There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 10

"Okay dad, this afternoon I am having a birthday party, instead of a remembrance of the day of my birth party."

"That was very well put Gordon, very well put indeed."

I left the tent up for Gordon's party, and had a bounce house, waterslide and other children's amusements brought onto the property. Inside the tent I had small carnival amusements. Water guns that sprayed into openings that made little man climb poles to the top until a winner was declared. All the prizes were huge. No one was leaving with a 2-inch plastic toy.

Rod, Rosalynn, and their horde were first to arrive; followed by Gordon's girlfriends, Danielle and Brandy. For the remainder of the afternoon the three of them were inseparable. We had a total of 25 children at the party, plus at least one parent for each of them. However, the person I loved the most was Jennifer's grandmother, Mrs. Stars. She ordered me to call her Aurora, because she didn't want to feel old. I told her when I got to be her age I wanted to look as youthful as she did today.

I thought it was a compliment, but she said to me, "Even, exactly how old do you think I am?"

Jennifer looked at me and smiled. I was caught in a trap of my own making, and I wasn't about to dig my own grave. After some quick calculations I said to her "Aurora, you can't be a day over 55."

She laughed. "Jennifer you married a very smart man."

"Yes grandma, I know."

I suddenly had an urge to check on my son, and what I found surprised me even more.

In the bounce house were Gordon, Danielle, Brandy, and Delicious holding hands in a circle, jumping up and down like lunatics.

Gray was standing outside looking at them with a smile on his face.

"What is she doing in there?"

"She's acting her age Even. She never had a chance to do this growing up. She always lived in fear. You should hear some of the stories she tells me at night. I can't believe what she went through; and she survived. Your sister was a very strong woman. The only reason Delicious is anywhere near normal is your sister was able to hold her together. If Divine was honest with you, and told you half of what was going on in that household, you would have gone there, and pulled both of them out by their hair, and buried that bastard in concrete."

"She didn't tell me. She kept telling me everything was under control. I would've put that bastard in a wood chipper for hurting her, but she didn't tell me. She probably didn't tell me because she didn't want me to know Delicious was my child. She could have kept that secret forever, if she had come to live with me."

"All we can do now, Even, is to help her grow into a woman. In order to do that, we have to let her be a child for a while. She never went through this phase of her life, and she needs it. I'm going down to Houston next week to file my paperwork. I'm going to take her with me, and take her to Seven Flags and let her have the time of her life. You can't cram a lifetime of childhood memories into one week of fun, but at least she will have some happy childhood memories of her own."

"Take all the time you need Gray, just keep in touch."

"You have to do us a favor Even; if Gordon decides to marry those two little beauties, in the next two weeks, make sure you invite us?"

"Did you see how they latched onto him as soon as they got here?"

"Yes I did, that's why I asked for the wedding invitations."

"We have to get that boy off this planet; it won't be able to handle the population explosion when he hits puberty. Maybe we should test him for pheromones to see if he has anything special?"

"We already know his special. If we add pheromones to that list; he will have to be put in a maximum-security facility, for his own safety."

"Give him a week and he will find a way out."

"Do you really think it would take him that long?"

I yelled, "It's time for you four to get out of there, and drink something. I don't want you to get overheated."

Delicious yelled, "Everyone, backflip!"

You have never seen four more perfect backflips in your life.

One by one, laughing, they exited the bounce house, took a bottle of water from the ice bucket that was close by, and began to drink it slowly.

Delicious went a different route. She jumped into Gray's arms and kissed him.

"Yuck, you are all sweaty."

"I'm all sweaty when we come back from running and you don't complain."

"That's different, because I'm sweaty too."

"I have to get some water, I'll be right back."

She went to the ice bucket, took a bottle of water, opened it, and took a large swallow. She walked back towards us and asked Gray if he would like some.

"No thank you, I'm fine."

"That's a shame, because it's really good water, and its cold. You should really feel it." With that, she squeezed the bottle and sprayed it all over Gray's head and face. Then Delicious disappeared in a cloud of dust.

I was laughing so hard I was of little immediate help to Gray when he finally was able to see again.

"Where did she go, I'm going to kill her."

