This Strange World Needs a Kicking! Ch. 09

Author's note: Hi everyone, thank you for continuing to read my story! It's high time for Kai to get that dragon's tear! As for Sebastian and Milo, things will just get a little heated...

curiousaudrey - yeah, baby, yeah, Kai is getting closer to the BL plot than he could have thought possible... he just doesn't realize it yet. A lot of things will change for him and inside his heart and mind, too. Beatrice is not essential to the plotline, but I consider it a nice idea for Sebastian to interact with other people while he's living Kai's life. Thanks a lot for the comment, as always!

HHYagami - yes, you are so correct... that will be the complicated - or the most complicated - part, Milo falling for Sebastian/Kai. There will be blurred lines and revelations will be made - at the right time - but I can promise that I won't brush the situation off like it's not as entangled as you pointed out. I like Milo a lot, too, he's just such a genuine nice guy :) Thank you for taking the time to comment.

Chapter Nine - Why You Have To Be Mad?

"Look, Pepin," Kai said as they got closer to the cave that was letting out the now overpowering smell of sulfur, "you don't have to come with me. Just wait here."

He dismounted the horse and pulled out his sword. Like everything else so far, he would wing it and be fine. When holding court, everything had gone smoothly, right? Getting a dragon to cry his heart out couldn't be that much of a problem.

"No," the servant replied stubbornly. "I didn't ride with you all this way to abandon you here."

"That sounded almost like a joke. There," Kai pointed at the cave's entrance, "lies a dragon. A fire-spitting angry mofo."

"Mofo?"

Kai waved impatiently. "That's a creature that could turn you into way too crispy steak in a second. Like this." He snapped his fingers to get Pepin's attention, who was busy tending to the horse. The animal had sensed the smell, too, and he was showing signs of impatience.

Pepin finally turned to face him. "No. You brought me with you." He crossed his arms. "You always enjoy these things on your own. It's not fair."

Kai could see the other's bottom lip quivering. It had to be so boring to be a servant, albeit a royal one. All the other boys got to play with swords and fight dragons, while Pepin had to do the laundry and cook eggs Benedict or whatever. Yeah, he could sympathize with that. Nonetheless, he had a hunch now that Prince Sebastian wanted to keep Pepin safe, and in the off-chance that they ever switched back - the cold royal must be in his body right now if the rules of body swap logic were obeyed - he would get pretty pissed if anything happened to his precious manservant.

"All right," he said. "Just take the horse... wait, what's his name?"

"Thunder," Pepin replied and grabbed the reins.

"Cool name. Take him somewhere out of the way. I don't want him to get scared."

"He should get used to the smell of monsters. He's not a young colt anymore," Pepin argued.

"Well, he'll get plenty of other opportunities to get used to that. Maybe start with something easier, like goblins and such."

"But you hate going against goblins. You always say that their smell is disgusting and you need to throw your sword away because nothing takes their stench out of the blade."

"All right, so not goblins. Trolls?" he offered.

Pepin made a sour face.

"Hey, I'm the royal dude here," Kai said. "Take Thunder somewhere he cannot smell the dragon so much and make sure to secure him well so that we don't have to return by foot. That if you want to come with me, after all."

"Yes, Your Majesty," Pepin said primly.

It was a bit of fun to pull Pepin's leg and also great that he was easy to fool. Kai waited until Pepin was at a fair distance from him and hurried toward the mouth of the cave, his sword drawn.

***

The moment he was inside, he started coughing. No wonder dragons were so pissed off all the time. They had to live in a dank, smelly place, and heroes and adventurers wanted to hunt them down all the time.

That was, however, the highest sympathy he could muster for that kind of creature. After all, they were a pain to go against, and they were high-level enemies. That meant that he needed to tread carefully and keep his eyes open.

He walked slowly until he reached the edge of an abyss opening up under his feet. He didn't need any light because there was plenty of it coming out. First, he thought it was some sort of a giant forge, but looking down, he realized that the orange light came from clusters of fiery crystals. Wow, now that was some epic loot right there, only if he could figure out a way to pull them out. Plus, he didn't have an inventory, and his trousers didn't have any pockets.

"What right have you to stir my wrath, human?" a booming voice asked, coming somewhere from behind.

"Shit," Kai said and turned on his heels. For a few moments, he lost all ability to speak. Before him, a giant dragon stood blocking the way he had come from. His scales were red, and the eyes staring him down were orange like the fire coming from within the crystals below. "Glad I found you," he said, finally gaining back his voice.

