Therapeutic Sessions Ch. 01

I didn't reply. In fact, I sat there, quite relaxed, and tried my best to show confidence without exuding superiority. I folded my hands in my lap while waiting for the good doctor to calm herself. I fought off the smirk that kept trying to form.

"Alright, Jody," she said evenly. "Let's try again, shall we? Please look at Cheryl and tell her how you feel about what she told you, without the pomp and circumstance this time."

Turning slowly to look at Cheryl, I said deliberately, "Cheryl, like I said at our last meeting, I don't believe anything you've said. As far as I'm concerned, you're a liar. I think you're sorry you were caught and definitely sorry that it's come to this, but I don't believe for one minute that you're sorry you cheated. I know you too well after all these years. You should be honest with Beverly, and with me, but you might start by being honest with yourself. Then we can get to the heart of the matter, and get this over with."

"I don't want to get anything over with!" Cheryl nearly screamed. "I'm trying to find a way back into your heart, Jody. I screwed up - badly - and I'm looking for a way forward. Looking for a way to make it up to you. Going back for seconds with him put me in a far worse position, I know that. Just the once, you may not have overlooked completely, but it may have been easier for you to forgive. I know you well too, after all these years."

Glancing over at Beverly, I noticed she seemed suddenly more pleased with herself. I raised my hand as if looking for permission to speak, hoping to break her positive mojo and wipe that pleased look right off her silly mug.

"Jody," she started once again, "let me flip the script here for the moment, and ask you to elaborate on something you said earlier. You mentioned the judge being pained as a man at having to do his job. You said something similar at our last meeting. Can you please explain to what you're referring?"

There it was: the moment I'd been waiting for. It was finally time to elaborate and then to articulate what had been going through my mind in these days between sessions. Hopefully, it would come out the way I'd planned it in my head, and we could effectively end this silly attempt at reconciliation.

"Alright, Doctor," I began. "But first, I need to follow up on something you said last time. You mentioned male ego and pride. In order for me to explain myself, I need to know just exactly what that means to you, and I suppose to Cheryl too. Not some textbook definition, but what it actually means in your own words and thoughts."

Beverly had a caged look on her face. In truth, I was laying a trap of sorts, but everything I was about to say hinged on the modern-day female assumptions and conclusions regarding those two emotions. And I sincerely hoped that at least one of them saw it that way - as an emotion.

It took Beverly several minutes to think through how she wanted to answer me. All that time, Cheryl shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She did know certain things about me. She could recognize patterns, at least. She'd seen me do this in similar situations, usually with some know-it-all relative at a holiday get together.

"Okay, Jody," Beverly said, as she sighed. "When I mentioned it last week, I was referring to strong emotions evoked in men when they perceive a threat to their masculinity. Masculinity itself is society-driven and is considered as a negative emotion, because it does more harm than good. It's a part of a patriarchal hierarchy, which no longer exists. With the actuality that men and women are equal in every way, the necessity for that pride and ego has evaporated. Society no longer views the things that drive ego and pride negatively - or positively, for that matter. In fact, those views are as archaic as the hierarchy. A man needn't worry over things that no longer exist.

"I see a lot of those emotions in my practice," she continued. "They may have been imprinted by a parent or grandparent onto a client as a child. Also, I see a fair amount centered around a belief system - as in religious, for example. Often times, to help a couple get their relationship back on track, I have to help the man get past those negative emotions."

Well, she certainly looked pleased with herself, I thought.

"So, Beverly, what you just said; did that come from a psychology textbook, or is that your personal opinion?" I asked.

"It is common knowledge amongst my colleagues," she replied as if expecting my question, "and yes, it is taught."

It was show time. I took a deep breath and collected myself.

Doctor Beverly," I said, "I'm not sure if any actual men were involved in collectively putting together as 'learning' what you just said, but I can certainly explain the reality of it, versus what you claim is common knowledge. As Luke Skywalker said in The Last Jedi, 'Everything you just said is wrong.'

