by Starscream_UK
Well, the original formatting of it didn't carry across for some reason - there were mini-headings with timings to clearly define each part. It's also part of a wider 8 part series on another site - the other parts probably wouldn't fit in here due to their content.
Thanks for the feedback though - just noticed the formatting didn't carry over in the first part either.
That is the only word I could use to describe this story. I knew at the end what you were trying to say but the story was so muddled, so oddly constructed, that at one point I thought you had mistakenly merged it with another. Your flashback and transition simply did not work. It made your story almost incomprehensible.