There and Back Again Ch. 155

Chapter One Hundred Fifty-Five: Post-Awakening

Solona and I got some strange, concerned looks from Avanna as we left my office, but I ignored them. I asked Avanna to accompany Solona to her new quarters after they dropped me off at mine, and she agreed politely enough. Two guards who I vaguely recognised stood attentively outside my suite, and I shut the door and locked it after bidding them all goodnight. Solona shot me a slight smile as she turned to walk away, and I returned it thankfully. Maybe I didn't screw up completely. It seemed like...maybe she needed that.

I was exhausted. Between holding the Architect's mana for hours, the long day, the prolonged period of stress as we completed the ritual to bind and hide the Architect, and then my emotional discussion with Solona, I could barely keep my eyes open. I stumbled through our bedroom door, dismayed to realise I was still filthy and covered in dust; I would have to do something about that before bed, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to stay awake long enough.

I looked around, only to discover that my husband, now clean with slightly damp hair, wearing only his sleeping trousers and holding a towel, had run me a bath and was waiting to help me. I fumbled with the buckles desperately and dropped my armour where it landed, leaving it strewn across the floor; I'd pick it up and send it to be cleaned in the morning, but didn't have even enough energy for that at that moment. I wanted to throw myself into Alistair's arms, once I was naked, but I didn't want to get him covered in the dust that clung to my skin. Instead I took his proffered hand and climbed into the tub, watching the dirt flush off my skin in little eddies in the warm water. And Alistair, after encouraging me to lay back, knelt on the floor behind me and washed my hair.

By the time I'd finished scrubbing and he'd helped me rinse conditioner out of my hair, I was barely conscious; I climbed out of the tub, rolled the towel around myself once until I was only damp instead of soaked, wrapped it around my head like a turban, and collapsed into bed naked. Alistair joined me, and I curled up against his broad, warm back, falling asleep before he'd even pulled the covers over us.

I slept deeply, sheer exhaustion ensuring I didn't have the chance to dream. I had to be up early to see Greagoir and his templars off, and as I climbed out of bed in the morning in response to a firm knock from Maeve, my maid, I grumbled irritably. I'd been incredibly comfortable, warm and cozy in the great big beg with my husband, and it was barely morning, the room dim despite opening the shutters. Alistair wasn't in much better shape, only reluctantly leaving the warmth of our little cocoon. I had the worst of it, though; I'd fallen asleep with the towel on my head, and by morning my hair was an unholy mess, tangled into large knots and curling crazily. Resigned to having to repeat the bath later, I scooped the whole mop into an untidy bun and swore at my tired reflection in my little mirror.

I found Greagoir and his templars, mages, and Tranquil eating breakfast in the main dining room. Aedan and Zevran were there as well, but the other Wardens were nowhere to be seen – not that I could blame them. I'd have slept in too, given the choice.

Greagoir nodded at me, and I returned the gesture. I hugged my brothers – Zevran counts, especially given he calls me mia sorella and I call him mio fratello half the time – and found myself a plate of food to appease the Warden appetite. I sat down with the four men – my brothers, my husband, and Greagoir – and once I had taken a few bites to quell the rumbling in my stomach, I turned to the Knight Commander.

"Everything set? Do you need supplies, food, anything for the journey?"

He swallowed his own bite, shaking his head. "Thank you, no. Your seneschal has been helpful in acquiring what little we needed – but with fewer mouths to feed, we require fewer supplies."

I must have looked puzzled, because he gestured towards Aedan with his head. I turned, and my brother and husband both flushed. "I, uh, guess we forgot to tell you. The Knight-Commander allowed us to recruit two of his templars – as well as one of the mages and one of the Tranquil." I shuddered slightly; the deadpan voices and emotionless expressions of the few Tranquil Greagoir had brought with him creeped me out entirely. Aedan smiled sympathetically, but went on, "I thought we could use another healer once Anders and Solona are transferred, and having an assistant for Jowan would be useful as well."

