This is How We Change the World Ch. 03

27 Jan 2023

Lyric woke up first, and she managed to slide off the bed and throw on a long t-shirt without waking Maddy. Her head was always a little foggy first thing, on the day after having a gummy. It was three in the afternoon. Her sleep schedule still didn't make sense to her, but she was grateful for the company.

That was putting it mildly, and even in her head Lyric recoiled at the idea that Maddy was just 'company'. Someone to walk to work with. A familiar face she could get through each shift with. That was an incomplete assessment of who Maddy could be. She still didn't trust that Maddy would, or could, be who she said she wanted to be, but that had as much to do with Lyric's trust issues as anything else and Lyric knew it.

The living room and kitchen were kind of a mess, so Lyric set to work cleaning right away. There was a good, calming effect that came over her when she cleaned. Everything folded and put away. The couch had dried, and with a little bit of wiping it was all the same color again. She found half of a pickle on the floor, and couldn't remember whose it was, but the carpet cleaned up pretty easily.

She was just finishing up with the dishes when Maddy came out, wearing a button-down shirt, mostly buttoned, and nothing else. She stretched and yawned, which made Lyric yawn, and they both smiled.

"Have you eaten?" Maddy asked.

Lyric shook her head.

"I'll make us some eggs."

Lyric hopped up to sit on the counter, opposite the stove, and let her bare feet paddle aimlessly in the air. Maddy worked quickly and efficiently, and pretty soon Lyric had a plate in her hand with some scrambled eggs and buttered toast. Maddy leaned against the counter next to her with more of the same.

"Mmmmm," Maddy said, eyes lulling. "My body is trying to have a word with me today."

"Oh yeah?" Lyric said, laughing lightly.

"It says I'm too old to be doing this again." She took a mouthful, and smiled as she chewed. "Not sleeping enough, fucking all day, not eating enough. I don't think I drank hardly any water yesterday, and I don't even want to know how many cookies I ate."

"That's not even counting the gummy," Lyric said, trying to jump to the heart of the matter. Judging by the way Maddy quickly shoveled another bite into her mouth, she suspected she'd had the right of it.

"Yeah," Madalyn said, slowly. "Why is that? Why the gummy?"

This time, it was Lyric's turn to stall with a bite of eggs (which were delicious). She'd been hoping Maddy would have figured this out on her own, so she wouldn't have to say it out loud. "You know."

Of course, it was entirely possible Maddy had figured it out, and was asking anyway. She couldn't imagine why, but the way Maddy smiled said she might have been right. "You know, what?"

"To... so I can enjoy it. So it doesn't feel like work." She didn't think her brain was on enough for this conversation, but she'd neglected to make more coffee. "I don't want feeling good to feel like work, so the feeling good part has some strictures. Unique features." She reached for the Folgers and got a pot going.

"Mmm. Speaking of."

Lyric sighed. She should have known this was coming.

"I'm worried about you," Maddy said.

Lyric shrugged. When Maddy didn't continue, she asked, against her better judgment, "Worried how?"

"Just worried," Maddy said. "It's one of the ways I care."

Lyric couldn't face her bright, brown eyes, and so she hopped down and busied herself with making coffee. "I can take care of myself."

"I know, but... it seems like what you're doing is so much about surviving, and there's more to life than surviving. You deserve better than to just survive."

Lyric snorted. She couldn't come up with an answer. Everything that bubbled up in her still muddled brain was too snarky. There were answers, good ones, about how sometimes it felt like surviving was all she could do as a trans girl, but she didn't want to be too snarky. She wanted to be worthy, and deserving, and just right. Already yesterday felt like a dream, a half forgotten feverish glimpse into an alternate reality, another world. She could feel Maddy's eyes on her, how she was waiting for an answer.

Maddy sighed, and when Lyric risked a look she was looking down at her hands, picking on her nails.

"I worry that something will happen to you when you're hooking. I worry that you stretch yourself too thin. I worry that you'll get some hideous STD. I worry that..."

Lyric stretched her neck, rolling her shoulders, and made a show of searching for coffee mugs. She didn't have any answers. She knew her lifestyle was not sustainable long term, and it was true she didn't have a plan B. Her horizon didn't stretch all that far, and she became defensive when she tried to come up with something to say to Madalyn. There was the snark again, and she swallowed it down again.

She wished she was wearing her breast forms. And makeup. Armor would have been nice.

