All Comments on 'The Wolves Ch. 010'

This is my new favorite story!

YOU HAVE CAPTURED MY ATTENTION WITH A GREAT START FOR WHAT I SEE AS A VERY ENJOYABLE SERIES. PLEASE CONTINUE. I TRULY LOOK FORWARD TO THE NEXT CHAPTERS.

the more I read the more I really like this story, thank you

Clarity about the Beacon

When Abi said she can only transport Jonathon and nothing else, does that mean he arrives naked? Either Abi can transport more than just Jonathon’s body, ie. with his clothes, or he arrives without any. Did she mean only what’s on his body? What about in his pockets? What if someone was on his back? Is it weight based or what?

Inquiring Minds want to know.

You need to watch your repetition. You described, in detail, how Abi's powerplant works, and in the very next paragraph did it again in response to a character. It's unnecessary, and kills your pacing. Also, you need to have conversations, introduce the readers to your characters. We're 10 chapters in this point and we know next to nothing about them. Is Jonathan a good guy, are the twins funny, is Ben shy, who is Marcus besides perpetually late, is his mom anything other than the friend group food dispenser? They don't have life yet, you develop that through action and conversation rather than constant exposition. Show, don't tell. This has the kernel of something brilliant, you just need to knock the chaff off your skills and look for an editor.

So why can't he call Alexandra and Gabriel Mom and Dad? They have been his parents for 15 years of his life.