All Comments on 'Think Twice Before You Act'

Liked the original ending best. Little girls need their daddy.

i think this should be categorized in the 'Loving Husbands' story instead of Loving Wives though. Thank you Slirpuff.

You needed a little more emotion and development in the original ending. I didin't like the optional ending -- way too big a twist and I liked the guy character much better when he's good vice bad.

In fact the alternate ending rings truer to the tale. I really could not understand why Linda went along with his explanation and accepted his declarations. On the other hand he left himself exposed to attacks from Deb!

These stories NEVER ever NEVER work because the wife's reaction in these stories in invariably so over the top so god damn fucking irrational that it is not remotely believeable.

NO author in the history of LIT or SOL has ever written a story where the wife is Justified in fucking other men without ever talking to the husband first.

And this story proves the point. The only thing the wife did NOT do was have the wimp husband tied to a chair.

The drunken wife calls the cops has him forcibly removed from his own home... at which point the husband says "All right, I'll leave, but it's just going to make things that much harder tomorrow."

well the next morning Nothing happens. After he explains things to the idiot wife he is filled with JOY and happiness ???? The wimp husband

is NOT in the least bit angry over the wife's reactions and her behavior.

and absurdly he story ends with a pathetic Ralph kramden like ending where the husband says "baby your the greatest!!!..."

awful forced reconciliation ending.

Good imagination but for me there was no need for the alternate ending, if fact it detracted from the good feeling the story left me with. I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Good character development but the final confrontation was a little rushed I thought. As usual, at least from my POV, good job sir. Thanks for your hard work.

No need for the second ending. The wife should have confronted the husband the first time she suspected anything. Could someone forgive such an act? maybe. Just a question to Harry is there any hope that one day he will write a story of his own and stun us with how a truely excellent LW story should be? He has been on this site for a long time now and still hasn't found a story he likes.

If you really wanted a twist instead of going for an affair with Deborah, how about Lisa having an affair at her work. Your planted the seed when you put into the facts her working late and two girls short, not to mention that her boss was cocky and impudent but did a good job. With this twist our hero finds out, runs it down and you can go any way you want re divorce, make up etc..

Popular opinion (and zed0) will like the first ending. A writer will like the second, because it changes the dynamic of the story, ya know? Like an unexpected twist that's fun to throw into an otherwise straight forward story, usually fun for the author but not always fun to read. The most important part of a story is the telling, and you were able to tell a story about a marital spat and keep it a compelling good read without resorting to playing tricks with the content. By writing in first person, the reader would have felt the author cheated with a "surprise" ending that the reader (who has been part of the protagonists mind) had not been privy to. That gag works better in the movies

My one comment is no writer will ever be big in this section if he makes makes the wife good and the husband the cheat. Even for this it was suggested that the twist should be the wife is cheating (boy, that has never been done before). My opinion is this a a free site and I like to see what the authors come up with. I do recommend that you just go with one ending or the other. Best of luck.

Loved the first ending to a good story. The second ending with a twist just didn't do it for me. I dislike cheating husbands worse than cheating wives.

Keep up the great work, Thanks.

Don't bother with ending two unless you need him to be an asshole. None of the rest of the story makes him one. He is a guy with a healthy libido and a like of Asian women. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. He takes a colleague who has done him a HUGE favor to lunch. He gives her some quick help moving furniture. A dance at the Christmas party, WHILE his wife was already dancing with someone else. A kiss that HE did not instigate and didn't get very hot (no tongue). In short, he has done NOTHING wrong and even recognized his little weakness for Asian women and redirected it to benefit his love life with his wife. Unlike others I can fully believe how crazy people can get when they believe something, even without proof. His wife's behavior, while unfortunate, is very believable. It's a personality weakness. He needs to recognize she is a little insecure about their relationship and give her a little extra attention and reassurance. Given her sexiness, hardly a hard thing to do. The alternate ending is inconsistent with the rest of the story and serves no purpose except to turn him into a SOB. Endings are supposed to RESOLVE conflict, not introduce it.

....ending one could have had a more complex resolution. I for one would have liked to see him go hard after the office "Cows" spreading rumors!!!

The mark of a good writer is one who knows when to stop writing. The mark of hack is taking it too far. You tried to be both by saying you "thought" about adding a twist. By including it anyway, you managed to look more like the hack. It was a good story up until then. Then you shit on it.

as you did in "When Fantasy Becomes Reality". You build the tension and let it leak away. Why build to the conflict and then waste it? The value in a story is in the resolution of the conflict, in how the characters act and react. Anybody can build trouble; precious few can resolve it. Looks like you're not yet in the precious few, yet. Keep working at it. You seem to be too good not to succeed. Thanks for publishing. Rich

The alternate ending was not a twist, it was a bust. You changed the entire character of the story. Not good

no way to go! (alternative ending)

The second ending was pathetic. Just awful. And, hey Poizon, don't hold your breath waiting for Harry to show us all how to write a quality story by actually writing one. I’ve challenged him many times to do just that. He is too happy pontificating about how life only happens the way he thinks!

