The Wrong Sister Pt. 04

When he pulls off of me we share shy looks because we both know it's bad that this has happened again. Every other time I've felt some kind of sorrow afterwards. But not this time. I feel bad, but I don't feel as bad as I should. I had needed Will more than Hannah did, however selfish that might sound.

I still did.

I make a pathetic moaning sound and take his hand and try to get him to lie on his back on the sofa. "What are you doing?" he asks with an amused look, then makes a sound of understanding as I lie down beside him and cuddle up to him.

"Let me have this moment?" I ask as I rest my head on his chest and drape myself over him. "Please?"

Will's face is hidden to me, but his response of putting an arm around me and stroking my hair is all I need. I close my eyes and for that brief moment he is mine and mine alone.

"Mummy?"

I start awake as I look around. Had I fallen asleep? I blearily look around the room but only Will is there, slowly disentangling himself from me and standing up to put some clothes on. "I'll sort her." he says, and before I can argue he is opening the living room door and sneaking upstairs, speaking in a loud whisper to Gabby.

Alone downstairs, I take a moment to consider the mess I'm making of my family's lives while getting dressed. Will. Hannah. My brother. Father. Even my daughters. Every time with Will had caused more trouble to the point where I'd fallen in love with him. There was no easy way out of this.

Upstairs I hear him singing low and sweetly to Gabby, sending her back off to sleep. And I swear my heart breaks all over again that he cannot be mine.

When he finally comes back downstairs I'm standing by the door waiting for him. I offer a smile as he enters and shuts the door behind him, but he doesn't come to me and I don't go to him. It's like he'd had the same thoughts I'd had.

"You're so good with them," I tell him earnestly. "They love you to bits you know?"

"Thanks. I've... well, I've always wanted kids. Kinda comes naturally to me."

"It shows."

There's a long pause as we look at one another, wondering who might speak first. It turns out to be Will.

"I should go."

My eyes shift to the clock and see it's 2am. "Are you sure? We have a spare bed and the girls would love to have you around for breakfast before school."

Will hesitates for just a moment before shaking his head. "I can't Izzy. I go up those stairs with you... I just know what will happen. And even if I slept on the sofa, in the morning it would be like... like we were together. And what happened tonight was wonderful. It always is. But... we've gotta stop somehow."

My lips go thin as I smile at him. "I know." I whisper to him. "I know we can't. Maybe we... maybe we don't see each other for a while? See if that helps?"

He nods slowly and then takes a deep, sober breath. "Yes. I think that might help." he says.

I keep my distance as he prepares to leave the house. The only time I'm close to him is when I'm lingering to kiss his cheek goodbye as the taxi comes to take him home. I stand in the doorway as I watch him in the backseat of the car, looking at me with those soulful eyes until he disappears round the corner.

A month passes by and life, as it tends to do, goes on. I return to being a passable mother and nurse and even a good daughter. I'm even a good sister, and avoid contacting Will despite how my feelings for him haven't dulled.

Still, I'm a little surprised to find Hannah on my doorstep unannounced one Saturday morning. She's her usual scatty self but there's something different about her too. Something I can't place until she asks me for a chat.

Hannah never asks me for a chat. I fear the worst immediately. I've been good recently but that doesn't discount the four times I've slept with her husband.

We take seats at the dinner table and I await her fury. But it doesn't come. I watch as Hannah gets tearful, shaking her head at some internal monologue. When she doesn't say anything I try prompting her.

"Hannah? What is it?"

She takes a shuddering breath. The moment of truth.

"I'm pregnant."

I wasn't expecting that. Breathing again, I lean back and realise that it really is over now between me and Will. I won't step in and ruin a child's life too. And he deserves to be a dad. Deserves to have a family he can dote on and love with all that is in his heart.

"Congratulations Han," I say, forcing a smile. But Hannah is still upset. Tears are running down her face. Did she not want to be pregnant?"

"Is that not good?" I query in an amused lilt.

Hannah shakes her head and meets my eyes. Then takes another deep breath.

"Izzy... I... I don't think it's Will's."