All Comments on 'There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 10'

Thank you for sharing another great chapter.

thank you

... there were sections where I just could not understand what on earth you were on about!

You clearly did not bother to proof read or, if you did then you saw what you intended to write rather than what you actually wrote.

Overall, to me it was incomprehensible!

Get yourself a good Editor!

1*

Saw this posted, and thought I would get started. Looking forward to it, but Chapter 1 has disappeared!

An interesting chapter, but your bias against the military is misplaced, especially since those men and women who serve protect the right you have to publish....While I have little use for the officer corp of most services, they are not for the most part "blithering idiots".

...the mistakes are hilarious. Cheezewhizzing, people get a sense of humor!

(Notice I did not ask you to get a grip? Cause lets face it, you're here on a porn site, what else would you be doing?)

Annodomino is right, (or left-handed) Chapter One is been absconded. Undoubtedly dastardly into the Sanctum dumb Sanctimonious of this site's Admins. Who needed to feed their CEO Moloch.

This story was going so well but I fear it took a major detour in this chapter. The editing I could really care less about the grammar but the dialogue didn't seem up to your normal standards. The whole chapter with the Ex-President and Chief Justice was kind of a waste. It did very little to move the story forward. Are we supposed to believe the chief justice of the supreme court gets sucked off while in session, REALLY? As a previous commenter mentioned that sad attack on military officers. Upper level NCO's and Officers have as a percentage a higher level of post college education not to mention the expertise in their individual fields, personnel management, and logistics. A field grade officer is the equivalent of a foutune 500 COO or CEO. The Father daughter incest flight was not only gross but pointless except for shock value. In fact I think you might be suffering from you previous success and trying to hard to out do yourself. Hopefully you will realize you don't need to keep ratcheting things up before this story unfortunately jumps the shark.

i agreethe whole flight to the island was totally out of charachter for this story. the one time we were rooting for an incestual pairing(even and delicious) you shot it down then you introduce it with people we dont really care about and it doesnt fit.

As is usually the case your story is fantastic, I find it strange that people make dirogatory comments about frank and the girls, I for one am enjoying the fact that you are tying your other stories (having read all of them) to this. as for the statements about the government and military we all know that any one that has been a politician or exceeded the rank of O5 gives a dam about the people or the lower ranks they want their cut of the pie or their expensive toys at our expense.

so keep up the great work

ps what is with the grammar police don't they have more important things to do.

A'sLvr....I haven't met very many officers above O5..but the few O6's I did know were pretty darn sharp, and not just in their respective fields, but they had a broad understanding of the world we live in, of their profession, and of human nature/relationships.....our nations senior NCO corp in all the services is unsurpassed by any other group of military professionals in the world....our junior enlisted folks, whether technicians or shooters are again unsurpassed.....so I stick by my comments to the author regarding his poor portrayal of our military. It was unfair, it lacked understanding, and it was in poor taste.

In reference to the comments made to the military in this story there are fewer then 15 words and none of them are derogatory. I was in the US Air Force for four years, and I know how men react when women are dressed in shorts and shirts that leave nothing to the imagination. Believe it or not women are not immune to great-looking men either. I have no idea why there is such an outpouring of distaste for these 15 words. I can understand my detour being taken as an unusual step in this story, but I warned everyone that I was waiting for my scientific material to come from the University of Miami so I could continue. Most of it still has not come but I am pressing along the best I can. I didn't want you to wait much longer for this chapter to be presented. I'm sorry if you were disappointed by it. Prolonged_Debut10

The whole trip to Barbados and the newly introduced characters (at least to this story) are a weird detour that does not seem to fit the flow of this story. It is really quite jarring to the reader.

By the way, Stand Your Ground is not a stupid Florida Law. It is the law in one form or other in 31 states and has clearly been Federal law since 1895 Supreme Court decision. Beard v. U.S., 158 U.S. 550, 15 S.Ct. 962, 39 L.Ed. 1086 (1895):559-560

A Chief Justice of the Supreme Court would know that.

I remember when everybody seemed upset about the bickering between the characters in the story, but now we have the critics bickering among themselves--isn't life grand?

