They Called Her Jack Ch. 01

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A vampiress kidnaps a girl from the street.
1k words
4.26
11.9k
9

Part 1 of the 2 part series

Updated 06/10/2023
Created 05/25/2020
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Whitechapel, London, September 30th, 1888.

Lily Hodgekins, though usually good at ignoring the people around her, listens in on the whispers as she sweeps up another broken glass.

"There's been another murder." "Torn to shreds, she was." "I heard it was that woman, Eddowes."

Catherine Eddowes. Lily knew her, not as a friend, but the woman had come into the pub where Lily worked now and then. She was always kind, and always in need of another drink or two before another john came to claim her. They had actually seen each other the night of the 29th, though nobody had any idea who had bought her for the evening. Lily did her best to tune out the gruesome details, though from what she did hear, she agreed that it sounded as if a monster had committed these acts. A demon, a monster. Not a man.

As the clock struck 1:00am, Lily Hodgekins was ready to go home. Her little room that she shared with a few other people wasn't far from the pub, but she was on edge- everybody in the city was. Tying her long. red hair up into a bun to keep it safe from the wind, the young woman slipped out of the pub and into the cold, dark streets of Whitechapel. Aside from the music,and the boisterous conversation and laughter coming from the building behind her, all was silent. Tucking her hands into her arm pits for a bit of warmth, Lily started towards her home, her footsteps quick and silent, her breath fogging up in the cold air. Even though she was alone, she was afraid, plagued by anxiety of what had been happening in the past couple of months. There had always been crime, plenty of it in Whitechapel, but now there were murders left and right. Horrible, gruesome murders- and two women had been killed last night. People had been arguing if they were both by the same man, but most believed it to be true.

She was only a couple of block away now, and she started to feel a bit more at ease, though her large green eyes were still flicking back and forth, her ears alert for any sound she could hear above the wind. There was none, and she was almost home. Almost safe- and then she heard footsteps, running at her from behind. She spun around with a gasp, her heart beating as if she had just run a mile- but nobody was there. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts and catch her breath. She could have sworn that someone was right behind her, but she was wrong. She must have been imagining things, the hysteria must have been playing with her thoughts. Assured that her mind was just playing tricks on her, Lily took a step backward, bumping into somebody. Before she could turn around, before she could even scream, the stranger wrapped an arm around her neck.

"Hello there," a woman purred into her ear, "there's no use struggling, dear- but by all means, keep trying. I love the taste of adrenaline." Lily did keep trying. She knew how to fight, how to defend herself- it was necessary in order to survive in these streets, but this woman was strong, and her arms was cutting off both air flow and blood flow. The young redhead tried to stamp on her assailant's feet, to elbow, punch, kick and scratch her- but it was no use. She had been taken completely by surprise and was quickly losing her strength. Just when Lily thought she was going to pass out, the woman released her. She fell onto the cold, damp cobblestone road, gasping for air.

Her eyes welling with tears as she coughed, Lily scrambled to her feet, looking in all directions. Nothing. She took a couple of steps on shaking legs. "Help..." She said quietly before she started to run, making a beeline for her house- her roommates would help protect her. Then she started to tell and scream, desperate for assistance. Her footsteps echoed off of the surrounding buildings, accompanied by her labored breathing and cries for help. Of course, no one came to her aid. Nobody ever did in this city. Appearing as quickly and quietly as she had vanished, the woman seemed to materialize from the shadow of an alleyway, and she grabbed Lily and slammed her into a wall. The terrified girl crumpled onto the ground, the world spinning from hitting her head on the brick building.

The woman knelt in front of her with a playful smile on her thin lips. "Don't scream." She commanded, her brown eyes boring into Lily's. For some reason, even though she tried, Lily couldn't scream- her body just wouldn't cooperate. Lily tried to push the woman away, she she grabbed the girl's hands and pinned them down with one of her own, before roughly shoving her head back into the wall and tilting it up. Now Lily was desperately trying to hold on to consciousness and she weakly struggled. "Stop struggling." She head- and she did. Lily felt the woman's face by her's, heard her smelling down her jaw and to her neck. She sat there, horrified and unable to move as the woman's lips brushed against her throat, and then she felt a piercing pain in the side of her neck, like two needles had been pushed into her skin.

"Mmmm, you're a virgin," The stranger whispered. Now she pulled back and smiled, causing Lily to gasp. The woman had a red liquid on her lips, the same the was trickling out of the wound on her victim's neck. Suddenly the woman dove into the other side of her neck, painfully biting through her skin and sucking her blood. This time, she didn't stop immediately. When she finally pulled back, tears were streaming down Lily's pale face, and even if she hadn't been bound by magic, she wouldn't have had the strength to move away. " You taste delightful. I think I'm going to keep you." She said quietly, wiping the blood from her face with her long sleeves. "Sleep." Immediately, Lily lost consciousness.


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EmirusEmirusalmost 4 years ago
Short but interesting introduction

Reaction to one page is on many occasions met with indifference. The introduction here is not bad but you need to follow up quickly and hopefully you have the next chapter ready to submit as it could do with being published before this one is off the first page. If not the next chapter needs to have a good lead into what has already occurred.

The next chapter needs to be longer, preferably at least two pages/7000 words.

One of my stories is about a vampire, but he’s completely different from yours, and I’ve been meaning to do a follow up for ages as I think they are an interesting subject.

I look forward to reading the next chapter of this story.

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