Then it Dawned on Me

Laughter emanated from the back porch as dad hit the punchline to his "intellectually bitch slapping the idiot at work" story. Genuine laughter too, not polite dad joke laughter. He always had a gift for a humorous delivery, a gift that his oldest son, Aaron, was deprived of and his younger son, Ethan, got in spades. Some say I caught the gene too, but I think being so much younger than my half brothers played to my advantage - no one expects to get many laughs from the little sister.

"Another one?" My dad offered to the group. He took the drink orders and went inside. My mother, Aaron, Ethan, their wives and I were enjoying the warm spring evening at this family get together to say goodbye to my childhood home. I had just graduated from college, and our empty-nesters were ready to downsize. I call it MY childhood home because my brothers never really lived with me while I was growing up.

My dad's first marriage ended horribly and after extensive, expensive, and exhausting child custody battles, their mother had full custody with optional visitation. I barely got to see them as time went on, and they got to be teenagers uninterested in family time. Occasionally they would stop by to catch up every few months and hit some holidays, but I never really lived with them.

"Here ya go baby." The requested beer from my father appeared in front of me and i took it with a smile. We were a family that drank together. None of us would be considered alcoholics, but we enjoyed ourselves and very few gatherings did not include alcohol. We were a few more beers deep when my mother and brothers' wives retreated to the kitchen to make drunk snacks for everyone. Knowing my father and brothers dont get too much bonding time, I stepped off the porch, away from the firelight and made my way to the rope hammock just beyond our giant oak tree. I was admiring the stars and getting nostalgic over our home when I heard heavy footfalls approaching.

"Ready for a refill J?" I recognized Ethan's smooth low voice and the pet name, he was the only one in the family that called me J.

"Always" I responded as I reached out for the offered drink.

"Got room on there for one more?"

"Of course!" After 2 minutes of Three Stooges-like comedy attempting to add another person to a hammock while holding open containers, we managed to both lay safely atop the webbed ropes. However, it is a hammock, so we were forced to the middle and unusually close to one another. We're affectionate, dont get me wrong, and were closer than Aaron and I, but I'd never been pressed up against my brother's body with our limbs tangled together. And it was.. Nice. We lay drinking and talking softly, some reminiscing about the house, when we came to a soft comfortable silence where we drunkenly sunk into each other.

I felt a slight nudge of his cheek against my forehead and thought I must be confused. It was the nudge of a guy saying "tilt your head up so i can kiss you". I'd felt it before, I knew that nudge, but it couldn't possibly be. There it was again, more insistent this time. My stomach exploded into a thousand tingling pieces, my heart started to pound, and instinctively I tilted my head up.

His lips touched mine so lightly but present. His hand moved from his chest to my neck to cradle my head and I opened my mouth. It was the perfect kiss. Not only did my whole body tingle from the excitement of what was happening but the way we kissed... it was like we kissed the same. No fighting of lips or bumping of teeth, no struggle for tongue dominance, or one person ending one kiss before the other was ready, no crazy intensity from one and mild interest from the other like so many others I'd had before. It was like the way we kissed was imprinted on our genes, and we were making out with mirror images of ourselves. We tasted each other and took lips between teeth with equal enthusiasm. His hand held my nape hair with a firmness that turned me on. Both of our hands roamed slightly, and he pulled back to look at me as he grabbed my ass.

"You're so sexy" he growled in my ear. "I couldn't believe how much you'd grown up when I saw you at Amy's wedding. I've wanted to do that ever since".

I was stunned speechless. Not only had I just had the hottest make out of my life with my brother, but he thought I was sexy, and had thought it before tonight.

It wasn't some drunk mistake, he actually wanted me. Did I want him? My brain was on overload, I couldn't think straight. All I knew was I wanted more. I didn't want to stop tasting and feeling him, so I held his cheek and brought my mouth back to his. No intensity was lost. As I ran my tongue along the inside of his top teeth, his arm held me tight to his body. We nipped and sucked each other's lips a few more times before our dad's voice cut through our union like a swift cleaver.