"Gray may I remind you of your earlier statement when you said she was acting her age?"

"I can kill that woman at any age. She is infuriating."

"In that case, I would check the shower."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"You were thinking of a capital crime, instead of getting even. Remember to be back for the cutting of the cake please. You have 45 minutes before I come to look for you. I don't want to wash my eyes out with soap again."

"Message received and understood."

Gray took a pitcher, filled it with ice and water, and went upstairs. He listened at the bathroom door to make sure she was in there. She was, and he smiled.

"God that woman can't sing one note in harmony with the next one." He smiled as he thought, "She does have other attributes that make up for her singing."

Their bedroom door was slightly open, and when he entered he made sure to leave it exactly the way it was. He undressed, and put his clothes neatly away. He put their chair as close to the wall as possible, where the door opened. He stood on it, waiting for her to walk through the opening. He kept thinking of the temperature difference, between the hot shower, she had just finished, and the ice shower and was about to give her.

He smiled. "Revenge is so sweet."

The bathroom door open, and he heard her walking down the hall. He raised the pitcher, high over the doorframe. He was ready to dump it on her, when he heard the wooden chair crack. He looked down just in time to see the chair collapsing underneath him.

He forgot about the pitcher, as he tried to jump off the chair, in an attempt to keep from being injured. He lost his balance. He fell awkwardly to the floor, and the ice and water from the pitcher poured all over his head, neck, and chest. To add injury to this insult, the pitcher hit him on the right side of his nose, and cheek, leaving him with a small, bleeding wound, and the beginning of a black eye.

Delicious walked into the room with incredible timing. She was able to watch Gray fall in slow motion. She watched as the ice and water pour all over the top of his body. She was laughing so hard, she could not go to his aid. She sat down 3 feet away from him. Gray had the most dejected look on his face, it made her laugh harder.

"Was that meant for me dear? Were you intent on dumping that ice on my head? I guess God got you for that one, didn't he? I believe you're right eye is going to be black and blue, because it is already purple. You poor baby, let me kiss it and make it better."

Whether it was the right or wrong thing to do is up for debate. She approached him, naked, because the towel that covered her had disappeared. She was only going to kiss him to make him feel like less of a fool than he did lying on the floor, soaking wet, next to the broken chair. It didn't quite work out that way

He was determined to do more than kiss her.

He kicked the bedroom door closed, grabbed her as she approached him, and tortured her using ice cubes on parts of her body that had her cuming and screaming simultaneously.

She didn't rest idly as he tormented her. She was able to grab handfuls of ice also. His testicles shrunk to the size of peas, during their battles. Gray screamed so loud, Rod heard him outside.

He ran to me and said, "Did you hear that scream; I think she's killing him."

"Yes I did, and no she isn't. They have 10 more minutes of playtime, before they have to be back down here. Everything will be fine, I hope."

"I've never heard a scream like that. I think she may have cut his balls off. Either that or she has them in a death grip and is pulling them out through his asshole."

"She has plans for those things after they get married, Rod. I don't believe she is removing them permanently. He may think so now, but she is just teaching him a lesson about ice and cold water. I believe he will not forget this lesson, and will become an ardent believer in verbal compromise rather than getting even in kind."

"Or in other words she is 'Pussy Whipping' him, without fucking him."

"Very good Rod, you are learning."

"I was pussy whipped the first night I slept with Roz. I don't think it could have gotten any worse; let me change that; I don't believe it could have gotten any better."

"I feel the same way about Jennifer; I just wish I had met her 10 years ago."

"I forgot to tell you, I got a phone call from your friend, the pilot, Michael. They have him up and walking. It took them six operations to get him there, but he wanted you to know he's looking through books for the airplane you promised him."

"Did he leave you a number where I can reach him?"

"Yes he did; I'll leave it for you before we go home."

"I want you to send him a bill for Rickshaw services 39.7 miles $300. Cooking his meals $200. Listening to him complain for 4 days $1000. Emergency medical services $2500, and wiping his ass, $3 million. That should get a laugh out of him. When he tells you what type of aircraft he wants, make sure the manufacturer puts in everything that possibly can go in it, and it better be top-of-the-line. Tell them the aircraft is going to be flown in Alaska. So the aircraft will need whatever is required, by the FAA, for instrument flight up there.

