Therapeutic Sessions Ch. 02

But I soon realized that he also had a secret with Linda, and he wasn't treating her any differently, even while looking right at her. That settled me, and I was more active in the conversation. The only time I felt something from Dane was right at the end as everyone was leaving. He gazed my way and his expression was one of... adoration.

The weekend was uneventful. I spent the time implementing my big make-up plan. I may have had a moment of temporary insanity, but I wasn't a stupid woman. Well, at least I didn't think so. I'd had the exact conversation with dozens of female patients.

"You can make things up or better," I'd tell them. "But you'll still carry the guilt and shame for a long time. Telling the truth is the only thing that can set you free from that guilt."

Many of my clients couldn't or wouldn't believe it. That's when I'd also tell them that skirting the truth and trying to placate their mate would inevitably lead to them cheating again. But there I was, pissing on my own good advice. Besides all the hurt and anguish, should Rob discover what I'd done, it was the possible destruction of our family that scared me. I didn't want either Rob or I to be part-time parents.

So, I went ahead, putting logic and reason aside. How good a job I did was hard to discern. Rob was quiet and if I had to use a word to describe his demeanor, it would have been 'indifferent.' That caused my anxiety to go sky-high, even as I tried to tamp it down. There was no way he could know, I told myself. Had I been rationalizing my inner-self, just like analyzing a client, I would have understood that I'd already been different for several weeks. It wasn't just the beach party, that night had only been the catalyst.

Wednesday, I was prepared for Dane. The tension began as soon as he took a seat. That was in my favor because that's what I'd expected and planned for. Through the thick air, I sat patiently waiting for him to make the first move, say something.

"I'm not sorry about what we did," he began confidently. "I've thought a lot about it. I know you felt something too. You're not like Gloria. Hell, you're nothing like Linda or anyone else I've ever been with either. I can tell you love your husband. I'm sure you're worried and feeling bad about it. Still, there's a reason you gave yourself so freely. Can you tell me why?"

"No," I said, trying to regain my confidence and the upper hand. "That isn't appropriate to any of our future conver..."

"Tell me, Allie." It was a command more than anything else.

"Don't call me that!" I lashed out, angry that my plan wasn't working, and angry that he had this magical hold over me. "I'm your therapist. You don't use pet names with..."

"Why?" he asked. "Is that what he calls you?"

Even the slightest hesitation told him the answer, and that's exactly what I did. I stared - no, glared - at him, trying desperately to recapture the high ground. He stared back, matching my intensity.

Then Dane did the thing I least expected. He humanized our plight and made us partners in crime. He burst out laughing, working hard to maintain eye contact, and mostly succeeding. That beautiful, happy youthful, and sincere face disintegrated my will.

My smile formed almost immediately. The half-smile that followed was my last-ditch effort for decorum. Then the dam burst and I gut-laughed with him. It lasted at least a minute for both of us. Dane became serious ahead of me.

"Today is our last time," he stated as if a foregone conclusion. Then he stood and walked toward the door. I thought he was going to leave or pretend to. Instead, he locked the door and turned back to face me.

"Allison, I'm serious," he said sternly. I just stared sideways at him. Never in my adult life had I been that conflicted.

"I've been fucked over," Dane continued. "By a cheating wife who I barely knew at all. You've helped me, more than you know. I'm not going to put your family in the same jeopardy as mine. You say you love him? Then today is the last time. Let's enjoy it and move on."

He'd already crossed the distance between us, as he explained. I felt like he was running to me across a field of poppies and daisies, in slow motion. His hand reached out for mine as he said that last part, not quite in my space, his arm fully extended.

"Dane, I ca..." I started, coming back to my senses somewhat.

"Yes, you can," he interrupted. "Come on Allison, you owe it to yourself, and I want to give you that gift, freely."

I knew it wasn't free. I knew he'd derive as much pleasure from it as I would. I wasn't giddy or lovestruck. If I had to describe my heart and mind, it was something like I truly appreciated the massive effort he was undertaking with me. Recognizing his value of my worth, and forgetting my husband's was wrong. I knew that too. Dane wasn't just trying to get in my pants. He wasn't out for some twisted revenge from the beach night either. He was valuing what we shared. Maybe even trying to repay me.

