There and Back Again Ch. 188

Chapter One Hundred Eighty-Eight: No Place Like Home

We spent a day shopping for supplies for the Peak -- Levi had sent me a list -- and for provisions for Larus and Arathea. Neither had much for clothing or personal items, so while Alistair took Larus to get some proper, warm, Fereldan menswear, I took Arathea to buy her dresses, pants, sleepwear, and warm outer wear.

I slipped in a few luxury items as well -- nice-smelling soaps, a few cosmetics, some lacy underwear -- mostly because it was fun to watch her lose her mind. She was a lovely companion, really, sweet and kind, and yet somehow she came across as completely sheltered and naïve. As a slave she'd never had anything she could call her own, and while she was clearly enchanted by the things we found, she had a strong sense of unworthiness left over from her life as a slave, feeling guilty about what I was spending for her.

I talked her into some of it by convincing her it was really for Larus. "Just imagine the look on his face when he sees you in this," I giggled, adding some lingerie to the pile in a clothing shop where I'd insisted on buying her at least one fancy dress. The gown didn't quite fit perfectly, and we didn't have time to have it altered, but Arathea assured me she could sew reasonably well and would be able to make the adjustments herself.

The store's proprietor looked scandalised that I was buying such things for an elf, but she looked at me -- and everyone always insisted no one would mistake me for a peasant, so she must have caught on that I was a noble -- and then Avanna, clearly standing guard and looking irritable, and kept her opinions to herself. She did almost choke when Arathea called me by my first name; it had taken me all morning to get her to stop calling me 'mistress' but it was worth it to watch the shopkeeper's eyes almost pop right out of her head.

I also bought some extra bags, so we could repack most of our things onto the horses, and the dreaded cart we'd had to drag along on our trip to Highever could follow behind at its own pace. When I mentioned this, Arathea squeaked -- adorable! -- and gasped, "I can't ride a horse!"

I wasn't shocked. "No worries. I couldn't either until recently. Does Larus ride?" She nodded, and I smirked. "I have to say, you're going to enjoy this trip, then."

Highever was abuzz with the news from Kirkwall; it seemed nearly everyone had a relative or friend over there and the varying claims about what had happened to Knight-Commander Meredith were as fantastic as they were anatomically impossible. I briefly wondered if Zevran could find more sending stones so that we could insist Cailan and Fergus each carry one, but for now I knew it would have to wait until one or both of them returned.

Arathea and I also stopped briefly at the Alienage; she was greeted like a long-lost friend, and was soon dancing in a circle with a group of little girls, laughing and giggling as she played. I stood with the Hahren, watching her with a broad smile.

"You're taking her away from us," the Hahren chided.

I nodded. "Well, not me. Her..." I trailed off, uncertain what term to use that wouldn't seem out of place in Ferelden.

"Lover?" he suggested with a smirk.

I laughed. "Sure, let's go with that. Anyway, he's needed at the Peak, and he'll be safer there. And so will she; I don't tolerate abuse among my people."

The Hahren nodded. "So I've heard." He turned to watch Arathea toss a small, shrieking child into the air with a laugh. "So what can I do for you? Not that I'd mind, but it would surprise me if you were here for a purely social visit."

I chuckled. "Well, yes. Sorry. I'm actually here on behalf of the Wardens. As you may know, my husband is the Warden Commander of Ferelden." He nodded. "We just wanted to extend an invitation to anyone from the Alienage who might want to become a Grey Warden. Obviously we're looking for people who can fight, not just random people, but we don't discriminate against elves. In fact, we were hoping to specifically recruit some, because we want the Wardens here to represent all Fereldans, not just the humans. We have very few elves."

He hummed softly. "It's a dangerous life, your Highness. I'm not certain I want to send any of my young people off to be killed by darkspawn."

"I can understand that, and I respect it. But I imagine that, like everywhere, there are people here who are unhappy with their settled lives. They wish they could do something else. We are one of the few places where elves are treated as equals, and while fighting darkspawn is dangerous, at least they won't face discrimination or assault by humans who refuse to see them as people. And, just as a reminder, we don't pry into the past lives of our recruits, as long as they are willing to fully commit to the Wardens." He raised an eyebrow at me, and I cleared my throat. "Just sayin'."