"Get back up here you two" he called. His tone was confusing, it wasn't angry or disgusted, it was almost teasing or humorous. Could he really not see what we were doing? What about Ethan's wife? Had she returned to the patio? Cold reality washed over me and I think he could see it in my eyes. He gave a soft chuckle, "Coming" he threw back at dad, and gave me one last peck before we navigated exiting the hammock.

I couldn't believe it. I was always so jealous of how cool he was. I stared in awe at him walking back up to the porch toward our father and into the house that contained his wife, like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. Here I was, with combination alcohol, nerves, arousal, and adrenaline making me walk like Bambi's first steps.

I thought about it a lot in the following days. It would sneak up on me when I didn't suspect it. I could feel his lips, his hands, his breath, before waking up to the realization I was fantasizing about my brother. He wasn't really my brother right? We didn't grow up bickering about who took too long in the bathroom or whose space was being violated on car trips. True I always thought about him as my brother but I didn't really know how other people who grew up together thought about their brothers. I remember being exponentially more excited for Ethan's surprise visits than Aaron's, even to the point where I remember starting to dress up for them around age 16. I remember being nervous around him, thinking how attractive looking he was. I remember being annoyed that he in all his 6'5" glory would date girls that were 5'2" if they had shoes on. I thought about how excited I would get when he'd come to family gatherings and rather than my usual teenage annoyance at obligatory family functions I'd think "at least Ethan is here". Then it dawned on me. I want him. I've wanted him for a long time. I didn't get dressed up to see Aaron, I didnt particularly care if he was at events or not. I wasn't annoyed Ethan was wasting his height on short girls, I was jealous. Especially that he was into girls that looked nothing like me (I'm 6'). It all started to make sense.

I remember once during college he lived close to me, and he invited me to hang out with him and his roommates one night. We were all standing around the garage staring at Ethan's latest build. He's a mechanic and car enthusiast and would build and race anything. We were talking about what his beautiful mind had dreamed up this time when one of his buddies approached me.

"So, how's school going?"

"It's hard. Im struggling a lot right now, actually I kind of wonder if it's for me at all..."

"What!?" Ethan whipped his head in my direction.

"Yeah I just don't know if I'm cut out for it."

"You're staying in school. This is what you get if you don't finish school." he said as he extended a permanently grease-stained hand and forearm. "You don't want to be up to your elbows in shit, do you?"

"No" I croaked out looking at him affectionately. He wanted what's best for me, but sweet brotherly protection isn't what broke my voice. I stared at that big strong hand and had a mental flash of desire for those thick, work-rough fingers to be inside me, fucking me until the grease mixed with my pussy juice and ran in beads over the plump veins of that perfectly sculpted forearm. I shook it off at the time attributing my momentary depravity to my attraction to working men, and a horniness not tended to in too long but maybe there was more to it. I liked dirty men in coveralls, but why? The only one I knew was my brother. What if it wasn't just any fingers, but his fingers.

I wondered too about the wedding he mentioned. I had noticed that he looked good. I had just turned 19, so he would have been 25, single, no kids yet, in peak physical form. He had a dark black crew cut and a strong jaw, but it just seemed like my normal admiration of him. I didnt pick up anything on his end either. He gave me a look at the end of the night that was out of the norm, but I thought it was probably because he had just watched me take a drag of a cigarette and no one in the family had any idea I smoked. I couldn't have known what he was really thinking, could I?

I had decided to put it out of my mind for now. We didnt see or talk to each other that often, there was no use in dwelling on some crush I'd realized I'd always had. What was going to happen? He was my brother, and he was married.. and he was my brother! Pull yourself together girl.

A few weeks later I was finishing up one of my odd jobs on a Friday night when I got a text from Ethan.

Ethan: Hey J! Aaron and the girls and I are at Luscious, wanna come out for a few rounds?

Me: Sure, I'm still finishing up work though, probably can't make it for another hour or so.

Ethan: We'll be here.

I know you're probably thinking, who the hell goes to strip clubs with their siblings and wives? But it truly didnt seem weird to me. I knew Ethan and Aaron went together a lot and it felt nice to be included. We grew up in a boring suburban town, venturing into the city to go to strip clubs was high entertainment for most young adults.