Maddy was quiet when they drank the coffee. It was good, but Lyric still felt apprehensive. She wanted to zone out in front of TV and put some mental distance between her off day and their shift that started in a few hours but she didn't feel like she could do that. She almost wished Maddy wasn't there; Maddy, and all her demands for Lyric's attention.

Lyric had been surviving for years, all on her own, just fine with her delicate balance, and Maddy was starting to mess with that. Doing more than surviving was a pipe dream. Thinking of doing more than surviving was how you got killed.

"Okay," Maddy said and put her mug in the sink. "Bed, now."

Lyric raised her eyebrows, but didn't have it in her to resist politely. When they got there, Maddy pulled the cover up on them and scooted closer. Lyric wavered, and Maddy didn't wait to turn toward her but curled behind her back, to be the big spoon. Her legs were smooth and warm. The buttons on her shirt were a small but meaningful contrast to the softness of her that surrounded Lyric, and she shivered involuntarily.

Maddy stroked her upper arm slowly. "Lyric," she said. "I want to be with you. And for that, I need to be able to talk with you, and I don't mean when we're high. I need you to trust me that much."

"That's harder than you think," Lyric said quietly.

"I know. I know that's asking a lot."

Lyric swallowed, tensing up. Maddy's hand was warm. The whole of Maddy was warm. She remembered how Maddy had touched her while massaging her, how she had felt visible, seen, under her hands, and... this didn't feel that different. There was a lot of space between the words, where meaning might be lost, but it had never occurred to Lyric that her armor might get in the way.

"But it's what I need," Maddy said very quietly against the back of Lyric's neck. She could feel her breath on her skin, and it made all the hairs on her body stand up.

"I don't have any answers," Lyric said, her throat tight. "I don't know how. I'm not..." I'm just a kid, she thought. I'm a mess, I'm not good enough for her. Not really. She's gonna figure that out soon.

"I don't need you to have any answers," Maddy said, so close that her lips touched the nape of Lyric's neck when she spoke. "I don't have answers myself. We can find the answers together. We can make up answers as we go. I just need us to be able to talk about... anything, really, but at the very least our relationship."

Lyric shuddered at the mention of a relationship. "I... I've never been in a relationship."

"I thought you had a boyfriend?"

"I did, but... he wasn't out, and I wasn't out, and... and it was really just a lot of sneaking around and... handjobs in the bathroom between periods, and... I never really knew how it started, or why it ended for that matter. Last I heard he was getting married to one of the girls from school, and... it made me kind of doubt we ever had even that, because he wasn't gay after all."

"Mm," Maddy said softly. "Not to be a wiseass, but it was a hetero relationship, wasn't it?"

"Well," Lyric said and stopped to think about it, maybe for the first time ever. "No. I was dressing kind of femme, but I hadn't really thought of myself as more than gay, at that point."

"It's okay," Maddy said, squeezing her. "I'm not afraid to be your first girlfriend. As long as your preferences include me, you can be into whoever you like. Whatever you like. And you know, a relationship with me is kind of non-exclusive by default, so you are also free to have something beside me. I know you haven't done that, but I am saying you could."

Lyric had begun to relax, but now she tensed again. "Riiiight," she said.

Maddy sighed, her warm breath tickling the small hairs on Lyric's hairline. "I know. I'm sorry."

Lyric wasn't sure what Maddy knew, nor what she was sorry about.

Maddy kissed the back of her neck. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For trusting me."

Lyric wasn't sure she had, but was glad Maddy thought so. She grasped for a topic, and blurted out, suddenly so upset that she was almost crying, "So are you worried about me hooking, and want me to stop, be-because... you're afraid that you'll get an STD from me? Or because you're ashamed I do that?"

"No, not ashamed. I'm worried something will go wrong. That you'll get assaulted. That you'll die, like Sam."

"Ah, you don't have to worry about that," Lyric said in a hoarse voice. "I can't end up like Sam. She had so many people there, she had... she was important, and I'm... I wanted to go because I thought maybe there wouldn't be anyone there, and I didn't want her to have died alone and forgotten, and she wasn't, so..."

"You are important," Maddy said and hugged her closer. "You are so important to me."

Now the tears came. Lyric didn't know if she was crying for Sam, or herself. She didn't usually cry, and it felt painful. She tried to curl in on herself, but Maddy was there, holding her, and Maddy felt so incredibly warm and soft and safe.