"If I may," I continued, "let me explain from a man's perspective what pride and ego really look like, which will answer your original question. But I don't want to argue the merits of your craft, so I'll explain it from my perspective only. I'm one hundred percent sure that many, if not almost all men, believe as I do, so there's probably a huge gap between what you're being 'taught' and reality."

The look on her face said it all. She didn't like being challenged, especially by a man. Invoking nearly the entire male population probably didn't help my cause. I supposed that was like telling her that it was all men challenging her, all at once.

"When all of this came to light," I said, trudging forward, "I'd already done some homework. I'd sensed something was off - wrong with Cheryl and my relationship. My private investigator was thorough. This co-worker, Jonathan, has a penchant for, and history of, stealing wives away from their husbands. Now, that isn't a pride or ego thing. I suppose some would likely argue that point, but to me, men like him have a self-esteem issue. For them, getting away with taking something precious to another is what gives them their thrill; the sexual relationship with someone they find attractive is a bonus.

"My pride itself actually stems from Cheryl. I was glad to meet her, elated that we were compatible, and finally very proud to share meaningful vows with her. Until recently, I've been proud to have her as a wife. I've been proud of myself for finding the perfect woman for me. Hell, I've even been proud of how others view her, with regards to both her personality and her beauty. I never thought of her as a possession, but somewhere deep inside, I now know, I expected and trusted her to protect the pride I felt at having her as a partner."

I gave both women a bit of time to let that sink in. I was revving up to the pitch.

"Now, I've read," I went on, "that these primal so-called emotions of pride and ego go back to our human origins. I'm fully aware of the twenty-first century mumbo-jumbo, desperately trying to disprove the 'what and why' of male pride. Sorting through all that, though, and getting to a universal point, I believe, like many do, that once you successfully take away a man's pride, then you no longer have a man."

Beverly seemed suddenly excited that I said something she could cut teeth into. She sat straighter and leaned forward.

"I don't think anyone in this room is looking to erase your pride, Jody," she exclaimed. "What I'm trying to do is actually get you in touch with that basic emotion, so you can determine what parts are good about it, and which parts are holding you back from allowing yourself to open up to your wife's true desire to be forgiven."

She'd thrown me a bit of a curveball in the way she'd put it, but the premise was expected. It was time to shut the trap door.

"But I have," I told them both. "Examined it, that is. You see, pride - and to some degree, I guess, ego - are at the very foundation of my feelings about what Cheryl did. My pride takes a major hit no matter what happens next.

"See, the pride and ego are the key to everything, not some male emotion to be reshaped. My pride is what kept me in the mindset to cherish my wife and to protect her. I'm sure there are plenty of women these days who would dismiss the concept of protection, because they see themselves as equals. That's just a nonsensical viewpoint held by a tiny percentage of society - mainly feminists. I'll never buy into that modern horseshit - and not because it's been like that for millennium, but because that's how I feel at my core.

"You see, Doctor," I continued, "the first time Cheryl made a conscious decision to become emotionally involved with him, she disassociated herself from me. Forget about the sex. That was just another big error in a long line of them. She knew he was trying to take something from me. In fact, as my investigator discovered, his kink is to take married women from their husbands. The guy almost never dates single women. Cheryl knew that he wasn't marriage material, so she wasn't going to leave me for him. She just wanted to give him something that belonged to me..."

"Hold on, Jody," Beverly interrupted. "Surely you're not making the assumption that Cheryl's body belongs to you. That's draconian, and certainly not appropriate."

"No," I said boldly, ignoring the obvious implication of our vows. "She opened the proverbial wall safe, and took out what should have been our prized possession - my pride for her and for our relationship - and she handed it right over to that thief.

"Pride is the essence of a man, literally - not some trivial emotion. It shouldn't even be classified as an emotion, but there you are - mental health professionals - doing exactly that. Without pride, we're lost and devoid of purpose, like an airplane that's lost its navigational capabilities while flying over an ocean.