Greagoir scowled at the mention of the blood mage, but when Aedan raised one eyebrow, he smoothed his expression and took another mouthful of food without comment. I'm guessing this isn't the first time they've talked about Jowan. I nodded thoughtfully; we'd talked about trying to recruit a scholar of sorts to organise Avernus' library, someone to read all of the books and journals, and help us determine what other secrets might be hiding in the numerous volumes lying around. It hadn't occurred to me that a Tranquil could do an admirable job of it – but I did have a concern.

"You're going to make them Wardens?" I worried about the chances of a Tranquil surviving the Joining. No one knew what made for a successful recruit, of course, but Duncan had always said he thought willpower, or perhaps will to live, was part of it. How much will could a Tranquil have? Though I suppose at least most Tranquil won't be missed by friends and family if they don't survive the Joining. I shuddered again.

Aedan nodded slowly. He didn't reply, but his gaze strayed to Greagoir's face, and I got the hint – we couldn't discuss it with the Knight-Commander eavesdropping on the conversation. Time for a change of subject – but this conversation isn't over, brother. Aedan nodded again as though he knew what I was thinking.

I turned back to Greagoir. "With everything that's been going on, I forgot to ask about Cullen. How's he doing?"

Greagoir cleared his throat and grimaced. "He's...well. You saw. He's rather...angry. Still."

I nodded; I'd known that would be the case. "Where is he now?"

"After what you told me about Kirkwall, I was nervous about sending him there. I wanted to send him to Greenfell, a nice calm, isolated monastery, to try to recover, but then I got orders from the Grand Cleric." He scowled at me.

My eyebrows flew up, and I raised my hands defensively. "Hey, I told her about Meredith, but I didn't say anything to her about Cullen!"

He looked at me another minute before snorting and popping a piece of cheese in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. "Regardless, he's been transferred to Kirkwall. I'd been working with him, as much as I could before he left, and he understands what he's to look for – mages made Tranquil inappropriately, mages or Tranquil being abused, anything like that. I'm not sure he's really in the right frame of mind to care about those sorts of things, but I think he will follow orders, at least. And I've asked a...friend in Kirkwall to take him under his wing and see if there's anything he can do to help."

I sat back, surprised. "Friend?"

Greagoir nodded. "I went through my training with him. He's far more sympathetic to mages than I ever was. If there's anyone who might be able to blunt Cullen's anger, Thrask can."

I smiled broadly. "Thrask is a good man." I remembered the unfortunate templar from the second game; his daughter was a mage, and he'd protected her – as he would Feynriel and the escapees from Starkhaven – only to be killed by one of the ones he had helped. I wonder if I can help him. "You should tell him...tell him to send Olivia here – either to you, or to us. And never to trust mages named Grace."

Greagoir was looking at me with a furrowed brow. "Olivia?"

I flushed. "Just tell him. It's not my place, okay? But Olivia here, as soon as possible, and don't trust Grace."

The templar shook his head, smiling tolerantly. "You're mad, you know that?"

Aedan finally cut in, tugging on an escaped lock of my hair, which caused the bun to come tumbling down as I swore at him. "You've no idea, Knight-Commander."

I stuck my tongue out at Aedan and mussed his hair with my hand. "You love me anyway."

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Of course I do!"

Once breakfast was finished, Greagoir and his remaining entourage got underway. A patrol had been assigned to escort them through the tunnels, and after goodbyes and promises to keep in touch, they went.

We held an announcement in the main hall mid-morning for the Wardens and those soldiers not on patrol, announcing Avernus' passing and reminding everyone of the areas that were restricted: the tower, which was now Jowan's, and the basement – much of which still hadn't been cleared, but the parts that had were either off-limits, like the room with the eluvian, or needed guarding, like the Deep Roads entrance. We also announced training schedules, the new security protocols that had been established, and the fact that we were recruiting – both for more staff and more soldiers.

"Anyone who has family that would like to apply, please see Seneschal Dryden. We will consider immediate family members of current residents before anyone else, and family quarters may be available for those who qualify.

"One last thing, just to reiterate: this place, Soldier's Keep, is going to be a shining example for the rest of Thedas for how things should be. There is a zero-tolerance policy for discrimination or harassment of any type. All races and genders are considered equal – and will be treated as such by everyone. We will prove to the world that humans, elves, and dwarves, mages and templars, Wardens and soldiers, men and women, can live together, can work together, without discrimination or violence. Anyone found to be violating these rules will be immediately dismissed.

