This Strange World Needs a Kicking! Ch. 05

"I don't know what kind of play or field you're talking about. She's in love with Sir Harduin."

The name sounded familiar. "Ah, is he the one with the lazy eye?" He had asked the knights to introduce themselves, so he had a vague idea about who was who, at least as far as his royal guard was concerned. The guy in question was built like a brick house, but he had a somewhat serene look on his face that could be the sign of a not-so-stellar intelligence. However, if that Wilhelmina chick wanted him, who was he to say 'no'?

"And what about him? Does he like her?"

"I believe her feelings are returned," Pepin confirmed.

Kai shrugged. "I have this one in the bag, then. Wilhelmina, step forward," he said.

A chubby young girl with a pleasant smile hurried by her father's side. Her smile faded fast, and she watched her parent with desperate eyes.

"Sir Harduin," Kai called next.

The massive knight moved slowly as if he was walking on eggs. He stole furtive glances at the girl.

"You two can go get hitched. You have my blessing."

Everyone kept their breath. Kai looked around, a bit annoyed with that suspicious atmosphere. Right, his manner of talking sounded strange to those people.

"Feel free to get married," he explained. "You," he pointed at Sir Harduin, "to her," and then pointed at the girl.

Wilhelmina's father made a sour face. "Your Majesty, I believe that you promised -" he instantly swallowed his words.

Kai was looking curiously at him. Maybe he had an asshole-resting face or something like that because no matter who he looked at, they turned into a statue.

"Do you really mean it, Your Majesty?" Wilhelmina's timid voice asked.

"Yes, yes, just remember to invite me to the wedding," Kai said and waved one hand as a sign of dismissal.

Pepin leaned slightly. "That is not the most strategic choice, Your Majesty," he said carefully. "Wilhelmina would have been better off with one of the lords in the east."

"Really, Pepin?" Kai whispered. "I bet she didn't think so. Just look at them lovebirds."

Happy with their lord's decision, the knight and Wilhelmina were holding hands and barely kept in their excitement.

"Next," Kai said loudly.

The old man retreated after taking a bow. Maybe he was messing up Prince Sebastian's court, but it was pretty fun.

***

Three happily arranged marriages later, five settlements of borders between neighbors with vast properties, and several cases of brawlers who preferred to attack one another through means of sharp tongues, Kai felt rightfully tired. All he wanted was to rest.

"Can I call it a day? I think I've done plenty," Kai said.

Pepin took a look at a heavy register he carried on his arms. "There is just one more thing, and then you can dismiss the court."

"All right, let the man, woman, or goat step up." One of the cases had involved a wandering herd of goats that appeared to belong to no one in particular. In the end, he had assigned them to the lords who had lands in those parts, and, he liked to believe, he had been quite impartial about it.

"It is the famous minstrel Wymer Wadeki," Pepin announced in a pompous voice.

"Is he going to sing?" What a bore, but well, he was a prince who could shoot lasers from his eyes, so he could live with that.

"Yes, his latest song."

"Oh, interesting. What is it about?"

"Your royal backside, Your Highness," Pepin said.

Kai stared at his servant, searching for signs that he was joking. "For real?"

Pepin was surprised by what must have been a pretty anxious expression on his face. "You've been waiting for months to hear it."

"I'm slaying dragons, and people feel the need to sing about my butt?"

"It is a majestic butt," Pepin said. "Should I send the minstrel away?"

"I don't know. Will he come back?"

"Yes, the next time you hold court."

"Just let him sing, and I'll do the walk of shame later."

Kai covered his face. What kind of story was he trapped in, after all?

TBC