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Click hereBrad handed me as he got up a large buttplug. I turned around and he pushed it in. It was bigger than Brad so it was snug.
I kissed him and gave him my phone number as we left the bedroom.
He programmed it into his cell phone and my name came up. Puzzled, he looked at me and said, Todd? I smiled and said yep. And just so you know you are the first man I ever let fuck me.
He smiled and said I've wanted your sweet ass ever since grade 9.
On the way home I needed gas so I stopped at a service station and filled up. Then I realized I didn't have any money. I walked into the store and the guy at the counter was the same guy at the goth store.
Well, you look like your night was fun filling he said.
You could say that I respond.
I've got a problem. I just filled up and I don't have any money with me. Can I go get some to pay you with?
He looks me up and down and says you must have something I want?
I flashed him a grin and asked him what he had in mind.
Come around this side of the counter and give me a blowjob. I was on my knees in no time. He smelled awful. Like he hadn't bathed in a week. But I didn't care.
When the door opened and a state trooper came in I thought I was in deep shit. I just kept sucking. He looked around for a few minutes and came to the counter. Kinda slow night hay, he says. Ya, slow that's right. He rang up the sale and bagged the purchase. Who's car is at the pumps he asked. Some broad had left her money at home. She started walking home to get it.
Oh, I see he said as he paid. Then he left.
I sucked harder and as the door shut he grunted and came in my mouth.
I stood up and thanked him and left.
I didn't get very far when the state trooper pulled me over. I rolled down my window and asked what the problem was.
He said I saw you in the mirror behind the counter sucking that guy off!
So what I say. We worked out a small problem I had.
Ya, no money for gas so I'm guessing you have no money now?
No sir, I don't.
And what about ID?
No sir I don't have my ID either.
So is this car stolen?
No, of course not!
Who's car is it?
Mine and my wife's!
Step out of the car, please!
Why? What did I do?
Step out of the car please, he repeated.
I stepped out and he asked me to put my hands on the trunk.
I did as he asked.
He frisked me. Then he steps back and says you're a man.
Yes sir I am. I just left a Halloween party.
I'm gonna let you off with a warning this time. Make sure you carry your ID and always keep some money on you. Now get outta here.
Yes sir I said and I left. I got home to find Carol asleep. It was 5:30 am after all. I was so tired I didn't get undressed, I just laid down and fell asleep.
When I woke up Carol was standing over me. I was face down. What is that Todd? She asked.
What's what I ask?
What is in your backside?
Oh, that's a plug.
What's it doing there?
Well, that's another story!
Please give me feedback, good or bad. I'm trying to see if I can be a writer. I know I need to work at it.
Thank you
You said that Carol is your girl friend in the beginning of the story. But told the cop that the car was owned by you and your wife. Was Carol your wife or your girl friend?
I liked it. You should have slowed it down as it felt rushed with quick dialog which took me out of the story. You have a lot to work with in case you wanted to make multiple chapters and put in some characters that have more of a backstory which is something your main characters needed as well. I like your style and attention to deal with a very good descriptive style which really helped the story. I look forward to getting into more of your work as I am sure it will only get better.
Using "speech marks" would help differentiate speech from narative text & make reading slightly easier. A fun story but i know its Tammys house so she can walk around naked if she likes but while the party is still going on? Maybe needed a bit more explaination there, ditto for the 2nd guy turning up.
I thought the story was good just maybe fresh out things a little more it was pretty predictable so let me throw in some red herrings or something to spice it up a bit