"She knew I held it in high regard," I said, motioning at Cheryl. "She knew that he didn't. She knew that he wanted it for nothing more than bragging rights. That was extremely selfish and self-centered. I'll let you sort out the delicate nuances between those two things.

"Now we're here," I continued, "and she knows that he rook that precious thing with her help, and that it can never be returned to the safe. It's gone forever. Because it was taken from right under my nose and I didn't see it, my ego has also taken a major hit. She's hoping for forgiveness, but that should be the least of your concerns - either of yours."

"What kind of life would it be for her or for me," I said after taking a long breath, "if we're living under the same roof, but I can never look at her again without remembering the fact that she and her lover conspired to break into our safe? That's the very definition of indifference, and indifference is incompatible with love. Every time I'm reminded of that damned safe, and what was taken so callously from it, both my love and my hate for her would die a little more every single day. Actually, every time I think of it."

Cheryl looked at me with her mouth hanging open. I think she finally got it - the damage she caused, that is - because her skin was a putrid shade of green. Beverly sat back in her high back chair and started making notes on her pad. Her face wore a look of finality. It was as if the gig was totally up. She stopped writing and stared into my eyes.

"Are you sure," she said quietly, "that you won't let me help you see a more modern, less traditional way forward, Jody? Being alone can be very... lonely."

"Not on your life, Doc," I stated as I stood up. "I think we're done for today; at least I am."

Beverly only nodded, and looked at Cheryl. I could tell what their unspoken expressions were saying. Cheryl caught up to me at the elevator after saying her goodbyes to Beverly.

"Can I buy you a quick coffee?" she asked expectantly.

"Probably not tonight, Cheryl," I said shaking my head. "I don't want to rehash any of th..."

"I don't want that," she said, cutting me off. "I can see that's a waste of time. Look, you're right - what you said back there. You're right, damn it. I was hoping for a way forward, but I do know my own husband. I fucked this up. None of this is on you. While we're on a roll and not so emotional, we should work out a few details of the divorce, and I'll sign the papers without any more delay. You deserve at least that much from a cheating slut of a wife."

Her half smile told me she was being sincere. It was probably as good a time as any. We hit the Starbucks around the block and found a quiet corner to discuss the end of us. When we finished, we walked to our cars, hand in hand.

"Jody," she half said, half asked, "I want you to know I'll always love you. Cliché and stupid, I'm sure is how that sounds, but I need to say it. And I'm so very sorry for what I've done to us. You were spot on - what you said about what I gave him. I never considered that, never once. I'm sorry for that too. Listen, do you think after a little time we could maybe date?" My face must have suddenly wore a mask of horror.

"Sorry, that didn't come out right," she said, and hurried to try again. "I meant go out as friends, maybe even with some benefits, if you wanted that - no strings attached. I don't expect any kind of reconciliation, just some companionship with the man I love, and the man I trust. You never broke mine. That's still in a safe somewhere."

I had to give her an A- for trying. And for the first time since I'd walked out of our home, she sounded truly remorseful and sorry.

Maybe I'll take her out once the divorce is final. Probably not. Likely not. Shit.

"Cheryl," I told her in my serious tone, "it's gonna take time, for me. I'll need to consult my pride and ego before I can give you an answer."

Jonathan Springfield was terminated just a week after our last counseling session. Seems the higher ups were concerned about my well-crafted letter, and the possible fallout. I never really had a social media campaign prepared to ruin them, but I've known for a long time that large companies are more concerned about the loss of profits than a couple of employees. They kept Cheryl on, as I had strongly urged they do, but I heard through some mutual friends later that she'd been put on probation.

As far as retaliation for Jonathan, I didn't care. He fled town, and pompous assholes like that always get what's coming - and that usually entails the loss of a testicle, and sometimes two. I'd leave it to the next husband. I knew there'd be one - and another, and another, until one of them finally decided that going to prison was worth it.

Cheryl and I never did get together after the divorce. We both found the next serious chapters in our lives pretty quickly, and long before the sting faded. My life has worked out just fine, and I hope she learned her lesson.

'Doctor' Beverly Gleason, that is.