***

Maddy was debating with herself whether to take a chance. Lyric had cried for so long she was starting to run out of tears, hiccuping and shuddering. Maddy's heart swelled at the thought of Lyric's loneliness, and she felt a strong pull to get even closer.

She didn't know if it was a good idea.

She didn't know if she wanted it for Lyric, or for herself.

Her body was still so wound up from all the excessive orgasming from the previous day that the mere thought of Lyric's cock induced a slow, very profound pulse deep in her pelvis.

Hell, maybe it was a good idea. Lyric obviously wasn't used to having any kind of recreational sex outside her drug-induced mega sessions, and that would have to change in any case. Why not sooner rather than later?

Maddy moved her hand on Lyric's tummy. Her skin was warm, even through the t-shirt. Slowly Maddy started to inch her hand lower, tugging the hem and balling the fabric above her hand. Lyric flinched a little, but didn't say anything. Maddy kissed the back of her neck and let her hand slide along the outside of Lyric's naked thigh.

"Maddy..."

"Mmm," she said, and kissed the side of Lyric's neck. Lyric pressed her shoulder down to give her more space, and, encouraged by that, Maddy let her hand find its way over to the inside of Lyric's thigh, fingertips sweeping the place where her legs pressed together.

Her pussy was tingling, already impatient to have Lyric inside her. She really hoped Lyric wouldn't say no.

Lyric turned half towards her, and she kissed her neck, up to her ear. Slowly. As slowly as her hand was making its way up the inside of Lyric's thigh. Her balls were so lovely, so smooth and naked, and yes—she was already getting harder. Maddy kissed her way across Lyric's cheek to her lips, and as they kissed, she wrapped her fingers around Lyric's shaft and stroked slowly.

Lyric's eyes were dark in the shadowy bedroom, when Maddy guided her on her back and mounted her. She let her already oh-so-eager pussy press and slide against Lyric's shaft, undulating her hips as she unbuttoned her shirt and met the younger woman's gaze.

Lyric's hands slid up along her hips, her waist, to hold her breasts. They both held their breath when Maddy raised her hips a little and reached to guide Lyric inside. She couldn't believe how aroused she already was: her pussy quivered when Lyric's hard, hot tip pushed through her folds, and she gasped and moved faster, rocking up and back down, greedily wanting Lyric all the way inside her as fast as she could take her. Lyric moaned, hips bucking up involuntarily, her grip tightening on Maddy's ribs.

"Maddy..."

Maddy leaned over to kiss her, her breasts pressing on the younger woman's chest. Lyric still had her shirt on, and good as it would've been to feel her skin against her own, Maddy didn't pull it out of the way. She knew Lyric was self-conscious of her chest in more complicated ways than she herself could understand, so she just kissed her deeply, then sat back up and started to ride her, still keeping eye contact.

For a moment Maddy was flooded by insecurity of her own. She wasn't fat by any means —working on her feet had sculpted her to be more on the tough and skinny side— but Lyric was so much smaller she felt like she was crushing her. But the way Lyric stared at her, reverently, the way her hips pushed up, the way she squeezed Maddy's waist and begged her to go faster...

"Oo, honey," Maddy said, already panting a little. She slid one hand down to her clit, and planted the other on the bed beside Lyric's head for balance, and then she let her body go. Her movement got jerkier, more fervent, and her fingers were a blur on her slippery, aching clit. Her boobs swayed to and fro, nipples scrunched to tight, hard nubs yearning for a touch neither of them had hands for.

"I can't hold it," Lyric said in a strangled voice.

"You... don't... need... to," Maddy panted, still staring into her eyes, "I'm... I'm gonna... ooo..."

Lyric was so incredibly pretty when she was so open.

Maddy's orgasm was intense. She whimpered, finally losing focus and collapsing on Lyric, who wrapped her arms around her and pushed into her, a few last furious thrusts, and then she was cumming too. They held each other, pulsing together, panting, and the world stood still.

Maddy didn't want to move. She wanted to keep Lyric inside her, and so she stayed there. Lyric had her arms around her still, and even though she was panting, it didn't feel like Maddy was crushing her. They lay together, Lyric's cock slowly softening inside her. Maddy felt deep contentment. Lyric pushed her head into Maddy's chest, between her breasts, and breathed slowly, evenly, while Maddy cradled her head. Kept her close.