I rushed home and put on my shortest shorts and black crop top, tossed on my cowboy boots and jetted out of the house to make it there before everyone was ready to leave. As I arrived I texted Ethan, and he met me in the front with a warm strong hug, paid my cover, and took my hand in his to escort me to the table.

"Aaron and Demi had to leave, she's got an early morning."

"Oh, I'm sorry I missed them!" I wasn't.

"Well here we are! Let me get you a drink."

I settled at the table with Ethan's wife, Michelle, and made small talk. We covered what the kids were up to and my job before he returned. It all felt very commonplace and innocent for the next hour or so as we drank and watched. We commented on the talent and how superior they were to the apparently inferior clubs I had patronized.

I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and slid the filter between my lips as i dug around the abyss that was my purse for a lighter. I caught Ethan eyeing the cigarette in my mouth with a slight hunger.

"Want one?" I asked flipping the top and shaking some in his direction for easy grabbing.

"No thanks, we're trying to quit." Michelle said with a warning look at Ethan.

"Oh sorry!" I said as I quickly took the cigarette out of my mouth.

"No, no." Ethan said apologetically "Don't let us stop you."

I reluctantly lit it and turned slightly away from the table to blow my smoke over my shoulder. My body was now completely facing Ethan and my adjustment had put the foot of my crossed leg level with his calf right between his legs. Time now, i thought, to see if he still feels the same or if everything is back to normal sister-brother stuff.

He was taking a swig of his beer when i pressed the top of my foot to the inside of his calf and rubbed up his pant leg until i could hook the toe of my boot around the back of his knee. His eyes shot me a look from behind his pint glass saying "I know what you're doing". He didnt break eye contact until he had taken the last gulp of beer and had no more amber liquid to hide behind. I, in turn, took a drink of my vodka to hide my smirk.

The girl on stage was finishing her last dance when Michelle announced she was heading to the restroom. We both watched her walk away intently. The second the door closed behind her we looked at each other the way we had wanted to all night, hungrily. I removed the cigarette from my mouth after a deep inhale and held it out in offer to him as I blew the smoke out of the corner of my mouth. Without breaking eye contact he bent at the waist bringing his mouth to the cigarette and putting his lips where mine had just been. I gently brushed his hollowed out cheek with the tips of my fingers His bending over forced his arms under the table where his hand found the crook of my knee and dragged its way up the outside of my thigh. His fingers dipped into the leg of my shorts to feel where my leg connected to my hip and ran along the crease. He made his way down the inside of my thigh while holding the ankle of my boot with his other hand.

His lips gently released the filter, and he placed a small kiss on my middle fingertip. He never looked away from my eyes as he breathed in and slowly let out the smoke from his mouth and nostrils. We didnt speak a word, just stared and touched. He broke eye contact to check in the direction of the ladies room and brought one of his arms up to the tabletop to not be too suspicious. I traced the lines of that arm and hand with a delicate finger. I smoked with the other although my fingers were itching to touch him back, everywhere. Our eyes went from glued together to glued to the door while we stole touches, so we'd both know exactly when to stop.

As she came out he slowly retreated his hand and I recrossed my legs away from him. I snuffed out my cigarette and downed the remnants of my drink. We all agreed it was time to call it a night and asked for our checks.

"You've had too much to drink to drive all the way back tonight" Ethan said to me as we ventured into the parking lot. "Come home with us and I'll bring you back to your car in the morning."

"Me? What about you? You were drinking hours before I even got here."

"Yes, but I'm a professional... and we live closer."

"Alright if you insist."

Ethan was stealing glances at me in the rear view mirror as he held his wife's hand and drove with the other. We were almost to his house when he suggested a late night trip to Waffle House.

"YEEESSSSS" I slurred, scarcely being able to imagine anything better in my state.

"Nah, I'm pretty beat. Why dont you drop me off at home and you two go together. A little brother-sister bonding time."

Yeah, sure.

