All Comments on 'The Women of Honey Hollow Pt. 02'

...the journals took all the fun out of discovering the women for me. Why read about it when you have an infinite amount of time to discover it first hand. And the video cameras?? Turn off. Sorry, I'd scrap this chapter altogether.

Sorry you didn't like it. Lots more to come, maybe it will be more to your liking

Bourbononice

This chapter sucked in the distraction department compared with the first. Some pretty severe typos using the wrong word, and please don't use "thru" in your narrative - you're not writing an SMS!

I didn't mind the journals - it would be fun to see if the women now matched the impressions from a few years earlier.

Enjoyable. I think you meant intimidating instead of intimating.

Thanks for the comments- sometimes we all get a brain fart or two. I am not a pro, just enjoy writing.

Paul (Bourbononice)

'Wonder what like in bed.'

Intimating? Do you mean intimidating?

You also use the word and a lot. Try other words like then, as or so when appropriate.

A good story spoilt.