"Anyone can bring concerns or complaints to Seneschal Dryden or directly to me, and I will be the final arbiter. You do not want to find out what punishments I will assign if I find you guilty, believe me."

I gave the crowd my sternest look. There was some smiling and chattering at the back; I saw someone – one of the soldiers who'd been there when I'd dismissed the unfortunate drunk who'd harassed Avanna, I presumed – whisper something urgently, and the laughing stopped. They'll learn eventually – the easy way, or the hard way. Knowing my luck, probably the hard way.

And then Aedan announced that he – along with Zevran, Seranni, Alim, Bel, and the new Warden recruits including Velanna – would be leaving in seven days for an expedition into the deep roads under the Keep, for mapping purposes, he said. Everyone familiar with the Joining ritual understood that each recruit would come home with a vial of blood as well, but knew better than to say anything about it. He said they didn't know how long they'd be gone, but were preparing for a month – just in case.

I pulled my brother aside after we finished. "You're taking a Tranquil into the Deep Roads?" I hissed, appalled. "And not just one, but three women?"

He winced. "I need to. I wasn't lying – we need to map out the Roads under the Keep and see if we can figure out where they lead. And she's the only one who might have the ability to create a useful map." He sighed. "I don't like taking women into the Deep Roads, but with the Blight over...well, there's no avoiding it. Not much point in being a Warden if you can't go where the darkspawn are. It's why I'm taking so many others with us instead of just the recruits. They'll be well-protected. Even if we're just going to be taking advantage of her as a scholar, I'd like to have Lana trained in some form of combat – crossbow, maybe. And we'll start on that before we leave. I won't have helpless Wardens. But for now, we need her down there, even barely trained."

"Has anyone ever done a Joining on a Tranquil? I know Avernus improved the formula, but...can a Tranquil even survive?"

He shrugged helplessly. "No one here knows, and I'm not exactly spoiled for choices on who to ask. But I did explain it, Sierra. I told all of them the risk. All of the recruits volunteered, even knowing the danger. Greagoir didn't even make a fuss. And frankly, it makes me worry about what was happening to her back at the Circle that a Tranquil would choose this. She's quite pretty. Most of the others said they 'would prefer not to be Wardens.'"

I hadn't considered that, and I shuddered at the implication. Can a Tranquil even make a choice? Informed consent feels like it requires...more. Can they be coerced? But certainly there'd been plenty of speculation in the fan community on Earth that the Tranquil were abused – who knew what the poor thing had been through? It still felt wrong, but I didn't see much other choice.

"Do you have to put her through the Joining? Greagoir would never know..." I offered weakly.

"I thought about that – but if she isn't truly a Warden, there's nothing to stop the Chantry from taking her back if they ever figure it out. You know they see the Tranquil as property! And we can't risk it especially if she's going to be combing through Warden documents and journals. If they ever took her back, she'd tell them everything. She wouldn't have a choice."

I sighed, wondering if I should try to talk to the woman. But in the end, it's Warden business, and I trust Aedan. He's doing the best he can, and I'm in no position to know more about it than he is. "Just...try to keep her safe, alright?"

Aedan nodded, the worried frown never leaving his face. As I looked closer, I realised that his worry lines were becoming permanent, etching themselves into his skin with time. He's aged since the beginning of the Blight – and there's nothing anyone can do to help him. I hugged him, hoping he could tell that I supported him, believed in him, that I trusted him. "I love you, Aedan."

He squeezed me back, and then excused himself to go deal with the recruits and prepare for their trip.

I went upstairs to rewash my hair – and Maeve helped me braid it up and out of my face – and then spent the rest of the morning visiting with my Wardens and former companions. Jowan was sad, but accepting, and he seemed to have settled in to the Tower, taking Avernus' old room and planning some reorganization. He didn't seem upset at the idea of an assistant – I'd have been creeped out by working with a Tranquil, but I supposed he'd be somewhat used to it from the Tower.

Sigrun was feeding Faren, her expression hard to read. She seemed to both be anticipating and fearing Anders' potential cure. I wondered what would happen between them – but couldn't bring myself to care that much. If Anders could bring my friend back – and stop me from being a murderer, no matter the situation that led to it – I was all for it. I refuse to make Sigrun's complicated love life my problem!