I hopped into the front seat while he helped her into bed. He got back in the car, and we headed for our midnight snack. We looked but didnt touch, it was almost as if we weren't sure. In the diner we sat next to one another at the bar and after we'd ordered he took my hand in his. He caressed it and pulled me closer with it to nuzzle my neck and place a kiss just under my ear. My body caught fire not just because my neck is my biggest erogenous zone but because we were being so obvious in public. It was so strange to be able to act that way and for no one to know who we were or how wrong we were being.

"You two are cute. How long have you been together?" our waitress inquired.

"Oh we go way back" Ethan said as I tried to keep coffee from shooting out my nose.

We made our way hand in hand to the passenger side of his truck where he pushed me up against the door and kissed me deeply. The web of his hand echoed the underside of my breast with his fingers curling around my side and his thumb pointing at the center of my chest. It was as close as he could get before we crossed another line. He broke the kiss and looked down at my braless tits. The sight of my hardening nipples must have made his decision for him. He only brought his thumb up to swipe side to side across the nub. I arched my body into him and felt the beginning stiffness in his pants. He pinched and tugged my nipple once before letting go at the apex and lowly said "Get in."

As he drove I was leaned over the console licking and sucking at his neck and earlobe with my hand caressing his leg and chest. We pulled into the driveway and exited the car. On my way to the front door he intercepted me and pulled me by the arm to the side of the garage and through the gate.

"Wow, nice backya-" his mouth descended on mine, hands on both my upper arms pushing me up against the brick. We weren't holding back anymore. He released my arms to fondle my chest and wrap an arm around my waist as I put both of mine around his neck. I brought my knee up to his hip, so I could grind my pussy against him. He understood and pushed his leg between mine, putting me on top of his thigh. His hand felt down my raised thigh and landed on my ass giving it a firm squeeze. He too rubbed his length against my torso as we kissed and licked each other like animals.

"God damn. I want you. Tell me you want me. If you don't we have to stop now."

"Of course I want you. Can't you tell? But what about Michelle?"

"This is different."

I could feel my wetness growing at his words. How much it sounded like he wanted me, how right he was that this was different. I wasn't trying to be his wife, but I wanted us to share something deeper than we already had. Deeper than just blood. Even if this wasn't only a one time thing, it wouldn't be about true love or partnership, it's just... primal.

I pushed him just far enough away to slide down the wall, undoing his belt at the same time. He helped me open his fly and release his cock out into the night air. My warm wet mouth covered the tip to lick and suck gently before I attempted to get as much of him inside as i could. Gagging helped make more saliva so that I could better glide my mouth and hand up and down his shaft rhythmically. I tried digging inside his fly to caress his balls. When I finally got my fingers wrapped around them he let out a growl that had me doubling my efforts. I flicked his tip with my tongue on every up-stroke and sucked when I could. His length and girth made it difficult to use some of my standby moves. I felt his hand wrap around the underside of my chin, fingers extending down onto my neck as I took him as far into my throat as I could manage. His other hand grasped the back of my head and it seemed like he couldn't stop himself from thrusting into my throat. He fucked into my face a few times before holding himself deep and groaning at the feel. I swallowed a few times as well as I could around the head of his cock trying to give him more pleasure while he held still. Before I wanted to be done with him, his hand released the hair at the back of my head and grabbed my shoulder, and he was hauling me to my feet by my head and arm.

"Where'd you learn to suck cock like that little sister?" I gave him as mischievous a smile as I could with his hand still holding me by the jaw.

"You liked that?"

"Ohh... You're trouble." He darkly chuckled.

His hand left my arm and ran down my body heading for my pussy. He hooked his fingers around the tiny strip of denim covering me and yanked it down and to the side.

"No panties either." he said as he cupped my whole mound with his hand. He pushed his middle finger up between my folds teasing my entrance and dragged it forwards leaving it just at the underside of my clit. My breath caught and my eyes felt like they were black with arousal. His hand still on my chin was adjusting to grasp my neck, and his eyes watched my reaction as his middle finger gently pumped up in a come-hither motion once, twice, three times and then started rubbing.

I was completely stunned. Even playing with myself I had only ever rubbed the top or the tip of my clit, never solely focused on the underside and god did it feel good. I had never been with anyone older than me, but if his experience was what I could expect I was definitely going to start.