I do have to agree with some of them, however. I have nothing against incest in stories because sex is the culmination between two people who love each other no matter what their relation, but the whole trip to Barbados thing, while titillating, really did nothing to advance the story as a whole. And it just doesn't seem proper for a Supreme Court Justice to act this way even though it all occurs, mostly, in private. The story would have been just as good, or better, if you had left it short a few pages this time around--I really don't think it would have bothered anyone. But that is just my opinion.

As to the debate about members of the military forces in this country: I spent 20 years in the U.S. Navy aboard ships large and small and on shore bases around the world. I started as an E-3 and finished my career as an E-6. There are good officers who have the welfare of their subordinates as their number one priority and there are bad officers who only care about themselves and how soon they are going to be advancing to the next level. You see the same thing in the private sector because people are people no matter what uniform they wear. At least the Commanding Officer of a naval vessel is forced to take full responsibility should his ship run aground--you cannot say the same thing about a CEO or COO of a top company when they can claim ignorance and still get a multi-million dollar bonus package at the end of the fiscal year. We have gotten into the habit of seeing how the military is portrayed in movies and on television--but where would this country be without our fighting forces?

Now as to our illustrious politicians in Washington, I think we should fire the entire lot of them and start over from scratch. But, again, that is just my opinion. I am tired of all the mud-slinging and indecisions in both houses that leave us poor taxpayers wondering just what in the hell we are actually getting for our money. And I can say all that proudly because I actually vote (and how many of the rest of you out there can say that?).

I apologize for rambling, but some of you really got my dander up. Maybe I'll calm down enough before the next entry in this series comes out (but I wouldn't hold my breath).

Roger.

loving this story more and more keep it going

I would like to read this story but cant since Chapter 01 is missing. Please reupload it or contact the Admin!

I enjoy a good insest story as much as the next person, but I have to say in this story it just didnt seem to fit with the rest of the story line. I was actually puy off a bit by it. I ended up just skipping that whole section. Gave this one 3 stars. All the other chapters received 5. Looking forward to more adventures for Mr. Even Luck and family!

You have to read the entire body of work (D&P - FBI) in order to understand this story. The characters are all interwoven. Rather brilliantly. I hope this is not truly 'The End' and look forward to whatever PD10 puts out there next.

I struggled through the first 3 pages and have concluded a different author must have stolen your story. The first 9 chapters were great, but these new characters are way over the top. Where did the original characters go?

So, thanks for those first nine chapters. I see no reason for me to continue reading.

slightly concerned about the amount of

" padding / filler " in regards to the antics of the group of investor/partners in the spacecraft. really the only protagonists new to this story that deserved any extended page time , are the hastings & valentino children who are all 10 to 12 years older than when featured in the relevant tales ..

and then only if they are going to be part of the future story.

giving the author some rope for now ,

but it felt like the Author had 3 pages of new material & padded this chapter with 5 pages of sex and repeats from his other work

looking forward to see where we go from here ..

am still really impressed & enjoying the adventure.

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

p.s

readers really should check out the Authors other story series before reading this one.

all of the back story for the group of main partners/investors in the spacecraft can be found in the Authors other works .

To all the people wondering about the new characters, they are from his other stories. You need to read them to understand the relationships you are reading about... As always 5 stars!

Cheers and all the best

Much as I've enjoyed most of this tale you totally crawled up your own ass by introducing other characters. Totally ruined the flow.

I don't want to have to read other stories just to agree how smug and clever you are.

And please, you're a talented writer but do try something new rather than the tiresome, overused and irritating device of characters bickering with each other in childish point scoring. It does nothing for the story, it's repetitive and boring.

Yes establish relationships and dynamics but edit it the hell out. The story would have been half as long and twice as enjoyable.

This is a great story overall (albeit in need of editing), but the long interlude of characters from other stories was a major error. Including then is fine, but they added a long bit that did nothing for the main tale and in fact took me out of the story trying to figure out who the heck these people were.

The bickering is also getting old. It almost feels like it is being cut-and-pasted from earlier bits. To include it in important meeting also feels unrealistic.

With some tweaks and editing, I think this could be a great e-book, one I would gladly pay to read.