Most of the other Wardens were on patrols – Conrad had organised them – but Seranni was up working in Avernus' little rooftop garden. She seemed happy amongst the herbs and vegetables, weeding and watering enthusiastically. She spent a few minutes showing me the various plants and describing their uses; it went right over my head, but apparently Avernus had managed to grow some rare, highly-sought after species. She offered to show me how to make more potions someday, when I mentioned that I'd become somewhat capable at turning plain elfroot into small healing potions. Velanna, on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen – Seranni told me she'd discovered that Avernus' library had several volumes of obscure Dalish lore, and we probably wouldn't see her until they were to leave for the Deep Roads.

I made arrangements to spar with the elf the next day – she had tried a variety of styles and was working on dual-wielding daggers, like me. I needed to get back into my routine, and I wasn't about to let my combat skills fade – and I figured Seranni could probably use a sparring partner not quite as excessively talented as most of our friends.

My last stop for the morning was Solona's room down in the servant's quarters. I found her and Anders both hanging out – the two of them lying on the bed together, reading and chatting comfortably. I was relieved to see them laughing together, and even some casual touching – Solona didn't shrink away, and Anders wasn't quite so hesitant to reach out for her. The cot beside her bed was mussed – clearly they weren't up to sleeping together yet, or perhaps Anders was still just nervous, but it seemed like some progress had been made.

But I had something completely different I wanted to talk about. "So can you tell me what you've learned about Faren's condition?"

Anders smiled broadly, gesturing to a large stack of books against the wall near the foot of his cot. "I should just have come here – all the books I needed are in the library here too. Though it was nice to be able to discuss it with other healers. But what it comes down to..."

He launched into a complicated explanation – the poison affected not only Faren's body and mind, but also his spirit. Somehow his spirit – his soul, the energy specific to him that separated him from any other living being – had been cut off from his body. So while the damage to Faren's body had been extensive, and Anders had been forced to repair his stomach, his kidneys, and his liver as the toxin burned through his system, it hadn't returned the connection between his essence and his physical body. Or so I gathered – as a mundane who knew nothing about magic or healing, the explanation went entirely over my head.

"So the healing required is going to be equally complicated, involving not only energy-intensive healing magic, but also a ritual for anchoring his spirit back to his physical body. I've already repaired the damage to his body, but I'm going to need help for the ritual. I must do the necessary healing from the Fade. It's fascinating – it's sort of like seeking a particular spirit in the Fade if you were stuck on this side of the veil, but in reverse. And being a dwarf, it's going to be even more difficult."

I must have looked completely lost, and Solona's bemused expression told me she had no idea what he was talking about either. He just laughed. "I'll need Lyrium – I brought enough from Kinloch, though it turns out Avernus had quite a store as well – and I'm going to need two mages to help me cross into the Fade. I'll set up the ritual, and I can manage once I cross over, with a little planning. Jowan can't be involved – a blood mage is going to attract too much of the wrong sort of attention in the Fade." He frowned. "I don't want Alim to help; too much...tension. I'll have to ask Donal, he's a spirit healer so that will be useful, but I'm not certain-"

Solona cut in, rolling her eyes. "I'll be the other."

"Are you sure?" Anders asked. "You don't have to force yourself to do this. I know it'll make you uncomfortable." He reached out and took her hand, squeezing gently.

I nodded. "We can ask Velanna instead. Honestly."

She bit her lip, appearing torn, but finally shook her head, blonde hair rippling like Prince after a bath. "No! He's my friend too. I'm not leaving it entirely up to strangers, especially when they're going to have to protect Anders in the Fade," she insisted. "I can have a panic attack later. After."

"I'll be there too," I promised, "and I won't let anything happen to you. Any of you."

She nodded gratefully, and Anders shot me a small smile which I returned. "So. When are we going to do this?"

"We need a couple of days to get things ready – there's a potion that will help, and it's going to take time to distill. Jowan's working on it in the lab. And I'll have to get Donal to practice with Sol so everyone is confident when the time comes. I'm thinking...day after tomorrow?"