Third Try's a Charm

"Steve, if you're willing, we can go to counseling," she suggested a week later.

I—or should I say—we gave it our best shot but after a couple of months we were no further along than we'd been during our first session. We were both stuck in a rut and weren't moving forward as fast as I'd liked. We were still butting heads on what we each wanted. Suddenly out of the blue we had a great breakthrough and things started to go our way. We weren't in any kind of honeymoon stage, but finally we were really talking, holding hands, and even exchanging kisses again. I asked Shannon out to dinner to celebrate. I wanted to spend a relaxing night out with just the two of us.

It was like something out of our past. There were no pregnant pauses in the conversation, and everything went just right. We ate, we danced, and when I took her back to what used to be our house we made love most of the night. It had been forever, but we were back in the grove after the first fifteen minutes. The nice thing about it, neither one of us was drunk. We both knew what we were doing and loved every minute of it. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

Sunday morning Shannon found me downstairs in the kitchen.

"Pour me a cup also if you don't mind," she said, sneaking up behind me and wrapping her arms around my middle. I turned around, kissed her, and told her I had other things on my mind. "Coffee first. Then we'll talk about what comes next." We had jumped what I thought was the last hurdle and everything was moving along nicely.

We skipped breakfast, took a long shower, and after calling her parents to say we were running late, we continued to try out my new mattress. I was happily in love again.

The next week got even better. We spent most nights together, one way or another.

"Move back in with me this weekend. I'll get the work truck and you and the kids can be totally moved in by Sunday."

"Steve, everything is going so well, let's just give it a bit more time."

"Shannon, it's already been too long. I love you, you love me, what more is there?"

"I just want to make sure it's right before I jump. I don't want to move in and find we're still in the honeymoon stage and have it go to shit a month down the road."

"Shannon, what are you afraid of? We've talked to death all the issues that got us this far apart, now we need to be together, the four of us, to move on in a new way."

"How about if we give it just a little while longer, what can it hurt?" The glow around us was starting to fade as she dug in her heels. But two problems soon came up.

"Steve, our division in England needs an answer by Friday of next week," my boss told me. "Either you're going to take the position, or they're going to give it to their second choice. They've been patient, but they need someone in that position immediately."

"Okay, they'll have my answer by mid next week at the latest." I was sure I wasn't taking the position, but what was five days more?

The second problems arose during our Monday counseling session. Everything was going great until I mentioned that Shannon and the kids would be moving back in with me soon."

Our therapist questioned us about my proclamation. "Do you think that is a good idea, especially since you've just made real progress in only the last couple of weeks?"

"How are we going to resolve our issues being apart? Sometimes you just need to bite the bullet and go for it," was my reply to him.

"Steve, this isn't a game and the two of you have a lot riding on it. I'm not saying you shouldn't, I just want both of you to be sure about this." Shannon was now looking at me.

"Doc, don't you think I know that? I want our life back. I want my wife and kids back with me under the same roof. I'm not a fool to think there won't be issues cropping up. It's just that I think we're at the point where we can handle whatever comes our way."

Shannon added to our counselor's line of thinking. "Steve, maybe we should wait a little longer. We can still move forward and maybe we could start in a month or so with weekends and move on from there, what do you think?"

I shrugged. "Sure why not." I had acquiesced, and they both knew I wasn't happy.

"Steve, I detect a bit of anger in your voice."

"What would the two of you have said if I told you no way? That I am tired of waiting around, and that I am tired of the two of you telling me to go slow and wait? I'm sick of waiting, and I'm starting to get the feeling Shannon is sending me mixed signals."

"Steve, that's not true, but I have the kids to consider."

"And I don't? Shannon, we're either together as a family or we're not. We can talk about this until we are blue in the face, but if we can't live together and trust one another anymore, then this is just a waste of time and money."

"Steve, I'm sorry you feel that way, I thought we were making real progress," Shannon responded.

"I thought so too, but maybe I was wrong."