My feelings exactly. After all the build-up, it's resolved in the snap of a finger. It's treated like a MacGuffin, which was Hitchcock's term for the plot element that's there just to get the story started. After that it's inconsequential and it's resolution can be done by an off-hand remark. The problem here is it's not a MacGuffin, it's the real plot.

Once again liked it. The real story, and even the additional "authors notes" twist verion. I do have a recommendation though. Most of your stories have the phrase "shit eating grin". It was ok once, but its gotten pretty nasty since. Recommend you find a new "smile" phrase that doesn't get overused. Just a small pet peeve is all. Still, a great story!

Just because of the second ending, Slirpy, which was "Twisted" and not a twist.

The policemen acted as though they had no training whatsoever in dealing with domestic disputes. Instead of trying to calm things down, and trying to rationally persuade him to spend the night elsewhere, they risked aggravating an already emotional tense situation by using a threat of force inside a man's home during an argument with his wife.

It might be interesting to see a variant on this story where the man loses his temper with the police and ends up badly injured and under arrest or dead and his wife having to deal with the consequences.

and neither one was satisfactory, IMHO. As other comments have said, the story was doing well and suddenly you quit. This could have been a great story if you had given the ending the care and feeling you gave the foreplay.

Good story.

I have been here and done that! The mind is a funy thing when the truth gets mixed up with emotion and what you might think is not really the truth! Add alcohol to it and it becomes a fucking disaster that can take some time to unravel or sooth over. The end was a little anticlimatic. I thought it should have had more things dicussed and brought up with the emotional side of things in play.

Thanks for writing!

because of your alternate ending. It pissed me off.

"shit eating grin" and other such descriptions show little imagination and are widely overused.

output is raving in you Slirpuff, with a team behind you you could be earning a fortune in Candyland, USA. The team would twist and tune your flaws but the finished result would still be Candyland(thanks Harry). Are you sacrificing one goood story for maybe a little impatient need to be prodigious. Anyway I really like about 50% of your stories and you're deservedly well established, as is the old adversary in VA but his comment was astute here. Thanks...Mancelt.

Loved the story with the origional ending. Having Steve end up being faithful is what makes the story unique. Having him become a callous ass would kill it.

Oh, please get rid of the second ending! It was nice to see a "cheating" story turn out to be just a misunderstanding that got resolved.

Keep the origional ending. The alternate ending is a pile of horse shit. Why muck up a good story?

Not good. He won't get away with it very long because of his overconfidence. He will be caught and will lose everything of any real value.

Been There.

forget the second ending.... adds nothing

why would he cheat with lisa at home, she is too much women for any man.. makes this a weak story.

Why you would write that last bit of drivel is beyond me. It was a good story up to that point.

Pick an ending and then stick with it.

2nd Ending cost you a point.

Very good story. I didn't care for the fact, and you didn't dwell on it, that she sneaked out to the garden with Dan and was making out with him and fully intended to get laid. My point, some love, some hurt, just assume and cheat -as much as he loved her I would think that the fact that she would persue this course would caution me to wonder if she really was the woman I loved and trusted?

Thanks - good story otherwise.

The wife's jealousy was over the top based on what she knew. Had she real evidence, then perhaps it would have worked.

For two reasons...

1) Alternate ending - No Thanks

2) Lisa never confronted him with her worries (I thought they were open with each other) and she decides to get laid by one of her husbands colleagues - right in front of everyone...NO CLASS and a clue to what her character really is.

She is not the woman who he adored, had fun with, loved and had great homelife with, she turns out to be a doubting Deb, distrusting, mean and vengeful - 'DIVORCE'!!!!!!

Just a story but it is good and entertaining, just that your second ending went totally out of line.

Thanks anyway, we all know you're a good writer.

I can't understand why, if she was "fearful for her safety" she couldn't leave when the cops came around to her house. Why should he be forcefully removed from his own house. Besides, I thought cops weren't supposed to interfere in domestic arguments.

all you can get is an armed détente truce, TK U MLJ LV NV

If you would have given just that as the only ending I would have accepted it but it went against the whole premise of your story. You were disloyal to your readers to stick it in without giving us a hint in the first part of the story. I know it is just a story but you showed this otherwise good husband and father as a cheating bastard. I have no aversion to cheating but to just whip it in out of the blue is wrong. If I had realized that it was an alternative ending I would have never read it and if I realize ahead of time that there is more than one ending I just skip the whole story. It was a really good story up to that time.

Alternate ending sucked!

Completely out of character with the rest of the story. Nothing that was described previously gave any indication that there was anything going on, so for that ending to be true the rest of the story would have to be a lie.

You took an excellent story and tried to turn it to shit with your alternate ending.

The story was okay without it and with it, the story turned into garbage. Doing something like that wasn't in the character you wrote for him. It made no sense. And how is she suddenly in "his wing" of the building and nobody notices? Hardly seems likely if all the bossy women in the building are looking to pin something on her. BAH!