Of course, all that went through my mind in a matter of nanoseconds as I reached for his hand. Of course, flawed logic abounded. I was thinking more like a drunk college girl at a frat party, and at least a part of me knew it. The promise of 'last time,' pushed me over the edge and into the abyss.

We ended up on the sofa that time. He went straight for the panties with the same urgency, but then, he lightly stroked my sex, kissing his way from my toes to my molten-hot center. Each kiss carried a twelve-volt charge, that resonated into my abdomen and back to my sex. Each time a finger gently swiped my clitoris, the charge was released with an intensity I'd seldom ever felt before.

By the time he had worked his way up my inner thigh and was about to breach my inner sanctum, I was on fire and ready to explode through my first orgasm. Since he was ignoring my breasts, I squeezed my nipples through my dress and bra. I squeezed my eyes shut and came hard, making my legs shake.

Dane lifted my dress high on my stomach, and then stood, kicking his shoes off, and quickly dropping his shorts and briefs. He didn't bother with the socks. I followed his lead and pulled my dress over my head and tossed it aside. The bra was barely off before he crawled up onto the couch, that time with a knee behind my head on the arm of the sofa. His mouth was back on me right away.

His rigid penis was staring me in the face. It wasn't much different than Rob's, but it was new. His balls were already tight up against his scrotum, in anticipation. I ran my fingernails along them, and his hot breath burst against my labia as he groaned in pleasure. That did it for me, and I came again even harder. Before I could scream out, I pulled Dane's cock towards me and engulfed it.

I stroked him hard, with one hand, using my tongue and lips on the sensitive head, all the while kneading and squeezing his balls with the other.

I felt him tense up in short order. He refocused his efforts on my clit, while teasing the area between my ass and pussy with his finger. We both came at the same time and as we both started to come down and relax, I remember thinking what a stupid woman Gloria was.

But Dane wasn't finished, and I watched him in my post-orgasmic bliss, as he fished a condom out of his pants pocket and put it on. He was on me in a flash, and I helped guide him inside. We were kissing with full tongue as he began a slow, but steady rhythm. I was on the edge the entire time, my legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him - urging him - into me. Dane's pace quickened, and we had to stop kissing to breathe. My hands ran through his hair, and when the pace increased yet again, I reached under his arms and clasped down on his shoulders holding on for dear life.

We finished with one more orgasm each. As we lay there recovering, Dane's face millimeters from mine, he said, "Thank you."

Dane kissed my lips sweetly. Then he got up and went into the office restroom. I sat up and watched him like a voyeur, as he tied off the condom and flushed it down the toilet. I hadn't even noticed he'd grabbed his clothes on the way there.

When I sat up looking at where I'd tossed my dress, those feelings flooded over me once more. I was now officially a cheater. The once might be forgivable. A mistake - maybe. Caught up in the moment, out of my mind with lust. What just happened though? No, that's convictable evidence, premeditated, even though it wasn't on my part. Premeditated or not, I didn't say no. I played around, trying to straighten my dress absent-mindedly. Dane walked back into the room, watching me carefully. His smile immediately faded as he noticed the despondent look.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asked nervously.

"I've ruined my marriage," I said without much emotion.

"No you haven't," he tried to argue. "You love him... Rob, and he loves you. What just happened... let it go."

"Easy for you to say," I spat, getting angry and trying to transfer blame. "I'll never be able to hide what we did. I'll never... Just go, Dane. Just leave me alone. And don't come to group tomorrow, either."

Instead, Dane sat next to me. "Allison, listen to me," he said calmly. "Or at least, listen to yourself. I told you this would be the last time, and I meant it. Wash away the guilt, or whatever, and live a good life with your family."

"Why, Dane?" I asked out of nowhere. "Why did you do this?

He paused and with a deep sigh, "Because, Allison," his voice was reconciliatory, but I was still steaming mad. "We have a connection. I know you felt it right off like I did. Then you hurt me at the beach. You hurt me badly."

"So, revenge is it?" I asked incredulously. "That's it? Payback. And today?"

"Today was making up for me trying to pay you back." He looked away, out the window.

"Bullshit!" I said loudly and bitterly.