"Steve, believe me when I say I'm not back peddling. I want this to work as much as you do." I wanted to believe her and maybe I was pushing faster than I should, but I wasn't going to stretch this out for another six months, I didn't have that much time left in me.

"Why don't we stop there today? We're starting to reopen a few tender areas and I think a time-out is in order. Please work on your feelings and the problems you still see in your relationship, and we will discuss them next week."

Tuesday Shannon mentioned that because their department had done so well the last quarter her company was putting on a little party after work Wednesday, spouses were invited. "Steve, you have to come. It won't be anything fancy, just an open bar and finger food, but it'll be fun." It was being held at a club on her side of town. I told her I'd be there, though I might be a little late, but I would be there.

I'd been on cloud nine for the last four weeks. We were basically together and the sex, well, it was even better than it had been before. I wasn't happy she and the kids wouldn't move in totally for another couple of months, but I did have this weekend to work on her now that we were together again. Don't get me wrong, if she said no I wasn't going to push it. I was hoping she would change her mind because I no longer trusted the outside things I couldn't control. They had scuttled my marriage once, and I wasn't going to allow that to happen again, not if I could help it.

It took me almost forty-five minutes to make my way across town and another ten because I got a little lost. The club wasn't anything great and not very crowded since it was a weeknight. I recognized a few of Shannon's co-workers, so I knew I was in the right place. I made my way up to the bar, ordered myself a Corona and a glass of red wine for Shannon, then proceeded to try and track her down.

I'd finished about a third of my beer before I finally found her. I stopped, stared, blinked twice, and moved closer—I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I didn't mind her being on the dance floor, but what I did mind was who she was dancing with—that bastard, Jerome. At first I thought I was wrong. He had relocated to their Atlanta division, except there he was in all his glory, smiling ear-to-ear and dancing with my wife. What kind of fucking game was Shannon playing?

I don't think the word anger is nearly strong enough for what I was feeling at that very moment. I wanted to take a chair and permanently rearrange his face, but in the end he'd probably kick the shit out of me, and I was done with wanting any more pain. Time to move on.

I put my beer and Shannon's glass of wine down on the closest table and left without making a scene. All the way home I still couldn't believe what I had witnessed. The man who had made my life—our life—hell, and she was out there fucking dancing with him. They still worked for the same company, but you'd think she'd have at least a little loyalty to me after all this time. I wondered if she even knew he would be there. At this point it made no difference. My anger was back with all it's intensity and had taken control of my brain once again. An angry man doesn't think, he puts the blinders on and goes full steam ahead.

Shannon called me a couple of times and even left me a few texts asking where I was. I only wished I had taken a picture with my cell phone, so I could have sent it to her with an ugly text like, "What the fuck were you thinking?" or something to that effect. I lay awake most of the night thinking about where I was at this point, knowing in the end she had made my decision for me.

The following morning I told my boss what I had decided. "Bob, I'll take that transfer. I'd like to be out of here by Friday, if at all possible. I've got everything here up to date. All I'll need is a couple of hours to do some last minute paperwork, allowing me to catch a flight sometime Friday."

"Steve, I don't see a problem. I am sure going to hate to lose you. I guess if your mind's made up we'll both have to live with it."

Was I running away? Hell yes, but no one in their right mind would have done what Shannon did the other night. I still felt angry but also deeply hurt and more than a bit humiliated since it was general knowledge at her company what had happened last year. And with her even associating with that asshole, I can just imagine what they all were thinking. I was still the unknowing cuckold, but no more. This was going to be a tough couple of days.

"You're doing what?" my sister screamed at me. "I thought you were going to give it six months before deciding anything." I proceeded to tell her about the previous night.

"Have you even talked to her about it yet? Maybe there is some logical explanation—there has to be—no one is that stupid especially knowing you were planning on being there."

"Does it really make a difference at this point? Look, I've given you my power of attorney." I handed her an envelope. "Sell or rent the house and tell Gary to file the papers, it's time to put this frigging nightmare behind me."