The dragon loomed above him, and Kai expected to become scared shitless any moment now. Well, it looked like Prince Sebastian's cold blood helped a lot because he couldn't feel anything like that.

"Look," he said, raising his arms, "I just need a little something from you."

The dragon rose high above him, so he had to tilt his head back to keep him in sight.

"You need something from me?" the dragon boomed and lunged, fire coming out his nostrils - or mouth, Kai couldn't be sure.

He stepped out of the way just in time. "Hey, is this really the way you treat a guest? No wonder nobody ever comes to visit."

"You're brandishing your sword at me and yet, you speak of that?" The dragon launched another attack, and Kai deftly avoided it just in time.

Oh, right, he had entered with his sword drawn. Of course, anyone, let alone a dragon, would have thought he had some not so pure intentions while walking in there. He sheathed his sword. "Look, I put it away. Can we talk like normal people now?"

He briefly wondered if Prince Sebastian had any skill in his set regarding high-level speech because this looked like a quest requiring him to be clever enough to convince a dragon to surrender a tear to him.

Like, what was a tear, to begin with? Practically nothing.

"Normal people? I know who you are, Prince Sebastian, and I know why you are here."

"Oh, are we playing riddles? Try me. I'm telling you; you have no idea why I'm here."

He could dance around the dragon like that all night, but he was starting to worry about how well those walls could hold while the creature spat fire.

"You are here to destroy my legacy," the dragon said. "To finish my race."

"Well, that was yesterday," Kai said. "Today, it's a totally different thing. And really, stop spitting fire all the time. Why you have to be mad?"

"Mad? Why am I mad?"

Kai put one finger into his ear and pulled it out quickly. "I think I'm going to be deaf in one ear if you keep shouting like this."

"I will not go down without a fight. I see that you came on your own. How arrogant of you," the dragon hissed. "You will meet your end here."

"Not if I can help it." Kai hoped he wouldn't get a cramp from all that hopping around. Things were getting nowhere, and his speech abilities didn't appear to work on dragons. "Hey, let's just talk."

"Talk about what? How you want to destroy my kind?"

"Well, I have nothing against you personally, but you're a giant bird that terrorizes entire villages, burning them down, destroying crops, and all that."

"Is that what you think? I only hunt when I'm hungry," the dragon replied.

Kai wondered briefly how no one had ever thought of using dragons' fire breathing as a renewable energy source. That would solve a thing or two. "Well, humans shouldn't be on your menu."

The dragon roared. "I only ate their goats!"

Goats. Right. Unfortunately, not the wandering herd, Kai thought. "You ate their goats, all right. All of them?"

"I was hungry!"

"Man, you have quite the appetite. Aren't you afraid of getting too fat to get out of this cave? And I thought dragons ate crystals."

"Crystals? What kind of nonsense are you spewing, human?"

"Never mind. Now, about my quest -"

"Your quest to finish me off?"

"No, if you just let me talk, you'd know. I'm talking about my real quest, which is to get a tear from you."

"Ha! You'll never see me cry! Cut me with your sword, froze me with your magic, drain the last drop of life out of me, and you won't get a tear from me!"

Kai sighed. "Exactly what I was worried about. This quest is way too high-level for where I am in the story."

For a moment, he forgot to get out of the dragon's way and jumped back at the last moment. That had been a bad choice because the next thing he knew, he was falling. He extended one arm in a futile gesture, and vines of ice shot from his hand, wrapping around the crest of a tall crystal and helping him swing through the air like Tarzan. "Yippee," he shouted. "I'm so friggin' awesome!"

He wasn't so awesome at landing because he began rolling down the crystal cave floor, incapable of stopping.

When he did stop, he found himself in front of a giant nest, in which a large egg lay. "Wow, you're going to have a baby!"

"Stay out!" the dragon ordered and fired another shot at him.

Kai barely managed to roll out of the way. "Hey, stop being like this! Aren't you afraid that you're going to hit the egg by mistake?"

"You humans came in here and hurt my egg! And you dare to say that I'm the one to blame for all the bad blood between us!"

Kai had climbed a cluster of crystals and could look at the egg. Indeed, there was a long crack going from the crown to the middle. "Oh, no," he said, "is it cracked?"

"Did you come to finish what the others started?"