Fuck all you bleeding hearts...... Trying to keep him as mister nice guy in your minds!

The twist in the story was the better ending and fooled you to the supposed ending....

MAN RULES ON THIS ONE !!!!

glad you decided against the twist; It didn't fit his character. Thanks.

this guy was pretty oblivious to behavior that is inappropriate for a married guy. Taking a single, attractive women to lunch at a hotel? Slow dancing with her while your wife is present?

Until after the ****************** part. The twist was a real fuckup. The story showed him to be a great husband by not falling to temptation. The twist ending just showed him to be a sleeze, a cheat, and a liar. Poor choice to even mention an alternate ending.

You seem to have a penchant for screwing up your stories at the end. Either leaving them unfinished or throwing in illogical or unbelievable twists. This was well done until the the end. I don't believe he yells at her, explains things to her and she just cools down and forgives him. No way, no how. The Police can't just ask him to leave his house. Given evidence, they can arrest him, but since he hadn't broken the door down and she had no physical signs of injury, they can't force his exit from his house. And the fact that you have him go from a happily married man to a cheating rat did nothing for the story. It made him particularly unlikeable. Not good. Not good at all.

Excuse me while I BUUUUUUUiiiccckkk!

Hope I got some on you.

Great story, until that "alternate" ending, Went from a "5" to a "1".

these character are just too stupid...

And gave it a 4.

Pretty good and I Would have kicked Dan's ass for listening to a drunk wife and fucking around with her at a party.

Its cheating dickheads like this fucking egg that don't give a rats ass if there actions reflects on others. Don't you dare feel guilty or remorseful for your Acton and hopefuw you get caught and hope Lisa takes in a bigger dick lover

Agree with others.

Stupid alternate, should not even been included. That isn't a twist. That is just a stupid completely incongruous end.

As dumb as JK Rawlings all of a sudden saying Dumbledorf was gay. One of the stupidest "revelations" in recent times. Why stop there, the leading girl, I don't remember her name, but she was a lesbian, and oh by the way that main bad guy was really Bush. Utter stupidity.

Good story until the end that you added.

The second sucked. Five for number 1.Xbox

The second ending is crap and doesn't fit with the rest of the story.

A pity you included it as the story was 5* without it but only 2* with it

PaulFelly

but I was thinking 5 stars until you said "on the other hand..." and dumped the garbage in the living room. I can't imagine why you did that. You wrote a perfectly good Loving Wives story with no cheating but plenty of suspicion and anger followed by epiphany, repentance, and forgiveness. Did you fear that the BTB brigade would think you had written a RAAC and so pandered to their proclivities? I hope not; that's not a good attitude for a writer with your obvious skill and insight. I prefer to think of it as simply a brain fart. Which earns 2 stars,

unless the 2nd one is not too bright, TK U MLJ LV NV p/s think of a circle mlj

I hate cheaters, but the wife got off way too easy in the first ending, so I preferred to read that them both of them are pieces of shit.

Great tale with the first ending. A five star tale. I wouldn't even have read this with the second ending as I hate cheaters.

one for closet cuckolds, one for wannabe cuckolds?

Execution sucked. The alternate ending was absolutely horrible. So many stories about dumping cheating wives and the you go and write this. Pathetic. Without the alternate ending it would have been just a ho-hum story. The alternate sent this right to the dumpster. You're a lot better than this.

Hope the cheating bastard gets found out,so write a sequel where this happens

You had a 5* going until you through in that last little piece so now you end up with a big 2*.

The story was good right up to your 'plot twist' ending. Only for me it went from 5* to 1*. That was the biggest sucky ending ever. Don't quit your day job.

It's going to backfire on him.

Story. Like it better without the alternative. Don't like cheaters.

He has an affinity for Asian women, and Lisa definitely has a deep-seated prejudice against them. Not exactly a match made in Heaven.

The little plot twist at the end. "Luckily we talked before our egos got the better of us and we did something really stupid." Signed: BTW

Undecided. Saying you didn't add a plot twist but then laying it out anyway is like eating your cake and having it too. Feels like cheating, and now the waters are muddy.

I DID NOT LIKE THE DAMN END!!!

I liked the original ending best. The second made him a liar and a cheat.

from good guy in ending 1 to scum bag in ending 2. ouch

I like your story with out the twist

Very well done

It was definitely better without the additional ending!

Great story, until you gave it that shitty second ending.

Story was better without the cheating ending.

Naw… the alternate cheating ending just doesn’t fly. Great story without it. Thanks

wow. If my wife does that with a guy and then calls the cops on me there is no way we get back together in a single day like that. Bullshit.

Thanks for your writing.

I’m glad that you didn’t finish the story!

Total crap. call the cops ONE TIME when your husband was never violent, and that marriage is OVER. It's called "bearing false witness' and there's some kinda old-time rule that says it's a major sin.

The additional ending ruined it.

Total fkin BS cheating bastard hope he burns in hell

I loved it as long as you didn't give the twist at the end. If you had written it with the alternate ending it would have been a 3.