"You know Robert and Carla are going to be crushed, don't you?"

"I know it's going to be hard on them, but they're kids and will go with the flow. As for Shannon, well, it seems some people never change. I plan on flying the kids out for two weeks when they're out of school this summer, so it's not like they're never going to see me again."

"I only wish you had talked to Shannon before doing all this."

"If we were truly together I may have waited until I cooled off and let this blow over, but since we're not, it's something I feel I must do for myself right now. I may regret it down the road, only now I just need to do it."

I avoided Shannon's calls, e-mails, and texts on Wednesday and Thursday morning. My flight was early Friday and Sue was driving me to the airport. I half expected Shannon to show up on my doorstep Wednesday night or surely by Thursday, but the calls and e-mails stopped Thursday just after noontime.

My work shipped three large boxes of my personal effects for me, and the division in England secured an apartment just a little over a half mile away from where I would be working. It was a month-by-month lease giving me the option of looking for something else if I wasn't satisfied. But with that distance I could walk to and from work, things were finally coming together.

Sue picked me up five thirty on Friday morning. All I had left to take with me was a small suitcase and a carry-on bag.

I told her to stop at Starbucks and I'd buy us some coffee because right now I needed a little caffeine. I had gotten basically no sleep last night.

"Shannon knows," is how she started the conversation after getting our coffees. "I called her yesterday morning and told her she blew it big time. She said she was on the dance floor dancing with another girl and he just came up and just started dancing with her. She said it was only one dance and she probably should have just walked back to her table when he came up to her, but she didn't. She's very upset that you didn't talk to her about it right then and there, but I explained to her that it would have gotten pretty ugly at that point. She thinks you're running away and trying to make her out to be the villain again, especially after the progress she thought the two of you had made."

"She's right, but I'm just physically tired of fighting her and everyone else. We were making progress like she said. And if we were together we'd still have a major issue about this. Maybe it would get resolved, but I'm tired of all her delays and drama. I'm just sorry my kids are getting the short end of the stick."

"Can I call you an asshole again? You really are one, you know? So your marriage has had a few pot holes." I gave her an ugly look. "Okay, more than a few, only I still think it's worth fighting for. I think you're just giving up, and if Mom and Dad were still alive they would be telling you the same thing."

"Sue, let's just drop the subject because in a little over two and a half hours I'm going to be on a big bird flying over the ocean, and I'd like my last few hours here to be as stress free as possible." She gave me that look again, and replied she wasn't done with me. I was afraid she was right. With a kiss, more than one hug, and a lot of tears we parted ways. I waved to her walking down the walkway into the plane.

The next month was something of a blur. They did things a little differently over there and being as hyper as I am, I immediately picked up the name, 'Wild Man'. The big joke was if two of us were walking to the back of the plant, the guy with me would say for me to go ahead and he'd meet me back there. I always moved at full speed. The dampness got to me a little, but as soon as I got moving around and warmed up, it didn't really bother me too much.

Sue kept me abreast of what was happening on the home front, and when she gave Shannon my e-mail address, my inbox always seemed to be full.

"You had it all wrong," was Shannon's first e-mail to me. She continued on. "Why were you so afraid to confront me about Jerome that night? I thought we'd gotten past what had happened." Her first sentiments were accusing at best, then she seemed to settle down. She let it be known she thought it was inexcusable that I left without saying goodbye to our kids. "Do you know they cried for two nights wanting to know why you left them? What was I supposed to say to them, Daddy over-reacted and did something stupid?" Neither Sue nor Shannon let up on me. It got so bad I didn't look at my personal e-mail for almost two weeks.

"Face it, I'm going to be here for two years, like it or not. If the two of you don't stop harping on me I'm not going to answer your e-mails any longer."

Sue's response to that was, "That's awfully adult of you!" I couldn't win. Why couldn't everyone just move on? I had.