There is one final thing I want you to do for him. He is going to need flight training on the new airplane. Make sure the trainer is a beautiful woman, who knows how to defend herself. Michael's hands are as fast as lightning, and he is a deviant when a beautiful woman is near him. Tell her we will pay her twice, or three times the going rate, if he really gets out of hand."

"He sounds like a fun guy."

"He was sick as hell in the hospital at Fairbanks. All he kept doing was grabbing the young nurse's asses or breasts every time they passed him by. He was unbelievable. The nurses were getting ready to sedate him, or tie his hands to the railings as he became more and more aggressive."

"At least his spirits were high."

"Yes, and I can guarantee you, he hadn't had a drink in at least four days."

"Very funny Even, your sense of humor is getting better."

"It's time for me to break those two love birds apart. Its time for the children to cut the cake, and for Gordon to open his presents."

"Keep your eyes closed this time."

"I definitely am going to knock on the door harder."

I started walking towards my house, when the front door swung open and Delicious came running out, and into my arms.

"I think he will really kill me this time; protect me daddy."

"What did you do?"

"It wasn't my fault, well not entirely anyhow. He was standing on a chair waiting to dump ice water on my head, when the chair broke. The ice water fell on him. The pitcher fell on his nose, cut it, and left a bruise under his right eye. It is going to turn black and blue. It has started already.

As we were dressing to come downstairs, he went into the bathroom to put a Band-Aid on his nose to cover the cut. I noticed the laces on his sneakers weren't tied. I told him I would meet him downstairs, and left the room. I lay down on the floor, reached in, and tied two of his shoelaces together. I waited on the steps for him to come out of the bathroom. He took half a step and he fell like a tree. I believe I'm in trouble."

"It's a shame the spaceship isn't ready. I believe outer space is the only place you might be safe now.

"Oh my God, he's coming daddy. He's not smiling."

"Gray before you kill her, may I will remind you one more time of what you said to me earlier."

"Even, the only reason she's not dead already is because of what I said earlier. If I didn't love her so much she would be the beef for the barbecue. She is tender enough, but God Almighty, she is not sweet when she is like this. She has the devil in her today. Come here you little devil."

"Am I going to get hurt?"

"I will promise you that you are going to get hurt. I'm just not going to tell you when."

I said to my daughter, "Remember Delicious, you have until January to make up your mind. If you change your mind after I start putting deposits down for your wedding, two people will want to kill you."

"Daddy, I'm not going to change my mind. Gray is as immature as I am, just in different ways."

"I am not."

"Are you sure you want to get married?"

"I'm positive I want to marry you."

"I think you'd better change your mind in an awful hurry."

"I have the mind of the 16-year-old boy, in a 22-year-old body."

I laughed at my future son-in-law. "You haven't been there yet, and you are already pussy whipped."

"It's really disgusting is in it."

"Rod and I were just discussing it. Men just can't win when it comes to women. We can't negotiate with them, because they cry. When they cry we can't stand it. There is a mechanism in our body that turns us to mush. If you go to any major corporation, the head of human services is always a woman. She can hire and fire anyone because she doesn't give a shit if you are a man or a woman. If a man walks into the office and cries, she still says, 'You're fired, clean out your desk, and get the fuck out of here.' She doesn't have a problem with it at all.

A man gets sick when he is asked to fire woman. He thinks about her family not having food on the table; her inability to pay the mortgage, and all of the things necessary for a decent life. It doesn't work that way if there is a woman in charge. We don't call them coldhearted bitches for nothing."

"Daddy that's not fair, you're making a generalization."

"Delicious, what did you just do to your fiancé?"

"Okay daddy I get your point. I'm sorry Gray, but you are still a 16-year-old in the 22-year-old body."

"And you're still a bitch."

"So I guess were even?"

"No, he is Even."

"Children let's cut the cake, before Gordon tries to impregnate a five and a six-year-old girl at the fifth celebration of his birth."

Delicious said, "WHAT?

"Gordon will explain it to you later."