"Allison," he answered even more quietly. "You didn't resist in the slightest. You never said no. I can see you're angry, and I think I get it. As I said, this was the last time. I won't be coming to any more individual sessions, either."

"You presumptuous bastard!" I screamed. "You have some nerve. Professionally, I agree, and personally too. You're no longer my patient. Now get out!"

>>>>

Rob knew something was wrong right away. No amount of driving around, trying to collect my feelings and thoughts, was going to hide that. As soon as Will and Emily went to do homework, Rob started on me.

"What the hell is going on, Allie?" his voice was a mixture of concern and impatience. "I've never seen you like this. Come on, honey, talk to me."

"I can't, Rob," I blubbered, already crying again. "It's confidential."

"That sounds like an excuse, Allie," he responded in disbelief. "You better go see Barbara then. You're an emotional wreck."

Rob stormed out of the room. I knew he was frustrated, and I had to hold it together so that frustration didn't morph into something else.

Dane:

"Hey, Steve," I said to my favorite bartender. I was running reports from the POS and pulling the tills, as Steve polished the back bar brass.

"Didn't you tell me your wife was a counselor?" He stopped and then he chuckled.

"Well," he joked. "I'm the actual counselor - working for tips - so I can help pay the therapists' student loan debt. She hates it when I compare my 'real-world' experience to her precious education."

I guess he had cause to tease his wife because he noticed quickly that I didn't even smile at his humor.

"All right," he said, setting down the towel and polish. "Tell me what's going on? I know you have your own therapist already. Something to do with the ex or with your therapy?"

"My therapist," I sighed and then I told him my story.

"That's heavy shit, Dane." He admonished. "What were you thinking, brah?"

"I wasn't," I told him honestly. "She's hot. We had an instant connection. I saw how she looked at me that night at the beach when I got out of the water, and I knew then I could have her. I needed it too. After my night with that Linda chick, I had to make sure I wasn't just getting a pity fuck. If I could be with Allison, that would get me my mojo back."

Well, if her hubby finds out, it could be trouble for you," he replied. "And if he's the vindictive type, she could lose her license. They take an oath about that shit. But that isn't the problem, is it?"

Steve was great at drawing it out of me. We'd be leaving the bar very late that night, but he helped me see some things about myself.

"Dane," he said at one point. "You're a good guy. Hell, one of the best managers I've had. Mostly, your heart is in the right place. But damn, brah, you sure have a thing for getting even. That quack doc, that we beat on? He could have gone to the cops. Someone could have seen us. I still worry about that. This therapist? Different story, Dane. You liked her - had a thing for her. She didn't stand up for you while some other bitches played with your head, and you want to destroy her family. Not cool, brah."

We talked about what I should do - what I had to do - and it became clear. I had to make things right.

>>>>

Finding Rob and Allison's home was easy. Brown is a very common sir name, but right there in the phone book was "Brown, Robert, and Allison."

I parked down the street, waiting for Allison to leave for work. She'd told us at the beach how Rob worked at home a few days each week. I took a deep breath before ringing the bell. To say I was nervous would have been an understatement. After all, I'd been in Rob's shoes. That's the only reason I had the Glock in my jacket pocket.

Rob didn't know me, so when I introduced myself, he was already getting suspicious. By the time I got him to invite me in he was riled, almost as if he knew it would be bad.

"Why are you here?" he asked pensively as I sat in his living room. He stood just on the other side of the coffee table, rather than sitting.

I didn't know how to start, so I hesitated. I couldn't say something cute, like, "It's complicated," because it wasn't. With a deep sigh, I said, "This isn't going to be easy. You should probably sit."

That made things worse. He didn't like a stranger coming into his home, telling him what to do. It was a lame way to start.

"I've... Allison and... I'm here with a confession." I paused. Well, not really. I couldn't have said another word if I tried. His mind was racing and I could tell because I swear, his eyes were spinning like the reels on a slot machine. As the realization set in, they stopped, but not on a jackpot.

"What the fuck did you do?" he groaned and spat at the same time. "You and my wife, what?"

"We... I had sex with her." The rage was back in full force. I wondered if my face had been that red when it happened to me. "But you needed to know," I added. "I seduced her."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" He screamed. Things weren't going well - nothing like I planned. I stood and turned to leave. That was a mistake, showing him my back.