She wondered when she had last felt so good. She had quite regular sex with Amy and Frank, after all, and over the years they had become pretty adept at getting each other off. Having two people in bed with you provided more sensory stimulation than one ever could, but at the same time something in the way she and Lyric touched each other plucked on very different strings of Maddy's soul. It was clumsy, eager, uncontrolled, but so... so passionate, so intense, so pure... so loving.

After a few glorious, lazy moments of extreme closeness, Maddy moved to the side of Lyric and kissed her temple. "You're it."

"I'm what?" Lyric asked, stretching and smiling lazily, and turned to face her.

"You're the one who's cooking. I get dibs on the shower because I'm the one with spunk inside me. Make lunch for us, for later."

Lyric laughed softly, and Maddy thought she was probably fine. She kissed the tip of Lyric's nose and rolled out of bed, scurrying over to the bathroom with a hand between her legs to not dribble all over.

"What do you want to eat?" Lyric asked, right before she closed the door.

"Anything that's not pussy pickles," Maddy shot back and heard her laugh again.

Maddy's legs were wobbly, but the water felt amazingly refreshing on her skin.

***

28 Jan 2023

Maddy was mopping a spot by the door, quietly humming to herself.

"Mrs Horowitz!" Lyric said, smiling as one of their customers came through the door. "Good morning!'

"Oh, the usual, sweetie, and make it quick. I'm behind and I just can't, today."

The original storefront had once been a bar, decades ago. When things were cooking, the line was the line and that was sacred, but when things slowed down it would get a little more informal. Lyric tamped the grinds into the portafilter, set the espresso machine, and stepped back to lean on the bar.

"I'm all over uptown today," Mrs. Horowitz continued, as she hauled her purse up onto the countertop to rifle through it. "I've got to go to Morningside and Hamilton before lunch, and then I'm back here before mid afternoon. I'm gonna lose it, Lyric, I swear."

Lyric smiled as she worked, crafting an iced cappuccino with a double shot of espresso. Everyone knew Mrs. Horowitz's usual, but she had taken a shine to Lyric that Maddy thought was adorable. "How'd you get so backed up?"

"Back to back reschedules last week," she said, exasperatedly. "This week is gonna be nuts. I mean, I'm glad they're telling me before I get there, because I can't afford to be sick. Who can afford to be sick now?"

"Not me," Lyric said, as she reached for the whipped cream can. "Single payer healthcare."

"Tell me about it!"

Maddy put the mop back in the bucket and stretched. Dawn was still at least an hour away, just before the end of their shift, but she felt good. It had been a pretty amazing forty-eight hours.

"Lemme get a muffin and a pretzel too. I'm gonna have to eat on the go, today, and I swear, if it's made north of 145th, it's gonna make me sick. It's the water. I keep telling people, it's the water." She left cash on the counter, and was already walking out the door, arguing with no one about the water quality of upper Manhattan, most of the Bronx, and Yonkers. Maddy and Lyric shared a quick, private smile.

The tools of their trade were all well-worn and cared-for pieces of equipment that Lyric treated with more reverence than anyone. The way she explained it, she was neither the first nor the last in the long line of baristas at Downtown Grind; she was part of a continuum. Maddy had always thought this was overly sentimental, but as she moved the mop and bucket into the back room, she had a thought; did Lyric have a secret, wistful romantic side?

She'd just finished loading up the beans in the grinder when the bell rang again, and Lyric looked over her shoulder just as Maddy was coming out of the kitchen. Maddy looked down, to brush her hands on her apron, and so didn't see it when Lyric started walking toward her. They collided, nearly bumping heads, and Maddy was left spinning. The swinging door behind went fwoom-fwoom.

"Hello," she said, to the guy standing at the counter, looking up at the menu. "Welcome to Downtown Grind. What can I get you?"

"Never been here," he said, eyes scanning. "I'm gonna need a moment."

"Okay," Maddy said, holding up a finger. "I'll be right back for your order then. I just need to check on something."

"Okay."

Maddy went into the back, and saw that the door to the manager's office was shut, which was rare at night. Usually, it was just her and Lyric and Gertrude, and the doors stayed open with all the lights on. She knocked quietly on the door. "Hey. You okay?"

Lyric was mumbling inside. Maddy could hear her, but not what she was saying. After a few seconds, when Lyric didn't answer, Maddy poked her head back into the kitchen.

"Hey. I think Lyric is in the office... having a moment. Can you keep an eye out for her?"

"Jah," Gertrude said, waving a hand dismissively. "Kinder."