Gordon's party was a great success. He made several new friends, even though Danielle and Brandy were constantly at his side. Since most of the parents did not know Gordon, they gave him gift cards so he could buy whatever he wanted, which we thought was a wonderful idea. Everyone exchanged phone numbers so the kids could get together and have play dates.

After everyone went home, the crews took down and removed the amusement rides, games, and toys from the property. The only thing left standing was the massive tent, and Rod would make arrangements for that to be removed in a few days.

Gordon approached me with an unhappy look on his face.

"Dad have I been bad?"

"What would make you think you've been bad? I have never met a child that is better behaved than you are. I am so happy, and so proud that you are my son, I would go on top of the highest mountain and scream your name so everybody would know that you belong to me."

"If I've been good, why didn't you get me a present?"

"Is that what you think; I didn't buy you a present on the date we are celebrating your birth? Do you think I would be that cruel to you? If you were bad for one or two days, it wouldn't matter to me, because you are still my son. You will always be my son. I will always buy you a present on this festive day. Your present is in the lab waiting for you to unwrap it"

His eyes opened wide, the smile returned to his face, and he jumped into my arms, all five years old of him. "Can I unwrap it now dad?"

"Can I think about that for a minute?"

"No."

"Then I think we are going to have to go down into the lab and unwrap your present."

He wiggled out of my arms grabbed my hand, and pulled me towards the house.

"Come on dad, don't be a slow polk."

Everyone was downstairs waiting for him to arrive. Jennifer had a camera in her hand. Gray had a video camera rolling, and Delicious was taking pictures on her cell phone.

"Dad why is everybody taking pictures of me?"

"They want to see what a five-year-old Gordon looks like, standing next to a brand-new Gordon."

"You bought me a robot?"

"No, this is bigger than a robot, but I think you could use it to make a robot. Why don't look by Sequoia, because that's where your present is."

He ran around the tables and 4 feet to the left of Sequoia draped in black was an object equal in size to that computer.

"It's very big dad. How am I supposed to unwrap it?"

"Come over here Gordon. Wait until everyone with the cameras tells you they are ready, and then pull on this rope."

Jennifer said, "Okay Gordon, when I say three: One, two, three."

Gordon pulled on the rope and the black shroud fell to the floor. Standing in front of him was a brand a new Sequoia computer, with his name emblazoned on the glass door. It said,"GORDON 2: Searching for our new home."

You have never seen a 4-foot tall child jump high enough to dunk a basketball until today. Gordon could have done it, with room to spare.

"Do you feel taller now Gordon?"

"I think I can touch the stars dad. Can I ask you a question?"

"I believe you just did, but go ahead."

"How did you get all this big stuff down here?"

"If I tell you, then Delicious will know, and you know girls can't keep a secret." (I shouldn't have said that with Jennifer standing beside me, because I got hit.)

"Dear, you are not a girl, you're a woman. There is a vast difference."

"Mister Luck, you are not getting away with it that easily. Say it again and you will be eating my shoes."

Delicious yelled, "You tell him Jen."

"I have an elevator."

"Dad, this wouldn't fit in your elevator."

"No not that elevator, you want to see the big elevator?"

"Yes please."

"Gray would you give me a hand please?" We moved a table that was against a wall that contained manuals and schematics.

"Everyone please stay clear of this area; I have to go upstairs for a moment, but I will be right back."

A moment later they heard a clicking sound, and electric motors humming. Suddenly, the ceiling of the area I asked them to stay clear of started moving down. When it rested on the basement floor, and they saw me standing by my bookcases holding a specific set of books down, and my foot on a lever by the floor, they were amazed.

Delicious said, "You son of a bitch."

"That will be $10 please. Do you like my elevator Gordon?"

"Dad you are so cool."

"Do I have to tell you not to touch anything in my den, or tell anybody about it?"

"Tell anybody about what dad?"

"Very good son, very good."

"Now for the hard part; Delicious did you see anything today?"

"Of course I did; I saw Gordon making out with two beautiful girls, weren't you Gordon?"

"What is making out?"

Jennifer said, "Delicious, if you say one word you won't have hair anywhere tomorrow morning."