We didn't stay long in the Alienage, but it was easy to see Arathea was sad to be leaving. She was quiet all the way back to the castle.

The evening at the castle was quiet. We spoke to Aedan and Zevran -- apparently the unlikely rumours about events in Kirkwall had reached them as well, but they had no more concrete information about what had really happened than we did. I asked Zevran about getting more sending stones, and he outright laughed at me, to my disappointment. Despite going to bed early, the morning came too soon. I groaned as we crawled out of bed and into armour, packing the last of our things and leaving a brief 'thank you' note for Fergus with his seneschal. Getting everything onto horses took way more work than it should have, and in the end, we borrowed several horses from Fergus' stables: two for Larus and Arathea, and a few more to carry all of our bags. We're going to have to send a caravan just to return Fergus' horses. I was seriously considering looking for opportunities to invest in horse breeding.

Saying goodbye to Prince was one of the more difficult things I'd done. We had debated bringing him back to the Peak with us, but he was nearly despondent and I wasn't honestly sure he would come. In addition, Highever had kennels where he could stay and be sociable with other mabari, rather than cooped up inside all day with me at the Peak. That said, when he realised we were leaving without him, the howling left me broken-hearted, and the kennel master had to come and drag him away.

"Maybe we should take him after all?" I fretted.

Alistair watched as Prince rounded the corner, out of sight. "I don't think so. He was apparently relatively happy here until we returned -- I checked. He'll probably be fine once we're gone. I hear there's even some female mabari in the kennels that they're planning to breed..."

He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I couldn't help but laugh. I sure hope he's right.

Once we were all mounted, I joked to Alistair that if we were set upon by bandits or the like, he and I would be safe; we both wore armour and looked like little more than bodyguards to Larus and Arathea, both of whom wore warm, well-made clothes. Apparently Larus had declined any sort of armour, and I wouldn't have even known where to start with the elf. It worked out well, because with Larus and Arathea doubling up, it was less weight for the poor horse to cart around.

After Arathea was perched precariously in Larus' lap, I caught her eye and raised one eyebrow knowingly; she blushed furiously, and then we both broke out into giggles. I'd like to have said the men were oblivious, but I caught Alistair smothering a smile when our gazes met, and Larus' voice when he informed us they were ready to go sounded rather...strained. I looked at my husband longingly, remembering our own trip across Ferelden sharing a horse. Ahh, nostalgia. With a nod, I gestured to Avanna to lead the way, and we set out for Soldier's Peak.

The trip was quiet; for Arathea's sake, I was glad Larus was a healer, because I remembered the stiffness of learning to ride a horse all too well. We'd opted not to bring the large, pavilion-style tent we'd somehow acquired, and just camped like we had during the Blight. Without our sound-proof canvas, however, I was far too embarrassed to consider tent sex; instead, Alistair stole me away from camp in the evening so we could have some alone time, and I tried not to think about the fact that at least one of our guards was probably within earshot.

The next several days were similar: riding all day; gratitude for the healer who kept our hips from turning us into stiff, sore, cranky people; sneaking away in the evenings; and sleeping in a tent, taking turns on watches. It reminded me of the Blight -- and made me intensely homesick, not for any one place but for the people who'd made the experience...livable. I missed Aedan's laugh, and Zevran's outrageous flirting, and Leli's songs, and Wynne and Oghren's drinking competitions. I missed Morrigan's haughty attitude -- and then seeing her watching us from just beyond the circle of firelight as a raven or wolf. I missed having girlfriends to giggle with about stupid things and friends who made even the darkest of nights seem bright.

Speaking to Aedan and Zevran on the sending stone helped a little; they would only say that they were in Antiva and 'making progress', whatever that meant. But just hearing them laughing and teasing eased some of the ache inside me. How I'd gone from the loner girl playing video games in a dark room to the girl with friends and family who craved socialization was still a bit startling, but I was incredibly grateful. They'd heard the same sort of garbled rumours about Kirkwall that we had, and were as concerned about the implications of Meredith's death as I was. But as far away as they were -- and otherwise occupied, to boot -- they had little to add beyond hoping we would hear from Cailan soon.