I hitched a small video set-up to my computer and sent one to Shannon to install on hers. The video quality wasn't that great, but my kids loved it. I made it a point to call twice a week.

My personal life, what there was of it, consisted of going out with members of my work group—maybe twice a week—to one of the local pubs. Damn, those guys could drink. If I thought I was a lightweight before, I was a teetotaler compared to them. I became the brunt of their jokes when one night a girl from the office drank me well under the table. Even then they had to pour me into my flat, and when I came in an hour late to work the next morning, I thought I'd never hear the end of it. I was never going to be a drinker, and after that incident I gave up trying to compete with them. I went out with a few girls from work, however when people started fixing me up most were kind of standoffish, not knowing if I was going to be around after my contract expired.

With summer coming up I started making plans to fly my children over. I missed everyone terribly and found myself alone in my apartment surfing the net most nights. I missed being a family man.

When I decided to start exercising to use up some of my evening free time I tried rollerblading, but the cobblestone streets were so rough it almost jarred the fillings out of my mouth. To me bicycling alone was boring; besides the bike I'd bought when I first got here mysteriously disappeared two weeks later. I still walked to and from work every day, but I wanted more and there was not really any place to run where I was currently living. When I finally found a gym nearby I joined up and began working to strengthen my legs a bit more. I filled most hours during the day, though I was counting the days until my kids came to see me.

May twenty-first I sent two round trip tickets home for Robert and Carla. Instead of one week, I worked it out where I could take almost two weeks off to be with them. I found someone in my building to watch them when I had to go into work to do a few necessary things.

I planned on taking them to see all the tourist sights including riding on a train and a double decker bus. Every time I thought about it my blood pressure went up a couple of points. Two days before my kids were to arrive I got an e-mail from my sister telling me she hoped I enjoyed the upcoming time with my family.

"Everyone here misses you, and I hope you take this time to realize what you left behind in the states. Write when you can. I'm sending a care package to you with a few treats and a lot of pictures."

I missed my sister. For years it had been just the two of us, we became so close it often seemed we knew what the other one was going to say before actually saying it.

Friday after work I borrowed a company car to pick up the kids at the airport. I got there over an hour early and was on pins and needles waiting at the gate for their plane to arrive.

With the gate area getting packed the plane finally arrived. I watched the people disembark, anxious to see two friendly faces.

"Dad, Dad, Dad!" Carla and Robert screamed as they ran through the crowd into my arms. Hugs, kisses, and tears took up the first two minutes of our long awaited reunion.

"You guys are so big, I hardly recognized you," I was going to say more when a voice from behind me broke my concentration.

"Hi Steve," is all she said, but without looking around I knew who it was.

"Shannon? What, how..." I started to stammer. God, she looked beautiful.

"Did you really think I was going to let them fly halfway around the world by themselves?"

"I paid for them to be put on the plane and watched," I said, trying to defend my actions. I was about to ask Shannon what she was doing here, but she beat me to the punch.

"Kids, here are your backpacks." She turned to me. "Here are their baggage claim tickets." She handed the four stubs to me. "Now if you will excuse me, I've got to find a cab into town. I've rented a room at a B & B and need to check in." I guess that answered my next question on where she planned on staying. "I'll stay out of your hair as much as possible so the three of you can get re-acquainted."

"Shannon, we can drop you. It's really great seeing you again and..." I was about to say how good she looked before she cut me off for the second time.

"Steve, save it, we both know how you feel about me, so let's cut the crap, shall we? I'm staying at the Heritage Inn somewhere over on 5th Lane. I don't have a clue what the actual address or phone number is off hand, but the kids have the phone number in their backpack. So, if you need anything you know where to find me. Now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way, I'll be going. Kids, do what your dad says and don't be a bother, remember what I told you." She gave them both a kiss and a hug, turned around, and walked towards the ground transportation.

Two things surprised me. First, that she was even here and second, her attitude, like I was the bad guy all of a sudden.