Things a Man Oughta Know Pt. 01

"Oh, probably," she said, nonchalantly. "It's the cross I bear." She sighed melodramatically, throwing her head back, with the back of her hand across her brow.

Debbie goggled at her, and Seth busted out laughing. "Drama club," he explained.

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The problems started soon after Emma was born. Seth was completely out of his depth, and didn't know how to handle any of it. The first and most obvious issue was that Emma never took to breastfeeding. The pediatrician said it was unusual but not unheard of, and suggested that they just make the switch to formula. Both the doctor and Seth were prepared for an emotional reaction from Debbie, but she seemed to accept it. When he asked if she was okay, she just nodded and said that there wasn't much she could do about it.

The bigger, more significant concern was that Emma also never really seemed completely comfortable when Debbie would hold her, or bathe, or change her. She didn't cry, but sometimes she was fussy.

When Seth took over those tasks, she settled right down, and would coo and smile up at her father. That did upset Debbie, understandably. She burst into fresh tears every time it happened.

"She loves you more than me," she cried.

Seth tried to convince her that it was just a phase; that she was overreacting, but Debbie couldn't be persuaded.

When Seth offered to go with her to talk to the pediatrician again, or even see a counselor, she refused.

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After a week, the band said they really needed Seth back, and with the increased costs of raising a newborn, he had to go back to both of his jobs. Frank had given him a week off with pay, but he said that's all he could afford. Seth understood. Frank really did look out for the young man, but he was also trying to run a business. He and Debbie did take Emma over to meet Frank and Mary, and they were instantly smitten with the tiny baby.

Mary said hopefully, "Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help? Babysitting? Anything at all."

Seth knew she was serious, and thanked them both, promising to be back at work first thing Monday morning.

Debbie didn't like Seth being away, especially in the evenings, so after a couple weeks, she went back to traveling to Seth's shows. She seemed happier, now that she was out of the house. She also began hanging out at practices again. Seth's mom and sister were still staying with them, and Seth began to rely on them more and more to look after Emma.

Unfortunately, things continued to deteriorate, and in hindsight, Seth realized he should have seen it coming. About two months after he began playing again, he noticed some changes in Debbie's demeanor. They hadn't made love since at least a month before Emma was born, and when he tried to initiate anything with her now, she would fly off the handle.

"I'm not havin' sex with your mother here, Seth!" That was fair, but his mother wasn't there all the time.

He tried to talk to her. He would ask what was bothering her, and she would say she was fine, and she'd be a little better for a day or two. Then she would start getting short with him, and he couldn't figure out why. In desperation he talked to his mother.

"It's like there's a wall between us, and every time I try to climb over, I get pushed back. I don't know what to do!"

"I don't know, honey," his mother replied. "Every woman reacts differently to pregnancy. Give her some time, let her know you're there for her, and hope she comes around."

He tried, but it seemed like she was distancing herself even more. She was going out on her own occasionally. "Just to relax with the girls," she told him, and he was almost afraid to question it, the way she was acting. He did wonder why the 'girls' nights' always seemed to be when he wasn't playing. He asked her why she didn't go out when he had gigs, so they could spend his off nights together, and she just said that she couldn't bear to think of him with all those women around, and that's why she went to all his shows.

He looked at her, puzzled, and asked, "You know I love you, right? I would never do anything to jeopardize that." She wouldn't look at him, and changed the subject.

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The hammer fell one day toward the end of August. Debbie said that she and Mary Ellen wanted to go down to Atlanta for the weekend, and Seth said sure. He hoped some time with her best friend would help bring her out of whatever was bothering her. He told Debbie that the band was going to be working on some new songs, so he'd probably be at practice most of the weekend anyway.

She'd held Emma a lot that morning, which was a little uncharacteristic, but then she grabbed her bag and headed off.

"I love you," Seth said to the empty room.

**********

Early that afternoon, Seth went on to practice. When he got there, he saw Matt, Stu, and Ray, but no Marcus. Marcus was their lead singer.

"Anybody seen him?" Seth asked. A lot of head shaking. Stu said they'd had a couple of beers the night before and he was a little distracted, but otherwise seemed fine. Hadn't said anything about missing practice.

"Well shit, how are we gonna practice with no singer?" The waited for a bit, and wound up working on their instrumentals for a while, but eventually gave up and they all left early, promising to let each other know if anyone heard from their wayward bandmate.

**********

Emily and Sara had gone back to Philadelphia for a while, and Frank's wife was babysitting Emma. They didn't have children of their own, which probably explained their fondness for Seth. And Mary, Frank's wife, adored Emma to pieces.

Seth picked Emma up and went home. He played with his daughter, fed and bathed her, and read her a story. Of course she was too young to understand, but she watched him carefully as he read, eventually yawning and drifting off. He kissed her and laid her in her crib, then went back to the kitchen for a beer. When he started yawning himself, he headed for bed, and that's when he saw it.

An envelope lay on the nightstand, with his name on it, in Debbie's handwriting. There was a single sheet of paper in it. The note was brief and unsigned.

I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore. I tried, I really did. I'm just not cut out to be a mother. You'll be fine, Emma loves you more anyway. I know I'm taking the coward's way out, but I just couldn't look at you and tell you that I'm going to California with Marcus. I swear I didn't cheat on you, I couldn't do that to you. But when he said he was going, I asked him to take me with him. I'm sorry. Please don't look for me.

Seth's legs gave out and he sagged to the floor. His mind was a blank. Marcus? California? It didn't make any sense. He dropped the letter and the envelope. The latter made a slight clunk when it hit the hardwood, and he absently picked it up and turned it over. Her engagement ring and wedding band fell out, and he stared at the simple gold hoop in anguished horror as it slowly spun in a circle, finally coming to rest.

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Working hard to finish Part 2. Hope to have it submitted in the next few days.