The climb up through the mines to reach the peak was interesting; the mining crews had obviously been hard at work, and there were several new passages in the rock. The main passage had been enlarged and smoothed even further, and we were able to remain mounted the entire way. It got colder, of course, as we climbed, and we took breaks to pull on more clothes as we went. The wool and furs that Arathea had objected to now came in more than handy, and the elf thanked me again profusely.

Even Larus gasped at the first sight of the Keep, and my heart swelled a little with pride as I looked around. The tavern was finished, three stories of gleaming wood, and firelight emanated from the door when it swung open. The stables had been completed as well, and several people came to take the reins of all the horses and lead them inside. The smithy's chimney puffed thick grey smoke and the sound of metal pounding could be heard even outside, while large braziers burned throughout the courtyard keeping the chill down. Levi had obviously had teams working on outside cleanup, because the usual piles of old, rotten wood and other debris were gone, and apparently someone had even scoured the stone steps in front of the keep so they gleamed brightly in the late afternoon light.

Alistair and I shared soft, grateful smiles. We approached the steps of the Keep just in time for Levi and Mhairi to throw the doors wide open and welcome us back.

We were home.

*****

It took several days for us to settle back in. We had to tell the story of our trip several times to enthralled audiences of Wardens and friends, though the details about Lhanbyrde and why we were there were kept to just the few people who needed to know. Levi had stacks of paperwork for me that would have made a librarian cry, and I needed meetings with nearly everyone at some point. Levi had status reports for me on the renovations, staffing, and supplies for the Keep; Alistair and I sat in together on updates from Loghain about the Wardens' activities while we were away. There'd been a few scattered darkspawn sightings throughout the bannorn, and he'd dispatched patrols to deal with them. Jowan had been working his way slowly through Avernus' old library, with Lana's help, and they both had updates for Alistair on what they'd found.

Mhairi had been busy recruiting, and she was able to recommend guards to replace the three of ours who hadn't returned from our trip: two killed by the Crows -- and Dera, of course. Greagoir, being rather excessively hopeful, had sent us the first group of templars for training before we'd even officially agreed to do such a thing. Veins of several valuable metals had been found in the mines -- not to mention stone -- and Levi was working on shipping methods to send the materials across Thedas. And Cailan had taken over half of the soldiers assigned to the Peak and shipped them to Kirkwall, leaving our patrols and schedules a complete mess.

There was more chaos: two serving women were pregnant by the same man -- he was dismissed, and both women stayed and eventually became friends; Daniel had largely recovered, but he and Jowan had gotten into some sort of dispute and still weren't speaking. Several of the staff had taken advantage of the offer and brought their families to the Peak, and we had a handful of children -- mostly elven -- running around the keep in packs. Felsi was pregnant, and she and Oghren had been, unsurprisingly, fighting rather dramatically, though so far nothing had been thrown and no weapons had been drawn. That might be the best we can ask for.

Sigrun and Faren were another issue. I heard through the grapevine that the two had seemed to be getting along rather famously -- for once the servants were gossiping about someone other than Alistair and I canoodling in the hallways -- but by the time we'd returned, something had clearly happened. Faren was stalking around the keep as prickly as a hedgehog, anger radiating off of him in waves, refusing to talk to anyone and destroying sparring dummies by the dozen, and Sigrun was creeping around the Keep like a kicked puppy, avoiding eye contact and spending most of her spare time alone in her room.

I tried to approach Faren about it, but he bristled and growled the minute I got anywhere near him, and while I was hurt that he no longer trusted me enough to confide in me, I knew I shouldn't have been. He didn't remember our easy friendship, and from the look he gave me, he blamed me -- at least partially -- for whatever was going on. I left him alone, nursed my feelings for one night, and tried again the next morning with Sigrun.

The normally-perky dwarf answered my knock on her door reluctantly, but she did let me in. Her shoulders were drooping so much when she gestured me to a chair that she reminded me mostly of a damp dishrag -- limp and sad. I settled onto a chair and she slumped onto the bed across from me, pulling her legs up and wrapping her arms around them tightly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I was curious -- nosey, really, was probably a better descriptor -- but I honestly wasn't going to force it if she didn't want to talk to me.