"No! How many times," Kai jumped from one cluster of crystals to another, "do I have to tell you? I'm not here for that! I just want your tear! A single little tear!"

"You can have it only you give back to my egg the life you stole!"

Kai stopped and put one hand up. The dragon stopped, as well. They stared at each other. "Wait, do we have a deal?"

The dragon huffed through his nostrils, readying for another attack. "The egg is dying. I won't believe your lies!"

"Hey, stop spitting fire already! We can work something! It's just cracked a little... well, a little more, but it can be fixed."

"How?" the dragon roared while chasing him.

"I know how!" someone shouted from above their heads.

Both Kai and the dragon looked up. Pepin was there.

"Hey, I told you to stay put!" Kai yelled at him.

"No, you fooled me! Get me down there, and I'll take care of the egg!"

He saw the column of fire shooting from the dragon's throat one moment too late. Without thinking, he began shooting arrows of ice from his eyes, pinning the dragon's wings to the wall.

"Pepin! Pepin!" he began shouting. "If you killed my favorite servant, I'm going to turn you into steak, and your egg into dragon omelet!"

The dragon was whining and struggling against the ice arrows keeping him in place.

"I'm here," Pepin called from above.

"Oh, great." Kai turned toward the dragon. "Forget what I said about steaks and omelets. We're going to save your egg."

"Don't you dare touch my egg," the dragon boomed. He started shooting fire again.

That was a problem. Prince Sebastian's cold blood helped him a great deal, and he wasn't even slightly hot, but for an average person like Pepin, the heat inside the cave had to feel hellish.

"I need to come down to you," Pepin shouted.

"Yeah, but it's not that easy," Kai shouted back.

First, he needed to put the dragon's shooting fire abilities out of commission for a bit. He focused on his ice magic. So, he practically thought of something, and...

"A-ha!" he said, full of himself. In mere seconds, a vine of ice was wrapped around the dragon's muzzle.

The dragon pulled back and smashed his head against the wall. Kai watched in horror as Pepin, who stood on the edge, lost his balance and fell.

He didn't even think. Blocks of ice rose beneath his feet, and he hopped from one to another until he reached Pepin in midair and caught him in his arms.

"Gotcha!"

Pepin wrapped his arms around Kai's neck. His eyes were shiny gemstones in the orange light of the cave. "Your Majesty," he breathed out.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm totally awesome. Now let's get to the egg and repair it before the dragon manages to drop the entire cave on our heads."

Pepin just nodded and held tightly as they descended. He had his bag with him and began to take things out of it. In the meantime, the dragon continued to struggle, letting out muffled sounds of anguish.

"So, about the egg, do you really know how to do it?"

"Yes, it wouldn't be the first hatchling I'm saving," Pepin confirmed.

He took one small pot and filled it with water; then, he used another to throw in some candlesticks. "I'll clean the cracked part first with warm water, and then I'll pour molten wax."

The ground beneath their feet was cracked in places, and small fires burst through them once in a while. Pepin got to work right away with Kai's help. He quickly wrapped a wet cloth around the egg while he took care of the wax.

"It's a good thing that it appears to have been cracked only recently," Pepin explained. "The chick should be still alive inside. Even with the crack, it probably just slowed down its heart to survive."

"That's pretty awesome," Kai admitted.

"We will need the mother dragon to light a crystal for us to see the chick inside," Pepin said.

"Mother dragon? Right. I thought it was a 'he'. But, of course, it's a mom."

Pepin poured the molten wax carefully along the crack. "It should be sealed enough to allow the egg to get to maturity. Although we need that crystal -"

"I'm on it," Kai said.

He used his sword to cut through one of the small crystals nearby, and then he jumped on the steps of ice he had improvised earlier to get to eye level with the mother dragon. Holding the crystal cautiously in one hand, he pushed it toward the creature. Large eyes stared at him. Something of the molten lava in them reminded him of Conrad.

"Look, mother dragon - sorry about that, I didn't realize you were a lady - you will need to lit up this crystal for us so that we can check on your chick."

The dragon said nothing and just puffed warm air through her nostrils. That was like a gust of wind, and Kai had to fight hard to keep on both feet.

"Ah, you cannot speak, of course. Here." Kai focused, and the vine around the dragon's muzzle untangled and fell to the ground.

"You're trying to hurt my egg!" the dragon roared.