I was glad to see other's thought the same. I almost want to say it is better without the sex, but then I looked at the site we are on and thought better of it.

Please keep going.

I have read every chapter to this point and was relieved there was some improvement in the back and forth with delicious and now you've introduced tons and tons of new characters to argue.. It's old already. The story doesn't move and I read for 30 minutes and just put up with more arguing then I have to suffer at a family reunion. Terrible. So sad because the story was finally getting a little bit interesting. I had hopes things were improving and the characters could finally settle their constant bickering and work on something or against a common enemy. I hope writing like this makes you feel smart because it definitely isn't pleasant to read.

When this started I loved every word, but now I've lost the plot. Too many long dialogue sections but no idea who is saying what, too many tangents with what seem to be irrelevant distractions, too many characters to be able to remember who is who or doing what, the original characters seem to have been swamped and forgotten by the newcomers.

So sadly, this is where up give and and finish, it was good but now I've too confused to care.

Sorry. ...........

The constant bickering among pretty much all of the characters has become annoying and distracts from the flow of the (otherwise interesting) story. I also agree with some other commentators that bringing in a host of characters who are new to this story (but presumably part of your other stories) was also a needless distraction which felt like a space-filler. As for all the incestuous sex....I feel it detracts rather than adds to the storyline. Yes, I realize this is literotica, but incest is not everyone's cup of tea. Indeed, I think you could have easily kept Delicious as Even's niece without harming the plotlines in the least. It would also have make your story more marketable, if that is your ultimate goal. I am hoping to be able to keep reading long enough to find out where this story goes, since it has many good qualities, but please, more plot and less bickering. So far the only wholly likeable character is Gordon, as he doesn't constantly snipe at everyone.

I was skimming over the parts with the crossover characters, but then I got to the long boring part with the President, so I'm stopping.

I can handle the grammatical errors.

I can handle the factual errors (like saying "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" is in the Constitution, when it's in the Declaration of Independence).

I can handle you slipping from first person (Evan as narrator) to omniscient narration.

But you committed the cardinal sin of storytelling: you bored the reader.

This chapter is FUBAR..... Why do you keep inserting multipage irrelevant substories with absolutely no information concerning the substory's place or relevance to the main plot. Here is a multipage incest orgy in Fred, the chief justice's family...and screwing the ex president's wife.... Now I enjoy a good orgy as much as the next guy...but this is nothing but gratutious sex...it explodes upon the scene....and then ends...when I grade papers and draft stories as an English Professor...I use the term FLUFF...and penalize the student who includes garbage like this. Then we have the rest of the chapter....which moves like slow molasses. What little plot advancement here...and the reader at the end of this chapter is STILL left clueless as to what is really the goal here.

Then there is the endless streams of "snappy" dialogue....the whole last half of the story is really meaningless setups for snappy one liners. A couple of these tongue in cheek one liners are fun....but 8 pages of nothing but snappy dialogue with meaningless science fiction explications leaves this reader almost too frustrated to continue further. You need to SERIOUSLY REEDIT this mess and strip about half to seventy five percent of the verbage in this chapter....and TIGHTEN IT UP DRAMATICALLY. By the end of this chapter I am so terminally bored with the snappy repartee without any plot advancement...that am ready to abandon this mess as a waste of time.

Though I am willing to continue...cause I read about 2500 wpm....even a speed reader is intimidated by this unproofed fluffed up mess. I gave it a 2...because it was just such excruciating read...

Confusing at times but I love a good yarn and this provides it in bucket loads.

I liked the continuation of the science/astronomy side. But the Cheif justice incest part should have been tossed.. a waste of space & no incest is exciting. I’m glad I gleamed over it to find the next relevant section.

this story has lost direction and purpose in favour of gratuitous babble

I am so tired of writing how much I love your story!!!

You appear to have totally lost the plot

I certainly have

I realise this isn’t an airport so I don’t need to announce my departure but I am totally flummoxed by what started out as a great story and now appears to be an in depth explanation of the Sargasso Sea.

I must agree with the other commenters you are going off of what seemed the original plot the story is starting to resemble a scientific journal and as for the start of this instalment in a stand alone story it would have been good but it knocks the reader out of this particular story