At first I thought she was going to say no. She tensed up when I asked, and didn't answer for a long, awkward minute. Finally she sighed. "He found out."

"Found out...?"

"About the weird taint thing -- that the way we feel to each other means something. And that while he was unconscious, I had...feelings. For him."

I nodded, having absolutely no idea where this was leading.

"We were..." She blushed and stammered.

"Lovers?"

She nodded and shook her head at the same time, so she looked like she was just bobbing randomly. "Not...exactly."

"Ah, not yet, you mean?" When she agreed, I prompted, "And then?"

"Someone must have said something to him. I don't even know who, or what. But he came here and asked me about the taint feeling warm. If I thought it meant something. I told him that I couldn't be sure, but I hoped so. He told me it was wrong that I had feelings for him before we'd even met, that he wasn't going to be manipulated by me or by the taint." Her eyes welled with tears. "He didn't give me a chance to respond, just stormed off. I've tried talking to him, but he looks through me like I'm not even there.

"What am I going to do?"

I had no answers for her; all I could do was give her a hug while she sagged down beside me, trembling. I guess Anders was right to worry about this. I sighed, for once not even sure I wanted to do anything to fix it -- if it was fixable. I knew Sigrun's intentions were good, that she didn't want to manipulate anyone -- but I could see why Faren was uncomfortable with it, too. The situation reminded me a little bit of Alistair and I, back when we'd fought. It felt like a lifetime ago, but I remembered the feeling well.

I sighed as I left her in her room. I wonder how long I'll be able to hold out before my sympathy overrides my common sense. Alistair had made it clear he wasn't going to be touching that relationship issue with a ten-foot pole, so they weren't going to be getting any help there either.

My joy at being home couldn't be swamped even by everything we had to handle after so long away. I worked long days to catch up, completely revamped the soldiers' schedules with Mhairi's help, wrote some letters to a variety of nobles hoping they'd want to buy metal and stone, wrote to Sereda to ask what she would accept in trade for more of the little runestones like my shower head, sent an inquiry to Teagan about horse breeding, met with everyone under the sun, initiated an inventory so we had a better idea of what supplies we had and what we needed, redid the budget, and even managed to get in a few hours of training with my daggers. And each night Alistair dragged me to bed bodily and did wicked things to me until I slept well and deeply.

Things started to settle after a while, and eventually our routines went back to normal. The Wardens and soldiers patrolled and trained, Alistair and I did our separate work to keep everything running, but still managed to meet for meals most days, and even got some training in together -- though we didn't spar with each other. Alistair had managed to keep well away from any of the condescending problems we'd had before we were married, but asking him to actually try to hit me -- repeatedly -- was beyond his capacity. Instead he spent his time rebuilding his strength and stamina after the injury that nearly killed him, and it didn't take long before he was as strong as he'd ever been.

Finally I got the opportunity to sit down and talk to Arathea. As had become his habit, Larus disappeared up into the library with Jowan for hours, though he always made sure to check in and see if anyone needed healing. It left Arathea alone for much of the day, not that she didn't find ways to amuse herself; it became an incredibly common sight to see her chasing small children through the hallways, laughing as they tackled her or she tickled them.

When she showed up in my office, though, she was dressed rather more formally than usual, her hair carefully braided, and she curtsied when I gestured her inside.

"Oh, enough of that," I laughed. "Have you forgotten Highever already? I'm just Sierra. No curtsying necessary." I offered her a seat by the fire, and sat across from her on my little couch.

"How have you settled in?"

"Oh, very well, thank you. Everyone here is very kind!"

I nodded. "They'd better be. Anyone who isn't, you let me know, alright?" She nodded. "Are your rooms okay?"

She prattled on happily about the small suite of rooms Levi had put her and Larus into, the meals, and the staff at the Keep. "Larus told me, though, that I could come to you and ask..." She trailed off, blushing.

"Bored?" I guessed. She nodded. "Yeah, I figured. So the question is, do you want a job, or a hobby? What sort of things do you like to do?"