"Wait!" As I turned toward him, the fireplace shovel was already upon me. It ricocheted off my shoulder and hit the side of my neck. That allowed me to reach my left arm up to block the next one. Fuck! The pain in my forearm was excruciating. I steadied myself for the next, but Rob had a different idea.

It took a second. His foot was already heading back to the floor before it started. I reached for my nuts, unable to breathe, and felt my legs crumble. Curled up in a ball of tremendous agony, I felt the metal handle hitting my back, my ribs, and my hips as I could only keep rolling.

Rob made his mistake when he dove on top of me. My face was turned toward the floor, and as I turned to look up at him, he landed a hard right hand to my mouth. While I was already in pain, he'd cut himself on one of my front teeth. It must have hurt, because he stopped momentarily. I quickly bucked him and used both arms to get him off of me.

I pulled my gun. "Stop, fucker!" I warned him, the weapon was only a few feet from his chest. I pointed it at his face for effect. "Don't you fucking move," I warned. "Goddammit," I said out loud but to myself. Now my mouth hurt worse than my balls.

"Move back, slowly," I ordered him. When he complied, I saw his worried expression. "Relax. Nobody dies here if you calm down and listen. You're gonna listen, and then I'm leaving.

"Yeah, I had sex with her," I spat some blood on his tile floor. "It shouldn't have happened, but it did. The second time shouldn't have either."

That took the tension, and any fight, out of Rob. I felt for him, I really did.

"I targeted her and laid on the charm," I told him. "That's on me, but she didn't put up a ton of resistance. If you care about her at all, you need to get her and your family away from here - away from that job. She may have been infatuated with me. But that means she could fall again. I'm telling you because you need to know. You also need to know how much she loves you and how guilty she felt afterward. Women in my experience, don't feel the guilt or embarrassment right after like Allison did. If she didn't realize immediately that she'd made a mistake or betrayed you, she wouldn't have felt like that so fast. Get her some help and see if you can forgive her over time. Shit, go get yourself laid, if necessary."

I scrambled to my feet and headed for the door, watching him sit there over my shoulder.

Allison:

It wasn't just Rob. The women in the group gave me accusatory looks when I couldn't adequately explain Dane's absence after the second week. I called Dane and asked him to return to the group sessions, but made it clear we were not going to be in the same room alone again.

I saw Barbara too. She listened without judgment, or at least she was good at keeping it hidden. Barb was not a personal friend, which made my story, my confusion, more painful. She could have reported me to the state board. Near the end of the session, she finally gave her opinion.

"I'm not going to try to tell you what to do," she said evenly. "Nor will I try to tell you why. That's for you to figure out. We both have the same degree hanging on our walls. I will say, based on what you've told me, you still have plenty to figure out, Allie. Deep in the corners of your consciousness, there was more involved with your actions.

"You know the drill. Get to a place where it feels safe and serene, then start writing. Get it all out on paper. Read it - out loud. Then burn those pages. You're not ready to confront the truth with your husband. If you can't be honest with yourself, you certainly can't be with him, and he deserves the truth.

"Beyond that," she continued. "You need to stop seeing patients. Take a sabbatical, regardless of whether your family can afford it. For sure, this group thing with Dane and the others needs to end."

I felt better when I left, but that was short-lived. After the children went to bed, Rob said we needed to talk. He brought me a glass of wine and sat across from me, not next to me. Only then, did I see the concern on his face. I saw more too and began to panic.

"Allie, I'll get right to it," he said with dismay. "I've been offered a promotion. I want to take it. It's across the country - White Plains, New York - I want you and the kids to come with me, but I'm not going to force you."

It took a bit for that to sink in. Did he somehow know about me and Dane? I wondered. I worried that my next words might also be my death sentence.

"That's wonderful, honey," I said deflecting from that last part. "Tell me about it."

Rob sighed, looked at the floor, and then he looked me dead in the eye. Regardless of my denial, and I was still there, I knew - just knew - at that moment that he knew what I'd done. He did go on to describe the events leading to his new offer, half-heartedly, and ended in a mundane, anticlimactic tone.