"Ugh, just how many times - ouch, that was close!" The dragon managed to shoot one flame toward him, and it grazed his cheek. "If you could just concentrate a little, that would be fan-frigging-tastic. Look, aim at this crystal."

It looked like the dragon didn't care about his reasoning and kept shooting fire randomly. However, it was enough for Kai to move the crystal finally in the way of the flames, and the object in his hand became alive with new power.

"I have it, Pepin!" he yelled victoriously.

He jumped to the ground and hurried toward the servant. Pepin took the crystal from him and touched the shell gently.

"Wow!" Kai expressed his amazement as the interior of the egg lit up, as well, showing a small creature inside. "Wait, how can we tell -"

He sensed the dragon's wrath and grabbed Pepin just in time.

"Ah, damn, I forgot about tying up mother dragon's muzzle again!"

Kai was on top of Pepin, hoping to keep him safe until he figured out a way to immobilize those nasty fire-breathing abilities before his servant got hurt.

But the dragon suddenly stopped. "My chick," she exclaimed. "It moved! It just moved!"

"Did you hear that, Pepin?" Kai shot to his feet and stared in wonder at the illuminated shell. The chick was moving its little feet. "You saved a frigging dragon's egg!"

"You... you saved my egg," the dragon said, her voice suddenly filled with emotion.

Kai rubbed the back of his head and laughed. "Yeah, I guess we did."

Pepin touched his elbow. "Your Majesty, fast. Now!"

Kai looked up and noticed immediately what the servant was talking about.

"Pepin, climb on my back. We're getting out of here with what we came for!"

Pepin obeyed without a word. Kai took the vial out of his shirt's pocket and climbed up to the dragon's eyes. A single tear was shimmering in her right one.

"Sorry about this, mother dragon, but we need this." He placed the vial right under her eye and caught the tear.

Pepin let out a small cough, and only then Kai noticed he was wheezing. He clearly needed out, in the fresh air. He quickly sealed the vial and rushed upwards, jumping from one block of ice to another.

"Why?" the dragon asked behind him. "Why did you help me?"

Kai shouted back, "Because no egg or concubine dies on my watch!"

***

He held Pepin as he coughed and retched. Being outside helped, but he didn't like to keep Pepin breathing in that sulfurous air for another moment. He took the servant in his arms and rushed as far from the cave's mouth as possible.

"Where is Thunder?" he asked.

Pepin pointed out with one arm. "I'm fine, Your Majesty. You don't have to carry me like this."

"You were just coughing your lungs out. No way I'm letting you walk. And call me Sebastian; we're alone now. Ah, do you think the mother dragon will be able to get out of those arrows I shot at her?"

"She'll be fine. It's extremely hot in there."

"I'll take your word for it because we're not getting back there. Now, let's head back home, because we have someone to save!"

Kai didn't let Pepin ride in the back and held him in front. The servant wrapped his arms around him and sighed. "Let's not talk about Conrad until we get home," he whispered.

"Silly, who's talking about him?" Without even realizing what he was doing, he placed a small kiss on the crown of Pepin's head.

"Ah, ah," Pepin started as if he was suddenly in pain.

"What?" Kai asked, startled by that reaction.

"You... you kissed me!"

"On your head, it's not a big deal, geez." Kai tried to downplay it, but he knew how that looked.

Like a sign of affection. Yes, but it wasn't, really, a big deal. It was like a bro kiss or something. They had just solved a high-level quest, so a bro kiss was okay.

***

Milo stepped under the shower and threw Sebastian an unsure look. "All right, so this sounded cool and sexy when I first told you about it, but now, I guess it's pretty cringey."

Sebastian found it difficult to talk. Watching Milo shed his clothes had been a bit too much for his, apparently, frayed nerves. He pulled dejectedly at his collar, the hotness flushing his skin hard to handle. As someone who had never before been troubled by heat, he was flabbergasted by the shortcomings of the body he was inhabiting.

"Maybe you could get out of that uniform and join me. Then it won't feel so weird."

Sebastian debated. On the one hand, he wanted to watch the beautiful young man's body in full display. On the other, the offer was enticing. He began undressing, dropping the clothes all over the floor.

Milo watched him with hazy eyes. It was maybe an unconscious gesture, but he was biting his bottom lip, and Sebastian felt rightfully distracted by it.

"I'll still watch," he said petulantly. "Show me," he added as he stepped under the shower.

He gasped as Milo turned off the knob. He must have had it wrong because the cold water landing on his head was an unpleasant surprise.