt good in his arms, warm and soft. It was just then that he realized just how much he had missed her touch. But the problems still existed. They needed help to get past what she did, if they could at all.

"Come on let's go home. You've got a family now and can't be running away whenever there's some little problem. Let's go. We'll talk at home."

Tony and Shari each thanked Violet in their own way for what she did and parted never knowing if they would meet again. The drive home was quiet but not as tense as the past week at home. It almost seemed like the dark clouds had parted and a bit of sunshine came shining through. Only time would tell.

Day 18

Shari had been home for more than a week but life with Tony had not returned to normal. When they talked they could only talk for a few minutes before one or the other them got upset. They were having trouble communicating.

One day Tony came home from work and told Shari to get dressed because they were going out. When she asked where he said only that it was a surprise. She smiled and dressed casually like he said. Shari's mom showed up to babysit and they drove away. The car seemed to know where it was going all by itself. Shari was on pins and needles worried about what Tony had planned, she hoped that it would be a nice dinner but she couldn't judge his mood. She just sat quietly and waited. Twenty minutes later they pulled into the parking lot of an office complex. They got out and Tony took her hand and led the way. They ended up on the fourth floor standing in front of a door with the words 'Felix Simón, Family Counseling' printed in gold letters. Tony turned to Shari and said, "This is the only way I can think of to get our problems out in the open and to see if we can find a solution. I met with Dr. Simón a couple days ago and told him the basics. Tonight you and I are going to start putting our marriage back together. Frankly I don't know if we can but I'm willing to try. I hope you are too." Shari just smiled and opened the door. That simple action said she wanted this as much as he did.

"Good evening Mr. Mason, Mrs. Mason, please come in." Dr. Simón motioned for them to sit down on the couch across from his big office chair. He sat down like he was sitting on a throne and intertwined his fingers.

"Mrs. Mason, Shari, it's nice to meet you. I don't know if Tony told you but we talked already. He told me the situation but didn't go into too much detail. Tonight we're going to start by having each of you tell the same story from your own point of view. Let me tell you, during our sessions together I set the rules. I expect you to respect me and each other. What we say here may be painful but it's necessary to be open and honest about everything, no matter how it makes us feel, so that we can bring your problems into the light. We may talk about intimate parts of your life and your deepest darkest secrets. All I expect is for you to be honest with each other and to try to understand things from your partner's point of view. We will continue these sessions until I feel you have reached a point where you can go it alone. But, at any time if you want to stop you are free to do so. You are under no obligation whatsoever to fix your problems and move forward. Now are there any questions before we start? Shari?"

Shari just shook her head no.

"Tony?"

He also indicated no.

"Good then we'll start with you Tony. Tell me the problem as you see it. What happened that brought you here?"

Tony took in a deep breath and let it out. "It started with the birth of our children, the twins. They're fraternal twins but they look quite different from one another and from us. You see one is white and the other is, well, uh, African American."

"Tony, hold on a minute," Dr. Simón interrupted. "Since we're going to be talking a lot about race here I don't want to hinder the conversation with terms that carry any baggage or words that make you feel less than free to say what you want. From now on we will refer to your race as white and my race as black. I was born in the Dominican Republic and raised in Miami. I don't consider myself a Dominican Republican American or an African American. I'm an American whose color is black. That's how we're going to proceed, if you're comfortable with that."

"That sounds fine," Tony answered sounding a bit relieved. Shari only nodded. "Brian is our son, he's white, and Bria is our daughter, she's black, or of a mixed race. Their birth was quite a shock to both of us. The DNA testing proved that I'm the father of Brian and someone else is Bria's father. I now know who that someone is. It seems that my wife had an affair with one of her old boyfriends on the same day that she and I had sex.

"My first problem is one of trust. I don't know if I can live with Shari knowing what she did. I don't know if I'll ever trust her again. I don't want to go through life always looking for clues to her infidelity. I can't live like that. If I can't trust her again then I don't think we can be together any more.

"The second problem is a bit more hairy. Every time I look at Bria I'm reminded of what Shari did. I don't think I can live in the same house with her because every time I look at her I'm reminded of what happened, and of the pain. I don't know what I can do. I don't think of her as my daughter and I certainly don't want to raise someone else's child, even if Shari is her mother. It just gnaws at me every day when I look at her. I haven't a clue how I'm going to get past it. It may be a deal breaker. I don't know. I just don't know."

"Tell me Tony, how do you feel about Shari?" Dr. Simón asked. "Do you love her or have your feelings changed?"

"I... I'm not... I love her," Tony said looking down at his lap. "I've always loved her. I just feel like she's ripped a large part of me out and stomped on it. It hurts like I can't explain. I've never felt anything this bad before, ever."

"Have you told her how you feel?"

"No, not really. We've talked a little but I couldn't say what I really felt. I was afraid I would say something that would make things worse. I was afraid I would say something about Bria. I'm very afraid of what's bouncing around in my head. And, I can see why she wouldn't want to talk to me; after all since the twins were born all I've done is mope around the house. I haven't even held my son since he left the hospital. I've taken my feelings out on everybody around me. I've been such a dick."

"And why? What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm afraid that Shari and everybody's going to think that I'm some kind of a racist because I don't want to be around Bria."

"And you're angry because Shari was with a black man?"

"No, that's not it. I'm angry that she was with another man period. His race doesn't make a difference. I'm just hurt that she thought so little of me that she would have sex with someone else."

"NO! That's not true!" Shari yelled.

Dr. Simón put his hand up in front of her to say stop. "Please, wait a few minutes. I want Tony to say everything and then you can respond. I know it's hard having to sit there and hear what he's saying, but he has to be free to say whatever he wants no matter how much it hurts. Just imagine how much it's hurting him to say those things. Now, Tony, please continue."

"I don't remember what I was saying."

"You were saying that you hurt because she thought so little about you that she would be with another man."

"Well, yeah, that's the way I feel. I can't help it. I've never done anything to her to deserve this. I'm so hurt and confused. That's why I came to see you the other day, that's why we're here now, to get someone to help me understand what I did that was wrong and if possible, to help us get past it. Someone that can be impartial."

Tony stopped and looked up at Shari. Tears were streaming down her face and she was rocking back and forth with her feet pulled up under her legs. She had a handful of tissues balled up in her hands. She looked awful.

"Is there anything else you would like to say Tony before I turn to Shari?"

"I don't think so. I may have said too much already. No, go ahead."

Dr. Simón turned to the obviously distraught woman. "Shari, before I have you talk do you want to take a break? Maybe go to the bathroom and straighten up. How about something to drink? I have some water if you would like."

Shari wiped her eyes and grabbed another handful of tissues. She wiped again and said, "No, I think I'll be all right. Just give me a minute. I'll be okay."

Her body uncurled and she sat up straight. She wiped her face again and took a couple deep breaths.

"I'm okay now. How do I start?"

"Shari, I want you to tell me in you own words what happened since the birth of the twins. I don't want you to go back any further. I don't want you to say anything about what happened before that time, just talk about what you've been feeling since the delivery."

After a moment to gather her thoughts she started. "Well, I've been a complete mess. Even when I've looked all calm and composed outside I've been screaming inside. When Brian was born I looked over and saw Tony and he looked happier than any time I've ever seen him. I was too. We were both in heaven. We had a little baby boy, something we've always wanted and have talked about since we got married. Then when Bria was born everything changed. I knew immediately that there was a problem with her but I just thought she had a skin problem that would go away in time. When I looked over at Tony his expression had changed. His mouth was open and his eyes just stared at her. I could almost see the joy flow out of him. It scared me more than anything ever has before. When they brought her back and put her in my arms I knew what I had done. I didn't even know that is was possible but I saw someone other than Tony in her. I started shaking and almost dropped her. Tony's face had no expression, not even hate. He was just blank. I thought right then that I may have destroyed the man I love. I did, I did, and I hurt the man I love more than anything in this world. I wanted to die.

"When they took me to the recovery room I tried to get off the table and go to Tony. Two nurses held me down as I started screaming for him. Then one of the doctors came in and gave me something. I fell asleep as they held me down. I don't remember anything until the next morning.

"They brought Brian and Bria to me the next morning to feed and I just started crying again. I asked the nurse to explain to me why one looks like me and the other doesn't. She looked sad when she said that she will have one of the doctors come in and explain what's going on. I continued to cry until they took them away. I couldn't feed them. I couldn't hold them. I couldn't do anything. I just cried.

"A couple hours later Tony came in and I could see it in his eyes. He hated me. He was accusing me of something, but I didn't know what. He hardly said a word. He just stared at me with those eyes full of hate. I don't remember what I said but I tried to say something that would get him to talk to me, but he wouldn't. One of the staff doctors came and told us of all the possibilities that could cause Bria to be like she was. He said a lot but it boiled down to our waiting for the blood tests to come back for the answers. They wouldn't know anything definite until the blood work was completed. After he left Tony seemed to soften a bit and told me that he had requested that they also do a paternity test. I felt like he slapped me across the face. It was a veiled accusation but I understood what he meant. I started to say something but before I could get the first word out our parents came in. When I looked around for him he was gone. I could see something accusatory in my parent's eyes too. They looked at me like I was a stranger. I started crying again and the nurse asked everybody to leave. I grabbed the phone and tried to call Tony's cell but he didn't answer. I left a dozen messages at home but he never called me back. All I could do was cry.